first quite beautiful vine i like it

probably the worst thing so far is the grammar. everything else is pretty fine

Dam not first but nice story looking forward to more.

I'm reading this because its made by Vinetion. It's gotta be good.

It is.... excellent, just some grammer stuff you should fix early or you might lose the audience (talking about the picky grammer nerds)

Goooooooooo on im listening

great good fanfic vine  it is very detailed from what i can see serious

Great intro for your fic. You've got a lot of details and you're able to explain everything very well.

If I had one criticism, it would be that you should be careful of the infamous "wall of text". Yes, I know that's not what you have here, but you're dangerously close

But all in all, great start. I'll track and comment

-Glassed

original seems pretty good

ok so im agreeing with glassed. It is dangerously close to the wall of text stage I can see a few points were you can separate and give it structure. Also in some of the use of daughter it dosent flow off the tongue well. Theres some spelling and capitulation errors at the beginning of a sentence. Also grammar errors are present. These are small problems which are easy to fix it. The actual story I liked and I do see potential in where this is going so ill track it now and give my rating when future chapters come out. Have a nice day.

-Scully

Well all I can say is try to space it out some more, avoid those text walls.

Interesting story though, looking forward to seeing where it goes!

>>285820285820>>285830285830 hahahah you had post fails to lol

Yay Vine finally decided to write something and its good.

>>287188287188>>286026286026 wall of text re edited: is this better?

>>287658287658 yes it is

You are my daughter so i shall name you rosily" lol i missed this but ur I isnt caped as well as rosily sense its a name.

>>287658287658 Yes, yes it is.

Hmmm I'm intrigued. Looking pretty good. I can't wait to see where you go from here.

Verry great vine its verry lovely your first time and its great

i can't really see anything wrong with this besides the grammar other then that it was pretty good and i can't wait for the next update!!!!

Wow very we'll written...at least better than whatever I can write

Wonderfully done, especially taking into mind this is your first fanfic. I look forward to seeing more of this as this has certainly caught my attention.

I HAVE THE ALMIGHTY TUB OF EPIC FIRST ICE CREAM

first person done well in the part of the healing thing very detailed aswell even in first person

>>292156292156 Ice's cream tub......

Anyways some capitalization and minor revisions but you explained the first-person view well

Keep up the Good Work!

sunny rays? you didnt take that did you? im not saying you did, just wondering

awwwwww I feel like Im in titres with all these blocks lol. *now to actully read it. also I like the new pic

Oh1

You have caught my intrest!

Favorite!!!

hmmm this is better than mine than again I think mine are crap have a track

FIRST

now i have the wielding of first atleast once in ltd three of me and this hooray

Yay, JOLLY GOOD SHOW!

I'm suprised you took so long to do this I'm living every moment of it.

yay the blocks of death from tetris are gone good work

blackwing

>>299864299864 it didn't take me long, i just end going a few days without that feeling to write something. I wrote this in about 2 hours in the span of 4. i just had a day where i didnt feel like writing is all

>>299899299899 I'm still having one of those days.

>>299899299899 what a coincidence we update at nearly the same time

No problem vine just tell me when you need any help proof reading

You missed a couple thing like the l in living but that's all I found other than that good chapter

the author is always first

New chapter

i know what you mean about the last line

>>303719303719 gray is the color, grey means: old, wizened, ancient. No I am not old, I just like the name... just a shoutout to you

Cliffhanger meet my army army meet cliffhanger now ATTACK

:D

Still awesome as ever....

killjoys stream is on

I like how you pictured the birth of the world. It has a very deep druidic fondness to it and I like it.

On to the next chapter.

Where are you leading us into vine? Let's keep reading.

That was amazing. I'm eagerly awaiting the next bit, but be sure to take your time. I know that rushing things doesn't make them any better.

>>299899299899

Could it be you are making the Graves pony a canon thing? If you are I take it as you like the contrasting idea.

Iron-Oak forest? I'll take that as a compliment why not XD.

>>304252304252 iron ill give you this. I am currently working my way towards the "modern time" aka the time of the mane six. and as such need to get some history out of the way. for instance

1) why there are only 2 alicorns left

2) discord's creation.

3) why the modern world doesn't work naturally

4) the creation of the elements of harmony (this'll be soon)

5) As far as working the grave ponies in they will be put in eventually once i work out how to get the Element tribes to fit in. This will occur somewhere near the end of the D.R. calendar (discord's reign)

Terramorphic blast .

Me gusta.

>>304373304373 when i wrote that scene okami played through my head a couple times XD

*finishes reading and nodes*

>>304335304335

OOH, shit is going to get real.

I hereby grant you my services as Creative Consultant. If you need a resume of my abilities, ask Kickass222urmom. i am positively sure he will give you some good words upon my work for him. To the pleasure of working for you Vinetion.

HUZZAH FIRST

Good job, vineton

war that is why you gave up for famine stoppable thirst stoppable so I say war is what made the goddess give up also awesome work head book worm and nerd of my town approves

Meh, third.

And HOLY SHIT YOU GAVE UP ON PONIES.

Love it, make more please.

(I mean, if that's ok with you...)

Great galbonzo beans im getting squished by the great blocks of text.

lol anyways this is a interesting story good job.

Scully

Second

And ya, those text blocks are a bit overwhelming, I lost my place at some points in the story.

Try to refrain from that if you can, but this explains why she (you?) gave up on the ponies.

Awesome chapter, love your story.

"I flew high into the sky until I could touch the stars themselves." Very mythological. I like it

"I called upon the spirits of the fallen to give me their strength..." Even more so

"...as I dive bombed the planet." ... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

-Glassed

You are improving in your writing miss Vinetion, btw also I love the story so far, if thou needs my help dont be afraid to ask

Hmmm I'm interested in learning more about the various races. Especially the catfolk.

hmm isn't gaia a hater of the greek gods and didn't her son kill her husband and then her grandchildren kill her son?!? I love mythology

beatiful reference to "Waking Nightmares" with the smooze.

keep on the good work

first

I love this story and how you use all the equestrian creatures giving them a role excellent job  

Tick is related to the Doctor Whoof?

Let me see...Flame Burst is my ancestor? I play the guitar and control fire ... just taking a wild guess

Great and Powerful Deity Twins are ancestors of Trixie

the twins definitely make me think trixie

magical twn people Trixie's ancestors I have no doubt about it

>>313402313402 Nope. :D ill give you a hint on that one. what purple pegasi do we know is a really good musician?

>>313408313408 ....Purple Blaze

>>313414313414 eeeexactly. i couldnt think of a good name so i asked him personally for one

>>313421313421 ....No.1 do i still get my muffin?

No.2 Can I get an ancestor?

>>313431313431 oh i have something special planned for both you and kickass. your's however won't be introduced until the Discord era

>>313450313450 that is fine with me, thank you oh great miss vinetion lutin *bows and exits room*

" YOU HEAR THAT KICKASS! WE'RE IN!"

" HAHA YEAH!" *BRO HOOF*

needs more diamond dog

Ok tick is dr hoofs ancestor

The one with the pink manes last name was cake no?

The diety twins I'm gonna say is NOT trixie but film and flam

That's all I got

Did this just explain how the earth and humans were created?

...I read that from the beginning, and I like it.

>>314002314002

yes

yes, but think farther down the line

and no

oooo i love random idiotic stuff.

ok now i just need to read what you did.

Mario Kart!

And I'm saddened that there wasn't an almost Heroes reference.

>>323013323013 almost heroes? i dont think i know of that

That was interesting...it was funny.

Go knifewrench

Omnius lol

I somehow understood everything.....

>>323018323018

One of Chris Farley's funniest movies ever.

Skip to about 4:07 for the scene that should've been used.

>>323433323433 if i get drunk again i'll see if i can remember to do that

oh omninous y you hear I realized knife wrench oh hello omninous also where did you get the pictures it looks like a manga or anime if so what is it

dafuq just happened is that really what happens when you geet drunk you start pulling random shit out of no where spawn pokemon and armor and thousands of wepons and build towers in matters of seconds(ifeel that i shouldve expceted more from you)

>>323928323928 this was a drunk god who helped create the planet and everything on it and a drunk traveller who can (and this is proven in his own story) who has been to, collected from, and can pull anything and i literally mean any bit of hit he has out of nowhere

>>313408313408

Peter kruzel?? But he's not s true equestrian. He human.

>>323943323943 this is what i think of your story ( P.S. you'r story is the sandwich.)

Image: http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTdrA6Ti2H5TGVk9QBBlXd_2hDEugvnYvaKz8LDGDrh9kLVm0uO

First Good chapter

>>327840327840 i agree

I liked the drunk battle chapter SPIRIT OF THE KNIFE-WRENCH I CALL YOU TO DO MY BIDDING

author s first this time. also Ian if you read this i'm ahead of you in chapters now :D