Half-Arrogant, Half-Crazy, All Trixie Lulamoon

by I Thought I Was Toast

It must be Two-sday

The sounds and smells coming from Twilight’s basement were less than pleasant. For Carrot Top it was reminiscent of a rusty jackhammer cutting into moldy cheese. Raindrops, however, swore it was more like a bull running loose in a stink bomb factory. Every so often magical sparks would zap into the room from underneath the cracks in the door, and the only thing stopping the two friends from bursting the door down to make sure everything was fine was their trust in Twilight.

That trust did have its limits, however.

“It’s been over an hour.” Raindrops groaned. “What’s going on down there?”

“I’m as in the dark about it as you,” said Carrot Top. The door expanded outwards as what sounded suspiciously like a group of elephants trumpeting their trunks blasted from the cellar. “Think we should go down and find out? We might interrupt something important.”

“Maybe,” Raindrops muttered. “And maybe if we don’t the guard will show up and do that anyways. They can probably hear this two blocks away.” Standing up, the weathermare moved to open the door. Just as she got there, however the door decided to slam open on its own.

“I’m ruined I tell you! Ruined!” yelled Trixie as the door blasted open.

Fortunately for Raindrops, she was made of sterner stuff than the door. Unfortunately for the door, it had just been slammed into something far harder than a wall.

CRACK!

The door passed on by Raindrops, having been newly christened with a pony shaped hole, while a frazzled and panicked Trixie bolted past her friend, out of the library and off to Luna knew where.

A rather sooty Twilight Sparkle walked up the stairs in the magician’s wake. “I knew I should have told her while she was still bolted to the examination table.”

“Told her what?” asked Raindrops, narrowing her eyes. She snorted a couple splinters from her nose, and pawed the ground much like a bull before an enraged charge. “What were you doing down there?”

“Testing,” Twilight stated simply. “And before you ask, that’s all I’m going to say. I was very thorough, and some of my magical examinations were of a personal enough nature that I feel I’d need Trixie’s permission to discuss their nature with anypony, even friends.” Cutting off Raindrops as she started to make some frustrated retort, Twilight continued. “That being said, I can share the results with you, if not the methods.” She turned to Carrot Top. “You know, you have a remarkably good grasp on magic for an Earth Pony. Not many ponies would have been able to figure out that the creation of magical duplicates would cause the segmentation of personality attributes. You were right when you told Trixie she was more nervous because of the duplication spell.”

Carrot Top kicked at the ground, too embarrassed to say she had been taking a shot in the dark to calm Trixie down.

“Anyways,” Twilight resumed, “It seems that casting the duplication spell has segmented the portion of the brain in charge of Trixie’s inhibitions. The duplicate that just ran out of here is essentially a carbon copy of Trixie into which all of her doubts, fears, and expectations on propriety were poured. The reason she’s so hesitant is that she can’t grasp the concept of taking a risk, and every action, even the best possible action to take, will always have some risk. In contrast to this, the other duplicate is currently running around Neigh Orleans with no inhibitions whatsoever. There’s nothing to stop her from attempting whatever crazy thought enters her head. Think of her as a perpetually drunk Trixie, except ten times more dangerous because the rest of her body’s fully functional and coordinated.”

“I guess that explains why she was going by the name Lulamoon,” muttered Carrot Top.

“Perhaps,” said Twilight. “Any ideas on how you’re going to catch her? This isn’t something that’s going to just settle. There’s no telling where her other half will get to if you don’t catch her in Neigh Orleans. For all we know she’ll decide to suddenly move to the south pole to build an Ice Palace full of penguin butlers."

"That's crazy. She wouldn't do that, would she?" asked Carrot Top

"I don't know." Twilight massaged her temples. "If Lulamoon thinks it's even vaguely possible she'll go for it. She has no restraints to keep her in check, and when she fails it'll be Canterlot's Ice Palace incident all over again."

“It won’t be that bad,” muttered Raindrops. “Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“Last night she was hit on no less than ten times in the first five minutes.” Twilight deadpanned. “Do you want to know how many of those stallions were following us when the guard showed up the first time?”

“No?” Carrot Top said hesitantly.

“Or how many of those guards she convinced to strip tease for the party?”

Raindrops blushed.

“Or maybe you want to know how many drunk Ponyvillians she convinced to try the halibut with her for the, and I quote, ’ hay of it’?”

“Okay! We get it!” Raindrops blanched. Her face turned a rather unappetizing green color at the thought of eating meat.

“I hope the rest of the town doesn’t remember that or she’s going to get mobbed.” Carrot Top murmured, her own face having turned a lovely moss color.

“We need to get that duplicate back and fix this now.” Raindrops began moving towards the door, a slight twitch to her wings betraying her worry. “CT, will you go fetch the other one?”

Carrot Top nodded in the affirmative.

“Good,” said Raindrops. “I have to go explain to the rest of the weather team that I’ll need the day off to catch Lulamoon.”

“Lulamoon?” Carrot Top inquired, arching an eyebrow. “Are we back to that silly naming protocol we had in that parallel Equestria?”

“It works doesn’t it? If it isn’t broke, don’t fix it.” Raindrops reached the door and launched herself out of it and into the air.

Carrot Top sighed and turned to Twilight. “Well, I better get going too. Sorry to get you wrapped up in this Twilight.”

Twilight smiled. “That’s okay. I don’t mind helping as long as you aren’t dragging me off to save the day with you. I’ve had enough adventures for awhile.”

Exchanging goodbyes one last time before turning to leave the library, Carrot Top walked out of the library and headed for Trixie’s house. When she got there she found it in disarray. The door was ajar. The windows were open. And a multitude of items were being thrown out of all these openings onto the lawn, all missing the suitcase that Carrot Top was pretty sure Trixie was aiming for.

“Trixie?” Carrot Top called out. “You do know there’s an easier way to pack right?”

“No time!” came the strangled shout from the bathroom window. “It takes remarkably less time to levitate everything I need to the suitcase at once.”

Carrot Top tilted her head. “But you’re just throwing everything out the window!”

“Of course I am! I don’t have enough magical strength to levitate everything at once!” yelled Trixie from the office.

“Then doesn’t that mean the normal way is faster?” Carrot Top inquired, poking her head into the house.

There was a pregnant pause, and then a azure blur dashed out of the kitchen. “Sweet, sweet Luna! How much time did I just waste?!”

Catching the blur on her way to the front lawn, Carrot Top pulled Trixie into a hug. “Calm down, Trixie. Calm down.” Slowly stroking the trembling mares mane, Carrot searched blindly through her bag with her other hoof. “Here. Drink this,” she said, pulling out the thermos loaded with tea. “You just relax for a second, and I’ll pack for you.”

Leaving Trixie to her tea, Carrot Top headed back out and sighed as she began to pick Trixie’s mess up. It was going to be a long trip to Neigh Orleans, and she had a feeling it was going to feel even longer with Trixie around.

…..

The amazing and awe-inspiring Lulamoon strutted and strode down the flavorful streets of Neigh Orleans. Today was going to be great. Today was going to be grand. Today was the day she was going to start preping for the biggest show she had ever dared to put on, and nothing was going to stop her.

It was weirdly wonderful. Here she had been ready to simply party the day away again when a frantic and frazzled Limelight had burst in her room begging her not to subject Neigh Orleans to another night like that so quickly without them being prepared for it. She was about to turn him down when the most marvelous and magnificent thought occurred to her. Giving the city time to prep meant making an even greater and grander party for her glory. And there was no better way to entertain all of Neigh Orleans than to throw the biggest baddest show of her sweet if short life.

For some reason Limelight didn’t take to the idea as well as the luxurious and lavishing Lulamoon. In fact, he was currently stumbling after her in a daze mumbling about being run out of town by a mob for this.

For her part though, Lulamoon was so giddy she could sing. And so she did.

In the South Land,
There’s a city,
Way down on the river,
Where the mares are very pretty,
And all the stallions deliver.

They got music,
It’s always playing,
Start in the daytime,
Go all through the night,

When you hear that music,
It’s all so clear,
All the world’s a stage,
And you’re the star here!

Tout le monde, is coming down!
And now we need to deliver!
Grab your family! Grab your friends!
The show is just starting and we’d hate to offend.

We got magic, smoke and mirrors,
Lights, glamour, actors, and some stranger appeals,
We got it all, don’t you worry.
Down here in Neigh Orleans

Spotting a cloaked Zebrony in the shadows, Lulamoon strutted over and passed him a couple bits and a note. With a gracious nod, his shadow deposited them into his pocket, and he left in a puff of smoke.

Witchcraft and voodoo,
Hide in the shadows,
Some of its show,
And some of it’s real

Which is which,
Is part of the fun,
You’ll sometimes laugh, you’ll sometimes run.
Your heart will pound when their wonders are done.

Tout le monde, is coming down!
And now we need to deliver!
Grab your family! Grab your friends!
The show is just starting and we’d hate to offend.

We got magic, smoke and mirrors,
Lights, glamour, actors, and some stranger appeals,
We got it all, don’t you worry,
Down here in Neigh Orleans

Limelight sighed as he followed his cousin. It was going to be a long day.

…..

It was on the four-hundred and thirty-second improvised verse that Lulamoon and Limelight finally made it it to their final destination, Jazz Hands Java House. Most ponies are drawn inside to ask what jazz hands are and whether or not they’re painful. What they end up with is the music to end all music. They found jazz so smooth that butter could cut it like butter and clouds could ride it to cloud nine. It was here they found Jazz Hands, the coolest minotaur this side of the frozen north, and possibly the most talented jazz musician in all of Equestria.

Limelight was struggling to keep up with his cousin. “Trixie, wait! Don’t you think you should reconsider all this?”

“There’s nothing to reconsider, Limelight!” Her laugh was lovely and light. “This is by far the best idea you’ve ever had.”

“That’s not what the rest of the city will say…” He mumbled, following his cousin into the shop.

Jazz Hands was just starting to set up the stage, and he looked up as they entered. “Sorry little lady, we’re not open ye-” He froze on seeing the great and glorious Lulamoon. “Well, I’ll be. If it ain’t little Miss Trixie Lulamoon. I thought the town told you to shoo fly shoo Miss Lu.”

“They did,” Lulamoon giggled. “I didn’t. C'est la vie. There’s too much to do, too much to see. I’ve missed a lot of things over the years, and I need to make up for it with the biggest and baddest party of them all. I need you to help me paint the town razzmatazz and fill it with it with pizazz, or at least more pizazz than usual.”

“Aww… You know I could never say no to a request like that Miss Lulamoon.” Jazz Hands picked up his saxophone his appendages gliding over the polished brass as he played a few notes. “Bella and I here would be happy to help. I’m assuming you’ll need me to swing the other musicians around?”

“You know me so well, mon ami.” The sly and slippery Lulamoon winked. “I may have displeased a friend or two of yours in my little journey last night, and I just know your hooves- I mean, hands on approach will turn them around.”

“This can’t be happening. Tell me you aren’t listening to her Jazz,” Limelight groaned.

Jazz Hands chuckled. “I’ll admit I’m a bit apprehensive after last night, Mister Limelight, but the show must go on. At least she’s asking to trash the city this time.”

Limelight slapped his head to the table. “Why me?”

Author's Note:

Man it's been forever since I updated... A quick fix to earlier chapters, Twilight only teleported around a dozen or so ponies now to Neigh Orleans. The rest of the town still partied last night, but only those twelve moved to Neigh Orleans.

Also, the song should be sung to roughly this tune:

It does deviate slightly after the first two verses however since theirs new lyrics.

Comments

[DreadedCandiru2]

This just keeps getting weirder and madder and BETTER.

[Fizzy Orange]

Oh that train ride isn't going to be fun for Carrot Top and Raindrops.

[ShadowLDrago]

Poor Limelight! this is going to be fun!

[RK_Striker_JK_5]

This will only end in SWAT teams in riot gear, won't it.

[Whiteeyes]

So NO inhibitions? That's.....extremely dangerous to an unimaginably stupid degree. And I mean that literally. If she is a full blown antisocial being, she has nothing preventing her from thinking "this guy is annoying, I should kill him", then grabbing a knife and stabbing him without any hesitation or understanding of why it's wrong. Morality is a form of inhibition after all, and if she has no morality all actions are equally valid to her moral wise.

[I Thought I Was Toast]

4627878
True, but it's a comedy. It's only in the extra bad dark and gritty soap opera drama sequel you find out that Trixie's pregnant and a time-traveling Raindrops from the future was the father, only Lulamoon didn't know it at the time , so the power of friendship was unable to overcome her horrible murderous urg-

Okay I can't keep that ridiculous line of dialogue going. Point is yes there are rather huge implications, but for the sake of comedy we're only looking at the hopefully humorous ones.

[Whiteeyes]

4627994 Yeah, but it really is serious enough that it needs to be brought up, if only to show how big a deal this is. Even if Lulamoon never does so, the fact that she could and is a ticking time bomb can ad some tension to the story. And the best comedies do have some tension or stakes, so that the humor stands out more.

[Zap Apple Smash]

Zebrony appearance for the win!

Sorry for the delay in looking at this.

I'm really enjoying this so far. I'm loving seeing Lulamoon unleashed. While I love all of character development Trixie has had, it is just so much fun seeing Trixie minus impulse control.

I also like the look of jazz hands and can't wait to see what you have in store for the rest of the story.

[kelirabbi]

Update when next ?

[Sleepy_The_Zebra]

Ola! I'm quite excited to see how this goes, and so far, it's going quite well.

However, while I'm quite well acquainted with taking a while with updates, I'm sure all who are reading are excited to see a new chapter.

[D48]

Well, that was a pleasant surprise. I usually don't like these personality split stories, but this is surprisingly excellent. It's a shame it looks like it's dead at this point, but I can always hope to see it rise from the grave.

[TheGreatEater]

8134861
6979055

PM'd the author. The inspiration for the fic is dead, but they'd be happy to let another writer take up this fic. So it's kind of in a weird limbo of someone can finish it up if they'd like. But until then it's dead.

[Lord King Cocoon]

It's been 5 years. Is this story gonna ever be completed? I mean no offense of course. I just want to see how this turns out.

[TheGreatEater]

9729409
Read the comment literally one post below your own.