All that I touch seems to break in my hands, then it just bursts into flames.
Home alone for the first time is a ritual of passage for the young. It's all fun and games for one filly ... until night falls. Are those creaks the sounds of the house settling in or the stalking steps of something searching sustenance?
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Fun little story I decided to write quickly. There's 3 more on the way but they are longer and taking time that I do not have. I hope you like this story but I think it will get lots of hate for using a certain character as the monster. Oh, Lucefudu, I totally ripped off her nickname from you. Please don't beat me.
Well ... she's dead.
You have one helluva view on fun, don't you?
~Skeeter The Lurker
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t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTL0b148yqwxy3A-iYE3FFTFAUoSRUvAX1warWAT3tL7_3ek8jmYw
But I don't WANT to get off JMJ's wild ride...
2980268
The best!
2980289 Hello Mr. Regidar! How are you, sir? Long time, no see!
2980376 I am fine thank you. And yes, it has been far too long since we've spoken ot each other. Many moons have passed...
Eeeeee.....
Is all I can say.
2980376
Well, don't ever stop with it, yeah?
~Skeeter The Lurker
One funny thing that occurred to me. I read the description and saw the character tag and went all "Oh boy, get ready for some gore." Then I kept reading... and reading... and reading... and I was all "Okay, so Pinkie is having good times, but I am sure there was a Dark tag over there somewhere. And this is jmj we're talking about; where's the twist?" and the story kept giving me a sense of... I don't know, strange foreboding. Nothing was happening except ponee having super good happy fun times, but I knew it was going to change.
Then, I reached the logical conclusion that since this mentioned the Cupcakes Killer and also had a Pinkie tag, the main character (whom I believed to be Pinkie) was going to reveal herself as the Cupcakes Killer, remembering everything as she goes down into the basement and finds the dead body of Jib Jab (who is a horrible friend and should be mauled to death, might I add).
But then, the story kept on going and in the end I was shown that the main character wasn't Pinks and also that Pinkie was phone all along!
I'm pretty sure this would be a Dysphoria spin-off/extra (I refuse to use the o-starting, japanese word), if you look at it. Possibly after, well... you-already-know-what-will-happen.
Quite enjoyable read, jmj. I'm eager to see the other three stories... even though two of them are already spoiled for me. Still, with your writing, I'm sure I'll still be able to get plenty of fun from them.
No, seriously, I'm currently having an affair with your descriptive language right now. Bitch still loves you and refuses to give in completely to me, though. Yes, I'm very jelly.
This was short and cute, just like all stories like this are supposed to be.
Clearly this is the story fillies tell each other.
2980648 Finally. 4 hours of driving with a screaming cat is finally over. I found out why she was screaming when I opened her cat carrier and she jumped out with 5 or 6 little brown nuggets rolling after her. She's never done that in her carrier before. So she got a bath, which she screamed about. To make things worse, our dog rode in the back seat with my wife in her car and guess what was in his little doggy seat? Yep! Bright orange streaks of digested food. So he got a bath too. I can't believe they did that though. Charisa, the cat, rode across the country and never pooped in her carrier. This wasn't really a long trip and yet there it was... anyway, enough about pets and poop.
I'm glad you liked it, sir. This was a pretty simple story and I put no thought into disguising or misdirecting the ending. Heck, I wouldn't even call it a twist. I think you overthought it.
And this might sound dumb, but I don't know what O word you are talking about.
Gore. Well, you know I usually don't go for extreme gore, but I may do something with it just to do it. THe poetry class I am taking is sort of pushing me to write concise stories with quick plots. Don't be surprised if I hammer one out tonight.
Pinkie was Phone.
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Thanks. I appreciate the view/comment. I'm not thrilled about the whopping 23 views, but it seems like the few who are reading it enjoy it.
When I started this, I was thinking nothing but things like, 'man, this ain't scary,' and 'just another cheesy Cupcakes ripoff.'
Then I got to the end.
My thought:
'Well, shit.'
Then I clicked the like and fav buttons.
I am now waiting for the other three.
2982593 Thank you for the fav/like/read/comment. I appreciate the time you invested in the story. I try to write good stories. I love Pinkamena/Cupcakes but so many are exactly what you thought this was going to be. There are also so many psychological ones that I think that style story is expected at this point. I have wanted to include Pinkamena in a story for a long time but couldn't find a way to do it and make it not suck. I thought this was a way to have her, however briefly, and not just beat the dead horse. At the moment, the only other Pinkamena is the non-cupcakes one in Pinkamenace II Society. I also helped very very very little on Lucefudu and Owlor's Dysphoria.
Well that was a nice read before bed, I enjoyed it, and three more on the way?
So the moral of the story is to always lock your doors and make sure they are always in good condition.
This story makes me love Pinkamena even more. I just like how it ended right there.
2982565 The O word I was referring to is omake, silly goose.
Fantastic!
2986698 OH! That word! Wait, yeah I've never heard it before.
2983711 Great. Thanks for reading.
2986956 Apologies for the crude, short reply, jmj. For a second there I thought I could write... turns out I can't and I became overly frustrated at it and now the story I was going to write will be nevermore.
Anywho, to reply to your former comment:
Hah! Haven't your dog&cat ever traveled by car? I'm sorry to laugh at your misfortune and at your pets' as well, but this is fucking gold, man.
You really didn't intend for me (and other readers) to be misdirected? Huh, interesting. By the looks of the comments, I wasn't the only one, so that's a plus, right?
I envy those who can write like you, man... no ass kissing intended, but you make it seem so easy. The story I was writing, for example, simply refused to be done with. Like... nothing I wrote seemed good, so I just said "bleh" and quit it. A few minutes of discussing it with Owlor and I get the idea to make a vector-like comic out of it (with only three panels; just to flesh the character out), but once more I grew increasingly frustrated with it and had to abandon it as well...
I think I'll stick with med school and my random headcanons... seems like the only thing I'm good at anyway.
That was highly enjoyable.
Meh, I'd at least try the cupcakes... I mean the oozing is clearly icing because they're just cinnamon roll cupcakes right, I mean those are brown an lumpy... and she clearly just doesn't like the overly sweet taste of icing. But really... I'd try those meaty cupcakes.
How did I manage to miss these two?! That's what i get, going on vacation and stuff...
Pretty freaky stuff you have going on here, I missed ya.
3092581 Thanks. I'm glad to see you again. I hope you had a good vacation. I will have a new story uploading today. Thanks for reading.
The twist, what ending? The gore is in your mind. Somehow you story only have the gore occurring after the narration ended thus turning the readers imagination against them
3093379 Whoa. This story, despite what I thought it would do, chilled me to the bone. The basement scene in particular froze my blood, as I'm sure we've all had that time where we turn off the lights downstairs and then sprint upstairs because we start seeing things that may or may not be there. I can easily imagine exactly what the little filly was feeling as she heard the steps coming up the stairs behind her.
Honestly, just writing this comment is sending ripples of ice through me. It's 2:30 in the morning and I can't see a thing. If Pinkamena were to pop up from behind my monitor I probably wouldn't even see her. Anyway, I was curious on a few things about this story:
How long had our "creative" pink mare been inside the building? Was she there the whole time? Because that would be scary as shit.
Also, what inspired you to write this? And is there more to come? I'd gobble it up...yes, as if I were eating cupcakes.
I have to end the comment here because just thinking about the story is literally freezing me in my bed. I hope I haven't displeased our mutual pink friend with this comment...
Anyway, excellent work, very effective at scaring the crap out of me...wait, how long has that window been open?
Seriously, guys, I didn't open that window...
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I'm glad it scared you. It's a pretty creepy story. I got the idea when I walked by a window and thought my reflection was a deer or bear outside the house. From there it just sort of worked its way into being what it is.
Yeah, she was there the whole time. She had escaped from the asylum and went back where she knew best. So, from the moment the filly gets home, she was downstairs.
Basements are usually kind of creepy and I like using them to provide atmosphere. I think I've used Applejack's basement in three stories now.
There will definitely be more stories but maybe not more of this specific one.
Thanks for reading and I greatly appreciate the comments.
3447031 Wow. So that WAS Pinkie on the stairs then?!
Great story really had me wanting to read more. I figured that was pinkie on the steps in the beginning but thew ending really iced it. But great work i look forward to reading more from you.
Man, that was chilling story! I loved it!
4034268 Thanks. I'm glad you liked it.
Well, it's not like I ever intended to sleep again anyways.
I told it to a buncha people on a stop it slender game (it was hard to tell it in nonpony form) but anyway the second I finished it like ten people disconnected. Pretty cool story to tell, and sorry for not adding it to my favorites when I found it a few months ago.
That ending is going to keep me up all night. it was so good you should make a sequel where her ghost form tries to save Jib from her it was soo scary although not as scary as the creepy pasta where a little girl is playing in her room up stairs when she hears her mother call for her. She goes down the steps towards the kitchen to see what she wants when she is pulled under the stair cupboard and her real mother says, "Don't go in there. I heard it too." it defiantly ranks as a close number two if not a dead tie. It was truly good.
4350656 Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Your handle is awesome by the way.
4385824 not trying to sound stupid but what do you mean handel?
4385889 The name you are using. It's good.
This is probably my favorite out of all your stories I've read so far (Friendship Never Dies runs a close second, though, in case you're wondering). The atmosphere and concept of the story is perfect for a horror story: A filly, alone at night in a big, dark, empty house while her parents are out at a social gathering, taking place in the dead of winter with a heavy snowfall occurring outside. That premise on its own is ripe for all kinds of psychological horror elements, and you manage to ramp those elements up to their fullest potential by adding in a scary urban legend which, in the end, turns out to not be so much of a legend at all. All in all, you wrote one hell of a chilling horror story here. Fantastic work.
4731926 Thank you. I appreciate that you read it and enjoyed it. This story was written because I greatly wanted to incorporate Pinkamena into something but I didn't know how to make her different than what others have done. So, I went with urban legend. The house the main character lived in really was Sugar Cube Corner at one point and Pinkie was just coming home. I kept thinking about how alone you really feel in the winter when the lights are out and the snow is burying you.
Creepy as usual and a very good take on a cupcakes style story.
4823317 Always wanted to make a Pinkamena/cupcakes story but could never figure out how to make it unique. This one isn't so much about Pinkamena, but I may have one in mind now.
EEEEeeeee oh, am I ever fangasming over this! Such a unique take, wonderful description, great building tension, and then that last line that hits like a punch to the nuts. You've earned a fave!
I swear I've read this story before but I can't remember..... I am 95% certain I have but this seems like a story I should remember.
I liked it. This is quite well-written, and with some nice description, especially that paragraph where the main character is looking through the spyhole. There was a part that felt a little bit like report-style writing, though, but it was brief. Those unsettling, scary moments were brought out well. And that part where she’s looking out through the window... wow.
I enjoyed this.
Look what i found
I wish it hadn't been Cupcakes, but this is still really good.
OMG Y DIDNT U LABEL THIS HORROR INSTEAD OF DARK!
U JUST GAVE ME NIGHTMARES
And then the torture begins:
Pinkie tickles her silly until help arrives.
Whoa. Now that ending sent a chill up my spine! Thank you!