Trixie is very bored. In an effort to relieve said boredom, she is reading her textbooks on magic.
This is a very bad idea.
The result? A spell goes wrong and Ponyville ends up with two Trixies, or at least two pieces of Trixie.
One is carefree, pompous, and just a wee bit more arrogant than usual about her powers.
The other is a nervous wreck that can't work up the courage to do anything based on the thought that it'll lead to a personal failure in her responsibilities.
They are two incomplete halves of a whole that have a spell to fix.
The problem with fixing it?
One of them decided to run off to Neigh Orleans during a night of endless partying.
A Lunaverse Story.
Chapters (4)
Great. Another reminder that of all of the Mane Six, L!Trixie most resembles Rainbow Dash. The laziness, the belief that she has to achieve things to be appreciated, the need to belong to an organization that might not be what she thinks it is, the cocksure stupidity, the boastfulness, the oh-so-poorly-hidden self-hatred.......
I could go on but I think I've made my point.
JUDGEMENT!
...
I like it.
The writing is good, and it's an interesting concept to explore, although it has been done before in a lot of media. I like that she's still being careful around Twilight - something tells me the new librarian will spend the first few weeks barricaded against the constant crazy of the town. I can't really analyze further on how things are going, as not much has happened yet, but it looks just fine so far.
Carrot Top is pretty clever to pick up on that quickly, shouldn't they have at least went to see Twilight first?
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And that's bad because?
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I'm not saying it's bad. I'm saying that she's easier to write for if you assume that she's RD with a horn and a drinking problem.
Yes! I was so looking forward to this! This seems pretty technically sound I mean, I don't see anything that really sticks out as a large error. Now to wait for the next one eagerly.
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I assume you mean
And I do have a problem of sometimes handing epiphanies out like candy, but in this case it wasn't so much CT knowing what exactly was wrong as it was her throwing out suggestions. The one thing she did know was that Trixie was acting far more nervous than is natural for a nervous Trixie. Trixie really isn't the kind to show nervousness. She's even better than Rainbow Dash at hiding her nervousness. Her only conclusion was that the spell was behind that, and Trixie hadn't thought of that in her nervousness. So she started throwing out random suggestions that sounded like magical explanations to her until Trixie caught on to the idea and reached an actual reason as to how things might have gone wrong that she hadn't considered herself.
CT could have asked if her nervousness was a side effect, but I'm trying to have her approach this side of Trixie like I imagine CT treating Fluttershy's shyness. That is, instead of being direct and possibly flustering this half of Trixie, she was much more gentle and suggestive by throwing out the fact that Trixie's nervousness wasn't natural in a bunch of differen't ways so Trixie was the one to pick which way she liked it most, and thus actually advance without a nervous breakdown of maybes, sort offs, and kindas.
I hope that makes sense...
3052889 Well I do like that CT handles doubtful Trixie like she does Fluttershy, so I guess it makes sense. They should still get some confirmation from someone else, maybe Lyra who is more academic about her magic, even if it's not her specialty.
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She's also got a sizable amount of Rarity in her.
I truly enjoyed this chapter I re-read it twice before commenting sir please keep this up.
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This is true: the shame about her origins, the need to misrepresent who she is, the cheap theatrics, the phony, put-on accent, the insane social climbing.....
Good enough writing ruined by one simple fact.
Trixie + Lunaverse.
It's off to a rollicking start so I'd suggest you try and drink some of Carrot's tea and relax a little
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This.
Lulamoon's on the loose "run away"
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Not exactly due to technical mumbo jumbo that some people may or may not consider spoilers so I'm doing my best not to say it right now. It should be explained next chapter anyways.
Awww, Trixieshy is so cute in her neurotic way.
Can't wait to see what Lulamoon is up to, we haven't seen her since the pilot.
Oddly, I don't think I got a notification of this story I only found it by wandering around.
OK, sorry it took me so long to get to this, it was very well written and I feel the split is being handled quite well, far less worryingly than I initially assumed, though we shall see what happens in the future, regardless this was overall very well written and enjoyable. I do feel Trixie recovered a bit fast and CT/Trixie maybe reached the answer a bit fast and I felt Trixie's comments regarding Twilight to be a bit off-putting considering their parent friendship from Crisis. I felt that Trixie's invisibility and hiding in her house were excellent, CT brewing a special tea to help her calm down and using all the techniques she uses on Fluttershy were excellent! Overall good story!
Oh, this is kinda like the old Star Trek" TOS episode 'The Enemy Within'! I loved that episode, and I like this too. Great start!
So....
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vs 
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Your tabs are inconsistent in length
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And that means?
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It literally means that some paragraphs have long tabs while other tabs have short tabs.
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oh sorry, I was thinking about the genre tags somehow when you said tabs... Yeah... it's annoying when that happens, but it's the cost of me bringing it in through google docs. I use google docs and word to help with my grammar and spelling and the result is that, somehow, something is always off with the spacing and I never catch where all those little mistakes are...
Why wasn't Raindrops invited to Neigh Orleans?
Minor mistake: It's spelled 'bourbon', not 'bourban'.
I like this chapter. It's mostly set up but it's crazy fun.
3467697 My guess is she went to sleep early so she could get up and be at work in time.
Oh, goody. A comedy of errors that just keeps getting crazier. It's as if she's azure unicorn mare Basil Fawlty.
I think that's probably a good plan, even though ponies don't have thumbs.
I'm loving how this has developed. Town-wide party trip to Neigh Orleans, heck yea.
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The L!6 that weren't Trixie were busy setting up something for Trixie last night in order to relieve Trixie's boredom. It was a surprise, and thus they were isolated from the rest of the town while preparing. I'm pretty sure I said that at somepoint in Chapter 1, but maybe I didn't put enough emphasis on it. But that's why all the L!6 have had varying degrees of surprise at what happened and partailly why CT woke up dead tired in Chapter 1. Of course.... Being CT she probably works herself to exhaustion quite often, so that bit of implied reasoning wouldn't have meant anything...
3468072 "I have a cunning plan sir." ...oh no wait that's Baldric.
This isn't gonna be pretty... *Ducks*
I like this story, but I have a couple of concerns:
1. Twilight violating house arrest. For me, that's a big problem. She's already getting very nice treatment for her various crimes (breaking/entering into forbidden library areas, wrecking the town, fleeing arrest), in that she only has house arrest, and she can go around Ponyville as long as Trixie's with her. Letting her take a joyride to Neigh Orleans is going beyond even that, and starts to make the house arrest seem insignificant. I mean, she just got to go to Neigh Orleans for an alcohol-and-party run. If she can do that, her arrest has no meaning.
Also, my understanding is that, while she can go around Ponyville with Trixie, she cannot leave Ponyville without the express permission of the relevant Court Department, Trixie or not. So she just broke her parole.
2. Why does Hoofington have a teleportation circle? My understanding was that this was a special thing for the griffin kingdoms mission, and set up especially for that. Teleportation is apparently rare enough that only Twi does it (and when Trixie tried she wound up way off course, then wound up in another dimension), so why would Hoofington be all prepped and ready for a teleporter?
3. Twilight has eidetic memory? When was that determined? So far we have Ditzy who has eidetic memory canonically, IIRC, and we talked about Snails and/or Notary having it on the board (Snails' being restricted to bugs and other critters) but haven't canonized that.
4. Why is Ditzy mailing Luna a letter? Trixie can send her mail direct with her hat. Did Lulamoon take the hat for some reason?
3467697: And also this. Unless Lulamoon doesn't care about friendship, shouldn't she have invited the L6? Maybe not Ditzy, owing to her having a young daughter, but the rest of them would probably have gotten invites.
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!. A very valid point and maybe I didn't address it the way I intended well enough. The party technically started in Ponyville. I don't really think most ponyville ponies are insane enough to go to Neigh Orleans like that sober. Thus Twilight violating her parole was entirely a fluke caused by an incredibly persuasive drunk parole officer, who wasn't in a very proper state of mind, trying to entice an equally drunk and therefore disorganized Twilight to teleport them down there so they didn't have to take the extremely long train ride and could be back the next day (which if that doesn't make sense it is supposed to be drunken logic.) Twilight is in fact rather annoyed this happened when she regained her senses along with the hangover, but the hangover itself is debilitating enough that she can't express that annoyance very well towards Trixie right now.
2. ... well I guess that's another bit of canon I missed or misinterpreted. I missed teleportation circles being only for the Griffin Kingdoms, but honestly is that really neccessary? A teleportation circle is a tool for easing teleportation, but you still need to be the exceptionally high level unicorn needed to cast it. I imagined such circles being established in most cities on the off chance you were such a unicorn or that you had the money to pay for mass teleportation
3. Take that as seriously or unseriously as you want. There are people who think of their memory as eidetic when it's not. I find the idea of either Twilight having it as fitting or Twilight not having it but thinking she does as hilarious and fitting in a different way.
4. Yes, the other Trixie took the hat and cloak at the beginning... did she? I thought I said that? Such is the price of waiting so long to update.
5. The invite in and of itself is a heat of the moment kind of thing. Lulamoon is Trixie with out inhibitions. It's entirely possible the added impulsiveness shoved the idea right past logic so she wouldn't think to invite her friends. Or such thoughts would have gone as "But their getting that surprise thingy ready out on the outskirts of town. I don't have time to fetch them! No! We must go now and I will bring back all of Neigh Orleans to them." Or some other such nonsense.
Of course if it's really that off I can edit it...
3471959:
1. Annoyed isn't really enough here. Twilight broke her parole. She could get sent back to jail for that. For that matter, she arguably should. (Would another character be forgiven for this?) Letting her get away with it could raise issues along those lines.
As to her reaction, she'd have to know that half of Ponyville, plus whoever they met in Neigh Orleans, saw her, so the odds of the Guards finding out are pretty high. (And even higher now that Trixie's other half is still in Neigh Orleans raising a ruckus). If this happened... well, she should be freaking out, but I think it'd be much better if it didn't happen at all.
2. IIRC, Twilight learned her teleportation spell from a forbidden library archive. And it's derived from something Luna herself came up with and sealed away, presumably not telling anyone else about. Twilight is quite possibly the only non-alicorn that both has the knowledge and ability to cast it. Teleportation by and large is probably unknown to almost the entire populace. So I don't think cities are going to be expending resources to keep a circle active for a spell they don't know exists and the one unicorn that can cast it.
4. Why did Lulamoon take those? They'll likely get lost if she goes on a bender with them, and I don't see how they would make her drinking any easier. Is she planning on giving some kind of drunken magic show? She's never done that before.
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1. Annoyed isn't technically the right term, but I don't want to get into a matter of semantics.
2. But that is her teleportation spell. She came up with it on her own based on a spell thousands of times more advanced than a normal teleportation spell normally is. We don't know where normal teleportation is learned or stored, and it seems rather pressumptuous that only Twilight could do normal teleportation when she is only momentarily tired afterwards. She just does it better. Other unicorns might not be as strong as her, but they'd simply end up more tired and for a longer period of time. And a teleportation circle doesn;t really take that many resources once you get it going... It takes time to scribe the runes and pour the initial magical energy in, but after that it's mostly maintenence to keep it going. Some magic energy here, fixing up a rune there. All it really takes is a unicorn knowledable enough to know their runes and to at least know the theory of teleportation even if they can't cast it.
4. Because they are part of who Trixie is. Isn't that obvious? There's no reason to leave them home and they have sentimental value. Why wouldn't she take them?
3472130: Term or not, Twilight would be freaking out a lot worse than this. She could go back to jail over what she did. I'd expect to see her panicking in the library, or hiding under her bed.
The teleportation thing still seems extremely unlikely. It's not even necessary. Why teleport to Hoofington for the train? Just take the train from Ponyville. If it's a distance, stretch the party over a long weekend or something.
And sure, Lulamoon owns them, but she has no reason to take them, they'll get in the way, and it's not like she plans to never come back. I think she'd leave them at home.
one too many 'know'
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I just wanted to point out that while we have said that Twilight's teleportation spell is based on Luna's universe hoping spell, Sunset Shimmer also has the ability to teleport. Admittedly Equestria Girls isn't really canon, but if Sunset Shimmer is going to show up in the Lunaverse with the same skill level she previously had, or at least close to it, then she would have the teleport spell. Admittedly, a circle in Hoofington all knowing the spell seems unrealistic, but I think a few unicorns should be able to know the teleport spell (at least some with large magical potential), or at least some sort of variation of it. It could be that Twilight's teleport spell is unique, giving her the ability to teleport groups of ponies, or she has far longer range in her teleports then others. But if Sunset knows how to teleport, and hadn't seen Luna's spell to base it off, then I don't think it's too much of a stretch for some other ponies to be able to teleport
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All knowing the spell isn't really what I wanted though. I pictured it more as a luxury form of travel between major cities.that also functions as emergency travel for nation wide emergencies. There wouldn't be many unicorns that can teleport that far and of those most can't teleport that many. Rather the few their are can pick up and move passengers for a fee as their potential job. In states of emergency this doubles as a way to quickly move important individuals to where they are needed. Of course if you know a unicorn powerful enough to run the spell you don't need to hire the help. I used Hoofington as the example of where they came from because Twilight was tired enough to not be able to teleport them back to Canterlot, where I figured the closest circle would be, on the reurn trip, and we have described Equestria as having tons of hoofingtons in at least one thread, so I figured at least one might be a major city. As to why they didn't just take the train it was a matter of time as well as distance. That is, I pictured Neigh Orleans to be far enough away that a flat train ride would take more than one day. That's a couple of day's with a terrified Trixie and her friends in a near ghost town not really knowing what happened, which would have been like an incredibly huge awkward pause until the round trip was complete and ponies came back to tell them where they left to.
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To be fair, Trixie should also be fired from her job (at least. At worst, she should be arrested), what with practicing a possibly dangerous spell without any kind of observer to ensure it doesn't go wrong, it going wrong, and that not only preventing the weather team from doing their job, but also through that negligence, aiding and abetting the parole breaking. And don't even get me started on how other characters should be arrested, because there are a lot of things that have happened are arrest worthy.
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Heh heh... It's sort of funny having the legal ramifications of my story thrown back at me... I actually considered the Twilight and Trixie options, but excused them on the fact that my story is meant to only be semi-serious. That is, the red tape of proper justice would happen behind the scenes after the main problems of the story, and the fact that Trixie's duplicates were not in a proper state of mind would end up providing a legal excuse to at least lessen punishment and that such punishment would occur offscreen, possibly being referenced by others as something like The Dualamoon Incident or something similar. I didn't even think of what it meant for the rest of the town (such as the weather patrol neglection) or the fact that Trixie was experimenting with relatively unknown magic without supervision... I just kept thinking of it being along similar lines to Foalish Misadventures in that the result is pretty much treated like a small natural disaster.
Pretty solid and entertaining chapter. I did have 'some; issue with Twi teloporting so many ponies, but the circle was at least used to imply she couldn't do it frequently so that takes away most of my concerns. I wonder what the surprise was?
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Yay! you accepted the circle idea! Some people seem to think it implies teleporting is too easy but I meant the opposite, although that's probably my fault more than anything else. Anypony besides Twilight who teleported would probably have a special talent in teleporting given the amount of energy it needs, and even given that simply makes casting it easier without giving them the natural magic reserves Twilight has. They might need teleportation circles just to ferry a few important individuals around for a job. Twilight could barely do all of that teleportation, hence the only coming partway back, but I suppose I didn't explain it well enough.
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I won't say i'm 100% on it, but it's a cool idea and I could see something like that existing in a magical world, a 'waygate' if you will.
When is the next chapter going to be done? Do you know?
A member of Trixie's family has made it into canon! Yay!
Ah, well.....this might finally get her to admit that there's something to be said for being a bookworm. It's like something M!Rainbow Dash would do......
After the two haves merge again:
"Ahhh, it's good to be whole again! I feel confident AND humble, and..." *Trixie's face suddenly goes pale as memories sort themselves out, and after a few seconds, she punches herself in the face* "What were you thinking?! You got me PREGNANT?! Ewww, I'm TAINTED!!"
excitedly, "You
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Poor Neigh Orleans is about to be rocked by a hurricane. Hurricane Lullamoon! And all shall be blown away by her amazing and bedazzling, stage presence.
Ooh, this isn't gonna end well...