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How would Twilight Sparkle react if she found a human; the worst creature that had ever stepped on land? Will it end in disaster, or will Twilight accept this magic using human is actually a kind, creature loving person?
This a Crossover with HxH AKA: Hunter x Hunter. You'll get confused sometimes, but, I will explain all question in the fic and at the comments.
This fic has Lake's help. Thank you very much for your time.
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One of my favorites openings of the 2011 series, well, the 5 is epic, too.
Well I haven't read of the manga or anime... So I am really lost :P
Anyway
Title: The Journal of a Hunter
Grammar: 6
Pros:
You portrayed Pinkie well
You really set the scene
The first paragraph caught my attention
Cons:
You got a bit confused with tenses for example at one point wrote meet instead of met.
Maybe you should have described their falling through the portal (or tear in the fabric of the universe in doctor who terms XD) a bit more, what did it feel like... ect.
This is only a petty one but you sometimes use ellipses a little too much :3 (I do it too) if someone stops midsentence or gets cut off try and write it like this: "Oh, I thought -" or whatever, but it does work sometimes to show hesitation or pauses...
Notes: It was really interesting but I cant judge due to lack of knowledge. I may check out the anime then come back!
Um, you've already reviewed me so just check out another one of my stories that you haven't read if you want, I guess
2965994
I have a good profreader. I only need a good editor. I'll catch one later-if they don't catch me first, but I have a really bad luck-
About the ellipses: Almaz abuses it with his heart. And thanks for the correction.
You should watch the manga or anime-if you don't like crude reality uncensored, watch the 2011 anime, but I DO recommend the manga more than the aniem-
Tomorrow at the afternoon or evening I'll update the next chapter for the ones who are interested
2966550 Ah okay, that makes more sense!
I shall add this to my read later list and come back to it when I've watched the anime or read the manga... I'm in the middle of reading Death Note at the moment, so it may take a while!
Uff, sorry for being late. Anyway. Like I promise, next chapter will have good fights and a lot of fun. Any constructive commentary is well received. And poor Almaz, he can't say no to Fluttershy
2990591
Shit happens. But hey, someday it'll have some constructive criticism, someday
2968293
You are a dalek... your name lies
Also, death note is awesome, What episode you on?
3016389
(?)
Death Note is awesome, I've to admit that. It's better watch the manga than the anime for only one reason. Anyway. A fic about HxH and we're talking about Death Note... my life is so predictable and unlucky
Probably I'll post the next chap today. I had a lot of work, thanks to the college
But if I've, today we'll have some good moments and fight
This is like how his Asura looks like
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110601200155/megamitensei/images/0/0b/Asura.JPG
I have to say this is interesting but confusing. I am having a hard time following the battle. You need to add more framework to the story to make it understandable. I do hope to see more chapter to the story. You need to work on your mane people and give them a better background, so the readers can understand whit is happening in the story.
3033198
Yeah, I will add more framework. Making the battle more undestable and legible
In the next chapter I will talk about the background of the each character. And of course more about the plot. Thank you very much for your advice, it help a lot. If you do not understand something, help me fixing it while I explain, of course if you want.
2990644
Here's a quick bit of constructive criticism: You desperately need a proof-reader, because that you consistently spell "disease" as "decease" is worrying to say the least. The story has potential, but clumsy grammar structure and rampant spelling mistakes is not exactly positive to make the story's strong points shine.