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Derpy and Dinky Doo travel to the Rumsville Park to enjoy a beautiful trek in the summers day. They encounter a strange man from a far away land who gives out pony rides to little children that can fork up the cash to ride them. Dinky finds out that one of the ponies seems to have a striking resemblance to her clumsy and caring mother.
Title image made by TheLivingMachine02 on DeviantART.
This has a lot of....
Well, i don't know the term for it, but you say things repeatitly, sometimes twice in the same sentence.
That's a big problem. I think i see a few grammer issues, maybe. Also there's not a lot of variety in some of these. You've used "Shouted" a few too man times, i think.
But, i'll stick around and look over these. This premise has promise.
Get it? 
Care-Taker, they can't look after themselves so Carrot Top took the job of looking after them when they are in trouble. She's also one of Derpy's personal friends. I've changed the way how she works in the fan-dom and she dislikes Bon-Bon and Lyra because they are a lesbian couple.
I changed so many characters for this story in a weird way, Lyra has an easy temper and she constantly flirts with Men or Women, Bon-Bon just looks out for her friends and she regularly puts Lyra in place because of her flirty attitude. Dinky is very gullible and she enjoys having fun. Derpy loves looking after her daughter but she constantly get's confused at nearly everything.
You know, I just realized something, "Carrot Top", "Derpy", "Dinky" and "Bon-Bon" are extremely strange names for Humans. I'll suspend my disbelief and assume they are nicknames.
And really, Derpy and Dinky have incontinence issues? Why do we even need to know that? 
"Scootaloo slowly moved over to Fluttershy and Dinky, really curious about what they were doing and she obviously didn't want to miss any of the action at all.She orange filly moved over to Dinky and Fluttershy and climbed up on Dinky's lap."
Here we go. Another typo.
Btw, you're really starting to push out the chapters, aren't you? I feel there's at least one new chapter every day! now, I'm not sure if that's actually true, but based on the typo's I've seen, that could be a possible guess. :P
Keep up the good work!
I usually manage to push out the chapters when I am working at school, at home I have a huge table of distractions at home like my XBOX and my music, but when in the School library, there isn't any distractions and I can usually get 2000 or so words within an hour.
Funny enough, it took me an entire week to complete the first chapter without any distractions.
With the typo's, I can understand. I type pretty fast (not trying to show off or anything.) and it's usually a slip of the eye when I do make a mistake. I do usually re-read my chapters after I have made them and I usually put them on Microsoft Word to let the Spelling checker do it's magic on the story.
I'm still going on the probably completely wrong theory that Carrot Top is such a bitch cause she's a self-loathing lesbian in denial 
On a sort of more related note. Le gasp! Discord!
Edit: Huh. Just noticed you responded to my other comment and I didn't notice... Wwwoooooow I must look like a dick for putting essentially the same comment twice. AH WELL!
After reading the letter from Ditzy
The reason why the ponies don't speak, fly or use their abilities will be explained in later chapters and near the ending.
Well, it seems that I've managed to turn Carrot Top into a complete bitch. If you're getting pissed off at what she says... I guess I'm doing something right for my characters.
Just read the first chapter. I'm really confused. Why were Lyra and Bon Bon wearing swimsuits in the park? Are they, you know, just supposed to be sluts? And what's with Derpy and Dinky being incontinent? Also, both words in "Carrot Top" should be capitalized. You use interrobangs way too much.
An interesting concept, but it kind of drags on...
Lyra and Bon-Bon: Read a few more chapters.
Derpy and Dinky: There's so many versions of Derpy and Dinky, I thought I would add in something odd and different that I expected to get a few reactions. So far, it's worked.
As for the rest, the first chapter was supposed to be a one-shot. But then I decided to create extra chapters and make a deeper story than just a little one-shot to the park.
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if you figure it out, tell me.
at the end very nice.
) You'll see other characters in the next few chapters, either cameo, reference or actual part to the story I think the readers will like who else appears into the story.
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