first quite beautiful vine i like it

probably the worst thing so far is the grammar. everything else is pretty fine

Dam not first but nice story looking forward to more.

I'm reading this because its made by Vinetion. It's gotta be good.

It is.... excellent, just some grammer stuff you should fix early or you might lose the audience (talking about the picky grammer nerds)

Goooooooooo on im listening

great good fanfic vine  it is very detailed from what i can see serious

Great intro for your fic. You've got a lot of details and you're able to explain everything very well.

If I had one criticism, it would be that you should be careful of the infamous "wall of text". Yes, I know that's not what you have here, but you're dangerously close

But all in all, great start. I'll track and comment

-Glassed

original seems pretty good

ok so im agreeing with glassed. It is dangerously close to the wall of text stage I can see a few points were you can separate and give it structure. Also in some of the use of daughter it dosent flow off the tongue well. Theres some spelling and capitulation errors at the beginning of a sentence. Also grammar errors are present. These are small problems which are easy to fix it. The actual story I liked and I do see potential in where this is going so ill track it now and give my rating when future chapters come out. Have a nice day.

-Scully

Well all I can say is try to space it out some more, avoid those text walls.

Interesting story though, looking forward to seeing where it goes!

>>285820285820>>285830285830 hahahah you had post fails to lol

Yay Vine finally decided to write something and its good.

>>287188287188>>286026286026 wall of text re edited: is this better?

>>287658287658 yes it is

You are my daughter so i shall name you rosily" lol i missed this but ur I isnt caped as well as rosily sense its a name.

>>287658287658 Yes, yes it is.

Hmmm I'm intrigued. Looking pretty good. I can't wait to see where you go from here.

Verry great vine its verry lovely your first time and its great

i can't really see anything wrong with this besides the grammar other then that it was pretty good and i can't wait for the next update!!!!

Wow very we'll written...at least better than whatever I can write

Wonderfully done, especially taking into mind this is your first fanfic. I look forward to seeing more of this as this has certainly caught my attention.

I HAVE THE ALMIGHTY TUB OF EPIC FIRST ICE CREAM

first person done well in the part of the healing thing very detailed aswell even in first person

>>292156292156 Ice's cream tub......

Anyways some capitalization and minor revisions but you explained the first-person view well

Keep up the Good Work!

sunny rays? you didnt take that did you? im not saying you did, just wondering

awwwwww I feel like Im in titres with all these blocks lol. *now to actully read it. also I like the new pic

Oh1

You have caught my intrest!

Favorite!!!

hmmm this is better than mine than again I think mine are crap have a track

FIRST

now i have the wielding of first atleast once in ltd three of me and this hooray

Yay, JOLLY GOOD SHOW!

I'm suprised you took so long to do this I'm living every moment of it.

yay the blocks of death from tetris are gone good work

blackwing

>>299864299864 it didn't take me long, i just end going a few days without that feeling to write something. I wrote this in about 2 hours in the span of 4. i just had a day where i didnt feel like writing is all

>>299899299899 I'm still having one of those days.

>>299899299899 what a coincidence we update at nearly the same time

No problem vine just tell me when you need any help proof reading

You missed a couple thing like the l in living but that's all I found other than that good chapter

the author is always first

New chapter

i know what you mean about the last line

>>303719303719 gray is the color, grey means: old, wizened, ancient. No I am not old, I just like the name... just a shoutout to you

Cliffhanger meet my army army meet cliffhanger now ATTACK

:D

Still awesome as ever....

killjoys stream is on

I like how you pictured the birth of the world. It has a very deep druidic fondness to it and I like it.

On to the next chapter.

Where are you leading us into vine? Let's keep reading.