Princess Twilight sparkle, the newest addition to the Canterlot royalty, finds her crown is not all she had hoped.
Will Twilight trust her friends, or will she stumble down a much darker path?
Chapters (1)
EverGlow
Joined 1st Aug, 2013 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Just a couple problems I noticed were: you tended to use was not or is not instead of wasn't or isn't which made a few sentences a little jarring, you missed an o in Scootaloo, and Duskweaver just seemed kinda bland and pointless to me. I'm always a fan of good evil Twilight fics though so thumbs up.
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You should get one of these when you do. 2980285
You might want to think about another title. There's a very popular (dead) Twilight-centric story with this same one. I'm afraid people might get confused. I know I did when I saw the title.
I want more of this. I hope you continue it at some point.
2981029 Oh I did not know. I just started FIM and I really haven't read a lot of fanfiction here. I'll keep it in mind
2980915 Thank you. I thought I had but I guess I didn't push the right button. Thank you for telling me
2983173
Your welcome. I find that it's a common mistake, for new authors especially since those who just read don't really need that button most of the time.
2978314 Thank you for the critique! I love hearing from others.
I often forget I can use contractions, because I am used to writing in a very formal setting. I'm working on it
I added Duskweaver because I wanted an outside source for Twilight's thoughts. I had a hard time believing that on her own twilight would dive into madness. She had already addressed that issue in Lesson Zero. Time and Time again Twilight has relied on her friends and on her own I think Twilight would have kept her faith in them.
Now this probably would have worked better if I had plotted the story out into a chapters setting were I could develop Duskweaver into an actual character. But in this setting I agree he is kinda bland shadow character
Honestly, the "Dark Magic book corrupts Twilight" plot is really cliche unless there's some kind of shtick to go along with it.