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Unholyheaven

Joined April 2013
40 followers

Stories (3)

  • KS Factions
    There are five factions in the sector, each with its own story to tell.

    46,077 words · 450 views · 15 likes · 0 dislikes
  • Born of Sin
    Stedson always wanted to breed an army of perfect soldiers. But what happens when he starts seeing them as something more than just killing machines?
    9,890 words · 515 views · 27 likes · 2 dislikes
  • She Comes When the Rain Falls.
    A troubled soldier, an angry ghost, and a past that won't stay buried.
    7,713 words · 388 views · 18 likes · 3 dislikes

Blog Posts (5)


Stedson Cog was an ambitious young geneticist who dreamed of breeding the army of tomorrow. But is it possible for this stallion to view his creations as more than just soldiers bred to fight and die? And if so, can there be a place in the world for children who were created from birth with the sole purpose of killing their fellow ponies?

This story takes place in the same universe as the Koprulu Sector, a starcraft MLP cross over.

Cover art by Rametep. Make sure to check out his gallery.

First Published
7th Aug 2013
Last Modified
30th Aug 2013

Comments ( 37 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 55w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

sorry for my ignorance but.. what's this crossover with?

Here's a upvote to make up for my foolish question

#2 · Chapter 1 · 55w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

This reminds me a whole lot of Inferno from the story behind Coheed and Cambria. He creates this whole breed of IRO-bots, and treats them like any other household machine, something that he could use until it was broken, without ever growing attached. Over the course of the story, his subplot has him start to care for the his "children", as he so lovingly calls them.

There's actually a spoken bit from one of the band's songs that is his last words to the IRO-bots, and I'll include it here, just because:

"There is no room for mistakes, my children, for, as I have been told, today is the day I die. I'm sorry I never played the part as your father as I should have, and, from the looks on your faces, it seems that's all you've ever asked of me. It is time for you to go into these worlds alone, with all of my love. I'm sorry, but I love you all so very much."


Alright, I'll shut up and favorite the story now.

#3 · Chapter 1 · 55w, 1d ago · · ·

>>3004064

Sorry about that. Updated the description.

#4 · Chapter 1 · 55w, 1d ago · · ·

>>3004312

what would be the suggested reading orders? Do I need to read korprulu sector up to the newest to avoid spoilers?

(and did fimfiction.net just went super slow? as in half-hour-for-a-page-to-load slooooooooooooooow)

edit:it's back to normal speed now

#5 · Chapter 1 · 55w, 1d ago · · ·

>>3004630

Good question.

Read this story anytime before chapter 39 of Koprulu Sector.

Read "She Comes when the Rain Falls" before chapter 20 of Koprulu Sector.

Lastly there is the story called "KS Factions." It's just a giant information dump as to the setting the story takes place in. Culture, governments, history, important characters throughout history, stuff like that. That can be read anytime. Read that if you want more information on the universe these stories take place in.

The order doesn't really matter to much though. Spoilers would be minor at best.

#6 · Chapter 1 · 55w, 18h ago · · ·

This is actually pretty good writing here Unholy. (Still need your grammar fixed though)

I'm guessing this is the beginning of the Reaper Program? Or I'm I too far back?

#7 · Chapter 2 · 55w, 5h ago · · ·

:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

#8 · Chapter 2 · 54w, 6d ago · · ·

Well, I did NOT expect that. Scoots has a lot of sisters it seems.

#9 · Chapter 2 · 54w, 6d ago · · ·

Nice story.:twilightsmile:

#10 · Chapter 3 · 54w, 6d ago · · ·

YES IT UPDATED!!!!

#11 · Chapter 3 · 54w, 6d ago · · ·

522, NOOOOOooooooooo:pinkiegasp::twilightoops::flutterrage:

Comment posted by Unholyheaven deleted at 2:49am on the 9th of August, 2013
#13 · Chapter 3 · 54w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

So, not only is Scootaloo herself a clone, she is an opposite-sex clone of a stillborn foal and was genetically engineered as a super soldier.

Increased aggression, eh?  Explains why so many of that clone ended up in the Icehouse.  And honestly if I wanted to breed soldiers for some tyrannical empire I'd emphasize obedience over aggression.

Did the Terrans in the source material use cloning?  Might explain how fifty six thousand colonists grew to billions in less than 300 years.

#14 · Chapter 3 · 54w, 6d ago · · ·

>>3014624

This is from Brian Kindregan, co-lead writer of StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty and lead writer of Heart of the Swarm.

Question: How did the Terrans enjoy such rapid population growth and colonization of the Koprulu sector when all they had to work with were four broken-down ships? According to the lore, four ships containing 40,000 humans crash-landed and established three colonies in 2259.The events of StarCraft 1 occur in ~2500.Yet it seems like the Confederacy/Dominion are full empires with many worlds and billions of residents. For instance, Tarsonis had at least two billion. No matter how I figure survival and reproduction rates, I just can't see how it makes sense.

Answer: This is an excellent question, and one that has been discussed internally for several years. I've always said that these were four crashed colony ships. So while much of their technology was lost, there were certainly means to ensure a foothold on a new, hostile planet – frozen embryos, frozen fertilized eggs, and certainly extensive cloning. There were also methods of boosting food production to support explosive population growth. Mmm, tasty nutrient paste! One tablespoon does you for the whole day!

Because this tech was harnessed by survivors who only had a fraction of their intended equipment, it was lost 50 or so years after planetfall. But that was enough to swell the starting figures quite a bit. Let's suppose those starting figures get us up to 400,000 within 30 years of crashing. (Ambitious, I know, but a civilization that can build massive interstellar ships could certainly create such tech.) We should assume that for the first five or six generations, there was enormous social pressure (if not legal) on all fertile adults to spawn as many offspring as possible. Families of ten or more children. By the third or so generation, infant mortality rates might have risen a bit as the old tech broke down, but they would have dropped again as the colonists rebuilt their technological infrastructure. Now the numbers start to make sense.

You would be right about that. There was a heavy cloning effort to establish a foothold in the sector. Much the same way the Imperial Dominion did with their population. Remember the Imperial Dominion still buys genetic material from any parents willing to sell. I'm fairly certain the only reason the Terrain Dominion didn't want to continue cloning was due to the adverse effect it had on psychic potential. But the Imperial Dominion could simply stick to cloning pegasi and earth ponies, while leaving their unicorn population pure.

Scootaloo has a very good dexterity in the story, and in the show. Remember, she took a backhand from a hydralisk that would have knocked anyone on their butts, or out cold, and instead just used the momentum to recover and counter attack the creature. Remember on the show when she spun around like 20 times and landed upside down on one hoof? That takes dexterity! Also keep in mind despite the fact she never had a day of training, she quickly became the best shot in the ice house. She also learned how to fly in her armor without jets rather quickly as well. Point is she has some latent talent. She just never discovered it because she had a "normal" life, while her sisters were trained for war from near birth.

As for obedience over aggression, that's what the Dominion already does with their resoc. Everyone under resoc is pretty much a drone. As its been said in the lore, resocs lose most of their unique skill set, and have next to zero individual initiative. They pretty much walk straight into enemy fire if you ask them too. Quote straight from the books.

"This is the new marine! Neural resocialization! Cookie-cutter soldiers! Press them out of the resoc tanks like so many gingerbread men, wind 'em up and send 'em off to die!"

"Well, ma'am, it's a lot quicker than the old way, that's for sure. That's progress."

"God save me from progress!"

- L. Z. Breanne and Jon Littlefield discussing neurally resocialized marine Ardo Melnikov

With their continued cloning effort, the Imperial Dominion always has enough bodies to resoc. The Iron Feather units don't work however because of their dad's genes. As you pointed out, they tend to end up in the Ice House for that reason.

Stedson wanted to try something new. Aggression and individual thought over obedience. He wanted soldiers trained to be soldiers from the ground up, not drones who just had their skills downloaded and do what they're told. But as stated in chapter one, a lot of people think that is a very bad idea in the long run.

#15 · Chapter 3 · 54w, 6d ago · · ·

First question - Is the name Stedson supposed to be a referance to Stetman, or is it just me seeing things?

I must admit, they teech them good in the von Rich house. That deal was way more on the downside in the long run.

Well, lookie here, who's gotta apologise to Jet Stream for certain titles.

For some reason, in a sick and twisted way I am liking this Happy guy. Actually I think I have a theory why that is so, given the fact that he is pretty much like Twilight. It's because he doesn't buck with characters I like. EURICA!

So...now we have 900+ (you have no idea how much I wanted to add another 0 to that) Scootaloos running around the sector?:trixieshiftleft:

And lastly, about 522's death...

#16 · Chapter 3 · 54w, 6d ago · · ·

>>3015976

- Same hair, same eyes... it might be. I didn't intend it to be, but it might be.

- Lot's of ponies seem to agree. Obedience over individuality if safer. Then again, they might have just seen one to many robot/clone rebellion movies like Happy said.

- I'm debating if Jet Stream is going to rub it in. That was quite the superiority complex Scootaloo showed after all.

- I made them different in a very big way. Happy just threatens the person directly in a no non-sense way. Let's face it, he crippled poor Stedson left wing on the first encounter.Twilight never actually threatens or harms the person she tries to manipulate. She just finds something they care about, and threatens to take that away instead.

- The first thousand was only the first batch. If Happy is pleased with the results, he'll expand into the thousands. Minor spoiler. They only drew a tiny sample from the original Scootaloo, then put him in cryo. There is lots more where that came from.

- Bulls eye! :scootangel: I almost made Stedson give her a name. But in the end I decided that would have made it seem like he was playing favorites. I figured by making her just a number, she would seem no more or less significant than the others. That way it would seem Stedson cared about the clones in general, instead of clones with special titles.

#17 · Chapter 3 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·

>>3016001 So there is a possibility that there are 9000+ Scootaloos in the sector? YES! Thank you so much for the oportunity! :pinkiehappy:

One last question though, regarding the Khalai. Ship wise they are okay, but ground force wise are they capable of this?

#18 · Chapter 3 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·

>>3016001  

I almost made Stedson give her a name. But in the end I decided that would have made it seem like he was playing favorites. I figured by making her just a number, she would seem no more or less significant than the others. That way it would seem Stedson cared about the clones in general, instead of clones with special titles.

Well, I kinda expected him to give them all names, like in Star Wars where the Legions of clones still had individual names.

#19 · Chapter 3 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·

>>3016036

This made me realize how little the Khalai forces have been in the story. We haven't even had some High Templar in there. Starsong's the closest thing to a High Templar I guess.

#20 · Chapter 3 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·

>>3016509 Actually not all of them did. Only special ones, like captains, generals, comanders and ect. But the main army was numbered. Regarding your other comment, I agree completely.

#21 · Chapter 4 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·

Boy, that escalated quickly. Twilight is becoming a bigger and bigger antagonist as all this goes along. And now Pinkie in all this too! :pinkiegasp:

And I keep imagining that Penny Pincher is Dr. Whooves. (Mainly from the color description) :facehoof:

#22 · Chapter 4 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·

>>3018675

Rametep has completed new artwork for the the main story. It's on chapter 13. Go check it out.

#23 · Chapter 4 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·

>>3018935

Yeah!

Purple blade? Interesting, very interesting.

#24 · Chapter 4 · 54w, 5d ago · · ·

Great, Pinkie Prophet has an army of sociopathic Scootaloos.

Comment posted by Rotorix deleted at 3:29am on the 18th of August, 2013
#26 · Chapter 4 · 54w, 4d ago · · ·

Ahh, sweet, SWEET violence! I approve! :pinkiecrazy:

Okay, this a bit of a confusing situation for me. I both love Pinkie because you know exactly why, but at the same time I sort of dislike her for being in aliagence with Twilight.

#27 · Chapter 4 · 54w, 3d ago · · ·

Well written, but far too disturbing for my taste.

Comment posted by Unholyheaven deleted at 6:34am on the 14th of August, 2013
#29 · Chapter 4 · 54w, 3d ago · · ·

Oh my... that was an interersting read

#30 · Chapter 4 · 54w, 3d ago · · ·

Sounds like Metal Gear Solid right from the description :)

#31 · Chapter 4 · 54w, 1d ago · · ·

oh. Dear lord! This is disturbing :pinkiesick: but still an excellent read

Comment posted by Unholyheaven deleted at 6:34am on the 14th of August, 2013
#33 · Chapter 4 · 54w, 22h ago · · ·

Well,the levels of creepiness and overall story of Stedson and the Iron Feather clones and how they came to be is intriguing though some further details on how Stedson's descent into controlled madness would have been nice.

So how many ponies are Twilight associated with ?

p.s:Penny Pincher,so cool and funny at the same time...Also, el cantador ?

#34 · Chapter 4 · 54w, 16h ago · · ·

>>3044519

Yeah I agree more detail would be nice. But this was suppose to be a quick one week project to avoid taking away from the main story. It happens in six year leaps, so there wasn't much room for going into to much detail on what happened between those leaps. As you can see in chapter 39 though, there is more detail into the Iron Feather on the main story. There will be more in later chapters as well. I'm hoping that helps to provide the details this short story couldn't get out. Though I don't like to say Stedson went crazy. Being forced to kill 522 just made him realize how effective of a tool that situation was.

Twilight has a few more associates who still need to enter the story. That last scene took place six years prior, back when she was still shooting up the ranks of DI. This is also right after Jet Stream was sent away because Happy sold her into slavery. On the upside, her upbringing outside of the Iron Feather program did help her to be a relatively happy and nice filly, and unlike her sisters, escape the conditioning to a degree. Though as you can see in the main story, the current situation is causing some of her cherished and tender childhood memories to resurface.

Good to see someone likes Penny Pincher. As Gaeagle said, he is based off Time Turner/Dr. Hooves, but I have no place for a time traveler in this universe. As for el contardor, Pinkie just thinks it sounds cool. Here is a line she'll use to describe him later. "This is Penny Pincher, he's el contador. I just gave him a title; that means he's either important, or he'll at least die in an interesting fashion." He's suppose to be the opposite of Cyril Figgis from Archer.

Anyway, next chapter will probably be out later tonight. How long it is? We'll see.

#35 · Chapter 4 · 53w, 6d ago · · ·

I'm not sure on allowing this into the Archive, it's a bit violent.  I haven't seen your other stories but there haven't been any complaints about them so I'll allow them all to stay in the Archive but if there are complaints later then I may have to remove them, just fair warning.  On a personal note, I honestly didn't think I'd like the story but I found it to be a good read.  I never got into Starcraft, (I think that's the crossover you were doing with these stories, if not then please correct me) but I am enjoying the story.

#36 · Chapter 4 · 53w, 6d ago · · ·

>>3051400

Fair enough. To be frank, I figured anything the mods allowed me to pass on as teen was safe for work. I figured after Happy bludgeoned Stedson half to death with a baseball bat and crippled his wing, everything else was alright.

Still, I'm glad you at least liked the story. Yes it is starcraft. I understand the source material isn't very popular on this site, but I've found most who give it a chance do come to like it

Out of curiosity, how do I make a story for the dark folder, without being NSFW? I know there is some disturbing stuff, but I wanted to show just how far peoples mind had fallen. I hope it didn't come across as me simply using the violence as a selling point. I wanted the point to be what happens when this man is forced to kill what he considers a daughter, and what happens to the rest of his daughters. I try not to let it break down into cupcakes. I simply let people know something violent is going to happen, then let them user their imagination.

But I really hope this didn't come across as a cheap cupcake, rainbow factory or sweet apple massacre rip off. Like I said, I'm not trying to sell violence. Yes due to the nature of the story, it will be there, but that's not really the point.

#37 · Chapter 4 · 53w, 6d ago · · ·

>>3051495

I have found some teen fics that aren't safe for work so I know it's possible.  As for making a safe for work dark fic, it's possible, this story may not be the best example but it's an example of being on the border.  Dark fics aren't necessarily gore filled or dark minded even, I wrote a dark fic that is completely safe for work, it just has to feel dark, sometimes people even consider it dark if the setting of the story takes place in a dark area.

This didn't come off as a cheap Rainbow Factory or Sweet Apple Massacre or Cupcakes. (which I actually haven't read Cupcakes...)  The selling point, at least for me, is the dark mind of Stedson.  I've actually seen the plot before, I don't remember from what though, but it's a good, interesting plot.  There is no such thing as an overused plot, only people who have seen a plot too often and have gotten tired of it.

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