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  • T Mission: Implausible

    Octavia and Vinyl Scratch: Musicians and secret agents.
    31,111 words · 9,554 views  ·  664  ·  7
  • T You Only Live Twice

    Secret agents Vinyl and Octavia reunite to tackle a threat to Canterlot.
    36,476 words · 3,254 views  ·  332  ·  2
  • E Trains, Carriages and Airships

    What should be a simple overnight ride turns into a three day trip from hell.
    28,168 words · 12,462 views  ·  549  ·  8
  • T Maybe

    Some ponies never change. Prince Blueblood is one of them.
    7,812 words · 3,031 views  ·  281  ·  3
  • E The Final Quest of Star Swirl the Bearded

    The last journey of an unusual wizard and the role he played in the founding of Equestria.
    64,492 words · 3,178 views  ·  194  ·  2
  • E Rest Stop

    At a rest stop on her way to Appleloosa, Twilight Sparkle has a rare moment to reflect...
    5,836 words · 10,691 views  ·  225  ·  3
  • T When the Curtain Falls

    An incident in a Manehattan theater quickly draws secret agents Vinyl Scratch and Octavia into a hunt for a strange killer.
    36,535 words · 2,240 views  ·  254  ·  4
  • T The West Is Not Enough

    Secret agents Vinyl Scratch and Octavia find themselves locked in an epic struggle against a ruthless group of outlaws in the wild west.
    29,047 words · 2,430 views  ·  313  ·  6

Blog Posts188

  • 1w, 2d
    Well, that was fun

    So now that things have calmed down a bit and the dust has settled, let’s talk about what just happened here.

    I’ve been teasing the idea of doing some sort of second-person HiE clop trollfic for a while now, and it’s mainly because of the Suffer series. After reading so much clop on the feature box, grumbling over its tired clichés and tropes, and idly wondering what gets into the box and why, the allure of trying it for myself became irresistible. Just for a moment, I would cast aside any pretenses of quality or respectability and shamelessly embody “The Player” that I had spoken of.

    I mean, come on. If I’m gonna keep talking about this stuff, I might as well try it for myself, right? Plus there was just the fun of poking fun at all these easily mockable tropes. Good times!

    When I posted the fic, there were three things I was hoping for:

    1) Get on the feature box. Check. (Though this was mainly so that I could…)

    2) ”Suffer” my own story. Check. (This was the most important one to me. When all is said and done, I have a feeling that the crowning achievement of the Suffer series will have been the excuse to utter the phrase “The Feature Box Suffers John Perry.”)

    3) And finally: Force RainbowBob to suffer my story. Ch– Oh. Hmm.

    Well, two out of three ain’t bad! There were also a couple of things to come out of this story that I hadn’t expected, but that I loved: one was finding out that Sethisto had read it, and the other was seeing this fic get more downvotes than the rest of my stories combined.

    Actually, let’s talk about those downvotes for a moment. I have literally never seen a worse upvote/downvote ratio in the feature box than my fic. I’ve been told 1 to 1 has happened in the past, and I believe it, but the worse I had personally witnessed was in the ballpark of 2 to 1 (2 upvotes to 1 downvote). When my fic was in the box, it was around 1.8 to 1. (As of writing, it’s dropped down to around 1.4 to 1.)

    And I love it. While it doesn’t exactly speak well to the mechanisms of the feature box that such a poorly received fic managed to remain in the box, I can’t help but take heart in the fact that so many people saw this premise and immediately went “NO.” Which isn’t to say that everyone who downvoted it did so without reading it; there were plenty of people who went in expecting clop and were disappointed to be reading a trollfic, or who were put off by the overt crudeness of the fic (fair enough; it definitely isn’t for everyone). But there were undoubtedly a lot of people who downvoted on sight, probably without realizing what this thing was.

    And to be fair, it looks like a clopfic from the cover. Most people on FIMFiction wouldn’t recognize my name, and if you don’t know any of my other work (namely the Suffer series) there’s probably no way you could have known that it was meant in jest.

    So kudos to those who tried their darndest to keep this blatant piece of feature bait off the feature box. But I think what we’ve learned is that downvoting en masse is a terrible way to try to keep something off the box. It might be more effective to just ignore it and hope it falls off the box due to lack of “heat”.

    So now that that’s over with, I return to my normal suffering of the feature box. I’ve had my fun, and now I’m at least one step closer to understanding the strange mistress that is the feature box.

    A big thank you to all you guys for indulging me in my insanity. Kudos all around!

    12 comments · 279 views
  • 1w, 4d
    The Feature Box Suffers John Perry

    12 comments · 339 views
  • 1w, 4d
    SEX! ...And now that I have your attention: SEX!!!

    You know, after you read enough clop in the feature box, re-reading the same tropes and even what feel like the exact same lines over and over again, at some point you start thinking, "Well, shit. I could do this."

    So, uh... I did it.

    Okay, strictly speaking, it's a clopfic parody, but make no mistake: there's clop. And if you're not feeling too squeamish, I would be most appreciative if you could drop whatever you're doing, right this second, and read/like it. If you like, you can think of it as one of my Suffer reviews of a clopfic... but much longer and in the form of a story.

    Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present my single greatest piece of feature bait...

    Rainbow Dash Gets You Laid

    (Link goes to my recent stories page, since this might be too hot to link directly to in a blog!)

    In other news, in case you haven't already seen it, the Royal Canterlot Library did an "Ask Us Anything" post to celebrate the group's first anniversary, and we got a lot of great questions. Some of them are specific to the RCL, although there were some questions addressed more to the individual curators, so if you want to see more ramblings from me, along with noted reviewers Chris, Present Perfect, and horizon, go check that out.

    But you know, after you read the clopfic, obviously.

    8 comments · 227 views
  • ...

This story is a sequel to Legion of Gloom

The Legion of Gloom has returned, this time aligning themselves with a new, shadowy villain as they prepare to use the power of the Elements of Harmony against the Mane Six. But our heroes find aid in six mysterious ponies who seem to have all the answers...

Note: this story is a sequel to Legion of Gloom, so read that first if you haven't already, otherwise nothing in this story will make any sense.

First Published
3rd Oct 2011
Last Modified
10th Oct 2011

Rocky & crew are related to the Weeping Angels?  OH SH-:twilightoops:

For the record, I absolutely hate your writing. How much do I hate it? Well...


And by that, I mean that I find myself entertained by your bizarre, inane, and somewhat disturbing writing. Please post more!

♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

I feel like this would also have made for some appropriate music.

Ah, Murry Gold is truly an amazing artist.

>>9658  Oooh, that would have been good too...but then again, it wasn't the song that played during the Doctor's "there's one thing you never put in a trap" speech, so I just went for the default song here...:twilightblush:

This is awesome beyond awesome.:pinkiehappy:

Although Trixie X Blueblood makes me about as nauseous as it makes sense; that is to say quite a lot.:pinkiesick:

Well played with defusing last chapter's dose of Nightmare Fuel.

And it'll be interesting to see the details of what the Doctor has in mind...

John Cleese would be proud. *sniff*

Also: :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:



>>9660 No, no, I see what you did there. Definitely got the reference; it was very appropriate. I just really, really like "Words Win Wars."

#13 · 158w, 1d ago · · · Nearing the End ·

Tom's a villain too?:rainbowhuh:  Why didn't I see this coming?

#14 · 158w, 1d ago · · · Nearing the End ·

one of the weirdest things I have read but it was fantastic

#15 · 158w, 7h ago · · · Nearing the End ·

Pfft. Please. One look at Rarity and he'll be a brokenhearted wreck.

This story was a fantastic romp through metafiction. Well done, sir!

#16 · 157w, 2d ago · · · Nearing the End ·

I think you're the craziest bastard pony to ever live.


#17 · 156w, 2d ago · · · Nearing the End ·

This is the most meta meta to ever have meta'd.

That kinda made my brain hurt...Doctor Whooves is beyond weird; too bad we don't see more of him. Derpy is beyond cute, and I already have a suspicious of who that mysterious figure was during Trixie's meeting. Once more, all the silly jokes and puns flowed perfectly together without them swamping the story, and the whole general perspective of the...storyline...was both different and amusing. Can't wait to see the next part.

#19 · 155w, 4d ago · · · Meet the Fanons ·

The there goes my brain again with all its hurting. I really must commend you for your illogical-yet-brilliant sense of telling a story within a story. It's actually quite genius. I still don't like Trixie being with Blueblood, and DJ PON-3's real name is actually Vinyl Scratch and I know her better that way, but altogether, this is really amusing and entertaining. One of the funniest comedy "stories" I've ever seen!

This seriously reminds me of "Star Ocean: Til The End Of Time", one of my favorite video games. If you don't know it, you should look it up; seriously reminds me of this story. Um, as for the chapter...once again, pretty impressive. Normally, I get annoyed when a human or the author is put into a story, since it seems like a buzz-kill...but, wow, you seriously know how to make everything work just peachy! So hilariously brilliant and cunning, from start to finish, as always.

Gag me...on the Trixie and Blueblood part. But, yeah, I have to agree with Doctor Whooves...if that's even who that was! I'm so confused at this point that I really don't know left from right...I blame Derpy. And, I couldn't listen to that YouTube clip...blame my dial-up connection. This was...once more very interesting and funny, even if it still confused me to no end.

#22 · 155w, 4d ago · · · Nearing the End ·

Tom? Seriously? Well...that is brilliant. End of story. But, as for the end of THIS story...can't say I didn't see it coming...even though I don't exactly see WHAT happened, besides more confusion. I really have no freaking idea WHAT went on during this comedy of yours, so...I'll just say this: I love Trixie and Twilight. There, the end.

#23 · 153w, 3d ago · · · Nearing the End ·

What a delightfully jumbled mess of meta-fiction.

Pinkie's Frienemies are Ponified Weeping Angels?

:pinkiegasp: Did not see this coming...:twilightoops:

#25 · 148w, 4d ago · · · Nearing the End ·

Epic story! Is this in TV Tropes' Fan Fic Recommednations! If not, I better put it in ASAP!

#26 · 147w, 1d ago · · · Nearing the End ·





#27 · 145w, 5d ago · · · Nearing the End ·

THAT. WAS.  EPIC.:rainbowlaugh:

also, it appears i am the 666 viewer.:pinkiegasp:

The Legion of Gloom's mysterious figure is The Master. I'm calling it now.

#29 · 134w, 2d ago · · · Meet the Fanons ·

:pinkiegasp: The fourth wall has been shattered to the point where it has been reinforced with steel. :yay: :rainbowlaugh:

The Doctor kinda has a point. What no DisQord?

#32 · 134w, 2d ago · · · Nearing the End ·

>>70448 It is as is the sequel.

10 bucks says its Discord.

>>443496 20 say it's the Master pony

Trotwood, eh?...

#35 · 127w, 3d ago · · · Nearing the End ·


I forgot that I wrote that...

You read ahead didn't you?!

HAX!! YOU USED HAX!!!:flutterrage:

#36 · 127w, 2d ago · · · Meet the Fanons ·

Oh, how arrogant. You actually jumped into your own story?

Self-indulgence... Nice choice of words. Oh well, the story was actually satisfactory, I guess (character development well-rounded, general fluidity impressive...). But I just want to ask, where did you get the idea that the Doctor hates sports analogies?

>>366132 DisQord? wha chu talkin bout?

#39 · 127w, 2d ago · · · Nearing the End ·

>>584970 Honestly, I wrote this story so long ago I don't even know myself, but I think the idea came from this idea I had that the Doctor isn't all that into sports - I mean really, how often did you see the Doctor play or talk about sports? Also, I'm thinking sports analogies might feel too cliched for someone as amazing as the Doctor. :derpytongue2:

Mind you, I was working with the David Tennant version of the Doctor in mind when I wrote this. So if you write back telling me "Hang on! We saw Matt Smith playing football (soccer) in that one episode!" ...well, I hadn't seen that yet.

#40 · 127w, 1d ago · · · Nearing the End ·

>>585048 That's Discord's fan nickname via voice actor humor.

I just want to say "Thank you" for that link. It made an epic Doctor moment That. Much. Better. I got goosebumps, you have done a fantastic job.

So, basically: This is an amazing story, made all the better by the clever satire on Self-Inserts, and the Doctor, who makes everything better when done well. Again, thank you. :pinkiehappy:

#43 · 119w, 1d ago · · · Meet the Fanons ·

The fourth wall has been broken in reverse:pinkiegasp:

Trotwood? whats next? Wither Song?

#45 · 110w, 3d ago · · · Meet the Fanons ·

aww I was actually looking forward to him being The Master!


30%??? TRY 100%!!! :rainbowdetermined2::rainbowdetermined2::rainbowdetermined2:

#48 · 109w, 2d ago · · · Meet the Fanons ·

>>365925 At this point, I think it's safer to just do away with the fourth wall entirely. It's so far beyond repair, even the Doctor couldn't fix it.

I'm loving this randomness :yay:

the cupcake is a lie

the cupcake is a lie

the cupcake is a lie

the cupcake is a lie

the cupcake is a lie

the cupcake is a lie

the cupcake is a lie

the cupcake is a lie

(someone had to do it :twilightblush:)

cloudkicker should be Jack

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