Source
<

Possiblydominator 24523

Joined February 2012
465 followers

    Possiblydominator's Stories (2)

    • Then You Saw Her
      Romance story w/ Ditzy written from the 2nd Person POV. Deals with issues of the heart and of life.

      63,183 words · 11,752 views · 1,359 likes · 34 dislikes
    • Doctor Whooves: Equestria Chronicles
      The Doctor is taken from his universe and thrown into Equestria
      15,401 words · 735 views · 31 likes · 2 dislikes
    x

    The sun shone through the window nudging you from your slumber. I just had the best dream, you think quietly to yourself. Ditzy and I, we did the... yeah. I wonder... you open your eyes and see Ditzy resting in your arms snuggled as close as possible to you. You could feel her heart beating steadily in her chest and could hear her breath in and out. You laugh slightly, Oh good,it wasn’t a dream after all. You move your arm behind Ditzy and bring her closer to yourself, to which she accepted without resistance. Once you had brought Ditzy close to you, she moved her head underneath your neck and let out a delicate sigh. Kissing her on the top of her head, you smiled broadly as you relax with Ditzy. What this meant for your relationship you could only guess at, but it was a new direction you were more than happy to explore.

    After a little while you see Ditzy slowly awaken from her slumber. Quietly and softly you moved a strand of her blond mane out from her eyes causing her to look to you with her slightly lopsided eyes and smiled. Taking a deep breath in, she yawned. A petite, adorable yawn that made your heart melt. Taking in another deep breath, she chuckled to herself, “Morning Stud-muffin,” she whispered to you, giving you a kiss.

    “Morning Cutie,” you give her a nuzzle. “Sleep well?”

    “Mmhmm,” she sighed. “I guess I have to thank you for that.”

    “Anytime,” you told her, kissing her again. Locking both arms behind her, you both pushed into the kiss more forcefully. Both giggling slightly, you roll her onto her back and kiss her passionately. Drunk with passion, you stop perceiving the world around you. More than happy to go along with what you want, Ditzy shifts around on the bed. Both exuberant and blissful you look deeply into each others eyes, you almost didn’t notice the sound of keys being put into a lock, the tumblers shifting, and the vacuum created by a door being opened fast. Even if you didn’t hear the first part, you definately heard what happened next.

    “Mommy I’m home!”

    Your eyes opened simultaneously, if there was a sound effect to go along with it, it would be the cliched sound of shattering glass. Oh buck... You and Ditzy stare at each other in shock for a brief moment, and that’s where ‘everything went to hell’ as the phrase goes. You dive off of Ditzy and roll off the bed. Ditzy does the same and rolls off the other side. Then began the mad rush to remove all traces of your presence last night from the room.

    As you help in a mad rush to deal with the cover up of your nightly encounter, Ditzy calls down, “I’ll be right there honey! Mommy just needs to deal with a few things!”

    The room was a disaster, although that could not all be attributed to you. It was a sprint to the finish with you and Ditzy mouthing to each other, “Was this here?” “Is this yours?” “Did this get knocked over?” You think you have everything when you come to a shocking realization, “Where’s my saddlebags?” you exclaimed.

    Ditzy’s eyes went wide as she thought back to last night. “Oh buck! It’s on the stairs, I’ll be right back!” She stealthily ran out the door and down the stairs, you only heard her yell ‘hello’ to Dinky as she came back up the stairs. “Okay here you go, they can’t see you leave. Go out the window.”

    “Got it.” You ran over to Ditzy to grab your saddlebags. After throwing them over you, you sweep Ditzy off her hooves, dip her, and give her a deep kiss leaving her stunned before getting a running start and diving out the window. Very Daring Do worthy. You glide down and are finally able to breath a sigh of relief. Throwing a hoof through your disheveled mane you look to see if there were any witnesses. There were...

    At the corner of your eye you saw Sparkler staring directly at you. You turn and face her, her face was contorted into an expression of utter perplexity, mouth slightly agape. You stared back, eyes wide with horror. Sparkler looked at you, then at the window, then back to you, then back at the window before she stopped and stared at you, expressionless. She wasn’t a dumb mare, she knew what happened and was at a loss for words. Years before, you were attacked many times for attempting to woo somepony’s sister, Sparkler was gifted in magic and you weren’t quite sure of the classic rules of engagement for this situation when dealing with somepony’s mom. To make sure something like that hopefully wouldn’t happen, you said calmly, “Morning Sparkler.”

    And she replied just as calmly, “Morning.”

    You turned around and began walking at a normal pace back to your house, not looking back the entire way. Although, you were listening for the tell-tale sound of large machinery hurdling through the air at you. Fortunately, there was not any. You walked all the way back to your house, assuming Wingsley had let himself inside.

    “Wingsley? You home?” you call out, scanning the room.

    “I’m home, where were you? I just got back a few minutes ago, did you run some errands or somethin’?

    Crap, he can’t know I was out with Ditzy last night. Better think up a quick alibi. Okay, let’s think. Why would somepony not be home early in the morning?

    Well, one part of your mind said, because you were up late last night making love to your brother’s best friend’s mom and then proceeding to make a quick getaway by diving out a window.

    Oh, who asked you? you replied. I’d prefer to tell him something that isn’t mentally scarring. I need an innocent excuse. You pause for a moment, Oh and perfect, now I’m talking to myself.

    “Um,” you mumble out loud, thinking as you spoke. “I was... At the store! Yes! I was at the store,” you conclude, feeling quite proud of yourself.

    “Um, okay then,” Wingsley trails off, suspicious. “But then where are the groceries?”

    “Groceries?” you trail off, confused. Well crap, didn’t think about that last part. Things were not going as planned. “Never mind that. Anyway, how was the sleepover?” you ask as you set your saddlebags down and motion to bring the conversation over to sofa, instead of standing awkwardly around the door entrance.

    ________________________________________________________________

    You stay in the house for a good portion of the day, just you and Wingsley. Wingsley had some homework and you were fine with Wingsley not questioning you about your activities last night. When you heard a knock at the door, you were the first to rush to answer it, hoping it was Ditzy. Your hopes were answered and there stood Ditzy, looking nervous and anxious. She looks at you with a small smile, “Hey, everything okay over here?” referring to any suspicions Wingsley had.

    “Everything’s fine. What’s wrong cutie?” you ask, worried.

    “Can we talk? Outside?”

    “Sure,” you respond, a sense of panic moving through you. After stepping outside, you ask, “What’s wrong?”

    “I just need to talk to you, Sparkler knows what happened. I wanted to know if Wingsley also knew, he’s a smart colt.”

    “He doesn’t know, well he hasn’t put the pieces together. But Ditzy,” she looked up, “I’ve been with you long enough to know that something else is wrong. Tell me, please.”

    “It’s nothing wrong, really,” she took a deep breath before going on, “It’s just... It’s just I want to make sure that what happened last night really meant something. If it was just going to be a one-night stand, please tell me. I don’t want to get invested in a bad relationship. I don’t want to be hurt again.”

    You were horrified Ditzy could imagine such a thing. “Ditzy,” you say bringing her close to you, “I really care about you. I really care about Dinky and Sparkler too, they’re like my second family. And, no, it wasn’t just a one night stand. Last night was the greatest night of my life, I couldn’t imagine spending it with any other mare. I want to take the next step with you, I can’t wait to see where this takes us.” Leaning down, you kiss her gently and she in turn returns the kiss. You believe you hear a sigh of relief coming from her. “Ditzy, I really care about you. I’m not going anywhere,” you tell her in a serious tone.

    Ditzy unexpectedly hugged you after this, a tight hug with a grip of one that clings on to their lifeline. Her embrace was solid, she was not intent on letting you go, literally and metaphorically. How he must have hurt her, you think to yourself about Dinky’s biological dad. The hate for this stallion you had never met before burned inside you. Making this beautiful mare hurt the way she did, in your eyes this was an inexcusable crime. “Thank you,” she said simply, voice shaking. You could tell she was crying. You hugged her back, trying to comfort her. “I needed to hear that,” her voice still uneasy. In response to this, you kissed her to prove your feelings.

    “Do you want to come in? I can make you up something.”

    “No, it’s alright. Thanks though. I need to get back home before Dinky starts asking about the ‘birds and the bees,’” with that she shot you a disappointing look. “Try to be more careful next-time.”

    “I’ll try,” you chuckle.

    ______________________________________________________________

    The crisp morning air felt good under your wings, and helped relieve some of the stress brought on by recent events involving Sparkler. Your mind eased, and you tried living in the moment, just flying up in the clouds alone.

    You felt a thud of a colt slamming into your flank, “Oh sorry bro.”

    Well, almost alone. You and Wingsley flew side by side on your way to drop him off at school.

    “Don’t worry about it, you’ll be flyin’ like a pro in no time!” You exclaimed enthusiastically. Wingsley’s newfound love for flying gave you a joyful warm feeling in your chest, it was so nice to see him so happy over something he had sulked over for so many years.

    You and Wingsley continued the slow flight toward the school, you had made sure to leave a bit earlier to account for Wingsley’s slow flight speeds, but he hadn’t done as bad as you thought and you arrived at the school with plenty of time left.

    “Hey Wingsley, do you think you could stay outside for a minute? I have to talk to Cheerilee about something.”

    “Sure, what are ya gonna talk about though? She’s so boring!”

    “Just some grown up talk, nothing you need to worry about.”

    “Whatever you say.”

    You gave Wingsley a smile and turned to go inside the schoolhouse. Hopefully it would be early enough that no other kids would be running around, you had to ask Cheerilee if there was any sort of ‘interesting’ conversations being exchanged between Sparkler and Wingsley. The last thing you wanted was for Sparkler to reveal what had happened ‘that night’ to Wingsley.

    Walking through the front door you saw Cheerilee standing behind her desk, her back faced toward you. She looked like she was looking at something on the floor.

    “Cheerilee? It’s me. I need to talk to you abo-” Your voice trailed away as Cheerilee turned toward you, an uncomfortable smile painted across her face. You could now see what it was she was looking at. Sparkler was standing next to Cheerilee, and at the sight of you her face suddenly took on a very guilty look, like she was just caught stealing something. Oh crap.

    “Oh, uh... Hello there.” Cheerilee managed.

    Sparkler looked down in guilt, and you stood at the back of the classroom, mouth agape in horror. Knowing Sparkler, she would have told Cheerilee everything, and Cheerilee clearly put the puzzle together in her head. You had to think fast, think smart.

    “Oh hey Cheerilee, how are you?” You asked calmly, putting on your most innocent smile.

    “I’m fine, uh, how are you? Sparkler and I were just talking about you actually.”

    Sparkler looked even deeper into the floor below her in shame, you would need to talk to her later, but for now you had to clear this situation up with Cheerilee.

    “Do you mind if we speak in private, Sparkler? Cheerilee and I need to clear some things up.”

    Sparkler raised her head and gave you a silent nod as she began walking towards the door behind you. You could feel the guilt emanating off of the poor filly, and you felt bad. You would need to have a chat with her later.

    As Sparkler closed the door behind her you approached Cheerilee. “So,” you began. “What has she told you so far, I imagine it probably wasn’t good from her perspective.”

    “Well no it wa-” Cheerilee paused and gave you a strange look, “Did you really jump out of Ditzy’s window?”

    You chuckled quietly to yourself, “Yeah I did, but trust me it was the best move at the time. Both of the little ones were coming inside, and Dinky was almost inside the room.”

    “Oh,” Cheerilee responded, horrified. “Well, I see now. I guess that was the best thing to do at the time. But you should know that Sparkler is still very...” she struggled for the right word, “...concerned about your relationship.”

    “Really? Why?”

    “Well, you should understand that it is difficult for a filly of a single mother to accept somepony new into her life as it was only her and her mother before. It’s not her fault, this is a perfectly reasonable response from somepony her age.”

    “So,” you continue, “What do you think of our um, ‘situation?’”

    “I’m glad you have found a special somepony, but I urge you to keep the full extent of your relationship away from the children. I have known Sparkler for a long time and I consider her a great friend and I have never seen her this stressed before, not to mention you are now in an intimate relationship with the parent of another student in this class. I have seen this happen before and it doesn’t always work out for the young ones.”

    “Thanks Cheerilee, I’ll keep that in mind.” You leave the classroom and find Sparkler and Wingsley talking together. Sparkler looks up at you and then immediately down at her hooves. Walking toward them you tell Wingsley, “Go ahead and head inside, have Cheerilee help you with your homework.” As he went inside, you had a talk with Sparkler.

    “So, grocery shopping? That was your excuse?” Sparkler asked in a joking sort of way, to try to relieve the tension.

    “Well it was better than the truth in this case.”

    “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” She sighed before continuing, “I’m sorry I told Cheerilee, but I had to talk to somepony.”

    “It’s fine, I understand. But what’s wrong? Is it something to do with me?”

    “Besides the obvious?” You nodded. “I’m glad Mom’s happy, I really am. And you seem nice, she really likes you. It’s just...” she trailed off. “It’s just I’ve been wrong before.”

    “What do you mean?” you ask, disturbed at the statement.

    “I... I don’t want to talk about it. I need to go, sorry.” You let her go off, you weren’t going to make her tell you something she wasn’t ready to share yet. It made you sad that your relationship with Sparkler was hurt by the next level of your relationship with Ditzy. But the day wouldn’t stop to let you ponder Sparkler’s trust issues, you had to go to work.

    ________________________________________________________________

    You walk into the weather station, cheerful despite your predicament. “Morning Cloudkicker, how’s your shift?”

    Cloudkicker looked shocked to see you, “Well hey there, when did you start coming in on time?”

    “I guess I’m just in a good mood, where’s Prevailing?” you asked.

    “So what? You anxious to see your colt-crush?”

    “Hey there is nothing wrong with a bromance!” you said defensively.

    Cloudkicker laughed, “Well enjoy your day ‘cause I’m out.” Turning to you and walking backwards toward the door, she continued, “And please, tell Prevailing that he is not picking me up at nine.”

    “Will do,” you called back to her.

    Walking through the ornate building you come to the locker rooms. Going row by row you arrive at your locker and are greeted by Prevailing. “Hey how’s it going?” Prevailing said to you as you exchange a small hoofshake.

    “Pretty good, although it doesn’t sound like you’re picking up Cloudkicker tonight.”

    “Well there goes my plans for the evening,” Prevailing complains. Putting away your saddlebags and grabbing your flight goggles, Prevailing asks, “So what’s new?”

    “Well for one, Wingsley learned how to fly.”

    “That’s great! I knew the little guy had it in him.” He looked at you, searching for that one thing you were omitting. “Say, there’s something else, isn’t there?”

    With a devilish smile you remark, “Yes there is.”

    “Well? Spit it out!”

    “Hmm, you know, I’m not quite feeling it. Maybe I’ll tell you after work.”

    “Oh come on, you can’t do this to me.”

    “It’s fun to watch you squirm for once,” you laughed. “Also, why don’t you tell me what’s going on with you? You never tell me anything.”

    “Well I knew things probably weren’t going to work out with Cloudkicker, so late last night I met a mare named Carrot Top.”

    _________________________________________________________________

    The weather was scheduled for sunny with a hoof-full of clouds, a beautiful day. You and Prevailing loved these days. It was an extremely easy day at work and allowed you two to goof off for the rest of the day. You were scolded by Rainbow Dash a few times for this, even though she did the exact same thing. From his cloud next to you, Prevailing sighed, “Wow, this is the most relaxed I’ve been all month. If only every day was like this.”

    “Well you better enjoy it,” you responded. “Fall is coming soon and bad weather is coming as well. Rain, wind, clouds, everything. Summer can’t last forever.”

    “Speaking of which, your first Winter Wrap-Up is coming up.”

    “Winter Wrap-Up?”

    “Yeah, we all get together and bring in the new season. It’s hard work, but its all easy flying after that.”

    “That’s a lot different than how we did it in Cloudsdale.”

    “Yeah, I’ll bet. And after that comes, you’d have been in Ponyville for almost a year, right?”

    A year, it’s been that long? How time has flown. So much has happened I never thought would; Wingsley flew and I found love. It’s all so hard to believe.

    Prevailing sat up on his cloud to look over at you. “Hey!” he called, interrupting your thoughts. “Are you ever going to tell me what’s up with you?”

    “Well maybe if you beat me in a game of bumper clouds.” Bumper clouds was one of your favorite pastimes. It required very few materials: a cloud and a pair of wings. Although in the case of earth ponies and unicorns, additional materials were needed; a cloud-walking spell, a directional propulsion device, and a flare gun.  Given the danger of this game without wings made it almost exclusive to pegasi. The rules were simple, you could not leave your cloud while destroying your opponent’s cloud without taking too much damage yourself. Getting into your respective clouds, Prevailing and you separated as you assumed your starting positions.

    You faced Prevailing Wind from about thirty meters away in an old Dodge Junction type standoff, but this one was airborne. Your cloud rested gently beneath you, but you kept a firm grasp on it to ensure maximum stability through the air. This wasn’t your first match of bumper clouds, and you certainly weren’t a novice. The same went for Prevailing though, making this a match neither of you would forget for some time.

    Your eyes remained locked on Prevailing through the transparent clouds, waiting for him to make the first move. A large grey cloud glided across your vision for just a moment, but it was enough for Prevailing to attack. In the blink of an eye he was approaching steadfast on your right, just visible in your periphery. You were barely able to evade by dipping beneath him, and quickly went into hot pursuit chasing him through the sky. The clouds whipped by in blurs as you flew as quickly as your wings could take you without dismembering the cloud you were rested upon. The wind caused your eyes to water, and your vision began to fog, making it difficult to spot Prevailing Wind, as you couldn’t tell a difference from a cloud and a pony anymore. After a few seconds of chase, you noticed a flicked in the corner of your vision, and before you could react Prevailing came in from up above your right-hoof side and slammed his cloud into yours, causing bits of the soft layer to disintegrate right from under you.

    Righting yourself and accepting defeat with a laugh, you have a seat on Prevailing’s cloud, “So there, I won. You feel like telling me what’s going on?”

    “Fine,” you laugh. “So a couple of nights ago, Ditzy and I...” you let your voice trail off while giving Prevailing a smirk.

    “No,” he replied, drawing out the ‘o.’ “No way, I didn’t think you had it in you,” and give you a friendly punch on the shoulder. He laughed and you laughed with him.

    __________________________________________________________________

    You quickly changed and rushed to pick up Wingsley, and decided that you would shower when you got home. Descending as the school bell rang and watched as Wingsley burst through the front doors. Hovering about a dozen feet in the air, you waved to him and he waved back. Jumping and flying toward you, he gave you a flying hug. “Hey buddy, how was school?”

    “Exhausting! We only did writing and math today! It was sooo boring!”

    “Oh come on, writing is easy.”

    “For you!”

    “Well I hope you aren’t too tired to fly home.”

    With a cocky smirk he replied, “Never.”

    “So say goodbye to Dinky and then we’ll get home, alright?”

    Wingsley nodded and went to find Dinky. While he was busy finding his friend, you were busy finding Ditzy. She wasn’t hard to find, although you felt you could pick her out in a crowd of a hundred ponies. She saw you and called you over. The way you saw her just standing there, so cute, so sexy without even trying. The sun was radiating off of her perfect golden hair, giving her something of a halo. Although you have long thought she looked like an angel, it never ceases to amaze you how this mare affects you in such a way. “Hey cutie.”

    “Hey stud-muffin,” she replied, kissing you deeper than you normally do in public. You could smell her intoxicating muffin aroma. You had to stop yourself from blurting out ‘I love you’ on the spot.

    “Sorry I can’t stay for very long, I have to get Wingsley home. But I’m going for a short flight later if you want to join me.”

    “That sounds great but there’s some stuff I have to do at the post office. Hey, how about you come by for dinner?”

    “Alone, or with Wingsley?”

    “With Wingsley, we need to clear things up with Sparkler and the foals.”

    “Okay, well I got to go lo... l-later,” you squeak out, trying to pass up the accidental slip of the tongue as a cough. Blushing, you quickly find Wingsley and fly home. Stupid, stupid, stupid. How can I be so careless? I’ve got to watch what I say more closely now.

    _______________________________________________________________________

    After getting home, you took a long shower. While there, you thought and thought about what your relationship meant, how you feel, what Ditzy means to you, what Wingsley means to you, as well as countless other things.  Letting your wings expand, you feel the water as it beat on your feathers. Given the sensitivity of pegasus wings, your mind moved from the worries of your daily life to the feeling of water rushing over you. You sighed as the water absorbed the tension in your body. Sweet Celestia, this feels great.

    _______________________________________________________________________

    Going out for a nice relaxing flight. You came across  Prevailing and Carrot Top snickering. When they saw you, they started laughing even harder. This fully peaked your curiosity. Walking over to them, Carrot Top greeted you, grinning, “Hey there Lover-colt.

    No... He didn’t...

    “So that explains what I heard a few nights ago,” Carrot Top pondered.

    He did... You flashed Prevailing an angry look, to which he responded with a half-assed shrug.

    “So spit it out! I want details,” demanded Carrot Top.

    “I really don’t think that it would be polite of me to say,” you trail off.

    “Oh come on, ‘lover-colt.’ Tell us something,” Prevailing interjected.

    “No! I won’t!” You fly away from them, angry. You flew back to your house to cool off and get ready for dinner with Ditzy. Celestia damnit, Prevailing. I thought I could trust you. What the buck do you think you're doing telling Carrot Top. Angry tears were in your eyes. You felt betrayed, your best friend went behind your back and told your secret. True it wouldn't have been a secret for much longer, but it was still taking advantage of your trust. You would probably forgive him later once you had calmed down slightly, but now you needed to be alone. Hopefully the dinner with Ditzy would help you cool down.

    ___________________________________________________________________

    Knocking on the door, you are greeted by Ditzy and are welcomed into the house. You greet each other as you prepare for dinner. As you all sit down, Ditzy brings over dinner and sets it down. Giving your compliments to the chef, you help serve everyone as they get their fair share of dinner. But you knew that this wasn’t a normal dinner. This was a way to transition into telling the kids what has changed and what will change.

    Sitting around the table, Ditzy moves to speak. You know what she’s going to say but you have no idea how it will affect Sparkler, Dinky, and Wingsley. She puts both front hooves on the table and you extend one of yours to hold her hoof in yours while she gives the speech. You are just as nervous as she is and you start to breath heavily. Looking out at the table you see the expressions on everypony’s face, Wingsley’s and Dinky’s were in a state of perplexity while Sparkler was visibly grinding her teeth behind her lips.

    “So everypony,” she pauses and takes a breath, “As you know, we have been going out for a few months now. And we have both decided that we are going to take our relationship to the next level, we will be seeing more of each other on a regular occasion. Sparkler, Dinky,” she addressed her fillies by name, “They are going to be sleeping over here with us more and more, and we will too be sleeping over at their house as well. Nothing will change other than the fact that we are adding two more ponies to our family.”

    “Really?” Dinky exclaimed. “Wingsley did you hear that? You’re gonna be here a lot more! Isn’t that awesome?” Turning to you, Dinky said, “It’s going to be great having you around. Isn’t that right Sparkler?” She turned to her sister and waited for a response.

    Sparkler just sat there, motionless and staring at you. Suddenly she just stood up in a fury, knocking over her chair. “So you screw my mom and so you feel like you can waltz right in and join our family?" she screamed at you, voice breaking a little as tears welled up in her eyes. "Is that right? Well I think you can go buck yourself!”

    Ditzy, upon hearing that language tried to interject, “Sparkler! What do you think you’re doing?”

    “I’m saying what everypony thinks! He just came into our lives and now you want us to accept him?" she spat. Her face was contorted in anger, making her slightly terrifying given her usual positive nature. "Dinky wasn’t even old enough to understand the last time this happened, and it’s my job to protect her from this!” With tears in her eyes she concluded, “GAH! Why do you always do this Mom?” After her tirade, she stormed off, locking herself in her room.

    Ditzy was pale, her face held a mix of shock and anguish. “I- I should probably talk to her,” she concluded.

    “No,” you stopped her, “She has a problem with me, I have to be the one to sort this out.”

    “She just threw a tantrum, what makes you think she’s going to talk to you?”

    “I don’t know, but it’s going to need to get done sooner or later.” With that, you briskly walked to the Sparkler’s room where you hoped to be granted an audience. Knocking at the door you ask, “Sparker? Are you in there?”

    Recoiling slightly as Sparkler threw something heavy at the door, you heard her scream, “Go away! I don’t want to talk to you!”

    “Sparkler, we’re going to need to do this sometime. Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

    You heard her growl from your side of the locked door. “You don’t get it, you’re just like every other stallion out there. You come into my mom’s life, you make her happy, and you make me happy seeing her happy. Just like the time on your first date, Mom was so excited and you seemed like a nice enough stallion, so I was fine with picking up some of the slack in the house. But I never should have let my guard down, not again.”

    “What do you mean?” you asked, not sure which part you were confused with the most.

    “You aren’t the first stallion that had interest in my mom, and I’m not talking about Dinky’s dad. It’s the same cycle that happens, they act all nice and lovey-dovey and sweet and they gain my mom’s trust. And then...” she trailed off. “And then they break her heart. They see her as wall-eyed mare, vulnerable and disposable. Do you know what happens after they break her heart?”

    “No, what?” you asked, audibly distressed.

    “I’m stuck picking up the pieces. After the last one it took years for her to recover. Then you came along. Tell me why should I should trust you? Why are you different?”

    “Because,” you begin, “I love your mother.” Did you just say that? What the buck? I thought we were trying to keep that under wraps? But the words kept coming. Sparkler sat behind the door quietly, you could hear her breathing softly. She was waiting for what you were about to say. “After we huddled together under the stars, just talking and being with each other, I felt something. I didn’t understand it, when I came to the conclusion it was love I was scared. I was terrified. I had no idea if it really was love or not. But a couple of nights ago, I realized my true feelings were. I felt so happy. I felt that the world was finally going my way, for the first time in my entire life, I’m finally happy. It’s all just building up inside of me, I feel like I’m going to burst. Now, all I’m worried about is that she doesn’t love me back.” You stand up to leave, but before you depart you leave Sparkler with one last sentence, “I’m not going anywhere, Sparkler.”

    Walking down the stairs you find Ditzy sitting alone, looking out the window. As you sit down next to Ditzy, both thinking about how your relationship affects Sparkler and the kids, you hear the start of the song you shared your first kiss to on the radio. To lighten the mood a little you wait until the first chorus before you say to Ditzy, slightly going along with the harmony, “Can't you feel that love is in the air?”

    Ditzy picked up on this, chuckled a little and replied, “Can’t you see they’re dancing everywhere?”

    Touching your chest you continue, “Now I know why my heart is blue.”

    Snuggling against you, she concluded, “I feel fine, fine, fine for you.”

    Lifting her head up, softly you whisper to her, “I really do feel ‘fine, fine, fine’ for you.” Before kissing her lightly on the lips in the receding warmth of the setting sun. Just so that she knew, whatever happened next, you would be there to face it with her.

    __________________________________________________________________

    When you got back home you saw a letter in your mailbox. Picking it up you see it is from your dad. Putting aside the urge to throw it out, you open it up carefully.

    Dear son,

    I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while and I know that the last letter I sent you was terrible. I am so sorry. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you two at all. I’m sorry for all the trouble I gave to you. I’m sorry for not being a dad. I know you might hate me and never want to hear from me again, if you do I don’t hold it against you. But if you could find it in your heart to forgive me one more time, I would be greatful. Please, tell me how Wingsley and you are doing, I want to hear it all. I want to know that my two colts are doing better than I ever dreamed. Just going out there and caring for your little brother, you are a greater stallion than I. I’m so proud of you, I really am. I cannot leave Cloudsdale, there are certain barriers in my way that prevent me from coming to live with you. If I could, I would move down there in a second, believe me. I love you both so much.

    Please write back,

    Dad

    A small smile escapes your lips as you pick up your pen and begin to write.

    Dear Dad,

    I got your letter, and I think I have it in me to forgive you one more time. You would not believe the days I’ve been having...

    Comments ( 162 )

    #1 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Welp, here we go again. Damn I've been writing a lot, overclocking my brain with so many ideas I have no idea where to start most of the time. Here it is, 'season 2' of my pride and joy. The wait for the others should be lessened as I have started work on them already. One of the things that gets annoying is having the plot laid out how you want it but then have to include an almost mind-numbing amount of filler. Some characters are easier than others, I have found that writing dialogue for the character is much easier than writing dialogue for every other character, probably because it's semi based off of me and my close friends.

    Anyway, enjoy the story, share with friends, and don't stop being awesome.

    #2 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    FIRST!!!!

    yes its up:yay:

    #3 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    surprised to see your story in the featured stories again!:pinkiegasp:

    saw that before the update.

    movin fast now! rose and conquered a few problems in this chapter.

    #4 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    This story is the second-best second-person story that I have ever read. Sorry that it's second, but the  umber one slot is filled by NekoNushi, an amazing author. Even still, this story is amazing.

    #5 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    ALL. OF. MY. YES.

    DDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! :rainbowkiss: :rainbowkiss: :rainbowkiss: :rainbowkiss: :rainbowkiss:

    Tracked, fav'd, thumbed up. :pinkiehappy:

    #6 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    “GAH! Why do always do this Mom?”

    Loses drama when you're missing a word.

    #7 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    This is amazing!:scootangel: Please never stop writing! Its writers like you that inspires me to keep writting. :twilightsmile:

    #8 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Ah, yes, one of the first fanfics I remember seeing in the featured section when I joined...what...two...three months ago?

    This looks like it's gonna be great, so have a like and a favorite :pinkiehappy:

    #9 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    effing. love. this. story.

    #11 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    HNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG fsdhgdsv hgao siuiflado ahglsid hla jlkha gjh lakj kljaal khjalk hj  a

    (Sorry, i passed out from the giant joygasm you gave me and my head slammed on the keyboard)

    :derpytongue2::derpyderp2::derpytongue2::derpyderp2::derpytongue2::derpyderp2::derpytongue2::derpyderp2::derpytongue2::derpyderp2::derpytongue2::derpyderp2::derpytongue2::derpyderp2::derpytongue2::derpyderp2::derpytongue2::derpyderp2::derpytongue2::derpyderp2:

    #12 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I have been waiting so long for this chapter! and I am not disappointed! Look forward to the next installments :pinkiehappy:

    #13 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    i knew this was updated because IT WAS FEATURED!!! :yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay:

    This was worth the wait!

    can you make this story as long as "Living The Dream"?

    #14 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>257771 Found them. :yay:

    #15 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    “I’m saying what everypony thinks! He just came into our lives and now you want us to accept him? Dinky wasn’t even born the last time this happened, and it’s my job to protect her from this!” With tears in her eyes she concluded, “GAH! Why do always do this Mom?” After her tirade, she stormed off, locking herself in her room.


    “GAH! Why do always do this Mom?”

    Why do always do

    #typo

    #16 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>258190 what is that? where is taht from?

    i MUST know!! I see it EVERY SINGLE TIME i watch micthemicrophone's videos

    #17 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Damn, how many other colts has Ditzy been with to have such an effect on Sparkler? :duck:

    #18 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>802882 HOLY SHIT, I REMEMBER HIM FROM NOT TOO LONG TIME AGO! I REMEMBER HIM BACK IN PONYFICTION ARCHIVE (I was the first to give him a review on the site actually)

    #19 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I was just thinking about this today... then I saw it in the featured box and HNNNNG'D.

    #20 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I'm not an emotional guy... I pride my self in my heterosexuality... but...

    D'AAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW

    #21 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>803129 That was not really necessary. Long posts with no point annoy me a lot.

    #22 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    half of the comments is just one guy saying d'awww...

    #23 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    :flutterrage:FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK I READ THE CHAPTER TO FAST. CURSE ME AND MY FAST READING MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >>802769 I can't wait for the next chapter. Keep up the god damned good work!:twilightsmile:

    -Epicpony

    #24 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    finally another chapter to this amazing story :D

    #25 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!! :flutterrage: Need more updates!!! :twilightangry2:

    just got to chapter ten so much cliffhanger! :raritycry:

    #27 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Hopefully Sparkler will come around. Though I do see her reasoning. Can't be easy for either her or Ditzy.

    -Glassed

    #28 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>803129 Please don't make such annoying, pointlessly long posts.

    It was an interesting chapter, to say the least. I especially liked Sparkler's reaction, since I've personally been through that myself. I'm interested in seeing how that'll develop.

    #29 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I am loving where this series is going. :rainbowkiss:

    #30 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Usually I avoid romance stories but darn it you made me love this so much!

    I hope you're proud of yourself.

    #31 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Definitely checking this out.

    #32 · 47w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Glorious.

    #33 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    *Whistles* Emotions boil over. Good, good... I don't know why, but I could imagine Sparkler becoming a Sith overlord...

    Anyhow, I didn't notice anything wrong. Sparkler's reasoning is pretty solid actually. Then again, so is the "You" character's reasoning. Keep up the good work.

    #35 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Awesomeness in a can.  Sparkler is ragin, protag be ragin, EVERYONE RAGE! Emotion everywhere. Godspeed and goodluck!

    #36 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Awww yeah. It's back. And I still love every damn word of it.

    Keep 'em coming.:moustache:

    #37 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>802888 I don't know... I was kinda feeling the teenager angst in that... XD

    #38 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>804275

    No no, sentence is fine. However, if you read it, it's missing something isn't it?

    #39 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>804290 I'm saying I felt the angst BECAUSE the word was missing! XD

    #40 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>804322

    No, people can use coherent sentences when they're stressed. This isn't a teenage thing, it's a writer forget the word thing.

    FOOOOOOOOOL!

    #41 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>803231 Yeah he wrote my all time favorite story. Although this takes a close second.

    #42 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    is it weird i now want to become a pirate even though this story has nothing to do with pirates?

    #43 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    This story just made my life! You were the first person I followed. I'm so glad this was updated!:derpytongue2:

    #44 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I need more of this fic I crave this story now

    #46 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    That was the longest night ever! Glad for an update!

    DAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!

    #47 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    More, for the love of celestia, MOAR!

    #48 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I just thought of something. If talking to someone else about the story, would you refer to the character as me, you, or him?

    #49 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Great story... I almost felt like i was really in the story. :eeyup: Well Done.

    #50 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>804838 Well... I spoke to my friend for confirmation, since he knows Chuck, and... yeah... All he had to do was tell me, embarrassed, that he forgot the fact that Chuck Norris has/had a mother. So, sadly, it is LIES AND DEFAMATIONS!

    #52 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 
    #53 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>805144 (... Wait, what now? I forgot who said what. XD (And I meant that what *I* said was Lies and Defamations)

    #54 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>805163  losing track of the converstion! :twilightsheepish:

    #56 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    oh god my poor heart!

    i cant take the Dawww!

    :rainbowkiss:

    #57 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I am surprised I only read the first 2 chapters of this story and never favorited it all those months ago, woops.  :derpytongue2:  Though I am quite pleased at having found it again.

    #58 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>802769

    One of the things that gets annoying is having the plot laid out how you want it but then have to include an almost mind-numbing amount of filler.

    #59 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Squee Basically Describes my feelings for the entire story

    #61 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>805268 It's Fluttershy. She's NEVER wrong. That's why she's Fluttershy.:fluttershysad:

    But you know what? Enough is enough.

    GENTLEMEN!

    #63 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>804884 "Character" always does the job for me

    #64 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>804344what is title of fic?                            

    well on to story comment!

    lots of emotion here that remids me of  the past. hope that sparckler can see that he means what he say.

    #65 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>807384 False Traitor, True Hero. But, I now realize I've kinda been subconsciously advertising the work of someone else on here, so I will refrain from talking about it. And, again, amazing story! (This one)

    #66 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    :derpytongue2:Cute story:derpytongue2:

    #67 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Nice story! I'm glad to see you're still writing it. I tought it was concluded or something.

    I'm not too sure about Sparkler acting like that though...

    Overall, this is a very cute story, keep up the good work.

    #68 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Loved this chapter great job Possiblydominator keep up the good work bro.

    #69 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Normally, when leaving comments on stories, I give advice in a methodical and grammatically correct manner. I d'awwed at least four times reading this.

    Damn you. :moustache:

    #70 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Prevailing, you little twerp. And with CARROT TOP of all ponies. Wasn't she the one who promised the character bodily harm if he hurt Ditzy?

    #71 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Amazing chapter. This has to be one of my favorite chapters. I understand how relationship can be when kids are involve. When my parents got divorce I was actually happy because I hated my dad and I really couldn't stand him. However I felt bad at the same time because what my mom had to go though.

    Couple years later my mom met another guy who I wasn't really sure about. However after awhile he was very decent person and I'm glad my mom found someone else. So I kinda can relate what Sparkles is going though.  

    Thanks for the wonderful story. I 'm looking forward on your next chapter.:scootangel:

    #72 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I'm having trouble wording this exactly how I want it, but the story feels rushed. Conversations feel forced, descriptions and actions feel too short, and you're not putting as much emotion as I'd like to see in the more emotional scenes. For example:

    “Because,” you begin, “I love your mother.” Did you just say that? What the buck? I thought we were trying to keep that under wraps? But the words kept coming, “After we huddled together under the stars, just talking and being with each other, I felt something. I didn’t understand it, when I came to the conclusion it was love I was scared. I was terrified. I had no idea if it really was love or not. But a couple of nights ago, I realized my true feelings were. I felt so happy. I felt that the world was finally going my way, for the first time in my entire life, I’m finally happy. It’s all just building up inside of me, I feel like I’m going to burst. Now, all I’m worried about is that she doesn’t love me back.” You stand up to leave, but before you depart you leave Sparkler with one last sentence, “I’m not going anywhere, Sparkler.”

    First of all, where's Sparkler in all of this? What does she think about what the main character is saying? I know she has issues with him before this, but what's going on in her head as he's saying this? That would be hugely important to a reader so that the reader knows how this statement, this very important statement, is going to affect the relationship between Sparkler and the main character. If I were writing this, I would have written both the main character's observation of Sparkler's facial features, and even more importantly a response from Sparkler. This should have been a dialogue, not a monologue.

    That said, you also did some things very right with that paragraph. Let's get listing:

    1) You clearly established the main character's feelings for Ditzy. That is something you've been dancing around with for a while, like it was someone's first experience with love, and if I remember correctly, it is. You waited just long enough to solidify for the reader what those feelings are, and you wrote it in perfectly.

    2) You also clearly showed how the main character feels about Sparkler and Dinky. I'm not sure if you intended to include Dinky in that last statement, but when the main character says “I’m not going anywhere, Sparkler,” it implies that not only does Ditzy matter to him, but her children do as well, and that he intends to be there for them as well as Ditzy no matter what life throws his way.

    Now onto description and action. We'll get right to the example.

    “No! I won’t!” You fly away from them, angry. You flew back to your house to cool off and get ready for dinner with Ditzy.

    I know that not much else is needed in that sentence, but more would be much appreciated. How is the main character portraying his anger? Is he fuming, seething, gritting his teeth? Is he flying straight home to get away from the source of his anger as fast as possible, or his he taking time to fly around and cool off first? Why did their pressing him for details anger him? How do Prevailing Wind and Carrot Top react to the main character, for the first time in this story as far as I can remember, react to him losing his temper at them? Remember, show, don't tell. It's the little things like that which make a story flow more smoothly and thus read more easily.

    Now, to what you did right! The main character losing his temper at his best friend and Ditzy's best friend. That was unprecedented and good for development. Like I said, it would help to know exactly why the main character lost his temper, but I assume it's because they were pressing him to share private information that Ditzy wouldn't want them to know. That is great. It shows that Ditzy is more important to the main character than himself, a great sign of falling in love.

    Ahh, yes, one of my biggest problems when writing: Showing all the emotion that the writer is trying to convey. Example time!

    Sparkler just sat there, motionless and staring at you. Suddenly she just stood up in a fury and shouted, “So you screw my mom and so you feel like you can waltz right in and join our family? Is that right? Well I think you can go buck yourself!”

    I don't think this is a situation that calls for "suddenly she stood in a fury." I think it would be better if it were written so that we can see Sparkler's face twisting into one of pure hatred, almost so we can see the contempt radiating out from her. You need to slow down when writing emotions and describe as much as you can to the reader, with anger more than anything else. Just saying "suddenly, rageface" doesn't really fit. It doesn't convey the emotion that Sparkler's words do. Which brings me to my compliments on this excerpt. Sparkler's choice of words was perfect. It really felt to me like what a teenager who sees her mother falling into a cycle of bad relationships would say. The words really showed that she felt "enough was enough." You just need to show that that's how she feels.

    Now, I know that was a loooooooong comment, but I wouldn't have left it if I didn't really enjoy your story. :pinkiehappy: Keep up the good work, man! I'm excited to see where this goes, and I hope you take my advice. Believe me, I learned all that from making every mistake I pointed out and more with my own writing.

    With love and tolerance,

    Corny

    #73 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>809310 Noted, thank you :twilightsmile:

    #74 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>809504

    Anytime, my friend! Like I said, I only noticed that because those are all errors people have pointed out to me in my own writing, so I know exactly why one might struggle with those. That said, I have noticed a lot of similarities in the way you've written Sparkler to what I've seen in some of my friends who's mother's struggle with that cycle of bad relationship after bad relationship. Are you writing from your own experience, that of a friend of yours, or just your imagination? Because Sparkler's objections seem exactly like what some of my friends see in their own mothers with relationship issues.

    #75 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>809543 Its kinda funny, I'm an only child with both parents and generally upbeat. My background is quite different from <character> but I am generally good with being able to put myself in others shoes and understanding how I would feel in the same situation. I am probably going to take your ideas to heart and release an updated chapter since the part you talked about was done at 1 in the morning.

    #76 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>809598

    I'm happy to hear you were so blessed :twilightsmile:

    I can't tell you how often I've taken for granted that I share that blessing of having two parents who are still happy together. So many of my friends have separated parents, and I feel terrible for them.

    #77 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Damn Sparkler, calm it.

    #78 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Frigging awesome! :pinkiehappy:

    I'm ridiculously happy you updated this. :pinkiecrazy:

    #79 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    This is just plain awesome, just like the other chapters :)

    Can't seem to find much wrong... Only goodness :derpytongue2:

    #80 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Then I saw a sick cunt. Fuark.

    #81 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I am just going to copy the other commentators and say: "this is cute. FOR THE LOVE OF CELE- uhhh... DERPY/DITZY DON'T STOP IT!!!!"

    #82 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I think I've just found my favorite story on this site.  I don't give praise lightly and I only comment when I feel the need to do so.

    There is practically nothing I don't like about this story.  My favorite part is your characterization of Ditzy.  Practically every time you have her show up I can't help but d'aww myself stupid.  Every character is likable and there is very little to point out as a fault.

    The only fault I can find is that you've seemingly abandonned established characters in favor of OCs or background characters.  This is particularly noticable with the Main 6.  This is something that isn't a real problem though.  I've only noticed it when you've had them cameo and it feels a little numb to read rather than the very fun to read other parts.

    As I said, this is a wonderful story and is easily my favorite story, beside My Little Dashie of course, on this site.  Good job!

    #83 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    *Gets email about this story updating. Checks. No update*

    If no one else will say it, I will. Your story is good, but PLEASE stop republishing it every time you edit. It is not necessary. Just click the little Diskette and refresh the page. VOILA, it's updated. Republishing for every minor edit just spams your readers' email boxes with junk and robs stories that have actually updated of time in the featured box. You're the only author, with the only story I've ever seen do this, and to me, it feels like you're cheating the system.

    -M@

    #84 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>811210 I actually did not know that... would have thought it would have been more obvious

    #85 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    :( Cheater, like like it matters. this story deserves a permanent spot on the feature box.

    #86 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I see you made a couple changes. I still would have shown more of what Sparkler is feeling in this chapter. We get a lot of her saying what she's feeling, but not enough emotion in it. And I would have made the part where the main character goes to her room a dialogue, but it is the author's fiat to decide how to write his story. Don't let me write it for you :twilightblush:

    With love and tolerance,

    Corny

    #87 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>811541 :rainbowlaugh: Haters like you make my life interesting. First off, Ditzy was canon way before Derpy. Secondly, the name Derpy is retarded. Thirdly, she was called Ditzy originally in the script.

    #88 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Don't think I've said it yet, but I really love this story.  I look forward to all of the rest of it.

    #89 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >doesn't use the name "Derpy Hooves"

    I love you already. Can't wait to start reading. I've been looking for a cute little romance lately :3 :derpytongue2:

    Oni
    #90 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    See's picture, reads note.

    *takes in very deep breath*

    D'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

    *takes in even deeper breath*

    d'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-*HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG*

    heart attack from cuteness and sheer volume of the d'aw that must be removed from my body to compensate.

    #91 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    PossiblyDominator....I love you....

    #92 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Came here expecting an epilogue, instead I got the begining of a second season.

    Excelent:pinkiehappy:

    #93 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I spent my entire afternoon reading this tale and I must say, I haven't read anything quite like it before. I'm not one to brag, but I am quite proud of the seventeen stories I've written, the majority of them Romance. Not all of them are up on this site yet, but they will be.

    But.

    In all of the time I've used to write these stories and in all of the time I've invested reading fanfiction from fellow writers who share my passion for literature, I have never, ever read a story quite like this one. It's heartwarming, flowing and all over quite amazing. On top of that, it's written in second** person which, I know from personal experience, can be very difficult to write in regards to third person story telling.

    I compliment you on your writing, and envy you of your skills. I don't think I could write a family story quite like this even if I had a decade to do so. Not only that, but you had me believing that I was quite literally the main character, feeling these emotions as he was, and that isn't something I can say about many fictions, and none on this level.

    I will however say, in a small voice that is nagging me at the back of my skull, that a few words were spelled incorrectly. That's about all the negatives I could find. No, that was the only negative and it didn't detract from the story's familiar aura, vibe nor the tale itself. I like to think of myself as quite a picky reader, but this tale outstrips some of the published books I have read.

    Well done my friend, this is an amazing piece of work and you have my thanks for allowing anyone to read it by posting it here rather than keeping it unseen in the vaults of your hard drive.

    Keep it up, but don't overdo it!

    Valorousspectre

    #94 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>812294 It isn't.

    #95 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>804062

    Eyup that pretty much sums it up.

    #96 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Finally caught up to the story. Loving the story, love you, and most of all dawwwwww.

    #97 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Great story, I just love the whole "It's you in here so don't blow it" type of feeling this gives me, I have found myself yelling saying "why in the name of celestia did I just do that?!:facehoof: ,  I tip my hat to you :ajsmug: and btw I've listened to the song mentioned and it is just awesome!!. Oh and what is goin' on in this thread? :applejackunsure:

    Keep up the good work and don't hurt your self, seriously you're making it sound like you're gonna die if you write to much, but you know we all want moar... so please may we have some more D'aawwwww sir? Please? :fluttercry:

    #98 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>812546 I dont know, there is a good chance my body is going to give out from too much writing, but at least I'd die happy. Of course Im going to be writing more on this story dont worry :twilightsmile:

    #99 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Well please don't die, that would suck and holy parasprites I would imagine that at this hour you'd be sleeping, unless your not in EST but that's beside the fact! Keep it up and, quick question ( I would imagine from your veiw I'm annoying you with all of this) what made you pick the song and how did you come about finding it? Sorry, that was two questions :derpytongue2:

    #100 · 47w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I must say, this is an awesome story. A little while before I found this heartwarming tale, I had recently posted a reply to the blog of an author I'm watching. That said author was complaining about fanfics who fail when they write a story in the second person perspective. I had to agree with him on his blog: Fanfics written in second person are usually very poorly written, and written by "authors" (and they BARELY rate the term, mind you) who are too lazy to create their own character for events.

    Five minutes later, I saw this story in the featured box. Against my better judgement at the time, I pulled up the first chapter and started reading. I finished it and read the second, then on to the third. I finished this story in half an hour, and since then I have read it a grand total of six more times, and enjoying it more and more every single time. This right here, is a pure work of art. The fact that you managed to write this in second person, and have the story flow so smoothly, is more than enough evidence to your prowess as an author. This tale is starting to be better than some published novels I have read, even. And it far outstrips the majority of the second person fictions on this site. As a fellow author recognizing talent when he sees it, I salute you.

    That being said, I apologize now for originally believing that all authors who use second person perspectives are lousy writers. You have proven this stereotype wrong, almost without effort. Quite honestly, this is simply one of the best works of art I've seen in a long time-- Off hand I'd say it might even be better than some of the stories my friends believe are the best I have ever written. I'll have to remind myself to get some of my works on here published too. Good work. I eagerly await for the continuation. Simply brilliant.

    0 106501
    Anonymous comments currently disabled. Please register to make comments