The Zecorax

If Derpy tells a story in a burned down forest and nopony's there to hear it does she get a muffin?

Spanish translation: https://www.deviantart.com/spaniard-kiwi/art/El-zecorax-999961051

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Comments ( 10 )

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Dezmo

Dezmo #1 · Feb 21st, 2012 · · ·

Beautiful, I love the rhyme scene. Your plot was outstanding. You took a side character and turned her into something more with her own lesson of, not friendship, but a lesson of life. Little do you know I can relate to this tale, one to many ways in fact. So not only have you written a fabulous story, but you have also re-taught me about never thinking it's to late to be something better.

There is one thing confusing me, who is Ditzy talking to? And is Zecora dead?

other than that, amazing story, Bravo and encore!

Aeleos

Aeleos #2 · Feb 21st, 2012 · 1 · ·

I liked this!

Critique:
Derpy in the story seems not too bright, but often uses large words and poetic verbiage. Her dialogue seems a little incongruous.
What does the title mean? (could be my fault for not understanding)
Also, "spangly" (according to every source online) means: "covered with spangles," or literally "glittering."
Oh, and why did Filthy speak in rhyme?

Anyways, this story is great; especially for the criteria. I liked the poetic aspect; even some of your prose was metric.

Errant Cog

Errant Cog #3 · Feb 21st, 2012 · · ·

243708
Regarding Derpy's use of large words, as a wise man once said, "The ability to speak does not make you intelligent."

As for the title and rhyme, I was about halfway through the story before I got it myself . . . "The Zecorax" is a combination of "Zecora" and "The Lorax". This is a sort of combination crossover and homage to the Dr. Seuss book, which would explain why virtually everyone was speaking in rhyme, including about a fourth of Derpy's narration itself.

NorsePony

NorsePony #4 · Feb 27th, 2012 · · ·

243708 Regarding the use of "spangly," it's metaphorical, just like the "star-studded grin" which immediately follows it. It means their smiles are perfect and glittering.

On to the story. This is amazing. Not only is the concept brilliant, but the execution keeps up with it. The ending was so potent, I had chills. I hope tracking these stories works correctly, because I want to read everything else you've written.

Aeleos

Aeleos #5 · Mar 7th, 2012 · · ·

266281 I understand his intention, but nothing I could find indicated that that was a correct usage of the world. But, poetic license, I guess.

243908
As I (I mean, a wise man) once said, "Saying 'a wise man once said' something does not mean anything." Nah, just kidding. Although Voltaire made a pretty good point about quotations.
Personally, I have found almost no examples of dichotomy between a person's articulacy and intellect (save for politicians, perhaps. But their oration is brought about by years of training.) In addition, Derpy speaks philosophically often.
However, upon rereading, the narration was less jarring than I had thought. It still reads a bit incongruously, though, in my opinion.

And thank you for the info. I never read the Lorax, and the dialogue did strike me as particularly Suess-like.

Although the Dr. did not use half-rhymes!

Mally

Mally #6 · Jul 11th, 2012 · · ·

296441

You're right. He just used non-words to make full-rhymes. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Derpy_Hooves_lolface.png

jack_fraust

jack_fraust #7 · Jul 27th, 2012 · · ·

Thumbs up

Midnight herald

Midnight herald #8 · Aug 15th, 2012 · · ·

296441 If I may add my piece, 'star-studded' and 'spangly' remind me of a star spangled flag and cut-throat capitalism (Go America), justifying the otherwise potentially confusing wordchoice.

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