I wish I could see you smile again.
Ever since it went away, the pony I once knew seemed to disappear as well.
At times, it makes me wonder if anything matters anymore.
It makes me wonder if I still matter to you anymore...
Twilight and Rainbow Dash come to a crossroads in their relationship as they look to the future. But with as bleak and depressing as it seems, what really is the point? Perhaps love does conquer all...
-Approved for Twilight's Library and Celestia's Library
-Featured on the Royal Guard 2/4/14
-Featured on Equestria Daily 3/10/14
-Audio reading found here
Chapters (1)
Oh gawd... Simply wonderful...
Wow... *slow clap*
Oh wow. That was incredible. I can't wait to see more of this piece written. Keep up the great work!
wait... this is... incomplete?
does that means there's more?
does that mean there may be a chance for me not to crawl into a corner and cry for the next two hours?
does that mean...
does that mean there could be a happy-ish ending at the very least?
does that mean I should wait with baited breath for this to continue?
I think it does.
Sweet Jesus.
This... This is something else.
And it's not done? Faved. All I can say.
~Skeeter The Lurker
so, this is gonna be a continued story?! awesome! i hope they find the color again.
3057273 As of right now I'm leaving it incomplete for the chance that I might add to it. There is definitely a chance I will come back to this, but as of now I don't know when.
3057265 Thank you! And refer to the above comment.
3057124 Wholly appreciated!
3057016 Possibly more, we'll see
3056992 Thanks!
3056929 Appreciate the applause!
3056887 I hope it was
3056694 Cookie for you, careful, they're hot. 24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpw5wxXr8P1qm0xgqo1_500.gif
What do i have to say ....... noing
A Sonic Rainboom is the cure.
Very cute
despite the sad theme.
incomplete? yay maybe there is a chance of everything being fixed.
3058118 You can't. There is no color to do that. Not Even Rainbow Dash.
Why do i like reading this?
Cuz its brilliant
3061191 It creates colour
this was a very deep story and I loved every second of it ^^ thank goodness it is incomplete or I would've reged
I assume you mean magic, or hoof? Last I checked, ponies didn't have hands.
Well... suspending the suspension of disbelief, would color even have anything powerful about it considering it doesn't exist outside of our minds... pigment on the other hand... well, Rainbow Factory was a very interesting concept was it not?
Reinstating suspension of disbelief; it was a wonderful tale, if a little short.
3070158 LYRA IS COMING
3511311 Not to put a damper on your hopes for this to be a huge story of any kind, but I really only left the story open because I might write an epliogue.
Although... this could work as a longer story. Its not in the cards though. Sorry.
Glad you enjoyed it though
3511318 why not put see if someone who loves to write twidash would be willing to continue it for you? you write an epilogue that leaves the story open for an adventure, then they pick it up from there.
yes? no?
3513746 I guess i could, but I sort of like the open ending I already gave it. You actually sound like you want to make a sequel more than anybody else, and you're more than welcome to if you want
3519723 i actually tried to, but i couldn't do it justice. so i wound up deleting it when i cleaned up my memory.
Well, shit. A bleak, colourless world is a scary concept.
That was a great read, full of the feels.
DJRD, why am I not following you yet?
3523413 I dunno, but maybe you should?
3530381
Possibly.
...Maybe.
I can see a twidash sequel made from this and perhaps a slightly happier ending to their relationship.
Whether you do continue with this story or not, I have to say that this made me grab a sponge for the liquid pride I was generating. I also love that cover art for the story. (I put it in my hard drive, as I like weird art.)
Upvote, fave and a watch from me. Keep on writing.
fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/060/f/5/princess_celestia_approved_by_ambris-d4rftlj.png
Approved for Celestia's Library.
Check the review from Pleasant Commentator And Review Group.
3537659 I didn't plan on really making anything more than a short epilogue for this. All I can say is maybe
3589830 Thank you! I love the picture too, it was perfect for the story.
3834271 your welcome and I do hope you manage a sequel on this you've done a really good job with it, you capture the emotions well and the story is rather gripping and easy to treasure.
3589830 I quite agree, the cover art is well suited for the story and fits in really well, nice work DJ.
The first third or so (I wasn't looking at the format too carefully) could use a bit more proof reading. There were a couple misspelled words and awkward sentences that broke the developing atmosphere. The rest of it read fine to me mechanically.
I think I prefer Wonderbolt to this story, most likely because of how vague that story managed to be. Ultimately, a story like this or Wonderbolt is at its strongest by focussing on Twilight and Rainbow's relationship. Taking the time to develop what happened, while interesting, distracted from the most important part of the story. Furthermore, by taking into account Celestia's inability to fix the problem, you simply open up more questions, such as what happened to Luna and Discord, that further move the reader away from the strongest point of the story.
Having said all of that, the ending was cute and inspiringly optimistic, which can't possibly be a bad thing.
Well, I can definitely see the influence you were talking about
It makes me all giddy to know that Wonderbolt inspired you to write this, but there's something you should consider: I know my story like the back of my hand, so you'll understand when I say that this felt very familiar to me while I was reading it
Welp, it's scathing review time!
From what I gathered, Twilight and Rainbow have been in a relationship since before this story began, and Twi's simply falling out of love with Rainbow. It's curious for me to see that RD has all but given up, when Twilight—who lost her colors not long after Rainbow did—is still capable of finding strength from her feelings of love. As it stands, it seems like Dash's own feelings aren't all that important to her, since she should've been able to carry on like Twi did. Discoloration doesn't appear to come bundled with depression, considering that Twi's mostly doing fine throughout her thought processes—she's just now starting to break apart due to a lack of support—so Rainbow's behavior felt strange to me.
The ending is interesting in that Twilight basically gives up. She realizes that she's failed, and she's preparing to adapt and live with that failure. By surrendering the last piece of color they had, she's accepting that they'll never return the world to what it used to be, so they should just learn to get by in a colorless existence. There is no indication that their renewed love is going to fix anything related to their overarching problem: the fact that losing their colors is sucking the magic out of them.
Also:
I felt like I missed a piece of dialogue here, given that the last thing Rainbow asked was "What do you want to do?" Unless this is a euphoric "Yes!" that stems from the circumstances... but that also seems a bit out of place.
It's been shown (in episode 217, if I'm not mistaken) that color is a tangible thing in Equestria—which you can vacuum up and shove into a potion, no less—so I guess somehow turning it into a power source isn't all that weird in this setting. However, I present you with a very important question that one of my own readers asked: Why didn't they just stop destroying their world? Why didn't they stop the machines when they realized what was happening?
Most of these observations are just things I've interpreted from the story. I don't know if they were intentional or not, but in the case that they were? Well, your fic definitely paints a much darker picture for Equestria's future
3903292 Just curious, was it too familiar? At one point I was worried that I took too much influence.
The part you mentioned about if their love not being able to fix the overarching problem, well there are multiple things about that. Basically, they pretty much were like "lets stop worrying about this and just enjoy what we have left of one another." In a way, its extremely selfish, but at that point neither of them cared about that anymore.
Concerning Rainbow's behavior, I pictured Dash as actually being weaker than Twilight if a situation like this were to arise. I indirectly made Dash seem more effected by the discoloration due to her being "Rainbow." Taking away the color from Rainbow Dash seemed much more significant than Twilight. I really don't know how else to explain that one
As for the question of why they didn't stop destroying their world, well I never did plan to write about that. But I would have either mentioned how the ponies who were in charge of said resource became so powerful where they did not care about the effects, and basically became near dictator like figures, or, I would have mentioned how just starting this color experiment triggered this reaction which couldn't be stopped. So even if they did decide to stop as soon as they realized what was happening, it was too late and the damage was done.
Also I can't exactly tell, did you like it?
The story's structure is very recognizable (as I said, to me, because I've spent a lot of time refining Wonderbolt). You have Twilight reminiscing in the beginning, then trying to reach out to Rainbow, then screwing it up, etc. I was actually going "And now Rainbow's gonna hit her... And now they'll kiss..." while I was reading, but this is not something you need to worry about with any other reader. Obviously, there were differences, but I could recognize the underlying pattern as the story moved forward.
In regards to the ending, that is pretty much how I saw it. Again, it's a darker ending, but definitely valid. And I can also see how losing her colors could be more shocking to Rainbow, though it might've been better to put more empashis on the fact that she couldn't or wouldn't fly anymore. That seems like it would be a greater source of depression for ol' Dash.
The chain reaction explanation would be the best one in this case. It certainly works better than having evil ponies that are evilly destroying Equestria. Because evil. It also makes the ending more poignant, since this is a real crisis and not a fabricated one. They need an actual solution/cure, but Equestria's greatest mind just said "Screw it", so they're all pretty much boned.
Finally, I did like the ideas behind it. The whole "exploring a similar situation, but with the actors reversed" can give a story a new sense of perspective, and that was interesting to see
As 3899658 said, though, it could use a bit of an editing/proof-reading pass.
Interesting story. It makes me wonder how the scientists or anypony at all knew that they were powering things "by color" if there didn't seem to be any impact on the world at first. Wouldn't it just seem to come from some nebulous nowhere? Also made me think a bit about where the other Mane Six might be at this point; what is Rarity's life like without color? Or Pinkie's? Oof.
A few editing issues I noticed:
"You stood next to be the entire time" - be = me?
"and by now even that was starting to fade. " - tense shift. "by then even"
"nobody" - instead of nopony. Twice in the story.
4065813 I had an idea for making a longer story using this whole idea, but I decided against it, for the time being anyway. So instead, I came up with this.
And think of it like this. Those scientists, along with most people, didn't see any effect till extremely late. Like the discovery that Chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs) were destroying the Ozone layer, but thankfully we fixed that before it got too bad.
Thanks for the comments, and I'll get to fixing those mistakes.
DJRD
and yet another great story! thank you for these... sad, but touching stories!
This was brilliant! (No pun intended.
) You had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. Once I finally started reading I simply couldn't stop, and once it was over... Teary eyes in six minutes flat. Props, DJRD; mad props. I've got all kinds of feely feels, but mostly a sense of optimistic acceptance.
You know, this could be taken as a metaphor for growing old with somepony and growing closer to and yet apart from them... The dichotomy of the new 'them' that grew with age and experience in place of the old and the core 'themness' that they embodied in their younger days. I'm glad Rainbow was still able to access that 'themness', even if it isn't all that they would have wished.
Speaking of that metaphor I perceived, is it just me or is this sort of thing often on your mind? I noticed similar, or at least related, musings in 'Infinite'.
Ooh, and you mentioned using color similarly in a different story! I'll have to read that one too.
4374674 I just think a lot I suppose, and this thinking can seep its way into my writing.
Glad you enjoyed it so much though
I'm a very emotional person, yet for some reason fiction never had as much impact on me as human interaction.
You made me cry. With only written words. Do you know how hard that is?
I approve.
4402518 Awww don't cry! It had a happier ending
I'm glad you enjoyed it though.
Simply Beautiful
Made me cry almost twice
I'm begging you too make a sequel to this and bring back the color. Rainbow is best pony but only if her name fits.
This story was so sad yet adorable I had to give it a proper reading!
4855344 Wow...
Like really, this is absolutely awesome! I'm just taken aback that somebody would like one of my stories enough to give it such a treatment.
Thanks a bunch for doing this! I listened to it yesterday and it fits the mood of the story so well (and it also made me realize that I need to fix some things grammatically
).
Again, thanks!
You made me feel sad on a weekend. Congratulations.
(WARNING! This is a compliment.)
I saw the reading on YouTube cuz I was looking for sad pony stuf and a few minutes in decided to read it mysel. I was stoked when I realized i was TwiDash as well
Simply breathtaking.
Is this a n allegory for Depression. I feel like this is an allegory for Depression.