5 years ago, apocalypse struck Equestria, killing almost everypony. Now, only a few survivors remain, managing to get by in their fortress, which remains undisturbed by the evil presence that still lurks in the ruins of the once proud world. Morningrise and Night Flash, two alicorns, lead a group that includes members of the royal family as they all struggle to be able to piece together their once thriving world. Check Deviantart under ChivalrythePegasus to learn more about the survivors as well as interesting little tidbits and hints as to what is going to come :)
Chapters (10)
I'm not sure you want to read this
Well your ponies need to have more distinctive personalities, sibllings can be similar in disposition but others need to be more defined.
There is also a dearth of descrptions, or at least interesting descriptors.
I think you need to do more writing exercises, short prose, read some classic lit, write a rant, maybe even try listening to some boys plot a prank or game... really pay attention to how people interact with others, what makes one group of people more intersting to watch over another, heck try rewriting your fave action scene in a movie based on a book and then see how it was originally written down in the book.
There is a lack of 3-D, this could be a child's journal, yeah you tried to create drama but the lack of descriptive actions, douches, drama queens, xenophobes. If your hiding for your life it tends to create trust issues. Fighting also creates issues of trust.
Where are the spies? The extreemists? The scars?
A story is a picture made from words, but all good pictues must evoke an emotion.
3116896 Well, much of the description and information on many of the characters are actually on deviantart, with my name being the same as on here, but the story under a slightly different name. And really after five years, the group of survivors have built a somewhat familial structure, and many of them tend to act as Morningrise does, I know I don't necessarily convey that well, and I am working on that, I appreciate the feedback, in the future I will try to improve
3116896 I must say I like that last sentance, that saying, " A story is a picture of words, but all good pictures must evoke an emotion."