Big Macintosh stood there for a moment just staring at the baby dragon dressed in purple before him. It was quite the sight seeing Spike like this. The last time Big Macintosh has seen Spike was during an apple delivery to Twilight Sparkle's library a couple of days prior to Applebucking Season, and Spike was perfectly normal during that visit. But now, he was decked out in the most curious attire Big Mac had ever seen. His purple suit was accompanied by a purple tie and white under shirt. He had on a pair of matching purple pants and white shoes. His white hat stood out the most, with a red feather sticking out of the hat. Then there were his sunglasses, which were gold platted with purple lenses. His cane had a handle that was encrusted with various gems, and Big Macintosh had no idea why he would need a cane when Spike had no trouble walking at all, let alone need a cane with a gem encrusted handle. Finally, there was that way he introduced himself. He didn't introduce himself as Spike, the friendly assistant to Twilight Sparkle. He introduced himself as A Pimp Named Spikeback. Big Macintosh was even more confused about that name than anything else about Spike. Why was Spike calling himself that and why-
"Son,are you just gonna stand there and stare at me like some kind of freak, or are you gonna open your mouth and say something?"
Big Mac's train of thought was stopped as Spike said this. Big Mac didn't really know what to say. Spike's appearance and name were too distracting for him to think of anything to say at the moment. And now as Spike had just spoken again, Big Mac noticed something even stranger about this new Spike: the way he talked. His voice sounded drastically different. He spoke with some sort of odd accent that sounded like he was trying to sound tough while also cool at the same time. It clearly wasn't his regular voice, but this new accent sounded a bit forced. Now Big Macintosh found himself racking his mind, trying to figure out why Spike was speaking in such a strange way and why-
"Big Mac I swear to Celestia if you don't answer me right now I will take this cane and beat the living hell out of you."
The surprises just kept coming from Spike. It was a rare occasion for anyone in Ponyville to curse, and hearing it from Spike was even stranger than any time Big Macintosh had heard a pony curse before. He was a baby dragon after all. Big Mac wanted to continue thinking about all of these strange aspects about Spike, but he could see him starting to clutch his cane and Big Mac finally remembered what it was that Spike just said, and decided it was best to say something.
"Er, howdy Spike. Why are you-"
"I'm sorry Big Mac, I did not realize that you were deaf. I said that my name is A Pimp Named Spikeback. Not Spike," the baby dragon said as he cut off Big Macintosh mid sentence.
"Uh, okay then. Well Spikeback, why are you-"
"Big Mac are you mentally challenged too? Man, I told you that my name is A PIMP NAMED Spikeback. You need to say the whole damn thing. Not just Spike, not just Spikeback, A PIMP NAMED Spikeback," A Pimp Named Spikeback said cutting off Big Macintosh again.
"Applejack, why is Spike here, and why is he talking like this?" Big Macintosh asked his sister.
"What the hell is wrong with you man? I said my name is A PIMP NAMED SPIKEBACK! A PIMP NAMED SPIKEBACK, say it with me now," the purple suit wearing dragon yelled.
"Big Mac your guess is as good as mine, he's been calling himself that ever since he got here. I have no idea what's going on, but he said he can help you so I decided to give him a chance," Applejack told her confused brother.
"Help me? With my problem with Cheerilee?" Big Mac asked as he turned back to A Pimp Named Spikeback.
"Why yes Big Mac, that's why I'm here. I'm going to help you with your mare problems so you can stop acting like a depressed fool all day," the dragon told Big Mac as his voice returned to a cool and calm tone.
"Well Spike, er, I mean A Pimp Named Spikeback," Big Mac quickly corrected himself as he spoke to the baby dragon. "No offense,but ah don't really see how you can help me with my problem."
"Oh yeah, that's right. You farm ponies have been busy with your Applebucking Season thing for the past few weeks haven't you?" A Pimp Named Spikeback asked both Big Mac and Applejack.
"Uh, yeah, we have been," Applejack answered A Pimp Named Spikeback.
"Well no wonder you guys are so confused," the baby dragon said to the farm pony. "You see, things have changed in the past couple of weeks. I myself, have drastically changed in the past couple of weeks."
"Ya don't say?" Applejack sarcastically asked the smooth talking dragon.
"Yes, and I've learned a whole lot in the past couple of weeks. A lot about mares, relationships, what colts are willing to do for mares, and all that kind of stuff," A Pimp Named Spikeback told the mare in response before turning back to Big Macintosh. "Which is what brings me here to you Big Mac."
"Well, I'm mighty grateful that you would want to help me A Pimp Named Spikeback, but how exactly do you know a lot about mares and relationships all of a sudden?" a curious Big Macintosh asked the baby dragon.
"Why, I am glad that you asked," A Pimp Named Spikeback said in response to the red stallion. "You see, through my transformation I learned of the glorious world of the pimp business. During the weeks you have been bucking apples, I have started the most thriving pimp business that Ponyville has ever seen. My business is just a mere couple of weeks old and I'm already starting to expand it to Canterlot!"
"Well that sounds nice and all A Pimp Named Spikeback," Big Mac told the suave dragon. "But what exactly is it that your business does?"
"Well Big Mac, not every colt is as lucky as you. Many colts do not have a special mare of their own in their life," A Pimp Named Spikeback began explaining to Big Macintosh. "So I hire some mares who are wanting employment, and they will satisfy the needs that those colts desire for a generous fee. The mares then split the profits with me, and everyone is satisfied."
Applejack and Big Macintosh's eyes both grew wide as they realized what kind of business A Pimp Named Spikeback was describing to them. The shock was even greater as they realized innocent little Spike, or now A Pimp Named Spikeback, was the one in charge of such a business.
"So you have a bunch of girls make guys happy and then they get money for it?" Sweetie Belle asked A Pimp Named Spikeback. In the whole confusion of the baby dragon's presence, Big Macintosh and Applejack had forgot that the Cutie Mark Crusaders were also still in the room.
"Hey, that sounds easy!" Scootaloo added happily.
"We like making people happy, why I bet we could work for you and maybe even get our cutie marks!" Apple Bloom said with excitement in her voice.
"Apple Bloom, you three don't realize what it is this guy's mares do, and you don't want to know. Now I don't want you to ever even consider working for him again and I want you to forget about this whole thing. Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, that goes for y'all too," Applejack sternly told the three young fillies. She then turned to Granny Smith. "Granny, I don't want these girls hearing anymore of this. Please take them outside, and don't let em back in till he's gone."
"You don't have to tell me twice young 'un," the old mare told Applejack. "Fillies this young could have their minds ruined by hearing this nonsense. Come on with me girls, let's go to the barn. You can see if you can get baking cutie marks."
"Granny I've been baking with you all apple buck season. If I were going to get a baking cutie mark I would have got it by-"
"Apple Bloom I said we're going NOW gosh darn it!" Granny Smith cut off the young filly.
Remaining quiet, the Cutie Mark Crusaders followed Granny Smith out of the dinning room.
"I don't see what you were worried about miss AJ, I am a pimp of class. I would never stoop so low as to hire underage fillies as employees of mine," A Pimp Named Spikeback told Applejack.
"Spike y'all best shut your mouth right now. I can't believe what you're doing with mares. What would Twilight say?" an angry Applejack said to the baby dragon.
"Miss Sparkle does not approve of my business, and I did not expect her too. But after being her loyal assistant for so long, she agreed to tolerate my endeavors in exchange for not bringing the business near the library. And my name is A Pimp Named Spikeback, not Spike," the purple suit wearing dragon told the mare.
"So, I purchased a nice little place with some spare gems that I was previously saving for snacks, and ran my business from there. And after using the money from my business, I have since upgraded to a very nice and respectable mansion."
"MANSION?" a shocked Big Macintosh asked.
"That's right, mansion," a proud A Pimp Named Spikeback replied. "It is a very profitable business my friend. And speaking of the mansion, it is about time that we made our way there so I can begin helping you with your problem mister Big Mac."
"Now you hold it right there partner," Applejack quickly said. "When you said you could help Big Mac, I let you in because after knowing you for so long I didn't think you would be a...a..."
"A Pimp?" A Pimp Named Spikeback answered Applejack,
"Yeah.....that," the mare replied.
"I have to agree with my sister on this Mr. A Pimp Named Spikeback. I appreciate the offer, but I don't think someone like you can really help me in this situation," Big Macintosh told A Pimp Named Spikeback.
"Oh I see, so just cause I'm a pimp, and just cause my employees work in a mature business, I wouldn't know anything about helping you, is that right? Well that is YOUR opinion mister Big Mac. And MY opinion is that your opinion is a load of bull shit."
Big Macintosh and Applejack's eyes went wide once again as A Pimp Named Spikeback said this.
"Tell me something Big Mac, can you tell me where your mare is right now?" the baby dragon asked Big Macintosh.
Big Macintosh thought about that. The truth was, he didn't know where Cheerilee was at all. Ever since his depression began at the start of Applebuck Season he had not seen her at all. Realizing this, Big Mac hung his head in shame.
"Uh huh, now that's what I thought. I, on the other hand, always know where all my girls are at every single minute of every single day. I ain't the one who has mare problems here Big Mac, it's you," A Pimp Named Spikeback harshly told the red stallion. "But you know what? I'm going to help you. You see, I'm being very generous right now. I would normally charge hundreds of bits for my assistance in a situation such as this. But I look at you and I see a pitiful, broken, desperately in need of help colt."
Big Macintosh was silent.
"The fact is, your relationship is in trouble, and if you don't fix it, it's going to mess with your mind, body, and emotions. Now if you really don't want to give my generous and free help a try then that is just fine with me mister Big Mac. If you want to let your problems with this mare destroy your life then you can go right ahead." A Pimp Named Spikeback paused. "Or, you can come with me, take my advice, get your love life in order, and live happily ever after, and all that shit."
Big Macintosh thought for a moment. This whole thing was still so strange, and he highly doubted that A Pimp Named Spikeback could help him with Cheerilee. But on the other hoof, how did he know that whatever advice he had for him wouldn't help him with Cheerilee? Maybe, just maybe, A Pimp Named Spikeback really could help Big Macintosh get his love life back on track. He didn't have anything to lose, so it was worth a shot.
"Applejack, take care of the apple bucking for today. I'll make it up to you tomorrow by taking care of your share of the work," Big Mac told his sister before he turned to face A Pimp Named Spikeback. "Alright, let's go."
"Hold it, you're really going to go with him?" a startled Applejack asked her brother.
"You honestly think that he can help you with your love life?"
"Well actually sis, no I don't. But I also don't know that he CAN'T help me. I don't have anything to lose here, so in case he really can help me, I'm going to give him a chance," Big Macintosh told his sister.
"Smart colt, smart colt. I'll be waiting in the carriage. Come on out when you're ready to go," A Pimp Named Spikeback said before turning and leaving the dinning room.
Applejack walked up to her brother with worry in her eyes.
"Are you sure about this Big Mac?" Applejack asked her older brother. "I don't trust him."
"Eeyup," was all Big Macintosh said in response.
"Promise me you'll be careful, and that you won't do anything stupid that he may tell you to do. I don't know what he has in store for you."
"I promise AJ," Big Mac told his sister.
"Well, alrighty then. You best be on your way then. Wouldn't want to keep him waiting," Applejack said to her big brother.
"Eeyup. I should be back later tonight. See you soon," Big Macintosh said as he turned and began to leave the dinning room. He stopped and turned back to face Applejack. "Hey sis?"
"Yeah?" Applejack asked her brother back.
"Thanks again for being so concerned about me. You really the best sister a colt could ask for."
With that, Big Macintosh trotted out of the house and climbed into the carriage with A Pimp Named Spikeback. Applejack walked out to the porch and watched as the carriage exited Sweet Apple Acers.