Reset Password
Resend Verification Email
3
21
117
Joined October 2011
106
2,160
<
106
2,160
0
12233
37239
Groups
-
49w, 15hSad
-
64w, 4dOne-Shots
-
64w, 4dPonies in the Real World
-
8w, 6dApple Bloom
106
2,160
2,160 ( 2,160 )
More
Less
Comments ( 106 )
Post Comment
Refresh
Short and to the point. I liked the story. When I first glanced at its length and the POV I had some serious doubts. But I enjoyed the writing and - maybe this was just a psychological effect on my part - the perpetual emptiness throughout the writing. With a lack of any dialogue and minimal description of the actual surroundings, I feel you were able to capture the emotional aspect of the story better until the drop near the end.
But then again, in a story about sacrifice you'd think someone would die.
I'd support you with writing a longer version of this. We really need more depressing stories and human interactions around here. Sounds like Applebloom's had a tough time. Expanding on humans' selfishness and selflessness surely could make for a good ride of a fic. I think this has never been done before too, so there's something for being FIRST. 
Though I didn't shed I tear (I'm an evil, evil person 
), I'd call this mission success.
It was good, though. 
You did wonderful sir just wonderful.
I lved the idea, I loved the story and I got used to those sort of endings... but if you wanted to bring more tears, I suggest you add lines to the homeless person as he took care of AppleBloom and how he promised to protect her or something like that (honestly, I know this because I wrote a sad story without dialogue once)
Anyways I liked the story 5 stars ( well a thumbs up) a track.
It was a nice little story. However, I felt that there was not enough time to really build up to any real emotional impact. The idea behind the story was sad, but the execution, while well written, felt lacking. Personally I think the story would have had more impact if it was told from Apple Bloom's point of view. Even so it was still an enjoyable read.
I didn't exactly cry, but it was somewhat heart-warming.
I'm sorry, but I was barely affected by that at all. The ending, if anything, struck me as abrupt and a bit empty. Since you only knew the protagonist for about a thousand words, there's no emotional investment in him. In short, this could've been done a lot better.
Hey, the writer's craft is decent, at the very least.
Short and poignant, yet I must agree with a little more time and effort this could have been epically heart-wrenching. It begs so many questions, like how did applebloom get there? Does she talk? More background would have set the stage a little better, as the only emotional investment I had was for Applebloom, and that was only because she's an established character. Overall: pretty good, though it could have held a lot more emotional impact. Other than that, the writing itself was quite good.
It's good and i will admit i currently look somewhat like this 
... But the ending was rather abrupt, with a bit of tweaking it has potential to make anyone sad but at the moment it needs a bit more detail, i assume the hunger got him, but it doesn't give any clue how he died, and her reaction almost says that she's not mournful, only upset that she'll be alone. Maybe thats just me.
(Don't get me wrong i do like it!)
Wow. I would never expect it to end this sadly. I kind of saw that coming from when he removed his jacket, but I still didn't want to believe it'd end like this. Eh. That's how life goes, I suppose. But, if you have in mind to give it a more proper ending, like you've said, I'd be more than happy to read it. 
Interesting... When I first saw this I thought "My Little Dashie ripoff" I was wrong. It is really good, and yanked at my tear ducts a bit. Although upon having read My Little Dashie about ten times, few stories make me sad anymore, it also helps that my life is depressing as it is so what other people see as "sad" to me is just "meh." Anyway, good story, Applebloom is one of my favorites and I am glad she finally got some lovin' even if it is in the form of a sad story.
Manly tears? Cry some more guys. You have emotions so use more that 10% of them. I felt sad, dejected, and like somepony stole my mustache. Later did I realize Spike had it... 
Anyways, I'd love to see more like this, or even an expanded version of this. On an unrelated note, I have to take my mustache back from a baby dragon...
I have to say.... This story was too short to make me get a feel for the characters.
It felt more like stoic news report along the lines of a statement which said "this person died, now feel sad!", rather than a dynamic character with a personality in a story wwhich I could submerge into.
I think if you give this story another shot, by making it longer and describe the characters better (thoughts, mental state, action, appearance....) in more detail. If you can give this story more meat on its bone, it may become "golden"!
I felt this was more or less a meager story, lacking its ability to draw me in as a reader!
Image: http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/f728cbbb3b3db3addc76a33bf86001b8/65768%20-%20Lyra%20artist%3ALightbulb%20heartstrings%20manly_tears%20parody%20reaction_face.png
That was a beautiful little story until...Well damn 
I guess the point is, the homeless guy gave up what little comforts he had to make sure Applebloom stayed safe and got healthy.
For that, we salute you, random hobo.
Image: http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110929110409/nonsensopedia/images/4/41/Rainbow_dash_salute.png
The story was well done and would have been worth 4 stars in my book for the originality and the emotions it tried to touch upon. But I didn't really feel that sad at the end as I felt I should have, mainly because there is no dialogue or enough interaction between the characters to get emotionally invested. While short and sweet, right to the point stories are all fine and good, for this story however it felt robbed of its value because no one can really care about a character if you only read about for 3 minutes. It's like the red shirts from star trek, little to no emotional impact when they die. Also having none of the story told from Applebloom's perspective it's hard to see how much this homeless man meant to her. This felt more like a summary of a possibly very epic story.
good job none the less definitely a thumbs up
On a lighter note, we now need a story featuring Luna and this guy:
Image: http://wtfhub.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/homeless-guy-with-radio-voice.pngROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE ACTIVATE!
I kept expecting a "My Little Dashie" ending but instead Apple Bloom's life in the NYC gutters was extended by a month or two. Hopefully Twi and Celestia can retreive Apple Bloom before the cruel city or the merciless weather does her in.
At least Apple Bloom brought color, happiness, and a foster daughter to the hobo's life in a similar way that Dashie brought the same to her Daddy in "My Little Dashie".
This is probably one variant of Celestia's worst case scenarios she thought would happen to Dash in "My Little Dashie".
Sorry about all the comparisons to "My Little Dashie", but its the most prevalent related fic out there to this.
Apple Bloom is the new Rainbow Dash.
Image: http://t.qkme.me/3535mu.jpg
no tears shed, but i felt really sad... I liked this story! i would go for the gold, rewrite it, and yea make it that so no one dies. maybe have it so that celestia finally finds her and you are depressed in leaving her? Anyway i love this idea and you should totally dive much deeper into it
Anonymous comments currently disabled. Please register to make comments
Cancel
Send