Chapter 5: The Drowning Pool
Chapter 5: The Drowning Pool
Spike could see the book in his mind. It sat there in the theology and mythology section, fifth case from the door, on a bottom shelf that was awkwardly sized, just a touch taller than all of its neighbors.
Its binding was gold and red, and inside were all sort of interesting things to learn about practices and beliefs that were not of Equestria. He had spent an afternoon flipping through the tome, learning about the marvelous ways that lost cultures had practiced their beliefs.
Most had been benign, interesting, even engaging.
Then he had found the illustration, and had read the accompanying text.
In some cultures that made sacrifices, offering up ones that were unblemished with cuts or covered in blood was considered sacred. These ancient races had used a water altar… a simple, elegant way to drown the sacrifice.
He remembered how the illustrator had even taken the time to show a dark form beneath the surface, the implication of what had happened to it horribly clear.
He remembered closing the book, and then going to stand near Twilight, just being close to her for the usual comfort of her presence, to try to forget what he had seen and read.
Now the image was becoming all too real.
The pool, the water altar, reflected their images weakly across its fetid surface.
“No! Nooooo!” he called again, yelling at the serpents as the realization of what was about to happen to Twilight, what they were seeking to do, sank through him. “Stop it!”
To his utter shock, they did.
The two vipers, one of black tendrils of magic and the other of green, drew her to the end of the pool, and then went still. Spike looked up to them, disbelief sitting in his expression. At first he blanched, but soon the emerald of his eyes shone with a newfound fury.
A jet of flame erupted from his lips, reaching out for the snakes.
“I… I said leave her alone!” he cried, stepping forward even as he held Twilight’s head up from the stones. “G-get out of here!”
The snakes regarded him balefully, their tongues whipping out of their mouths and their heads bobbing back and forth. They hissed in unison, sending Spike reeling back, the sound falling through him.
They regarded him once more, and to Spike it seemed as though they were smirking, as though they were regarding him as a curiosity. In a single movement they wound around one another, their two shades merging into a single twist of black and green, and then they disappeared into the waters of the pool.
Spike gulped, and then stepped forward, sliding anxiously towards where the serpents had disappeared. To his surprise the dark, algae-filled waters now circulated with ribbons of black and green.
Even as he stared deep within there was another thrum, and the waters bounced in place.
“That’s not good,” he said aloud, “that ain’t good at all! Twi, we have to go! We have to…”
Spike looked over his shoulder. Instead of finding Twilight fighting to her hooves, preparing to fly away or attempt to again teleport to safety, she simply lay there, breathing heavily.
“Oh, Twi,” he said, gently lifting her head. He looked down over the crumpled form of the alicorn. She was bleeding. Her mane was a wild frenzy of purple, pink, and lavender. Her wings seemed to stretch, shake, and then recoil, feathers hanging out of them at odd angles.
“Oh, Twi,” he repeated, knowing that he must look almost as bad. He brushed away some of the dust, and as Twilight moaned he looked into her eyes again. They were still distant, and he knew that whatever physical hurts had been placed upon her, the magical battle that she’d been fighting had stolen even more out of her.
“Spike,” she whimpered.
“It’s okay, Twi, we’re gonna get out of here. You’re gonna be okay, like I promised,” he said, pulling her into a quick hug. Moving as quickly as his tired, wounded body would allow, he placed her head across his shoulders, and his arms under her forelegs. “Okay, Twi, here we go… let’s, ummmphhh…”
The dragon began to pull, began to tug her away from the edge of the pool and the ribbons of black and green that awaited her there.
He groaned, strained against her weight, and suddenly he remembered just how much larger than him she was. Now he remembered just how much taller she’d become as an alicorn, let alone before.
His knees buckled beneath him, and as he groaned he was reminded of just how wounded he was himself. His leg pulsed with pain, and his ribs burned inside of him. He cursed under his breath, turning his head so that the invective didn’t fall into her ears.
He heaved, strained. While his body called out in pain he began to pant, and as he tried to heave once more some strands of her hair caught in his mouth. “Blegh!” he said, trying to clear them away. As he did, his eyes fell across his progress, measuring how far he’d gotten, how far to safety he’d managed to carry her.
It was about four paces.
Spike collapsed, Twilight’s great mass still weighing heavily in his arms. “Okay, okay, okay,” he repeated anxiously, looking all around himself as he wrung his hands, looking up and down the space beside the pool. He needed a cart. He needed a rug. He, he…
… he needed to be anyone but himself.
He needed to be anything other than a useless little dragon that couldn’t…
Nearby, something splashed through the pool, and he jumped back to his feet in alarm, tugging at her once more. All hope was gone, there was nothing else he could do. Nothing except…
“Heeeeelllp!” he cried aloud, his words filling the space around the pool, echoing off of adjoining courtyards.
“Heeeeeeelllllp!” he called again, louder than before, louder than he could remember calling in all of his young life.
“Somepony help, please! Heeelllp!” he shrieked, his voice becoming hoarse as he held the sound for as long as he could.
The thrum met them again, and his feet slid beneath him. Spike startled and gripped tighter to Twilight.
The thrum arose again… and he and Twilight were pulled backwards towards the pool.
“No, no!” he cried, his feet slipping along the surface of the courtyard. At once he dug in his claws, making them scratch against the paving stones, a loud scraping sound rising from where they left their smooth, deep marks.
“No, nooo!” he called over and over. “Twi, ya gotta try to move! Ya gotta try your magic again!”
Twilight’s legs came up beneath her, but whatever battle she’d been fighting inside her own mind had drained her, had stolen so much out of the alicorn. Her hooves skidded across the stones, joining his claws in their slipping and sliding.
Together they fought, struggled, battled to keep from being drawn towards the pool, towards the shallow altar where the cords sat patiently awaiting her.
“Hellllp! Heeellllpppp!” Spike called anew, his voice lifting into the clear sky of the city. Even as he did flashes of her magic erupted around them again, heavy buffeting blows of it that smacked across his senses.
All too soon his foot caught on something, on the very lip of the pool. He leaned forward, enlisting every force he could muster in the struggle to save Twilight, fighting for each little inch. “Twi! Twi! Ya gotta do something!” he called, screaming into her ear.
At once there was a whine, and the deep magic of her very being came alight in her, fighting through her, her eyes coming open and flashing with a lavender light that…
There was another thrum, a deep one, and the pool bounced behind them. The note of it cascaded over them, and as they both screamed the dome of one of the nearby buildings exploded into shards. They yelled in alarm at the sound of it, at the rain of masonry and plaster crashing to the earth behind them.
Twilight’s magic sputtered. It fell down, down, down, until it was the faintest of purple hazes… and then it was gone.
Spike’s claws dug deep, and the marble surface of the pool shrieked beneath his feet. There came one, two sputters of Twilight’s wings… and then she collapsed across his shoulders.
He felt her head move, felt her sweet breath falling across the side of his face. Suddenly, there were words. There were quiet words that were both wonderful and terrible to hear.
“Spike,” she whispered, her voice beyond tired, beyond the limits of even an alicorn. “Spike, I love you. Goodbye.”
Spike went stock-still. The hopelessness in her voice, the clarity of understanding that… that she was about to die, it swept across him. It filled him, and for an instant he was able to stand there, Twilight’s head across his shoulder, as his most perfect nightmare began to come true.
With that, they were swept into the pool.
Water… water crashed over him. It was putrid, vile, and something moved within. He tried to stand, to swim, to make a motion of any kind, but he was pinned in place. His hands searched through the green slime, through the brackish waters until it settled across what was holding him down.
The familiar feel of Twilight’s coat met his touch, and her mane settled over him.
There was a stream of bubbles, and emerald light shone through the pool. Spike lurched to the surface, his eyes alive with the features of a dragon beyond reason, beyond anything except emotions.
In his hands, Twilight’s head broke the surface. “Breathe, Twi! Breathe!” he roared, and her eyes come open again, and a breath pulled through her.
At once something wrapped around her, pulled her down, and he felt them coiling upon her.
“No, please, no!” he called, feeling her slip from his grip. At once he was under the water again, the water filling his nose, rushing into his mouth. He groped through the water, searching for her, brushing away a few coils that fought his hands.
A moment passed, and then a shock of his flame erupted into the water before being instantly consumed. Yet, it had served its purpose.
They rocketed back up to the surface, and together they coughed and hacked. They fought to keep their heads above the water, fought to breathe. Fought to live.
“Heeellllpppp!” he screamed again, his voice shredding as he tried to lift it higher and higher. His muscles burned, his body became one continuous, living ache that tore at him… but Twilight’s head was above water.
That was all that mattered. She was the only thing that mattered. She was drowning. His world was drowning.
She slipped his grasp again, her one cry of terror diving through him. He groped through the water, pulling at her hair, grasping around before plunging into the fetid pool once more.
“Raaawwwwrrrrrr!” he cried, the little roar spilling out of him as bubbles and then a cry of rage as it met the air. All that was left in him pushed his body to the surface, his legs shaking beneath him, his arms and chest burning with pain.
Twilight did not come with him.
In his surprise, he looked down to find her eyes staring back at him from just beneath the surface, her head held in his claws as the coils of black and green wrapped themselves tighter to her body.
Just like the illustration in the book.
“No! No, no, no!”
Spike dove in once again, and came to the surface with nothing. He opened his mouth, calling with some feral sound to summon some way, any way, to bring strength back into his tiny body… to save her…
“Graaaaaahhhhhh!” came a cry, a fierce one, but it did not arise from him.
There was a spray of water, a rush of motion, and Spike felt something powerful around him. Shining Armor’s massive frame burrowed beneath Spike’s outstretched arms, and at once Twilight exploded to the surface.
“Twily! Twily!” the stallion called, and at once his magic scythed through the air, snapping the coils. As water and algae poured out of both of their manes it splashed across Spike, the dragon blinking in the sunlight, his body shaking around him.
The sound of Twilight’s coughing and wheezing, her shrill cries of alarm, they both horrified him and filled him with the tiniest bit of hope.
Hope that was nearly squandered as Shining Armor, too, felt the lash of the coils. They reached up to claim Twilight once more, and she and her brother both were drawn beneath the waters.
Spike surged forward, but inside a moment the stallion had reared up to the surface again, the form of his sister across his neck. Once again she strained for air, and now the stallion too was breathing heavy.
The coils reached up through the waters, made to grab for their prize once more. There was another scythe of magic, and Shining Armor’s magic draped across the scene, the feel of his magic like a greatcoat across Spike’s scales.
“What in the Well are these things?!” called the stallion, trying to keep them at bay. At once they whipped beneath him, sending the stallion falling into the waters, and once more Twilight seemed about to be pulled beneath.
There was more magic, more motion around him, and Spike suddenly felt many legs pushing by him. Shining Armor roared to the surface, and Spike dodged around, searching through the forest of limbs for Twilight.
“Don’t let her go under!” Spike heard Shining Armor cry, and soon hooves were under Twilight, and myriad auras of light and color fell around the dragon.
“Majesty! Majesty? Can you hear me?” came a voice Spike did not recognize, and a shriek of pain met his ears. It was awful... the awful sound of Twilight’s pain and fear.
There was a burst of color, and deep, dark magic erupted around the ponies. One flew back, landing against the wall on Spike’s left, another bounced off the slab behind him, soaring over his head and crashing against the representation of Celestia’s mark.
“It’s a killing curse! She’s been enchanted!” called another unicorn, and at once more ponies were in the water, pulling on Twilight. Spike fought to grab a hold on her too, fought to find some place amid the great tall legs of the ponies.
At once a shot of pain went through Spike, and one of the ponies came crashing down atop of him, driving him beneath the waters once again. He clawed to the surface, hacking and sputtering the rancid waters once more.
“Get this kid out of here!” called the Lord Mayor, the pony fighting his way back into the fray. As Spike held his head he realized he’d been stepped on. Now, he realized, that in this effort to save Twilight, in this great heaving mass of ponies racing to the aid of their sovereign, he was just in the way.
He was just in the way… he couldn’t help her anymore.
New explosions of magic ripped across the scene, and as Spike fought to regain his senses he saw the tiniest glimpse of Twilight. The familiar shock of pink in her mane stood out amid the foaming waters, whipping cords of black magic, and the bodies of a dozen ponies.
“No, no! I can help! Please, please let me…”
His hands fought for some place upon her, fought to protect her, to keep his promise. But, as he did, something came loose, and once again he felt the tread of pony hooves upon him.
As he yelped in pain, Spike looked down into his clawed hands. There he found her crown, the crown of the Principal of the Elements, of Procer Twilight Sparkle Harmonia. As the water sloshed around him, as powerful spells bounced uselessly along the surface, he drew it slowly closer to himself until it rested against his chest.
“Get the child away! Dammit, don’t let him see her like this!” brayed the Lord Mayor, and at once Spike felt teeth clench around the sensitive spade of his tail.
“No!” he called, both through the shock and the pain. “No, I can help her!”
The mass of ponies didn’t hear him. Instead, commands flew around, each pony calling to somepony else, each one taking and giving orders. “Dispel! Does anypony know how to dispel a curse?!” cried one. “Keep her head up, keep her head up!” called another.
Soon the crowd issued a great collective moan, and their energy seemed to drain. The curse was not fading away, and their collective strength was leaving them.
Above it all arose Twilight’s cries of pain and fear. Each one stung at Spike, burned in his guts, drawing pain from inside of him that he could not even begin to name.
“Let me go, let me go!” he cried, spinning around on his back, clutching at her crown. He looked up to find that it was Shining Armor himself who was dragging him away. The stallion released Spike for an instant, and in one motion Spike leapt to his feet.
“Twilight! Twilight!” he called, limping back to the pool as fast as his wounded body would let him. In a moment, he felt Shining Armor’s magic around him, dragging him away from her again, dragging him away from his Twilight.
Spike dug at the ground with his free hand, his tears falling across the torn earth as great wet splatters. “Lemmee go! Shiny, lemmee go! I have to help Twili…”
The stallion pulled harder, drawing him away from the crowd, away from the frothing waters that sloshed around in the pool. Drawing him farther and farther away from Twilight…
“Bro, stop it! Stop it, Shiny! I can help! I need to help Twi…” he began, but inside a second he felt himself pressed into Shining Armor’s chest, and the big stallion’s forelegs folded across him. “I need to help,” the whelp pleaded. “I p-promised her I’d keep her safe. I promised her…”
“Shhhh, dude, shhhh…” spoke the stallion, drawing his hoof across Spike’s scales. “It’ll be okay, Spike. It’ll be okay.”
But it wasn’t okay. It was awful. Together they sat there, each jumping a little as her fading cries erupted again and again, as the slosh of water drew ice across their souls.
Something wet fell across the dragon, and soon Spike realized that Shining was bleeding too. A hard knock across the edge of the pool had sent blood pouring from his nose and, even as the two stood there, Spike could not help but draw his hands up and down the stallion’s foreleg.
Together the two sat there, comforting one another as they did one of the hardest things in the world… let those who knew better than themselves how to lend Twilight aid do their work.
“Sun and moon, I’ve never seen such a strong enchantment!” called a pony, stopping to cough up some of the putrid waters that had entered her mouth.
“We have to convince the enchantment that she’s dead!” called another.
That word. That word brought Spike back to his senses, speaking to fears that already sat very near and raw in his thoughts. He spun around inside Shining’s embrace, the Element of Magic still held close to him.
Very near Spike a caster, an immensely powerful unicorn, sat heaving for breath. “We have to induce a coma,” she began. Spike watched the unicorn as she stood and returned to the pool. “We have to induce a coma. We have to convince the enchantment that it’s won.”
Spike looked upon her, and a cutie mark of magic erupting from a mortar and pestle showed her to be adept at magical healing.
A word she had said, it fell through him… coma. They were going to put Twilight into a coma.
“No,” he breathed.
“No,” he repeated to himself.
“Majesty!” the pony called out, fighting to get the attention of the alicorn. “Majesty, we must put you into a coma. Can you understand me, Majesty?”
Spike wrestled free of Shining’s forelegs, spinning about in place. He went down onto his knees, still clutching the crown. He peered underneath the legs of the ponies, searching back and forth through the limbs to find Twilight.
“Majesty,” came the voice of the caster, of the powerful unicorn healer. “Majesty, do you understand?”
Spike caught sight of Twilight just as she blinked, as her gaze met that of the unicorn. She was on her back, prone, defenseless... helpless. Her wings flopped around beneath her, sticking out at odd angles. She looked broken, defeated.
She looked so tired. She looked deflated, small... ready to give up. She looked so terribly, terribly tired.
Oh, Twilight.
Twilight nodded to the unicorn with a weak motion, without any power, and inside an instant the caster had begun charging her horn.
Twilight’s eyes flew around, and Spike went closer to the ground, trying to see what she was looking for. As he peered through the legs of all of the ponies that surrounded her, that sloshed back and forth through the pool, he saw her searching for something, searching for somepony.
Her tired, fearful, panicked eyes swept across the assembly once, twice… and then found him.
Their eyes met through the sea of confusion, past the dozen bodies that sat between them, across the great roar of ponies that still fought to keep her above the foul waters.
Tears streamed down both of their faces, and he went closer to the ground to see her more clearly. Twilight’s eyes were withdrawn, distant, filled with pain and tiredness… but firmly on him, firmly on her little dragon.
Her tired eyes were fixed upon her great little guy.
His worried eyes reached back to the pony that meant the most to him in the world.
There, that moment, that instant as the spell charged and all around them seemed to move slower, that they shared. The two friends, the closest in their lives, both bloodied, torn, broken… in that moment they were the only two people in their little, familiar world.
It was a world of the library, of bedtime stories, of shared memories, of breakfast at seven and little jokes that only they knew.
It was a world that was collapsing around them.
It was a world that was shattering.
His hand came up, reaching for her.
Her mouth moved, and “Spike” drifted from her lips.
An arc of silvery light lifted from the caster’s spell, and all were encompassed by it as a high whine fell over the scene.
With that, the little world of Spike and Twilight Sparkle flew into pieces, the shards bouncing along before lying horribly still and quiet.
All opened their eyes to find the wreckage of Princess Twilight Sparkle floating in the brackish waters of the pool, the ruined remains of an alicorn bobbing in the filth.
For an instant, nopony dared to breathe. As one mare lifted Twilight’s head the crowd all gazed over horrific sight of a crushed, ruined Equestrian princess.
“She’s breathing!”
Shining Armor looked on as a dozen ponies or more suddenly all jostled for position, all trying to draw nearer to the princess. At once there was a scream, and as ponies pulled backwards, two great long serpents escaped through their midst, streaming towards the vast open chamber behind them, a long, shallow ramp that seemed to discharge dark magic across the city on an ill wind.
Shining Armor charged his horn, but the serpents flew by without regard or care for the masses. It seemed as though the serpents stopped only momentarily, to gauge the still, unmoving form of Spike. They seemed to smirk at him, to regard him as a curiosity, and then slide across the ground before disappearing in wafts of dark magic.
“They were just the magica visibilis!” came a voice, the same unicorn who had cast the spell. “The enchantment is still on her! We must get her to Canterlot, now!”
“Do we have any unicorns who know how to teleport?!” called the Lord Mayor. Murmurs went through the crowd, and soon the voice of the mayor rose again, calling for fast pegasi and flying carts.
Soon all was a blur of motion. In a moment, her body was lifted into the air, and more hooves reached for her.
Shining Armor demanded to see his sister, and as the cart stood motionless he looked down over her rumpled, dirty form. There was one faint, fast instant to whisper to the princess, to his baby sister whom he had tickled and whose bedroom he had protected from monsters. He kissed her, and then the cart was in the air, already flying away towards Canterlot.
He watched it go, ten thousand thoughts flying around in his head, none of them good.
Shining Armor worked his way back towards the monolith, back towards the hill where the pool sat. Ponies milled about, but slowly the crowd thinned.
“I want guards placed on the gate below and this ramp here,” he said, catching the attention of an officer. “Nopony goes in or out until we know what happened.”
He turned about as the officer went off to begin placing his sentries. Shining Armor then began to engage in crowd control, encouraging ponies to be on their way, when he tripped over something.
Or, someone.
He looked down to discover Spike still sitting where he’d last seen the child. The dragon simply sat there, sat there with his one arm still outstretched towards the pool, the other still clutching the crown to his chest.
“Oh, dude,” Shining said, slowly sitting behind the dragon. “Dude, it’s… it’ll all…”
“Hey, you saved her!” came a voice, a crystal pony trotting up to where the erstwhile brothers sat.
Shining smiled down over Spike, hoping to see the pony’s praise lift the dragon’s spirit.
“It was very, very fortunate you were there,” continued the pony as she trotted past them. “Who knows what would have happened! Thank Celestia for you, Prince Shining Armor!”
Spike’s hand fell to the ground, and Shining Armor’s expression dropped. His eyes fell across the dragon before turning to call to the pony who had passed by.
“Naw, it was… it was Spike…”
She was already gone. The entirety of the crowd was indeed thinning out, too, and as the ponies began to fade away all that the stallion could do was move closer to Spike.
The dragon said nothing. He barely moved. There Spike sat, wavering back and forth, his arms wrapped around the crown, his eyes lifting up to the pool again and again before falling back to the torn, broken earth around them.
Shining Armor wasn’t a complicated stallion. He wasn’t that deep, and intellectually speaking he knew he wasn’t the top shelf model. He had always known what he wanted though, and his single-minded drive had won him many things.
In this moment, what he wanted was to make Spike say something, to do something.
“Dude, bro… c’mere,” he said, pulling the dragon whelp into the space between his body and his forelegs. “Spike… bro?”
The dragon lay there for a great long time, simply breathing, simply trying to come to terms with all that had happened over the last hour.
Trying to come to terms with...
“I couldn’t keep my promise.”
Spike had whispered the words, and the sound of his voice was distant and filled with pain. “I promised to p-protect her. I p-promised and I c-couldn’t…”
“Oh, hey, Spike, it’s okay,” Shining said, the brotherly part of him coming awake, fighting to make sense of something that he did not understand. “She… well, she…”
“I promised! I promised her!” Spike wailed, falling over into the chest of the stallion. A high whine arose from the dragon, one that became a continuous shriek. It was a long, horrible note of grief, of a very real and personal suffering.
He had failed. Twilight had been in pain, in danger, and… and he had failed.
As he sat there, Shining Armor felt himself move from brotherly to fatherly, grasping the little dragon whelp in his forelegs.
“Oh, Spike, shhhhh… shhhhh,” he whispered over and over, trying to soothe the child. He rocked Spike back and forth, slowly swaying with the whelp as the tears grew stronger, as Spike’s cry lifted out from the space beside the pool.
Shining Armor felt tears running down his own face. They were tears for his sister, for his baby sister who had gone through so much, who was now perhaps fighting another battle beyond their ability to help her.
His coat was growing wet with tears, but not his own. Beneath him a child cried aloud in wild, injured tones, pressing the tears into Shining’s chest.
“Twilight! Twilight!” Spike brayed, his voice shredding once more. Spike invoked the name over and over, crying for her, crying her name aloud until pain rippled through his throat.
“Twwwwiiiiilliiiiggghhtt!”
“Shhh,” Shining Armor said, rubbing the boy’s back, tucking him closer into his chest. “Shhhh.”
In Shining Armor’s mind, he remembered patrolling Twilight’s room for monsters, his baby sister peeking out from beneath the bed sheets as he declared the room “clean”. He closed his eyes. As he did he tried to imagine what it would have felt like to watch some of the imaginary demons become real, to watch them drag her off, to try to understand what Spike must have just undergone.
To be unable to save her…
This little one, this brother of a kind, had seen all that Twilight had seen, it seemed. He too had suffered, had been hurt. In the end, Spike’s reward had been to watch strangers carry her broken, deflated body through the streets.
“Shhhhhh, Spike, shhhhh…” Shining said as he sat there, rocking the child.
The unfairness of it sat in Shining Armor’s throat, burning like acid. Spike’s voice arose again, his voice reaching out over the city as high shrieks, the dragon calling for Twilight again and again and again. Shining Armor rocked him some more, shushing him gently, and kept doing so for a great long while.
But, for Spike, there was no comfort. Instead, his tears rolled down him until his face hurt, until he devolved into a coughing, blubbering mess that wailed Twilight’s name over and over and over.
That was how the little dragon stayed for hours. Pressed close to the stallion, Spike’s whimpers fell out across the ancient ruins of the city, catching in courtyards and plazas as the night sky unveiled itself in a blanket of purple.
In time, the light of the distant stars fell across him, finally forcing him to accept his exhaustion, and then fall away into troubled dreams.
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Awwwww............. Poor Spike
ALL MY SISTERS, ALL MY BROTHERS!!! BURNING IN THE SUN!!!
WHEN WE FIGHT WE DIE TOGETHER!!!
WE ARE THE CHILDREN OF THE GUN!!!
Sorry, but I'm a huge hard rock/metal fan.
Twas a great chapter indeed, Mr. Descendant!
Well that's depressing.
Jesus! Talk about trying to pull at the feels. I can count on one hand the number of times I've felt this sorry for a person. The sense of failure hangs heavy on anyone's heads, especially when it was this absolute, to have not only seen the thing you want to protect beaten, precisely by the thing you promised to protect her from, it's scaring. No wonder Spike was all crazy in the hospital, he's lost everything buts it's right there infront of his face. Damn I'm awaiting the next chapter eagerly!!
Dude you are awesome! This chapter was so great and emotional! You rock bro!
Whoa, that was intense. Great chapter.
A coma......give her a slap! Just like this.
So, they managed to save her... just. I assume that the curse upon her is keeping her in the coma, and Spike's journey is to find either that thing's master, or it's 'Zenith'.
Whatever the f[buy some apples]k that is! And now time to somehow make next Friday come quicker!
And then my heart broke!
Yes! Go BBBFF!! Honest to God, I stood up and cheered when I got to this part.
Dang, TD, I feel like I just ran a mile after reading that chapter.
DAMN. Love how you portray Spike in this.
Very fitting.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Wow. The empathy you made me feel for Spike there was just... wow. You seriously cut me straight to the core with this chapter. I can't... I don't even...
Great chapter...
Wow... just... wow. Poor Spike, Poor, Poor Spike.
He did fulfill his promise in the end through... his calls to help allowed him to keep Twilight alive.
Dam....DAM... What?, what just happend? Dam that's bad. I'm loving this already.
It sucks to be a little guy against the world.
It's even worse when you're a kid and powerless to do anything.
That was one nasty curse, something that seemed to take delight in tormenting. Fear is one of the most debilitating ailments of all.
Very well detailed in the way each character fought to protect their loved ones. The confusion, desperation, and ultimate failure came through very well.
Till next time!
i´m speechless, this chapter was just so filled with despair, with struggle, with the abysmal feeling of not being able to help, to just sit in the waiting room of the hospital hoping for the best while your head is filled with the worst scenarios, and while a little victory was achieved, Twilight is alive, but for two brothers, a small one and a big one, they just sat there, trying to ease the pain that's in their souls right now
And now we know what happened
. It was definitely worse than what I imagined...
I wanna hold Spike too and tell him it'll alright. TD wouldn't let Twilight die. He wouldn't do that.
Right?
Poor Spike, Twilight, and Shining Armor...
I'm so excited to see where this story takes us! Keep it up!
I don't know what to say except I've never read a story like this before. I've never read a story where the first five chapters read with a kind of emotion and intensity that makes me feel like I'm already at the climax. I became so immersed in this that I forgot my TV was on. So far I think this story is so great that my brain hits a wall when I try to come up with words to describe it. I already wish I could have a physical copy of this on my bookshelf.
I step away from the site for a few weeks to clear through what I've uploaded to my kindle and come back to see this?
Screw my plans for tonight. . My band can practice without me and my friends can drink with each other. TD, you have my full attention. C&C once I'm done.
When I looked at the name of this chapter, I couldn't help but remember a certain green-clothed, creepy, smiling statue.
Regardless, this is my favorite chapter yet. The struggle in this really made me bite my lip in worry, and it kept me that way until the end. This just keeps getting better and better, and I am highly anticipating the real climax of this story! 
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Poor Spike indeed. I can't even promise that it gets better for him soon.
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Let the bodies hit the floor, my friend!
I'm glad that you are enjoying the work!
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Saddening, depressing... it's something, huh? Thanks for reading.
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I'm glad that I was able to write such a clear, concise scene, and one that left such an impression on you. If you truly enjoyed it that much, then please do me a favor? Tell people about the story? I'd appreciate that.
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I'm glad that I was able to write a chapter that impressed you so! Spread the word about the story!
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That means a bunch to me, thanks so much!
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Well, yes and no. It will be explained in a future chapter. You're very close, though!
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That's the emotion that I'm looking for, D.J.!
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Thank you so much! He's my favorite character, so I'm glad that he's turning out well!
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Aha! If you're in tears, then I've done something right!
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I'm glad that you are so moved by the chapter! If you'd share this story with others, I'd love to have others feel the same thing!
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Appropriate!
DAMN. You know how to write 'em! The emotions, man!
Such powerful, evil magic.
It must have been made by the ancient race of evil murderous cult creatures taking Hilter, Stalin, and Chairman Mao's spirits and fusing them into one horrid abomination.
That's the only way to get so much evil in one place!
It can only be destroyed by attacking it with a combination of Franklin Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, and Dwight D. Eisenhower.
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In a way, he did, but he is still going to blame himself. Thanks for continuing to read, Fury!
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I'm glad that you are enjoying it!
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I'm very, very glad that I was able to bring the emotions to the front, R.T. Yes, fear is an debilitating emotion, but a far more important one will drive the remainder of the work.
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I'm glad that I was able to write a chapter that was able to show so many emotions, and involve you so deeply.
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Oh, won't I?
Yeah, I actually apologized to Spike at one point when I was writing this!
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I'm still writing, and I'm glad you are reading along!
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Wow! I'm glad that I've written a work that was so engrossing for you! Please don't be afraid to spread the word about this work, as I'd hate for people to miss out on these "feels"!
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I'm looking forward to your thoughts once you're done, Joe!
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I'm glad that I was able to capture your attention throughout the chapter! Thanks for reading, and I hope I keep you interested throughout the journey to follow!
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Heh!
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Of course, he is young, and is the driving force of the story. And your welcome, through why would I continue reading?
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I try my best!
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Well! That's an interesting theory, at least!
I'm wondering why Celestia didn't come running after she sent the note. Surely she could have done something?
Damn you, Descendant!
I mean...
Great story.
I can't wait for more.
Oh my god! That was HORRIBLE!
Poor Twilight and Spike. One's so young shouldn't have to go threw such pain like that.
AND WHERE THE BUCK WAS CELESTIA!
Sent that bitch a note and still doesn't show up to help. What the buck is that about.
Now I guess that the mystery of what happened to Twilight has been told. Spike will have to go on some crazy quest to free Twilight from the curse before she can be awakened. And Celestia is just going to sit on her flank and do little to nothing to help.
Sorry. I didn't mean to get that worked up but, where is she? She got the warning and still doesn't show up to help. This chapter is more messed up then the last one.
Great Job! Keep up the good work.
Dude, this is getting better every chapter...that's an amazing skill you have, putting words together and making something EPIC!
My apologies for the lack of coherence between paragraphs but this was my stream of conscious thoughts as I went about reading. And also for repeating questions that may have been answered already. I wanted to read the story first before getting spoilers in the comments:
As always, a fantastic balance of solemnity and levity.
The line about Spike's 'coping mechanism' may be unneeded as you've illustrated his actions as a coping mechanism well enough for even those without a background in psychology to put two and two together. That said, it does establish a level of professionalism on the part of the Nurse while simultaneously proving that Celestia genuinely cares about Spike's well being.
I'm curious if Spike's attitude towards Twilight now being a princess was originally part of your grand vision for the tale or if that was an extra element that needed to be addressed after the end of Season 3 that you somehow had to fit into your plan? Same with the crack about Flash Sentry and Spike being a dog? You've done a wonderful job of integrating it into the story but I'm curious if it was originally even a factor since the original image this was based on came out well before there were even rumors of Twilight's assention. Did it make things easier or harder for you?
At the beginning of chapter 4, its starts with the thoughts of a griffin. How does Spike know this, and better yet, deem it relevant to tell now, if we're still in a flashback and he's actually in a hospital room with Celestia? I understand that we're well into the story now and that's a fantastic way to introduce a new character but following the continuity, it strikes me as off.
What language is the voice of the obelisk creature speaking? Did Lysok make it up or is it something already established? I don't particularly care as to what the foreign words say as the intents are fairly evident and if we were meant to know exactly what was going on they'd be written in plain english, but I'm still curious as to their origins.
Shining Armor's dialog could have been a bit more… diverse… in chapter 5. "Dudebro, dude". Really? He's captain of the freeking guard, not a frat boy lol. Yeah some intense things just happened and that can leave even the most verbose of people at a loss of words, but come on!
And that's all I got for the first pass. I can NOT wait for more. But for now I'm going to have to settle for lurking in the comments. KEEP ON ROCKING ON MAN!
Wow, what a powerful scene, bravo!
I love it when an author describes scenery, emotions and events with such a perfect balance, it really feels you are there and you just can't stop reading. Is it me, or you are getting better at this, Descendant?
Sombra really didn't play around, did he? Whether he made the place himself or merely adapted it, he took some serious defensive measures...
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Celestia's relationship to The Obelisk is a... well, difficult one. It certainly plays an important part as the story progresses, and lays a part in getting Spike sent off on his quest.
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Awww, thanks! I love me too!
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Heh, I try my best!
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I'm glad that I was able to balance those elements, Joe!
It probably wasn't necessary, but I wanted to be sure that the point was being driven home. Spike is lost without Twilight, and needed some character to put that into words.
I struggled for months trying to figure out how to make this story "work", for there to be a reason for Spike to go on the quest by himself. Alicorn Twilight actually helped me immensely in his regard! When I saw that was about to happen, I knew that I could use that in my favor. The story is about change, and Spike dealing with the changes in Twilight's life. That helped me so much, and the bit about Flash really just helped it all along.
Spike is unaware of the griffon hen at this point. I had been hoping that the scene break would show that. Not enough, huh? I learned long ago that unless characters are introduced in the first third of a story, the readers can't sympathize or associate with them. These side-scenes are necessary to introduce characters who will drive the plot later on.
The Obelisk is speaking in Czech, Lysok's native language.
Shining Armor is... difficult. He doesn't have much of a personality in the series, and I wanted to do something to differentiate him from the standard guard motif. Remember that he's dealing with a little boy who his baby sister has raised, not a lieutenant.
I'm glad that you have enjoyed the story so far, Joe!
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"I am still getting better."
-Leonardo da Vinci, when he was in his eighties.
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You only stay a despotic tyrant as long as you keep others from taking you out!
By pants os celestia... man, you get it.
You made me care about Spike. Not just in the usual, pathetic-child-sad-fic way, but actually care about him as a character. And suddenly, Shining isn't just a stereotype with a annoying voice, but an actual big brother...
What witchcraft is this? I'd take steps to have you burnt on a stake if there was a way of doing so and still see the end of this story.
And I mean "burnt on a stake" in the most complimentary and benevolent way possible. I look forward to see you work more of your dark and mysterious craft.
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Heh, I'm glad that you think that I "get it", as I've been working on this story for so long!
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Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm so glad that I was able to help you see Spike as a character who can be used in a number of ways. I'll take the whole "being burned allive" thing as a compliment!
2944958 Ok, seems legit.
So Spike's adventure is going to begin next chapter then?
Celestia equip, and Spike heads out. Good luck dude!
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Ummm, well, yes and no. The actual adventure begins after I [Classified] and [Redacted] so that he goes [Secret]. So, I'm setting that up for the next few chapters.
Another great chapter, can't wait to see where you take us.
2945538 Even better!
Can't wait.
UHHHHHHHHHH MY EVERYTHING. T_T
Such a well written story, seems to drag you right in there from the first word
your emotions are written perfectly and the situations make you fully feel for the characters thrust into them
Watching this space for the next chapter
I'm sure it'll be worth the wait
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Where we're going, you don't need maps... you need tissues.
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I'm loving comments like this one. Thank you, Benji, and I'm glad that I've written something so moving for so many of you!
Wow... That was a powerful chapter. I kinda know what it feels like to be powerless in a situation just because you're young and/ or small and well almost seven years later that feeling of sorrow still creeps up on me every now and then, and that was something I didn't fully understand at the time. I simply cannot imagine the pain going through Spike right now.
You delight in our sorrow, don't you?
I didn't cry; I rarely cry at fics unless I'm in an 'I need to cry at stuff' mood, but you brought me as close as can be. Just the sheer sense of helplessness...
And that BDH moment... Dear god, imagining how it would look as a fully animated feature now.
Great, my brain is now full of awesome. And sad. Excuse me for a moment.