Jesus Comes to Ponyville to give the Mane Six his blessings.
I can complain about any number of things about this, but I won't, because this is fucking awesome.
...Is it wrong that I laughed all through this story?
I mean, of course it's an elaborate troll fic. However, it's quite a funny one at that.
I applaud this fic for the laughs I got out of it, xD
How long do you think it will take for this to get featured? Because I'm 1000% sure it will.
I can't tell if I'm incredible nervous, or TOTALLY STOKED to read this. Only one way to find out!
BILL! how you doing buddy! Love the new fan-fiction. Made me shed a manly tear!
Well...Jesus did curse...and...he does drink wine...and he's more than willing to hang out with people...
But this is...what is this?
(Coming from a Christian)
I want to kill you in the most violent way possible... then shake your hand. Well done?
Okay, after reading this, I still can't tell how I feel about it. I can say that I loved it, though!
this is made of jeesus juice also known as win
Pro:I laughed all the way through
Con: I feel like I need to go cleanse myself for laughing at my savior (Christian here, but lets not delve any deeper into religion here.)
This is the worst thing I've ever read. 5 stars.
Oh god, this is perfect.
Yep just how jesus really was before the bible edited him, freaking
omfg, what the hells is this. alright, im not going to be judgemental and give it a try like i did (and regretted) to Princess mollestia, sweet apple massacre,
CUPCAKES, Rainbow factory, twidye sparkle, and many other fanfics. *pokes with 10 feet pole and opens it*
Here goes nothing!
someone call Ratherhomely, we got the next contender for and MPPT3K
This right here.
I cracked up at the "Oh come at me all ye faithful!" line. Jesus was like, I got this bro.
Trollestia will not be pleased...
>>240775240775 Id pick Trolljesus over Trollestia anytime of the week
The adventures of Jesus. Ahhhh yeeeaaaah!
When I read the title I was thinking: "Who would actually have the balls to create this!?"
I then look to see who created it and it was Bill O'Reilly and I thought: "...GOD BUCKING DAMMIT! *flips a table in the process*"
Well played by the way.
You know.... I'm Roman Catholic... It seems offensive yes but,..... WHAT THE HECK I'LL LAUGH ANY WAY!!! 5 Ratings and my Like!! BA DA BOOM!!
Despite being a masterful horrible piece, it still deserves to be destroyed.
Oh hey Bill O'Reilly, great story you have here
GREATEST STORY IN THE HISTORY OF FOREVER. Thank...something...that you didn't take this seriously. This story had everything: Explosions, K5 Blazers, shoot outs, weed and grain alcohol. I wish i could give you five stars. I thought it would have been funny if Celestia or Luna has appeared and a drunken Jesus was hitting on them. Seriously this was a fun story especially if you're meh over the whole religion thing.
Jesus Christ, Superstar ridin' down the highway in a stolen car.
This could either be terrible (by being actually sincere or by being over the top sacrilegious) or awesome (I don't even know how). Reading anyway.
This is one of those so bad it's good things. Just like everything Bill O'Reilly says in real life.
Well, fuck me with a spoon and call me a sundae!
This story actually enabled me to understand to a degree what some of my readers meant when they say I destroyed their minds for a few hours. Luckily, I am immune to such mental beatings. I only wish I were more immune to atrocious grammar.
Also, Bill, are you still on for the Jock Strap Club in San Fran? It's gonna be off da hook, baaaaabe!
Fuck it you win the internet i love you.
You can't explain this.
A FIC THAT MAKES JESUS IN EQUESTRIA FUNNY!!!!!!
I thought this was gonna be christian propaganda.... but instead this actually is pretty damn enjoyable!!!
Characters not OOC (majorly), jokes work, Jesus is funny...
Yes sir, I like it.
I approve of this story!
Wow... Jesus is kind of a dick
As a Catholic, I laughed my ass off. Thanks for that, now pay for my medical bill to sew it back on. . That being said, This story RULES.
I don't even...
I mean, I'm a serious atheist, so I admittedly read this with the intent of flaming it to cinders. But...the sheer stupidity kinda stole my thunder.
Instead, I will whine about the errors in form, grammar, and general craft. Dialogue from different characters should be in a new paragraph, for obvious reasons. If they're not, it's confusing and difficult to read. Second, repeated use of passive voice. Bad. Third, a whole bunch of incorrect punctuation, which is too numerous to point out examples of.
After all that, I'm just going to come right out and say it: I don't get it. I just don't.
Bill o reily, wherever you are....... Thank you
This should be on equestria daily.
BEST FANFIC. I'VE SEEN SOME TROLLFICS IN MY DAY AND THIS IS A DAMN GOOD ONE.
Saw this and thought to myself, "Seems ligit"
>>240902240902 It's trollfiction, anything can happen. Trollfics just don't care about grammar and are meant to just confuse you.
That was interesting.
Not completely terrible, but not fully awesome either.
Jesus was just too OOC I guess.
wha... WHAT?!?!?! ... the only reason i'm reading this is because i wonder what celestia and luna's reactions will be like.
Someone told me to do an MST of this.
I'm not sure I can.
IT'S JUST SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL I DON'T EVEN
MFW I saw the author/title combination:
"summer evening’s like this" - evenings
"Will you Pony’s just relax" - ponies
"Replied applejack sounding a little more satisfied." - Applejack, sounding
"I just hope she’s ain’t anything like Gilda." - she
"He was dressed in a log white robe and wore wood sandals on his feet." - long (I also think wood should be wooden, but I'm not sure)
"On top of his hear he had a crown looking thing" - Did you mean hair or head?
"Well sucks it’s nice to meet you Mr. Jesus." - Sucks?
"Said rarity stepping forward." - Rarity as she stepped forward
"Likewise said Twilight introducing herself with a smile." - Y U NO HAVE QUOTATION MARKS
"Pinkie Pie was Bouncing up and down" - bouncing
"We have to through a party" - throw
"Damn straight were gonna party" - we're
"I found and awesome bar" - an
"I just hope Ponyville is a cooler place to party the Canterlot, They’re so stuck up there." - than, and you have a comma where a period should be
"replied rainbow picking up a glass" - Rainbow
"Were gonna get down tonight!" - We're
"“To friendship! They all happily shouted" - You missed a quotation mark
"As Jesus chugged almost the entire second bottle" - This is an incomplete sentence
"Ohh it tastes like liquorish!" - It's spelled liquorice or licorice (or say something about how they could hear Pinkie Pie spelling it differently )
"“Sorry I didn’t mean to- Hey don’t worry about it baby, after tonight you’re all going to love Rock and Roll as much as me!”" - You forgot to change speakers with quotation marks
"See guy’s I told you Jesus was awesome." - guys
"you can’t smoke in hear." - here
"The Ponies took the next round of shots" - ponies
"Humans certainly did posses some great technology" - did? Does that mean the humans are dead?
"a key with a red rabbits foot" - rabbit's
"Yelled pinkie sticking her head out" - Pinkie
"Ponies allover Ponyville watched in awe at the strange sight passed by them." - all over and as
"causing any passerby’s that were looking" - passersby
"Jesus pulled out his pack of Marlboro while driving" - Marlboros
This story annoys me, I'm not reading any more right now
...go read the bible...and Jesus never drank wine...
Wait... This is relevant to my interests. I must read it.
even though im cristian thats the best godamn thing i have ever read
This is an awesome fic! I saw the title and was like, "wtf???" but then i read the comments and decided i should read itand sure enough i laughed.
Wwwwwhhaat . . . is this?
... WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN
I look at this, right now, and go
I'll give it a try?
LOLOLOL! fix the grammer and spelling and try to put this on equestria daily! this is absolutely hilarious.
Oh fuck this is hilarious
...wait, what? I think my brain just imploded.
No words can describe how awesome and cool this was, so have this gif:
Fuck it! We'll do it live!
I knew it would be bad, but I didn't think it would be this bad.
That is not Jesus of Nazareth, that is an impostor you sick raisin cake.
THIS WAS FUCKING AWESOME! I always knew Jesus was a stoner.
...I just read a story about Jesus and some multicolored cartoon ponies going on a drunken bender.
And I enjoyed every minute of it.
...I need to go stare at myself in the mirror now.
Goddamn, I feel more of a blasphemer here then when I dunked a Bible in whiskey and drank from all the pages, saying that if I drank the words, I'd memorize them. Laughed my ass off anyway. Take my thumbs up.
SWEET MOTHER OF CHRIST!!!
I ALWAYS KNEW HE'S ALSO A BRONY!!!
at the part with the CMC i thought scootaloo was gonna get hit and jesus would say something like "oh crap, i think i just ran over a chicken."
>>240717240717 Agreed. That was AWESOME.
*eye twich* i just read it, i am going to murder you in the most violent way possible, i'm going to chop off all your fingers. then i'm going to cut off your hans, then i'm going to skin your arms, then i'm going to hack off your groin.
Speaking as an atheist....
I LOVED THIS. Best part was when Jesus got in the bar fight and said "Oh come at me all ye faithful!" BAD. ASS.
havnt even read the story, but have read all comments. time to get legit...
Equestria Daily would never accept this. Ever. Equestria Daily is against things like this because of its controversy and the amount of people that will ultimately become offended with it, such as I. Frankly, I'm offended that this is even on the featured tabs, but I know that featured stories are determined by the server an not the ponies in charge.
Despite the terrible grammar... I loved it.
Is it wrong to say I laughed my ass off?
... dat violence.
I appreciate a troll fic when I see it, and I do admit it was well done. As a Christian, I am slightly--no, very-- uncomfortable, but as a reader, the story is still decent.
>>241028241028 obvious trollfic is obvious. also, you can't say that jesus didnt drink wine. sure, it wasnt in the bible, but neither was any of jesus' fecal matter, and you cant tell me jesus never took a crap. cause he did, by celestia. what we DO know is that he turned water into wine, which means he didnt disapprove of drinking in general.
>>241119241119 in regards to your story, meh. not my cup of tea. not because of the jesus thing, but just the grammar annoyed me. yeah its a trollfic, but the grammar was more consistent with a poor writer than a troll or tara gillesbie. just bothered me is all. ah well, people love it. and thats all that really matters, eh?
What in the flying...
The term wine back then wasn't the same as now. Wine meant just grape juice. Also, I feel that the comparison between Jesus taking a dump never being mentioned to anything the would majorly contradict his own teachings like alcohol consumption to be irrelevant.
To help elaborate on that. It's one thing to make fun of Bill 'O Reily, but it's another to make fun of something that is seen as the icon of a sacred practice to millions of people around the world. Even if you don't believe in it, tolerance and respect to those who do is still the right way to go.
To quote Mr. O'Reilly "THAT FUCKING THING SUCKS!"
and I don't mean this story, this was the most epic thing of all time, I mean the fact that it has so many dislikes!
So, yeah, I'm a Christian so I was doubtful to say the least. I scrolled through the comments and saw it was a trollfic, so I thought I'd see if it was any good. My response within the first 4 paragraphs: lol wut?
I read a little further (cracking up the whole way, mind you), but I kinda lost interest in it. Not really my "cup of tea". Still, props for the laughter you caused. kthxbye!
I can't say I'm completely comfortable with Jesus doing drugs, but this was awesome and absolutey hilarious.
Yeah sure why not?
for the offended: you must not be very secure in your beliefs
this is a work of fiction
in case you forgot where you were
Okay...i know it's just a fan-fiction but i have to say this.....HOW DARE YOU MAKE OUR SAVIOR SWEAR
photofinish is not amused
...and it's people like this that make all Christians look bad. As a Christian I must say that I do find this -slightly- offensive. OBVIOUSLY Jesus would never do most of these things. But it's a joke, dude, and you gotta accept not everyone has the same views as you. and good sir, and you have murdered him in your heart... "‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment." Matthew 5:21-22. So unless you want to go to hell,I would suggest you APPOLOGISE.
...agreed. you get 1 scootaloo angel for your wisdom.
this is the best thing
Words can not express the amount of "WHY" my house was flooded with.
Funny, but it could have been better edited, and I could never buy into the idea of this crossover. 2/5
Jesus: What's the matter my child?
Derpy Hooves: It's my eyes sir... I can't really see...
Jesus: Here, let me help you with that.
*places his hand on Derpy's eyes*
Jesus: How about now?
Derpy: I can see now! And my eyes... they're straight!
All the other ponies:
Derpy: Thanks Jesus!
Jesus: It's all cool.
'Dammit, Fundamentalist! I didnt even know you guys would ever be bronies!' And that assumption is based upon...?
>>241386241386 There's satire and then there's just TRYING to be a dick. This is the latter. I am not Christian, and I personally do not take offense to this, but I can SEE WHY people would be offended by this. Like making fun of Christians is one thing, but you basically took their entire savior which is their entire religion essentially and made him to be a drunk, ill morale asshole.
The fact that we have Christians in this fanbase is a good thing. We've tried to be accepting to them, and respectful to each other. I have NEVER preached blind love and tolerance and if you read my other comments, you will find that I am one who is ALL FOR DISCRIMINATION WITHIN THE BRONY COMMUNITY WHEN IT IS WARRANTED, but this is UNWARRANTED. We have Christians here, which is a GOOD thing, because that means we are breaking them away from fundamentalism. Years ago they wouldn't even think about being a part of a community like this because of gender roles, and our extreme support of the LGBT community, but the fact that they are here means we are making progress. This story is essentially taking that progress and pissing on it.
Not to mention the story itself is CLEARLY a trollfic. The grammar is atrocious, and this author clearly doesn't know that when a new character is talking they get their own paragraph.
I'm all for saying we need to STOP BLIND LOVE AND TOLERANCE, but this is situation where someone has done NOTHING WRONG and you're just kicking them in the face.
okay so the people get offended
but the reason they get offended is dumb
that's just my opinion
>>241463241463 Normally I would agree when people do something "blasphemy"-like and someone gets pissed, I would agree they are being offended for no reason. However this is not like that.
This is basically walking up to someone's house who you don't even know, knock on their door and call them an asshole when they open the door. Being non-religious myself, I can STILL see why people would be offended. Step into someone else's shoes for a moment and think about it from their perspective. Believe me, I have gone after Christianity many times for stupidity, but essentially this is not one of those cases. No one came here and started preaching some bullshit, or forced their religion on anyone, this was someone just came in here and said "Christianity sucks!" for no reason. Can you see why they would be kind of offended? And most of them are actually showing only MINOR offense, which is mature of them.