Major Thomas Williams of NASA was wondering if he would ever get any further than Earth's orbit. Turns out he got quite a bit further than he expected.
Chapters (2)
B0bthebum
Joined 7th Oct, 2011 ·
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Major Tom. Ha.
I'm in. Hopefully you don't cookie-cutter this.
Interesting idea, I haven't seen a lot of science based HiE stories. Can't wait to read more!
Wow... this is fantastic. javascript:smilie('
'); I really like how you mixed the sci-fi complexities with the amazing pony scenes. I can't WAIT for the next part.
This is amazing!
Keep up with this good work and make more!
Looks good, but i've seen plenty of stories crash right after this point, PLEASE!!!! don't get on a soapbox and start ranting about the human race, if had enough of these. Happy writing, and update quick.
Mooooaaar.
Okay, this is good. Really good. I like this a lot.
A lot of people were getting upset about splitting up paragraphs and yeah, that is an issue. You need to separate paragraphs when two people are talking. Otherwise it gets really confusing and hard on the eyes. You may wanna fix that.
But other than that really damn good. I liked the way it switched between various points, I liked the explanation of the solar flare + Antimatter jumps being a pair of interesting fields we know little about and could have all sorts of effects being the explanation for the time/space warp instead of some "dimensional tunneler" or some crap, and I liked how in character the ponies we saw were.
All in all, great story. Wanna see more.
Cue freaked out Fluttershy in 3... 2...
(One thing though... Was Mercury destroyed or was it just seriously scorched in the flare? Because the sun has been around for some near 5 billion years. It's had countless solar flares in that time and it would be kinda unbelievable that THIS would be the one to vaporize it... but that's just the scientist in me talking)
Looks interesting, though the text is a bit clumpy. The only major complaint that I have is that if you're planning to go into the science behind something like you did on the anti-matter engine and idea of a warp-drive/alcubierre drive is to do a bit more research around it so that you're details and understanding of it are somewhat firmer.
Also the clump text about both subjects felt a tad bit forced in there. Possibly necessary to know but it might work better the next time you need to do if you had one character explaining or talking about 'subject X' with another character. Or Major Tom trying to figure out what happened and sneaking in the details through there.
To everyone who left a comment, thank you and I'll try to keep a steady update schedule.
10544 Thanks for the feedback, I'll have to keep that in mind.
10559 Not sure what you mean by 'cookie cutter' but I'll try to avoid it.
10644 I think Major Tom will be a bit too busy dealing with more immediate concerns to worry about geo-political issues.
10785 The fate of the world as Major Tom used to know it is supposed to remain ambiguous up to a point so I can't answer that quite yet.
10789 The anti-matter rocket used by the Eagle 3 was never supposed to warp reality, it only did that when it exploded. It works more along the lines of this, for lack of a better source. Specifically, the section under "Direct use of reaction products" about anti-proton rockets.
fantastic
i hope you continue with your story it was pretty awesome
I really like your story so far, and I'd like to see you continue! I liked that you used some real science in your explanation, but it made it jarring (for me anyway, but I've lived my life surrounded by NASA engineers) to go from that to incorrect information to technobabble. While the light / electromagnetic radiation from a solar flare take 8 minutes to get to earth, the charged particles associated with a coronal mass ejection that could hit our atmosphere and potentially disrupt Earth power grids and kill astronauts travel more slowly. Current warning time for astronauts is a minimum of 15 minutes. Sorry for nitpicking, and again, I do appreciate that you at least tried to go for somewhat realistic.
Is the Major Tom reference intentional? If so, that's awesome, because it fits. "Far beneath the ship the world is mourning / They don't realize he's alive."
I was a little surprised at Tom's internal thoughts. No one sticks to the astronaut training for so long if they think it is mainly a national morale booster (though it is completely believable to think the government won't use the science correctly). Also, a solar flare or other space weather event should have been the first thing he would think of (terrorist attack wouldn't make the top 10) and he'd have extensive training for what to do in that situation.
I liked Twilight's giddiness about the meteor shower. In fact, once we move to Equestria, the writing and pacing of the story are very well done. And I like the embedded sound effect link.
I hope you take this in the constructive spirit in which it is meant. I really do like the story and hope you continue. This is a good premise, Tom is a great original character, and I am very interested to see what happens next, especially when he meets Fluttershy. I'm looking forward to seeing more.
This is a great story so far! Non-self-insert HiE stories are hard to come by, so it's nice to see a well done one every so often.
I would recommend that you break up your paragraphs a bit. I know it can be difficult when there's so little dialogue, but it makes the story much more readable.
That being said, the flow and pacing were strong and, though it may be premature to judge a story by the first chapter, I can see this developing into something both unique and wonderful. In short: I like your style! I'll certainly be tracking this.
Horror-movie lake exit?
FUCK YES!
He's been dragged from his own reality, broken an arm, and is beginning to wonder if his sanity is in question.
He should've had a V8.
This looks interesting. I'm gonna watch this.
Huh, I remember this.... I wonder what will be the mob's reaction. Since we have that episode with Iron Will the minotaur, I'm not sure if the ponies would be that worried as they used to be described.
Just sayin'.
Anyway. The chapter is good, but short. Make more soon!
i.cubeupload.com/uWKBpC.png
you make twilight happy with update!
Comments are like crack. I need to keep writing to get moar. I suppose it works.