• Member Since 26th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Apr 18th, 2015

Analsaurus


Hi there. I'm a bit new to writing, but I've decided to try my luck at clopfics, particularly, ones that specialize in... well... anal.

Comments ( 42 )

Annnd abducted into the group, because I know I can expect plot from this.

Now to read it~

sooooo . . . what you are saying is that we should only read chapter three right :trollestia:

3158436
Pretty much. People were complaining about the lack of actual plot in my last story, so consider this to be fanservice.

Personally, I don't care about a story in a clopfic, I'm just trying to bust a nut. :rainbowwild:

3158450 Heh, I guess I'm a little bit like Twilight in that respect.:twilightsmile:

I love the lead up. I get hotter and hotter, the anticipation gets higher and higher, the tension rises and then when the story does finally get to the good stuff, I'm just so SOOOO ready.:rainbowwild:

But I also just like a good old fashioned love story that can make my heart go all aflutter. it's an amazing feeling really. :duck:

3158469
I did my best to do just that in this story with plenty of build-up text. :twilightsmile:

3158492 inb4 mention I am not a butt man. BUT I might get bored and read it anyways. Simply because you seem like such a fine chap :moustache:

Anon? I lold when I read that. But as they say anon always delivers.. ONWARD TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!:pinkiehappy:

Best lines in this chapter imo "like a tank speeding through a hurricane. great imagery here.

Then this line but it's Pinkie possible! Very nice play on words and also sticking with the shows tendency to use alliterations like that.

Things I did not like "Yes, Applejack. Of course it's true." you infer. something about the way it ends. I thing using a different word then "infer" but that is all.

3158612
The use of words other than "said" was a bit experimental for me. Since the story had as much dialogue as it did, I wanted to avoid "Blablabla said, Soandso said, He said, She said, They said" and mix it up a little, but I see how it may not have been able to fit in well when I use words that mean less than the word I initially meant.

My writing experience comes from being a journalist, where the only word I'm allowed to use is 'said', so this was something new for me. I appreciate the feedback!

by you, nonetheless. I think this is unnecessary. It's fairly obvious allready but also she admits that the she enjoyed the spank you gave her but not specifically that it would be only spanks YOU gave her. idk I just think it's excessive. furthermore I feel like who thinks that to themselves anyways? keep it or loose it, whatever it's not my story and I'm nitpicking anyways.

Typo found For what it's worth, you share you* view of it as well
Should read like this " For what it's worth, you share her view of it as well" at least I think that is what you meant.

"Well aren't you the sweetest, Anon! I always did take pride in my southern behind, and hell if I ain't pleased to hear you takin' a likin' to it." she professed Change "she professed" to "confessed the blond mare before him" or something . . .anything is better then "professed" professed sounds like she is preaching. unless that is what you intended then in that case I can't tell a man how to write his story, and so I wont try. It's just a suggestion anyways.

. . . please stop using infer, At first it was just like . . .ok, strange choice in words. But now I think it's just lazy. you can do better bro, I believe in you. I mean it don't have to be twenty words long or anything but you know there are more words then infer.:twilightoops:

Ok finally I just lost my shit when I read your description of how it felt like needles. Bro . . . .:facehoof: not the greatest choice of words if you are trying to write something people can nut to. . . seriously :ajbemused:


Well over all I feel like it's worth a thumbs up. but I also feel like you got kinda lazy towards the end. By comparison the starting was a lot better written. NOT necessarily more entertaining then later chapters but definitely better written.

Keep on being awesome dear. write on as it twer. :duck:

3158674
Uhh... I guess you're right. I'll go ahead and make the changes. Thank you.

3158623 I see. well good try then mate. I had no idea you had mostly just journalism experience. But it does make sense. I actually find it funny now. You chose to not use "said" so much because it is repetitive but ended up just replacing it with "infer' lmao so it ended up doing the same thing.

But yeah Like I said, just kinda describe things better.

Be like "heh, so you really think my southern behind is that good lookin' huh?" Aj said with a toothy grin.
I mean yeah that's not really the best example but you get what I mean. You can say "said" and "says" all you want so long as you explain HOW they are saying it.

"get off!!" said AJ angrily. She had been walking with the baby dragon on her back all day and had finally had enough.

^for example.

3158707
I see what you mean. I appreciate the help, you're right about everything. Thanks for giving me your opinion to better my story. :raritywink:

If you come across anything else you think should be changed, please be sure to let me know.

3158720 zzzzz eenop:eeyup: just tired now. I got to go to work at 9 am. it's 130 am as it is zzzz
glad I could help.:moustache:

3158724
Have a nice night, my friend. Thanks again.

I loved the remark about the drunken pink horse soiling herself

3158771
Always necessary in a romance/sex story.

I chose to include that for a bit of a comedic effect as a moment ruiner; it wasn't meant to be taken seriously and I didn't expect anyone to really bat an eye to it, but maybe I did go a little too far with that.

3161019
Muh nigga, right here.

I only like anal clopfics, but as I said, this is my "fanservice" story to those who don't like it.

I always do find the use of 'Anon' as a name to be kind of silly (makes it seem like some random message board poster fell into Equestria I reckon) but...it's such a small thing that it can easily be overlooked as long as the rest of the story is amusing enough.
So far this one is. :pinkiehappy:

3163138
Anon is meant as a fill-in-the-blank, or Your Name Here as a universal name of the reader, placing them in the story itself.

Since, of course, I can't choose the name of the readers, Anon refers to whomever is reading the story, and is widely used on /mlp/, MLPchan, and Ponychan.

3163149
Haha, no, I know that; I know it's the universal stand in for any person to put their name there if they wish when writing. I just find it amusing when characters actually speak and say "Anon" as the name. Even if it's supposed to be replaced with the readers name, I still find it funny picturing the characters calling this person "Anon" or "Anonymous" outloud. XD
Anyway, nice little story now that I finished reading it. Good job. :pinkiehappy:

3162307 Another nigga brony?! :pinkiegasp: out of the thousand of people who use this site, you are the fifth nigga brony I've seen. And I don't see why most men don't like putting in their girls ass; Its great!

"I always thought you were pretty cute too, Anon."

Oh, well I fucking hope so, after what just happened and all.

3164048
I'm actually white, but thanks.

3166861
Damn straight!

The anon stuff seems awkward but I guess it's better than just sticking a random name in there? No matter, doesn't detract from the story :ajsmug:

Didn't expect much from this, did its job and set the scene. Ol' sniffy's not joining the party, which is a bit of a shame :duck:

3158771

it must be hell to actually remember you name correctly

Game ain't "truth or stare", Sugarcube! Get to smackin'! :ajsmug:

Of course. How do we improve a Pinkie Pie party? With games! With Truth or Dare! With paralytic pink horse! (Favourite line that, by the way)

Very pleased that AJ got some physical dares in this one. Even more so that she got a new cutie mark :ajsleepy:

Things are winding up to be interesting here on out. Nice build up :rainbowwild:

That was really good, but could have done with more apple bottom spanking. Focused in all the right places, and good ol' reliable Pinkie set it all up.

I liked the playful little lead back to AJ's room, but the mud must've been confusing in the morning...

Couple of spelling mistakes here and there but they didn't impede the flow. That cutie mark will need reddening regularly though. Probably, I dunno, at least daily :ajsmug:

3185667 Nope, It is part of my daily routine

Short but I thoroughly enjoyed, great job! :twilightsmile:

Am I the only one who thinks Saw with Pinkie Pie instead of Jigsaw would be absolutely awesome and terrifically terrifying at the same time?:pinkiehappy:

Loved the SpongeBob reference. I can actually see Pinkie doing that.

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