As I've made some Major edits to the fic, I've decided to turn this post into a collection of Author's Notes (The original story had a lot of Author's Notes) and I'll use it to store the Changelog so you can see what was changed between versions.
That being said, this post is one big spoiler, so if you haven't already... read the fic, It will be in the post under this one entitled Adored: Redux
...
off with you...
Anyway, on with the Notes.
A one-shot I've worked on for the past week. It's been really fun to just sit down and type out whatever comes into my head and inventing the plot as I think of it. This has been, pretty much, a stream of consciousness thing. Instead of focusing too much on the background, I've put more emphasis on the characters, the interactions and trying to build Trixie as the most obnoxious thing on the planet and working character development into that.
Hope I've succeeded.
As I said above, This wasn't planned, none of it was something that I thought, "oh, that would be good in a fic" it was all just made as I got to that part.
The whole Luna travelling thing? I only realised I could twist into a Season 2 Episode 4 foreshadow after the fact. I suppose it explains her absence throughout Season 1 and the beginning of Season 2 *shrugs*
The orange unicorn at the beginning, you can look at it in two ways, it was a pony being controlled by the spirit of Discord. Or you could see it as Discord himself, but only a fraction of his power, a weak avatar that he managed to create because of the weakening of the Elements link to Celestia and Luna, this being one of his first acts of chaos. Pity that the only change he made was one for the good.
Trixie was slowly becoming nicer throughout the fic. At the start she was an arrogant ass, then by the time she got to Luna's room, she was nice enough to allow Twilight to rest with her. You could argue Twilight's apology (thus burgeoning Friendship. It's MAGIC!) it sped up the spells process because her natural instincts were to be nice, plus that bed was really comfortable... like, better than a cloud comfortable. Even Discord'd Rarity would share that bad boy.
Her usual "Trixie" traits slowly fade away with time, her speech is more happy, respectful and she stops referring to herself in the third person. Eventually she differentiates the two personas to help the disassociation process and accept her new self.
In Twilight's case, at the start, she loves Trixie because the spell dictates it, as it fades (and as Trixie gets nicer) she becomes friends with Trixie and then the real relationship begins because Twilight is acting on her own feelings instead of the ones dictated by the spell. Which had long since faded at this point.
Friendship > Discord. Proven by Science
Overall, the theme is Friendship can overcome any challenge thrown at you (obvious S1E2 NMM fight reference is obvious)
Friendship and Love people. All that lovely mushy stuff.
Those are the original Notes for the fic. Some of the stuff in there isn't really applicable any more because of small changes to the plot which will be described in the Changelog. I'll keep them here though, for posterity.
CHANGELOG
-Rewriting quite a lot of sentences
-Fixing grammar
-Actually showing instead of telling
-Reworking the comedy so it isn't random and is more situational humour
-Adding humanity (equinity?) to Luna's character so she isn't just a throwaway character (see note on random comedy)
-Adding an entirely new scene between the restaurant scene and the garden scene. In the original, the friendship evolved too fast so this scene will add a better development across time.
-Reworked the dialogue and reactions so Trixie isn't so aware of her feelings until much later and that Twilight's feelings are made somewhat obvious and Trixie is reacting somewhat oddly towards them.
-Added scene after the garden scene but before the Canterlot freak out scene. The previous version moved WAY too fast, this added scene delivers some much needed slow down and foreshadowing of Trixie's thought towards the sudden change in the spell's effect and her thoughts towards Twilight.
- Reworking the Canterlot freak out scene to stretch it out, make it more tense/actiony. Give it more impact towards the next section of the plot. (Hoo Doggie! Things got a little intense with this section, I did something a little different from what I planned [what's new?] Instead of just adding the extra scene and connecting the two together by writing up to it and letting it lead off, I completely rewrote the "Trixie rains righteous thunder upon her enemies" section and made it flow a lot better and make it more tense and more actiony and more awesome and more dramatic [ I hope D: ]
-Reworked the Infirmary scene to make Trixie feel more guilty.
-Reworked the plot so Trixie is getting nicer by her own power and not because the spells says she is (It's better that way I think)
-Made it so Trixie shows some/more remorse/guilt for her actions.
-Added a scene where Trixie is shown having consequences for her freak-out and the resulting damage caused. Shows she doesn't get off scot-free.
As you can see in there, I took a lot of the criticism and worked it into the story, adding scenes to stretch out periods where I believe things moved to fast and making it a more interesting reading experience overall.
Hopefully I achieved that.
Is that it then? I would love to see more of this.
I was a bit hesitant to read this story, due to its word count (and yet I write well over 10k words per chapter in my story), but I still enjoyed this fic.
I'll be looking forward to later installments :D
That's nice, but I kinda displeased. If I understand correctly, Trixie is under influence of spell too, and when it'll break she'll be her old self, meaning she can't change without magic. It's not a very comforting thought. And I kinda missed her Great and Powerful public persona, such self-confidence is great, she only needs to stop belittling others and her attitude would be awesome.
I really hope to see second part, and more of Awesome Trixie.
9587
You're forgetting the power of FRIENDSHIP! It's in capitals and has an exclamation mark because it's that powerful.
I'd imagine by the end of the fic, Trixie's pretty much free of her own part of the spell. She's nice, not because the spell dictates it, but because she wants to be. In the same way that Twilight loves Trixie, not because the spell dictates it, but because she wants to be. The spell still exists, it's just Trixie's job to break it one pony at a time. She's using the awesome power of FRIENDSHIP! to help herself.
Obviously I'm not saying that, with this fic, IF Trixie returns in Season 2 (I hope to the Gods of Olympus she does) she'll be this lovely, silver-coated, Luna-maned mare who lives at Twilight's house and gets freaky with her every night. (Even though she obviously does...) I like to play around with Fanon and most importantly, Alternate Universes. Obviously this is a "What If?" along the lines of "What if Trixie ended up turning nice?" She has a massive price to pay for her happiness, but because of her new found FRIENDSHIP! she can pull through.
I could write more. A lot of the stuff I've been writing nowadays (In different fandoms) is getting dangerously close to mature, (I've been kinda obsessed with "Romance" lately, Romance obviously being air-quoted because it mostly involved skirting dangerously close to "And then they had sex...") But I make it clear that, Yes... They had sex, just not in actual words. If I wrote more of this, I could see it turning that way and I'd rather not get into "The Back Room" style love scenes, not that I'm knocking the author, I thought the Lyra/Bon Bon scene was written excellently, it's just I don't think I've become comfortable enough to go that far yet. I'd probably want to start writing humans in that way first... If I ever do.
lovely fic, i would also love to see more and wouldnt mind it being more mature or anything.
I love to think that Trixie isnt just some asshole to proud to see shes acting like a idiot, but redemption route is great too and you made a great fic here
I can also imagine Trixie and or Twilight Singing this song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o&ob=av3e
9657
xD Gotta love the Lonely Island. I can only imagine Twilight and Trixie's first time would be incredibly awkward. It's like an image I saw on Ponybooru, where Caramel is asking Twilight whether they can have sex yet, but she's like "Nope, Gotta make sure I do this by the book."
I got bored, found a Twixie image and booted up GIMP, have a crappy recolour :D
I had half an hour to spare, why not?
I saw that too and totally thought its fitting
Hopefully I'll be able to edit this soon. I'm waiting to see if a source will provide specific criticism for it.
It seems you'll be getting more of this after all. Yay for you I guess.
Luna is gonna be SO ANGRY at Trixie!
Or at least thats how I see it all playing out. haha
I still felt doubt during the second half of this story due to the fact of the spell wearing off. I actually didn't believe it ^^; Even though Trixie had changed up to this point, I felt she needed consequences for invading the castle and taking ownership of Princess Luna's room. Sure she was nice, but I don't think that's enough for everyone to be okay with her actions. *sighs* On the other hand i'm a complete sucker for Twixie and the fact Twilight was still with her even after the spell wore off. Trixie didn't have to do much else after confessing her actions to Twilight. She just smiled like "Yeah, I'm okay with it." Perhaps I'm taking this story as too lighthearted. I really did like the story and would read it again sometime. Still, I can't get rid of this itch that tells me, Trixie didn't get a good enough come-up-ence in the end. Anyways that's just my two cents. If there's ever a sequel, I'd read it in a heartbeat.
15754
You raise some brilliant points. As I've said in an earlier comment, I got a lot of good criticism which gave me a good idea of where I should take the fic to make it better. I'm definitely going to rework the second half of the fic to cover more of the problems and make it flow better.
As for the whole, "Trixie needs to be punished for invading the castle" thing, well... all she really did was ask for lodgings, she didn't do much beyond that. Luna was out of town so her room wouldn't see any use otherwise, so I believe Celestia would be nice enough to let that one slide because she's such a nice pony. I have taken a lot of these kinds of criticism to heart though, so when I finally get around to reworking the fic (Which I should think is soon, now that I've gotten the urge to do it) I'll try and make this a lot better. If you do get the urge to read it again, at least wait until I update it, (I'll post it as a new chapter so you should be notified if you're tracking the story I might edit the original to contain all of the notes I've made to keep the story clean)
A sequel may be on the cards if I can think of a plot beyond, "Twilight takes Trixie to properly tour Ponyville and meet her friends, avoiding suspicion along the way." But hey, I've written things with less idea of what to do.
yeah when you buy something from a merchant then they disapear, mean's don't use what you buyed but it might turn ok at the end if you use it
Wow, you reworked it. Nice. Good to see that Trixie is nicer here on her own, not because of spell.
Ah, I see, so you basically redid everything...for that, you have my full admiration and respect. This explains a lot...probably should've looked at this first before I looked at the story itself, hehe. Anyway, very great job!
Cool stuff, thanks for using my pic as a cover for your fanfic :) I shall read it!!!
Kind of a necro, but any story you enjoy should be worth a comment so here goes
15766
Well, there are a few ways you could take it.
Return to cannon. Have Trixie defeat the curse by absorbing it, filling her with hate for everything that lives, leading her towards the magic dual episode.
Romance blooms; add a dose of "sap" and follow the blooming friendship with Trixie.
This could go horribly well, or horribly bad. Making Trixie become attached to Twilight. Like unhealthy obsession "you're the only one who cares."
This story may be beyond returning from the grave, but I enjoyed it, ao here's 1 vote for a sequel.