• Member Since 19th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Sunday

NakedSpaceMan


T

Long before the Elements of Harmony were created, Equestria was ruled by Gods. Events would lead to their demise and the start of a new era. Now past mistakes will bring the darkest day in Equestria. Can Twilight and her friends with the help of a demigod stop it before it's too late?

This is the first thing I've ever written. So give it all a read and give me some good criticism!

On hiatus due to lack of creative interest

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 6 )

This is interesting. :yay:

That escalated quickly. :pinkiegasp:

...wow...just...wow...this was pretty good! Hay, you should definitely continue on this story.:twilightsmile: It has an interesting concept, good idea, but still has a few flaws. Don't worry, I will tell you :pinkiehappy:
First, would have been better if you were to pace things out a bit, describe the environment, as if you are about to tell something the reader awaits with big inpatience, prolong it a bit so to make it more interesting.
Secondly, make the chapters longer, at least like 2000-3000 words each (maybe I'm asking for too much?:twilightoops:).
Trust me, if this is going to be a long story, then make the chapters longer, it will seem more pro, and readers won't be confused by the huge amounts of small chapters.
Also, try to set a goal of how many words the whole story should atleast have. Mine is to have atleast 200,000 words, or I won't finish it (if you can't find it, then it's still under approval). Great work for a first timer and keep up the good work! :yay:
And don't let them haters/trolls get to you, this story has great potential, if you are willing to make it right! If you ever need any help, then don't hesitate to PM me, I would love to help! :scootangel:

Um... just 1 question: Why is Spike in the character list? because I could not find his name anywhere, nor any descriptions of him (like dragon, scales, claws, ex...) and I can understand that it's a mistake or what-not because I've seen it happen before where the person didn't mean to put him there, but I specifically search for "Character:Spike Catagory:Romance" and this came up as the first result

3128277
He's in later. Canterlot is just the temporary setting. Ponyville will be the main setting

3128227
Thanks for the advice. Unfortunately I'm one of those "short, sweet and to the point" types. It's really hard for me to write details on things, the design doc alone took me weeks since I had to make details on where the story would go.

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