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While writing a report, Twilight's writing suddenly becomes terrible. She has never written anything so badly; what could be causing this? Twilight must complete her investigation, or she may never write something intelligible again.
Joehighlord has made a dramatic reading of this fic. Go check it out here: Twilight Can't Grammar, Dramatic Reading by Joehighlord It's really great, and I'd recommend it!
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Eh. There were a few good moments. The idea was okay and the “Stand back, foul demon! I have fire!” exchange was entertaining. What stood out most to me was the lack of flow in the writing. A number of the paragraphs were to the effect of she did X then she did Y then she did Z, next paragraph, so it came off as sort of ... halting. Lots of little abrupt starts and stops. Maybe take a look at how some other writers handle that sort of thing? For that matter, the narrative had some pacing issues as well, but being a one-off that's not really an issue to the degree it would be for a large complicated work.
3129283 I see. Thank you for the advice!
I'll be sure to work on it for next time.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group Authors Helping Authors.
Name of Story: Twilight Can't Grammar.
Grammar Score: 8.
Pros:- The humour, there were some definite laugh-out-loud moments to be found.
- Your descriptions, I often find description to be either obtuse or lacking, but the only object I had trouble picturing was the admittedly vague 'machine', I found everything else described quite well.
- Characterization, I found Twilight's reactions to be believable, humourous, and well within character.
Cons:- Present tense? This is really just a nitpick, but I'm not a fan of present-tense writing.
- This mirror is cursed! Because! I really wish you elaborated on how Twilight knew the mirror was cursed. Was it a rune etched into it? Did it have an unusual magical signature? Did it, upon closer examination, fail to reflect something it should have, thereby offering Twilight a clue as to it's true nature?
- Slight grammar fulp: This '...' has a name. I don't remember what it is, but it has rules. I don't remember what they are. I reccomend looking those up on Google or somesuch, but I know for a fact that: There must be three, no more no less. And that: They must connect to the word like any other punctuation mark, 'Yes...' instead of 'Yes ...'
Notes Section: Well, that's my opinion anyhow.
I enjoyed it, overall. A good read in my books.
I would reccomend switching to past-tense narration, but that's just my personal bias talking.
I also reccomend giving Twilight a paragraph of deduction, so as to let the reader in on how she knew the mirror was cursed.
This is Type Cast, signing off.
3131028 Thanks for your review! Glad to know you enjoyed it. Let me know if there's a fic of yours you'd like me to review.
3133389 Thanks for replying to my review, I aim to help.
As for what I'd like a review on, it's my most popular story, A Secret Thrice Unconnected, it hasn't gotten a lot of real constructive criticism as of yet.
A way!
Funny! It's like "Punk'd" meets "My Little Pony!"
And Trixie and Rainbow Dash are both Ashton Kutcher and Jason Goldberg!