• Member Since 8th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 20 hours ago

Serina


Sipping iced coffee, penning pony tales, and spreading love—embracing the sweetness of existence, one adventure at a time! (CLOSED) Kofi! Commissions!

T
Source

During the Great War, Celestia banished Nightmare Moon to the moon for a thousand years. Though Celestia predicted this would stop the uprisings of Nightmare's supporters, they continued. Action had to be taken for the well being of all the ponies, for harmony to be restored in Equestria.
The Dream Realm is supposed to be sacred. A new law was put in place after the Great War to make sure of this. My sister, she was first to break this law and has payed the ultimate price.

Inspired by music

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 8 )

Damn. That was impressive.

Nicely done, dude.

~Skeeter The Lurker

2940652
Thanks! Do you think putting one of the tags as Dark was okay? I wasn't sure if it was really dark or not... :twilightblush:

2941154

It works, actually.

~Skeeter The Lurker

The ideas in this were really good and fascinating, but overall I think the execution came off as a little bit rushed. There was so much good potential emotion in this you could have drawn out: Luna being angry that Celestia was keeping something from her, Celestia's anguish between telling her sister that she was dying and wanting to save her from the pain of her dark legacy. Hell, even after the reveal you have Luna's guilt, you have her shock upon realizing what was done and what that meant for Celestia. These are great emotional places for the journey of this story, but ultimately they felt rushed and glossed over.

Try to think about what the characters feel about your situation and think about what's important and what you want to the reader to remember about the story. I'm sure with a little thought, there's a lot of excellent stories on the way from you.:raritywink:

Ha, do I sense a little motivation brought on by the s4 demo reel? :pinkiehappy: I agree with Lady Grey as the story's plot was rushed, but you made it fit well. Good job! I really like this idea a lot!

“I was transported to The Dream Realm
where I killed your lieutenants.”

Luna shook. “How c-could you kill them? It was just a dream...”

Celestia turned to her sister. “No it’s not. Luna, if you die in The Dream Realm you die in real life.

LOL just realized Celestia is Freddy Kruger.

Luna nodded. “Of course, see you tomorrow.” Luna shut the door quietly and smiled as she trotted down the hallway. Her pupils dilated for a short second before breaking out into uncontrollable laughter.

Nightmare Moon?

Login or register to comment