- Member Since 21st Apr, 2013
- offline last seen March 3rd
Windburst
Hi, I'm Windburst. Fan of Twixie, Lyrabon and transformation fanfics. I can't keep an update schedule at all, and expect typo's in my stories, but if you can get past that, welcome aboard!
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Ah-wha-she-..... What a fucking cunt! Please tell me 'I' get to catch a break soon... I don't need another one of 'my' lives sucking.
'Tis my fetish, but I still want to break her face.
3096716As do I. Bit of a dick move.
Honestly, I hope Lyra doesn't just throw him into Equestria and shatter the mirror. That would be even worse.
Hm, another one inspired by "Royal Duties" huh? I'll give it a read later.
And Boom no more Male Luaundry
Hmmm, so far so
freaking amazinggood. I can't wait to see what happens to "me" in the next chapter. I like the way this one is starting off.Wow. I sure hope we (the human now trapped in Lyra´s body) will find a way to get back and make her pay for that. Can´t wait for the next chapter.
Update, update, update...
I thought you did a fine job. Keep at it, you've got a real gift for it.
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Not Bon Bon, Sweetie Drops. Sheesh...
Now I've read a LOT of clop, and I'd rank this at #2 for the human-in-a-pony-body category. Very well done.
I must say, well written. Have to grin when the human found out his situation only got worse (or better? depends on the viewpoint
)
Looking forward for more :3
Well... I was thinking about a long comment on how I surprisingly liked this fanfic (I mean, I'm surprised by my own extremly positive emotional reaction), but let me end it this way: you is the first wrighter that got a 'follow' from me.
PS: Excuse me my English if I made grammar or spelling mistakes in this comment.
After reading this I wouldn't have been able to guess that this was your first time writing clop. Well written with some nice detail, I look forward to future chapters.
That was a rather unfortunate misspelling.
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Could have sworn I fixed that when it got pointed out at a certain imageboard :/ Oh well, thanks for pointing it out ^^"
Come on Lyra! You've already screwed the guy out of his life! You couldn't have at least made sure he could actually pass as you in your world?
YOU WILL NEVER
be kidnapped by lyra and be forced to endure as she steals your body to live in the human worldEveryone's getting promoted.
You have done me a kindness good sir. I've had an idea similar to this (male human lyra vs. kinky bon bon) and reading it in what i can only describe as 4-chan writing style was certainly a treat. Though personally Id at least give the poor dude a chance to run.
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But there are no brakes on Bon Bon's rapetrain!
Joking aside, fics not over yet, and will develop into a more romantic setting later down the line
If only I had the time to write it :(
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As always thank you good sir and I implore you on making time. Hell even I managed to churn out a chapter in a story today (that will probably never be read) so i know you can do it. Even with that pesky thing called "life" getting in the way.
"Keep your mouth shut not-lyra! Or a pornography starring you will be the second worst thing to happen to you today!"
Intriuging. I wonder how the human turned Lyra will treat Bon Bon here?
Awkward romantic foreplay commence!
i wonder what other fetishes you plan to add to this. can't wait till the next chapter.
I think that the fetishes are just going to get more extreme from here because main character guy doesn't know the safe word. My guess is that that was the only thing holding Bonbon back.
...be disturbed...
Shouldn't he still be sore from last night?
And then I notice that the diary section got messed up from copy pasting it from words to here
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Lyra's body is used to harsh play though! I should have probably considered that though... oh well
Not much clop?
Though in all seriousness, I wonder how Bon Bon will take to learning that her lover has been swapped with a human?
Hell, I am interested in the inevitable emotional fallout that will occur once shit goes to pieces.
Something like a Bon Bon comforting a thoroughly devastated human turned Lyra Heartstrings would be most especially heartwarming, whispering sweet nothings in her ear that everything will be a-ok. And perhaps a moment of danger that will prove to the human on how her loyalty and love to Bon Bon will cement itself fully for all eternity. Such as some unruly stallions assaulting Bon Bon, triggering a berserk rage moment if you will.
That would be very sexy.
I really enjoyed this chapter. Bear with me, I couldn't help but snag on all these errors.
Fundamentally, this sentence is trying to go in several different directions. Perhaps some revision is required. "You need to get out of here fast, because more time spent here is more time for the real Lyra to do irreparable damage to your body!" is a good alternative. Undoable means it can in and of itself be repaired.
Squat toilet. Also, what kind of Japanese cartoons are you watching?
In these instances, doctor and nurse are titles and therefore part of a proper noun. Nurse Redheart and Doctor Stable.
Peek. Peaks are for breasts, mountains, and mountainous breasts.
'Half an hour passed' does not match the verb tense of the rest of the chapter. This whole paragraph really. Also, proves.
Just folklore.
At, not on.
Of, not off.
First thing's first.
That they ran away.
Break up into smaller sentences. 'it has started...' 'her candies' Also, you greatly overuse got. Use have when stating that they own enough money. Also, perhaps break this paragraph into smaller pararaphs.
The apostrophe + s combination is always an indicator of ownership or a contraction of that word and 'is'. For pluralizing nouns like is intended with zebras, it is almost always indicated simply by attaching an s.
A ritual in itself is a concept, which in itself is carried in its mind. Perhaps indicate that Lyra is smuggling in the items involved in the ritual. "... did manage to sneak the reagents into Ponyville unseen."
Entry. An entrée is the main course of a meal.
Past tense, sent.
Inverse of one above. Peak.
Going on.
Wow, Bonnie's gonna turn into a stallion and impregnate her? 'cause that's probably the only way she'll 'fix' it.
Loins.
Unless Bonnie's pregnant, there's no excuse for missing a period.
*Hear
That being said, if formatting is getting messed up while copying/pasting, I'd suggest uploading story chapters to Google docs and then using the import function from FIMFiction once making it viewable by those who have a link. It works wonders for me, and on the plus side, if you make commenting available, you can even share it easily with those who volunteer to edit your story.
4175493
Oh boy, seems I made a ton of typo's and other mistakes
Thank you for pointing them out, and I'll edit it as soon as I come home from work!
4175493
Once again thank you for pointing them out. I fixed those errors now, and while I should have seen most of them since they're stupid typo's, I didn't know about a few of those. English isn't my native language so I'll always have a few of those errors though, but yeah, that's no excuse!
Anyways, feel free to point out any more errors you spot down the line, so I can fix them. It's easy to miss them on your own literature I've tend to notice
WHY IS THERE AC CHAPTER THREEE
THREEEEEEEEEE
4177181
Because I suck at titles!
Loved this chapter. I also love the mix of serious storytelling and sweet and hard clop
I´m looking forward for more of these chapters altough I guess the chances of the human to get out of this sticky mess are quite slim.
LOOK OUT ITS ATOMIC FUR
It's the right color at least? 
Don't worry about more or less clop. The story is as entertaining both ways. I really liked how you described the dusty neglected instrument room. So heart breaking!
Hopefully our MC will realize at some point that the obsession about getting out of one's current situation is what caused this mess, so her continuing to do so can only make things worse. Though admittedly it'd be hilarious if she put off realizing it until she's concluded that she's going to get back to "normal" by stealing another human's body leaving that poor sap stuck in the body of a mentally unhinged mint green unicorn, whereupon Captain Irony himself flies in and slaps some sense into her. It would be just too sad seeing Bonbon pushed aside like that, again.
What she should do is realize that Bonbon's disbelief and suspicion is actually very reasonable, and apologize to Bonbon for getting upset that she felt that way. Something Lyra never did. Regardless if Bonbon is wrong, she's making the right choice given what she's got to work with. Science is about sucking up your pride and admitting that you might not be a man at all but merely a delusional cyanicorn, no matter how sure you are of yourself, until you have evidence to prove differently. You don't assume the hypothesis "Lyra stole my body" and prove it right. You assume the null hypothesis "Lyra didn't steal my body" and prove it wrong.
4178873
Ugh... I really should proofread this when I don't feel tired as hell. Thank you for pointing those out!
4178915
Don't worry about it. I'm just one more pair of eyes for catching errors.
I loved it all so much.And that bitch how dire she do this to us while just going to have to wait and see what happens next to us.I can't wait to see what happens next to us.
I loved it all so much and can't wait to see what happens next.
I loved it all so much and can't wait to see what happens next.this guy is stubborn as an Apple
.I hope he'll expect it soon.
I like it a lot so far. Just the last chapter felt a bit bloated. Having Lyra's complete diary that leaves no doubts whatsoever about her motives and all takes a lot of suspension away. Furthermore, it gives us information we do not really need. Yes, we learn a lot about the relationship, but I feel it would have been nicer to learn that through Bon Bon. Putting the pieces together is more fun.
Finally, having a know-it-all diary lying around does not feel very realistic. I would have stuck with a single note from Lyra and some notes/scribbles lying around that hint at the whole story.
Fuck I read it all and I can't wait to see the next part and I kinda like the diary and It serves a purpose
I haven't started reading yet, but
The first chapter has a semicolon, whereas the others have colons. It's really nothing major and I feel a bit silly for pointing it out, but yeah
4226373
I'm terrible at titles truth be told, but yeah, didn't even notice that
Edit: Eh, it will do
4351323
Hah, yeah, at first I planned a small chapter where the real Lyra would contant you and explain why she stole your body, but I realized that it wouldn't work out at all, so the diary section came to mind. But I couldn't just have a small section saying something like "lol, stole your body because of bad dreams, sorry brah" so it got bigger... but that chapter didn't work without some other plot related stuff, so the chapter got bigger again...and bigger, and then the clop scene, and well yeah... this got made
I admit the clopscene probably wasn't needed, but this story was made more to test my clop writing and wasn't supposed to have a strong plot (giggety) but that didn't sit well with me, hence this angle
There is a reason for Lyra's safeguards though, but that would be spoilers not only for this but Trixing Switch
AWKWARD!!!
Update?
MOR MOR MOR