A whole week without training is probably the best thing that has ever happened to Soarin.. If only he could find a way to make it last.
Chapters (5)
Swagg
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Not bad, good for a start.
Though some things could use fixing
You use the second person in one instance (saying 'you' in descriptive text), try not to do this.
like you would alcohol
like one would with alcohol
(also added 'with' since that helps it sound better)
In some parts of dialogue, the first word isn't capitalized, this is a big no no. Take a look around and fix it.
A few parts of dialogue aren't punctuated properly. Since you're describing what a character does after their dialogue, there shouldn't be a period afterwards. Oh, and the next word after the quote doesn't need to be capitalized in these instances.
up.” The
up,” the
night.” She
night," she
out.” He
out," he
“Well. I just...” There was that hesitance again. What was wrong with this pony?! “- You know that filly, Rainbow Dash?” Oh... THAT’S what’s wrong.
Try restructuring this so you don't have Soarin's dialogue and Spitfire's thoughts mixed in (assuming those are Spitfire's thoughts)
A few instances of your main text seem that they can be better used as a character's thoughts. Though this can easily be overlooked, it's still something to consider.
Now just minor grammar aspects
knock and cranny
nook and cranny
he party
the party
Soarin’
sometimes his name is spelled this way, and other times it's spelled Soarin, this should be changed.
Spitfire was their first ever female captain, thus the one who called all the shots.
The second part of the sentence is already implied, so it can be removed and still make sense. Especially when considering the sentence after it.
lent
leaned
‘excuse’
you don't need those quotes right there
it... He
it, he
Other than those things, this looks good, guess I'll have to wait and see how this story develops.
iamwatchingthisthread.jpg
or story... nevermind
But it's an interesting thread
Story dammit!
I spend way too much on 4chan
9373
awesome
9330
Wow, thanks for the input! These kinds of comments are really helpful to me so thank you, and I’ll get right on those changes
sssgood keep it up
:D Yay~ this is going to be good *gets popcorn*
This is turning out really interesting, can't wait to read more. Can't help but feel like there was a little Cinderella ponyfied influence at the end though. 'I found the girl of my dreams at the gala but she disappeared, leaving an article of clothing behind. Now I shall go on a search for this wonderful maiden!'
GO SOARIN'!!
9919
lol, funny. I just had someone else say that to me not ten seconds ago xD
interesting
aw man I can't wait until the next chapter
Nice to know that this is going to be a large story, but,
waiting >.< but its worth it XD
Wow! great fic so far! it feels and looks like a Episode! and I think that's great! I prefer those kind of fics
Nice Story .. would be happy if there are some new Chapters coming soon!
you good sir/lady you desirv a 6 star realy good opening for the story
maake iiit biiggeeerrr
Hope you manage to get rid of you life problems , because I can't wait to see more chapters!
♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
love it! keep it up!
whne is nxt part? or were
23675 heh, yeah the next part is taking me a while due to RL prob's, But ill be sure to get it up as soo an I can!
You must write more. This is quite enjoyable.
Update soon please.
And, make it longer too, if it's not too much of a bother..
I have to agree with the last two comments. You have a very intresting way to write your fics, Please continue your awesome work (fic)
You okay? I need more of this story!
36003>>36168>>38859
Sorry about the wait guys, having a lot of computer problems lately. It should be up and running by thursday- but I don't know when the actuall fic will be done. Stressful weddings are stressful.
Good fic
Good things come to use that wait for your fic.
So far, so good!
I'd like to read more!
hope to come back to write more......wil it take a month fror a new ep?
41470 Nah, just a couple of weeks until the weddings over, then summer holidays start and I can write till the world ends!
X) Great story
9330 umm thats a lot of words
Confound you fanfic authors for writing such good stories. I shouldn't be spending so much time on these ponies, but I have to now that you've written this amazing piece of art.
...
Lay the pie be with you...
"Stuffy was so trustworthy, he might as well have had the word "trustworthy" tattooed onto his forehead."
Well, that might be a bit over the top... you might want to show it moreso than just telling the reader "this is how it is."
"fun-loving and cocky Wonderbolt had defiantly brought"
>definitely
"after spending the whole day keeping an eye out for rouge storm clouds and filling out boring reports"
>I think you mean "rogue"
The last sentence is also missing a period.
Keep up the good work, my friend.
"What if she BELIVES him?!"
>believes
"flew above the light rain clouds like they were sheilds"
>shields
"whopping out in joy and relishing"
>whooping?
"recidnize him and react likt the last three crazy towns did (he can dream, right?)"
>recognize... like
I hope your troubles go smoothly.
41549 heheh- uhh, sorry?
But I'm glad you liked it anyways 
I believe you meant "spun" instead of "span."
"It's not your fult" Think ya meant "fault"
Those are the only errors I noticed, great job so far! I'm especially liking Soarin's personality.
Hahahaha flight of stairs.
♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
No one caught where he misspelled Rainbow Dash as Rinbow Dash?
For shame.
9458 Your Avatar is both Hilarious and Awesome. It's just....Well, Epic Win.
i really loving this. Not many people write Dash X Soarin so when i find stories like this im overjoyed. Great job
41574
Exactly what I was gonna post. Anyways, I'll be patient AGAIN for this story.
-_-
44280 Aww, you're all so damn awesome for sticking this out with me! ^^ I'm leaving for this darned wedding tomorrow, so i'm trying to get as much done on all of my stories as I can tonight.
I GO!
Anyway, nice job Shibillioh, this Pinkie is proud to be your friend, have fun at your sister's wedding and get as drunk as you can!!!!
Even if your dress would make Rarity faint...
Bye from someone you tottally don't know,
like at all. 
PS, Waffles...
You need an editor, I'm offering.
41719
Haha! Puns galore!
Also, muffins...FredFredBurger! Yes!