Chapter 2
As Link, still in beast form, ran up a hill to get a better view of where the yellow pegasus had gone to, thoughts began to race throughout his head. That was a real pegasus! That creature is supposed to be a myth! Where did that portal transport me to? When Link reached the top of the hill, he looked over at the landscape before him. He saw a town off in the distance. A town! Maybe someone can tell me where I am. But before that... Link used the powers of the Master Sword to return to his Hylian form and then set out towards the town. After a few minutes of running, the hero in green spotted six figures in the distance. Link used his Hawkeye mask that he bought from Malo and examined the figures. His jaw dropped when he saw the two earth horses, two pegasi, and what surprised him the most, two unicorns. Link recognized one of the pegasi as the one he scared earlier. That's when he had a realization. He scared a innocent pegasus. The innocent pegasus has innocent friends. The innocent friends get revenge by hurting the one who scared the innocent pegasus. The one they need to hurt is him. He can't fight back because they're innocent. But what he CAN do...
"There it is! Capture it girls!" Twilight ordered as she spotted Link in the distance.
All six bearers of the Elements of Harmony charged towards the hero in green. Suddenly, Twilight saw the creature hold something up. Is that... a boomerang? Twilight's thoughts were interrupted when the creature threw the boomerang at the six mares. Twilight's eyes widened in surprise as a whirlwind formed around the boomerang and proceeded to toss all five of her friends, but not her. The impact of the whirlwind dazed the five mares, but didn't hurt them in anyway. Relieved, Twilight proceeded to chase the creature, forcing to leave her friends behind.
The Gale Boomerang flew back into Link's hand, who turned around to hopefully see no one was still chasing him. Link cursed under his breath when he saw Twilight still in hot pursuit and started to argued with the spirit inside of the boomerang.
"Why can the Fairy of Winds target only five things at a time? Can't you make the boomerang target at least ten?"
The Fairy of Winds spirit replied "I have my limits, o brave youth."
Link rolled his eyes. He turned around only to start panicking when he realized how close the purple unicorn was getting. The hero in green acted quickly and touched the Shadow Crystal inside one of his pouches. Now in his beast form, Link moved faster, but now maintained the same speed as Twilight. Fortunately for Link, his sudden change in physical appearance left Twilight in awe and made her steps falter, giving the hero in green a bit more distance from her, before fixing her composure and continuing the chase. Twilight chased beast Link all the way across the grassy field under Celestia's bright sun. As Link ran, he saw a forest in the distance. I can lose this horse in there! Link thought. Beast Link leaped threw the trees and continued to work his four legs, easily dodging the tree roots and branches that got in his way. Twilight was not so fortunate. She tripped and bumped into every tree related thing in the forest. Eventually, she couldn't see the creature in front of her anymore. The unicorn stopped in her tracks and looked down in defeat. She turned around to go back to Ponyville, but froze in fear. She was in a clearing that was surrounded by a dark, vast array of trees in the middle of the Everfree Forest. But that wasn't what caused her to freeze. It was the growling, vicious, and hungry barking of the Timberwolves. Twilight Sparkle screamed.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Link, now back to Hylian form, turned towards the noise. It was the purple unicorn! Without any hesitation, the hero of Hyrule sprinted back to the source of the scream.
Twilight tried defending herself by shooting bolts of magic at the ravenous Timberwolves, but there were too many. With her magic and energy low, she used the rest of her magic to create a barrier around herself. The barrier was weak and was easily broken by the Timberwolves. This is it? My life ends here? But I still have so much to do! I still need to keep sending Princess Celestia friendship reports. I also can't leave my friends! I can't leave Spike. I can't leave everyone. I don't want to leave... A tear trickled down the side of Twilight's cheek as a Timberwolf was about to pounce on her.
Then she heard someone shout.
Link shouted at the wooden wolves surrounding the purple unicorn. Wait. Wooden wolves? But before Link could think about it, a Timberwolf pounced towards him. With a clear head, Link quickly unsheathed the Master Sword with his left hand and struck the blade diagonally down across the Timberwolfs face. As it immediately broke down into a pile of splinters and wood, the hero in green grabbed his Hylian shield in his right arm. Another wolf pounced behind Link. With his quick targeting skills, he turned around at lightning speed and brought his shield towards the wolf in the air. He then used one of the Hidden Skills taught by the mysterious Golden Wolf, Shield Attack. Link jerked his shield violently against the wolfs face which completely shattered by the brute force of the Hylian shield. At that point, the entire pack of Timberwolves started to circle around Link.
If a normal person or pony were to see this, they would think it was all over for the young hero, but you never underestimate the one who bears the Triforce of Courage. Link closed his eyes, concentrating. The surrounding Timberwolves all began to pounce.
You have at your disposal the basic sword technique known as the spin attack. You now have in you the ability to magnify the power of your spin attack. But the only time you can draw out that power is when your life energy is brimming full. -Golden Wolf
Link opened his eyes.
The hero in green crouched with one foot on the ground farther from him. He stuck his sword out, blade tip facing completely away from him. Then in one fell swoop, he used his leg to spin his body around with incredible force. Using the momentum that was created by his leg, the blade cut threw every single Timberwolf in the area. The Great Spin's reach was big enough to cut down even a nearby tree. Not only did Link do this once, but four times. This utterly reduced the vicious Timberwolves into the outcome product of a wood chipper.
This was all witnessed by the five of Twilight's friends, who all stared at Link, who was caked in wooden dust. They arrived a little bit after Link initiated the fight with the pack of Timberwolves and tended to their purple friend. Link slowly approached the group of ponies who were still tending to Twilight. An orange mare with a blonde mane was gently cradling Twilight's head. The orange mare looked up at Link, who stopped his advance towards them. Link didn't want to look like he was gonna hurt them, but that thought was pushed away when the mare put on a sad smile. The expression told Link that the mare was grateful for what he's done, but why was it sad? It made sense when he got closer to Twilight, who was lying on her back, looking upwards.
The purple unicorns breathing was very shallow. She had a small pool of her blood around her. There were claw and bite marks around her body. A white unicorn mare with a beautiful purple mane had big splotches of Twilight's blood on her coat. She was desperately trying to use her magic to heal Twilight's wounds as she used her hooves to stop the bleeding. A cyan pegasus mare with a rainbow mane was desperately trying to hold back tears as she silently hoped that her friend would make it. A pink mare with a flat, pink mane was looking directly down as tears fell from her eyes and onto the ground. Then there was the yellow pegasus, the one that Link met before. She had a worried look on her face, but no tears were in her eyes. Instead, she had confidence. Confidence that told her that Twilight will not leave now, that she will stay with us. She didn't want to believe in the possibility of Twilight leaving.
But then the shallow breathing grew quicker. Blood continued to flow out of the wounds. Twilight had no strength left to speak. She simply smiled, hoping to give one last happy memory to her friends. Fluttershy started to cry. Light left Twilight's eyes. Game Over.
Twilight Sparkle is dead.
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Oh dear.
drama bomb
haha, very funny!! God, why do you do this!! I swear, are you intintially trolling people or do you just want to hit the twilight fans where it hurts most?
She'll be fiiiiinnneeee....probably...
(*Insert magic healing potion here*)
so let me get this straight, link comes, link is at first calm, then scared, then heroic, then twilight is dead. all in two chapters.
ok... if you were to draw this out into about 5 or 6 chapters then it would be at a good pace
Uses a Fairy ..... A pink fairy the ones that constantly hit on navi in ocarina of time.
Aaaaand you're still moving too fast. You've just changed directions.
...Tears...
3070126
well when you think about it, first contact is alot more difficult when realization hits you. for instance, 1) you just jumped dimensions. 2) there are more dimensions than the one you existed on. 3) Sentient life. 4) (in equestria's case) Sentient life that's NOT humanoid. that can really throw an "sane" character for a loop.
(Reads last line) .....God damn you.
I bet he will use a fairy to revive her
If you going to put in midna in this story, then that would be the best.
I have always wanted link and her to meet again, there farewells where to sad for me.
and i´m pretty sure that nintendo is not going to do a reunion
so please
....fairy in a bottle
bullshit! fairy in a bottle, or a healing potion.
I sense a mob of angry Twilight Sparkle fans in your future.
Edit: If she is not revived quickly.
(reads last line)...
mlpchan.net/pony/src/1375309081009.png
Eh, she wasn't my favorite anyway.
I'll say it now. If I had done nothing to them and they attacked me, I would kill them without hesitation or remorse.
So, you're willing to attacking something that does not fight back and has done nothing to provoke you in the first place, but at the first sign of danger you panic. Pathetic.
Yet, you were willing to strip an innocent who has done nothing to you or others of everything he has and cares about for no reason what-so-ever. Karma is a bitch, isn't it sparkle butt?
LINK!! LINK!! WAI DID YOU NOT USE LON-LON MILK?!!... oh wait...
NÑNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TWILY COME BACK PLS
Dem god damn pink fariys twi
So ded
This exists. This exists and it has no concept of pacing. What kind of shrooms are you eating to send out a first draft.
(Insult is insult to convince you to read. I have no intention of bashing you... but in this case your work is another story. ...Oh what am I doing in my life to make such awful accidental puns...)
One, Link is smart. He's not going to act like a buffoon. He does have experience with not being threatening, it's not like this kind of situation should actually happen as Link is very pacifistic for the most part. You can't have him use knowledge from two games either. Just because he might have known pegasi because of the Pegasus boots, doesn't mean that he'd automatically know what a unicorn is. Nor would his first thought when seeing Applejack or Pinkie be: "Oh. Earth Ponies.". Back to the previous issue, you're using the Twilight Princess incarnation of the Hero of Time. No, Link for Ocarina of Time is not the one from Windwaker or Skyward Sword or Minish Cap. They're descendants.
This is basic knowledge among the Legend of Zelda fandom. You need to be careful what knowledge you use.
It's silly to act like some kind of op 'always-do-good' savior. Link might be a paragon of persons, but that doesn't mean he doesn't think before he leaps. He does have reactions if you'd paid attention to his movements in-game. He's been bewildered, stunned, in awe, and even determined. Link is a quote-unquote "normal" person...he's not going to adapt instantly to his environment as you portray him doing, but he's also not going to make such a stupid mistake as attacking the populace and running away. He's shown the ability to communicate with the indigent race, so he'd likely do that. Sure, he's had some 'limited' character interactions, but if you expect the same behavior from Wolf Link as you do regular Link, you're sorely mistaken. The only reasons why Link ran away in that early scene in TP are that
1. The Ordonites are a farming community. A single wolf likely means more hiding in waiting, and one dead wolf in their minds would be the equivalent of a whole flock saved and potential children not eaten. So basically, the threat of death. Don't think that just because Link is a badass he's immune to crowd tactics. In Wolf-form, he may be a large specimen but he's still smaller than the average villager, making it easy to capture, cage, and set him on the pyre.
2. Link likes the villagers. Why would he kill his friends and family or risk harming him. No matter his incarnation, Link has a strong sense of Justice. He wants to see things done right and lives protected. To go against that speaks against his very nature. Link only ever seems to fight monsters, threatening him or others. There's never been a truly relatable villain in his games besides Ganon, and good ol' dorf is straight up evil. The few other times he's fought against people, they've only ever been under mind control and he's never straight up attacked them.
3. He had a communication issue and not a lot of time to solve it. The children were in danger, Moblins are attacking, and he's in the middle of the village about to be keel-hauled to the water-wheel and drowned or set on fire so the resident merchants can have a good meal. And Midna can't talk to the either being trapped in the Twilight. Link is probably shy around people as well. It may not look it immediately, but he only ever seems to be talked at, rather than talking himself. He gives one-word responses to short sentences at best. He might be something of Big Mac-like person: stoic and strong but talking rarely or in a clipped manner. Being a wolf with no communication in the middle of a close-knit farming community on the sticks would be pretty hard on the guy. That, and no matter the incarnation, Link always seems to be a person vying for a position as a guard adept. Stoicism and silence would be part of the job for the most part. And as his parents are never around, they may have been in the guard or military before him and died in some raid. (Aside from the few games that basically says he's royalty, brother of Zelda and all.) I'd think he'd have a hard time communicating.
For the most part aside from these issues, there's only two other storytelling element you seem to have completely dropped the ball on. You can't kill off a major character that you've only just begun introducing. That's a big no-no. Introductions, descriptions and closeness over time then death/death-like state or dead at the beginning like Shadow of the Colossus. You end up killing the motivation to read further. Not to mention the surroundings, we've hardly even got a glimpse of anything besides grass and hills. You expect solely the fans to read your work and you aren't going anywhere, so kaput goes your story.
Small chapters broken up over time may make it easier for an audience to digest your work, but it's easier to for readers to point out the flaws and ignore the virtues. Clipped mental monologues and quick perspective changes don't fix what your story doesn't have. I'm sure you could have worked out how Link speaks and any other issues in your story if you had given it more time and had it looked over by a competent editor (one who can catch these issues for you) but it really does seem like some kind of first draft.
I'd give this story...2.5/5. There's potential, but it needs to work on itself some more. You're halfway there, Author!
ISA
Le twilight is ded.