• Member Since 10th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen Jun 29th, 2016

Dartagnen


I have become Death; The Destroyer of Worlds

Comments ( 760 )

Meh not bad:duck:

3020328 It'll get better. Not the best thing around though.

This is obviously NOT connected to the other guy who gets thrown into equestria as his favorite dinosaur creature by a rainbow ball stories.

3020692 Well, I've read some of them, but I put a 'glass like portal', like from Primeval. Couldn't help myself with that.

Q: Since Dart is a Raptor. Will the instincts kick in if he can't control them? You think there might be other Raptors coming in this story? You think he'll fight creatures?

Also I have seen all the Jurassic Park movies and Raptors are my second favorite dinosaur. Nice to see someone posted a raptor in Equestria story.

Q: will you do the clever girl if there are more raptors

Q: Do you believe you will bring his girlfriend into the story as a raptor as well?

o.o! *A story about Raptors?*

.... SCREE! :pinkiehappy:

Q: When will the slaughter begin?

Q: Will there be more raptors?

Will you invole his girl friend in some way shape or form. Oh btw get him a top hat and suit!

While I'm enjoying the story, I have to state my opinion: that this is far, far too early to break up the flow of the story with a non-story chapter. You have only 2k words, and you're stopping to wait for reader questions? Why not let them read the story, which would answer these questions?

Also, there's a reason the vast majority of authors here answer comments in the comments section, which leaving the story section for the story: it's so that people can read the story without having the flow broken.

I am enjoying the story; it's well constructed and has some potential. But this latest chapter is not story. If you need to wait a little while before posting the next part, for whatever reason, that's fine...but I'm hoping you continue soon.

3021886 I second this question

Q: When will the slaughter begin?

Q: I'm questing Darts gonna run into some problems with the ponies(specifically Fluttershy) when he starts craving meat?

3022277 Top hat and suit. Got it.

3022570 Dude, I'm a paleontologist. Raptors may have had feathers, but they couldn't fly or breathe fire. That'd be stupid. :rainbowhuh:

3022335 Well, I've written stories, but, this Q/A is special, because it's my first. Plus, I wanted people to ask what was going to happen, so I could brainstorm ideas.

3022491 No slaughtering of ponies.

1) Is this a rip off of this story?
2) Slow down the pace.
3) WTF Rainbow? Why are you so trusting of the raptor with big fucking teeth?
4) I can't really find this guy's personality...
5) Generic human-with-a-new-body-in-Equestria story
6) Gary-fucking-Stu name! You should have picked a more generic name. He could keep the nick-name, but his full name throws up some red flags.

3022951 Uhmmm...That's my name. The character in this story is based off of me, and my name is Dart. No, it is not connected with the chainsaw shark, or the Spinosaurus. Well, I usually work at my own pace, plus I only started this story a day ago, so I had to post two chapters because the people said it wasn't with MLP. Plus, his personality fits mine, and I have ADHD, so I get distracted sometimes when I write, or type, in this case, down.

3023058
Oh dear, sorry about that. :facehoof: It sounded like a made up name to me.

The first chapters seemed very similar to that other story. I wasn't referring to the animal specifically.

When I said pace, I meant the pace of the plot, not how fast you are writing. The finished product should flow nicely, with the reader walking from plot point to plot point, not sprinting. At the same time, if you put out a high quality chapter as fast as you can, readers would love you. If you doubled or tripled the number of words it takes to get to each plot point, your story might flow better.

Keep your character as a distinct entity, separate from you. It may be easier to write yourself into a story, but it may alienate your readers. If you really must use your own personality, take a few minutes to put yourself in your friend's/family's/enemy's shoes. What are you good at? What are you BAD at? Give it enough thought and you could end up with an amazing character. You're only 3k words in. You haven't doomed yourself yet.

If you feel your ADHD is distracting you, create a list of everything you want your character to do, another list for everything about your character, and a list for everything else you may need. This will help you organize your thoughts. Most of all, even if you get distracted, don't submit a chapter that you are not 110% happy with. If you must, come back later to work on it some more.


A piece of advice for you that's not directly related to this story: Every time someone criticizes you, take it as a dare to do better the next time. After all, why would I waste time pointing out the flaws of something that I think is hopeless?

Wait, your actually a paleontologist.

Buck yes!

You'll actually will know what the fuck your on about then. I myself have a fairly fairlyexpanded knowledge of pre historic beings (mostly dinos) my self so this should be pretty fun!:twilightsmile: please keep writing!:heart:

P.S. your raptor is the correct 3 ft high, feathered thief of Mongolia right?
Not the bull shot in the JP movies. Right? RIGHT?

3023422 It's alright, and I'll do better.

3023564 I was thinking it would be about the size of the ponies, because a Mongolian Velociraptor is three feet tall, and ponies are about four feet tall. I also know about mammal like reptiles, like a Gargonopsid. And the Velociraptor in the Jurassic Park was actually a cousin, they must've mixed that up.

Dart needs a gray-green mottled flannel vest with a high collar because those things are awesome.
Who says velociraptors can't look even more epic than they already do?


Also, random dinosaurs: Parasaurolophus and Compsognathus.

3023957 Para was a duck billed dinosaur, and Compy was one of the smaller three toed dinosaurs. Also, you're right about the vest, he needs it.

*reads description
Well.... this story sounds kind of familiar.

3024316 I actually read that story a while ago. Except Dart didn't do anything bad, like in Seriously? And the Spinosaurus one. He just randomly appears in Equestria, through a glass like portal. Like Primeval.

3024342
Lolz, I didn't mean anything bad in what I said or to imply that you were stealing from RainbowBob, but it was just something I thought I'd point out.

You know, maybe a velociraptor is what that story needs right now.... :rainbowderp:

LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

3022921 ahhh, well I'm still interested.

3024547 RainbowBob...Never heard of that. Maybe I should read it.

3024797 Glad to hear.

3025463
RainbowBob is an author on this site. He's the one who wrote Seriously?

3025811 Oh...That's cool.

Comment posted by mordecaitheguy deleted Aug 11th, 2013

3024316
I said the same thing.

3027182 UtahRaptors were taller than human by a foot, so they'd be bigger than ponies.

And then a Raptor barged into Sugarcube Corner, screaming "PIE! I WANT PIE!"

Everypony had a heart attack. The end.

3028732
And WHY wouldn't he go to sweet apple acres for the best apple pies in equestria? :ajbemused:

3028732 I was actually going to put he goes into Sugarcube Corner and scare the crap out of everyone.

3028763 That would actually make sense.

3028824
Velociraptor eating pies makes no sense at all though due to its carnivorous diet. :twilightsmile:

With Dart being a raptor now, it's only a matter of time before he craves meat:applejackconfused:, and I pray he's in the Everfree forest when he does:unsuresweetie:.

3028840 Meat pies do exist, but I doubt you'd be able to easily get them outside of areas inhabited by anything more than a minority of griffons.

3028763
Because strawberry pie > apple pie :pinkiehappy:

3029004
Bitch you don't even know bout mah apple pies.

3028840 How do you know? Maybe they ate pies. :trollestia:

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