I really like this story. Minus the shipping, it felt exactly like an episode. Very cute.

A few complaints...

1. The first scene had a bit too much describing. It just kind of dragged on. It's good to set up a scene, but eventually it becomes fluff.

2. "'What.' Dash stated more than asked."

A better way to say this would be: "'What?' Dash asked flatly."

3. "...magical flair..."

The correct word is flare.

4. The shipping felt out-of-place, and was really unneeded. It didn't do anything for the story.

Also...

"She looked like a filly on Hearth’s Warming day that got the bunny pajamas as a gift and was forced to try them on and wear it for the day."

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

>>256336256336

Hey thanks! It's good to finally get some constructive criticism from somepony.

This was a Feb write off entry, so it was a little rushed, but that's no excuse. I would really like to go back and spend more time on this and just might. I agree that the shipping was really out of place and now that I'm not on a deadline, I'd like to expand on the shipping aspect, make if feel more natural.

I'm a sucker for shipping

This was my favourite story from the whole competition. It felt like an episode, fitted perfectly into the whole MLP universe, and the shipping worked perfectly. I read a lot of romance stories, and too many of them are obvious and predictable. The best part about this story was that the shipping wasn't too overt - it didn't just end in the two of them confessing their feelings, Harry-Met-Sally style. Really great job!

>>298677298677

Hey thanks!

I really have to agree with you on the romance story comment. I love shipping fics to death, but they are starting to seem formulated and re-hashed. The biggest problem I see nowadays is one character just so happens to have feelings for the other. There's rarely a reason for it, that's why I tried to introduce the shipping in little bits at a time. </rant>