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Far off to the west of Equestria lay The Eternal Lands, an immense expanse of desert that holds at its heart a precious jewel: the city of Gallopfree, sprung up around a peculiar bit of water known as the Well of Eternity.
Prodded by a little whimsical intuition, Princess Luna finds herself walking those winding streets of her ancient past, and holding conference with the enigmatic Steward of the Well...
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Last line kind of ruins it for me.
"Hey, it's okay, you get a second chance, the future will be better. Also, your sister dies."
2957893 Who says she dies? Something will happen to her in the future (probably; the future is in motion, and nothing's guaranteed until stories release), something that Luna will probably rather not like, but it's certainly not something so cut and dried as just that.
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It's where the mind immediately goes, though. Oh well.
The Eternal City, home to a lost god who dwells outside the cosmic balance?
Suddenly I wonder who Equestria's Eternal Champion might be...
Looking forward to the next installment. That last line is a well-done cliffhanger, after all.
Are we going to see more expansion on Eternals and their structure? Seems like Luna and Celestia are organized under the Steward, but there are others like the Steward and perhaps even higher powers?
Brilliant tie-in with 'Destiny' there at the beginning, though now I'm struggling to figure out how the two are connected.
2958029 Huh, interesting; I've not partaken of such books. Granted the idea of the mystical city beyond time isn't exactly new. The Steward of Eternity, however, is not a god; though all of that will be more properly covered later.
2958165 Oh yes. Twilight is going to get her chat, after all, and that means infodump!
To be perfectly honest, I found it a bit dull. Still the same high quality I expect from you, but not my cup of tea.
I must admit that some of the dialogue... I don't know... in danger of becoming faux profound. Writing good profound is profoundly hard, basically by definition. But towards the end it started working. "No, Selene. We break so that we can put ourselves back together better." That. That hit home.
I wonder where you're going with this, and if there is a big, multi-parter on the horizon? Immortal Game scope? I'm rubbing my hands in anticipation.
The Well of Eternity?
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111120091323/wowwiki/images/e/ea/Well_of_Eternity_Screen.png
Ha, I just kid.
2958351 ...Maaaaaaybe. >.> <.<;;
2958376 It's not so different, actually. But there won't be any Burning Legion or other such extradimensional horrors climbing out of the Well in Gallopfree--the Steward exists to prevent just such things.
And I had just gotten my hopes up, too...
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Yeah, this reads a lot like typical prologue (especially those in the epic fantasy genres). Namely it explains very little and promises a lot. Maybe we're going to get a cycle of stories like Skywriter's Cadence of Cloudsdale cycle?
Luna is not the only one with the potential to fall ... and if Solara flaunted divine law to protect her sister, who is to say Selene would not do the same?
Actually, Selene probably wouldn't - it doesn't seem to be in her character. But Luna would.
That last line is both thrilling and scary... Thrilling cause it's a good indicator that more is coming. Scary cause it means that Celestia is gonna fall, or something of the like. Interesting story.
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I guess I want to see this as a prologue, because I want to see what happens next and where it goes. I mean, Sunnchaser called it the beginning of the "Sunnchaser Canon", but what could that mean?
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It starts (in publishing order) with "How to Remove a Unicorn Tooth" and is split into several stories, each being a window into Skywriter's version of Cadence. Chronologically, the stories are being published out of order and often with big time skips in-between them. I suppose if you like lost chapters you could check them out.
Phew, finally got to finish this after starting it a few days ago!
Overall, I enjoyed it a lot, and it's gotten me very interested in your headcanon. I really liked the flashback to when Luna and Celestia were much younger; I especially enjoyed seeing how Celestia was quite different from her current, older self. The fact that the personalities of both sisters were different, as well as their names, gave me a good sense of just how old and unique the two are, and how much they've been through. They have a past that neither Twilight nor anyone else (canon wise) has any idea about, and it elevates them in their mystery and grandeur. It shows that their positions and long life have had a great affect on them.
I liked the Steward of the Well, too. He wasn't boring at all, as he could have been, and I like his interactions with Luna. At times he even came across as Jesus-like, with how I know him; how he comforted Luna, didn't judge her but accepted her, assured her of her worth (in general and to himself) and promised to never forsake her. I think though that the greatest attraction of this story for me was, of course, Luna. She was well rounded, and we got lots of emotion from her (always very important for me in a fic). Even though it centered mostly around an old topic, it didn't feel cliché. And I liked the idea that she--along with Celestia--is really more of a child on the inside than an adult. It certainly makes sense for her. I expected Celestia to be portrayed as an old tired out mare, like she usually is, but the fact you also portrayed her inner self as a child has me very interested in seeing it come out.
I hated that little foreshadowing at the end about Celestia--please! Don't kill her! I hate it when she dies. Though hopefully, you have something more original in mind, if only so I don't have to see her die. Though...there are fates worse than death
I feel I should admit the beginning didn't interest me too much; it's very hard to give out some straight up originally made stuff and get people interested or invested in it when writing fanfiction, I feel--at least, right off the bat, and especially when it's about locations. I mean, Gallopfree is a really cool name (and I mean that), as well as a very interesting and neat idea. It's different (it's in the desert) and I like it. I guess it's just that, while it was cool, I had no reason right at the beginning to care much about it. That, and it was a little confusing too; I kept thinking it was an ancient but deserted city, preserved through time by magic even though it was empty. It wasn't until you mentioned the fact it had inhabitants that I got the right picture. Overall, I didn't get interested until the flashback, and from that point the story held me.
The strange thing is, I can (now) tell that you were trying to give me a hook with Luna and her actions in the beginning: that for some unknown reason she had flown here, to a place she hadn't been since before she became nightmare moon. That certainly sounds interesting, especially with the "before she turned nightmare" bit, since it hints at dealing with Luna's character and past, but for some reason it didn't really work as a hook for me. I don't know why. It was a mystery, yes, but it didn't start grabbing me until I got to see her and Celestia in the flashback. Perhaps it's because that's when I could see the place definitely had a connection with her character--or rather, with a personality that had now changed, and getting to see what the sisters were like in the past is always very interesting, and so that's when the story began to grab me.
I think my lack of initial interest is also because despite how much description there was about how unique and interesting and mysterious Gallopfree was, it was missing the human element. That is, I think places are made more interesting (and we learn more about them) when we see how its people act and live, their behavior or interaction. A place is, I think, in large part defined by the people living there--what kind of people they are. And when we don't get any of that, it's just a location, and feels kinda dry and isn't too interesting. I could be wrong of course. I don't mean to keep going on about this, it's just that I don't want to point out a part of your story that didn't really work for me, and then leave you without any reason as to why. That's no help.
But overall, I really enjoyed exploring Luna's character and your own interpretation/version of her past. Since you're apparently planning the same sort of thing with Twilight and Celestia too, I equally look forward to getting to explore them as well, along with the Steward. Especially Celestia. Always Celestia
So yeah, good job man, and keep it up! I want more! I demand it!
Interesting backstory for the Princesses. That final line makes me a tad apprehensive, but only so much as to make me want to find out what happens.
That... is the first time a Fan-Fiction has actually made my heart ache. That last Line... That last line secured this stories place my my favourite Fan-Fiction ever! Above things like Past Sins, Little Wonders and Friends have benefits. DRAMATIC READING INCOMING! (Not sure my ability's can do this justice)
I was trying to put a voice to the Steward in my head. Then, suddenly...
That did it.
I just ran across this on my travels about the 'ternets, and thought of conversations.
jasminestarblog.com/images/content/Kintsukuroi-photo.jpg
That Last Line :) Also, nice world building :)
So, is there a sequel coming?
Also, I'm kind of confused about the 'alternate universe' tag. Nothing in it is directly contradicted by canon.
But still, the story was awesome.
Impressive piece. I do hope this becomes something more. That last line set my jimmies to rustling, and they will not be silenced.
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hey, i know its an old post but i just came across it and wanted to say thanks for showing me kintsokuroi. it really does add beauty.
Oh. Oh wow.
This is an amazing piece; off with it to the high upper range of my favourites.
Powerful writing, close to perfect in its technical aspects and its narrative flow.
Well, I'm a sucker for this kind of historical accounts and reflections set in vivid world building, but still.
Thanks for writing this.
I wonder why so many people take the last line as meaning Celestia is going to die. I thought it was fairly obvious that she's going to have a "setting" herself. <.<
Anyway, I find it odd that you invoke the name of Gallifrey here, and I'm very eh about the Nightmare thing, but this is a fantastic "fixing Luna" story, and the prose is marvelous. :D
This is... perfect. It's been a while since I've read anything on this site I can call perfect. I can't remember the last time.
My only thing is that I don't feel good about is the Steward's "comforting" idea that Luna should be proud of who long she held out before failing. That ideology is only comforting now because it claims Luna wasn't responsible for her actions, so it gives her an excuse to ignore her guilt, which isn't healthy, at least not for mortals like you or me. He's saying that her failure was completely inevitable and unavoidable once the "setting" process got started, and I don't really feel comfortable seeing that presented as sagely wisdom from such an ancient, respected character.
I'm not counting it as a flaw of the story, though, since for worldbuilding purposes, "Setting" could very well be inevitable for Eternals, either for inscrutable cosmic reasons or simply as a result of living so long. It's a very interesting idea. Actually, this whole story is full of interesting ideas. The unique setting for the backstory gave it a much different flavor than the decidedly European style most authors give ancient Equestria. It felt much more ancient because of that, so I can actually believe we're talking about thousands of years, time that brings worldwide change, not just a certain historical measurement in a timeless, unchanging fantasy land.
What do you mean, "So sorry about Celestia?!" I don't like that at all.
aww man thats omnious. Celestia for a thousand years
I come back to re-read this almost four years after the first time - and it's still just as amazing. This story has aged incredibly well and keeps its place in my top favourites of all time.
So powerful. And many more moments like this scattered throughout your tale.
While idea is interesting and writing is profound, I feel that it is degraded into a rush of pure sympathy in the end, and that is not how things or people are changed. The Steward is so obvious author stand-in, it's painful.
Still, there is much to be inspired by.