Chapter 1
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”
Princess Twilight Sparkle woke with a start, slamming her horn into the solid gold headboard of her royal bed, punching a perfectly spiraled hole through it and into the wall beyond.
“Holy freaking horseapples!” she bellowed in agony as a pain unlike any she’d ever felt before surged from tip to tail. Seconds passed like hours in the haze that followed.
Pawing at the headboard, she came to the miserable realization that she was stuck. This discovery, coupled with her throbbing horn, brought two distinct thoughts to mind. The first was that she now knew why Cadence had no headboard for the heart-shaped bed in the middle of her royal bed chamber. The second was that if she died with her horn stuck like this, she’d never hear the end of it.
Still not entirely conscious, she flapped her wings in a pitiable attempt to fly away from pain. So when she did manage to pull free of the headboard, she inadvertently flung herself beyond the foot of the bed and onto the floor with a resounding thud. Prone and on the ground in a painful heap of limbs, wings, fabric, and feathers, she thanked her starry flank that she was alone.
Being an immortal Princess definitely had its perks, but it made one wary of being the subject of gossip. She’d still hear the occasional rumor about her supposed scandalous sock collection, even though it wasn’t remotely true. Twilight remembered that particular tall tale being attributed to Luna long, long ago.
She frowned to herself and remembered something Cadence once told her. Sticks and stones won’t break your bones, but words can hurt forever. Why, if anypony saw her now sprawled out the floor, she’d probably die of embarassme—
“Oh my goodness,” squeaked a terrified voice, “I’m so so so sorry, Princess, are you okay?!”
Her Eternal Royal Highness Princess Twilight Sparkle, Goddess of Magic, Secretary General of the Senate, and the Once-And-Future Librarian of the Golden Oak’s Library in Ponyville, heaved a sigh. Of course she wasn’t alone. Thinking back on it, she wouldn’t scream ‘happy birthday’ at herself in the middle of the night, now would she?
No, probably not.
As the ringing in her horn subsided, the world around her came into focus. She looked up at her would-be assassin, a familiar light-brown filly, fidgeting nearby. The earth pony’s golden eyes brimmed with tears and burrowed into her own, begging for forgiveness and adoration in equal measure.
Forgotten on the floor to the right of the small filly, there was a crumpled cake with purple icing. In big red letters, it read:
Happy 500th Birthday
Princess Twilight Spa
Fighting off another sigh and blinking away the last of the stars from her eyes, she put on one of her many practiced smiles. A smile that said I am calm, alert, and not-at-all angry was a good one to start with. With a poof and a flash Twilight was no longer a smarting pile of purple horse, but a majestic princess, resting on a large pillow in her bed chamber. Indeed, if it weren’t for her sun-and-moon print pajamas, she’d be the very definition of royalty.
A brush, bound in magic, combed through her shimmering mane while other objects in the room around them began to glow and spontaneously organize. Her fireplace roared to life and the pre-dawn chill trickled out of the room. Still smiling, she turned her attention back to her prized pupil.
“Good morning, Smarty Pants. I’m fine, thank you for asking.” Feigning ignorance, she continued, “What brings my most faithful student into my royal bed chamber so early this morning?”
Hearing her voice, the earthpony grinned fiercely and stood a bit straighter. Her wavy red hair bobbed in place as she took a deep breath. If there was any fear in Smarty Pants, it melted away as soon as Twilight had spoken to her. It was a charming change of pace, really, when contrasted with the way other ponies tend to cower when addressed by royalty.
“Oh, right! Well, I couldn’t sleep. So I broke into the Royal Library. Again.”
Twilight noticed that her student had the good graces to appear regretful at the admission. But the sly smile on the Princess’ face told Smarty Pants that she was no stranger to the game, herself. Smarty Pants cleared her throat before continuing.
“I found a book titled Antediluvian National Holidays and You, Volume 2 by a pony named Word Count.“
With a flicker of recognition, Twilight remembered Word Count. He had lived some three hundred and fifty years ago. Wordie was a good research assistant, but his writing was loquacious to a fault. Snapping out of her brief tangent, she pressed further. “And my birthdate was in the book?”
“Oh no, Princess. I fell asleep half way through reading it!” She grinned matter-of-factly.
“I see. Well then, how did you learn it was my birthday?”
“Princess Cadence told me!”
“Oh she did, did she?” Et tu, Heartbutt?
“Yes! She found me sleeping in the library and brought me a cup of hot chocolate and a blanket! She’s super nice. We started talking about holidays and she told me that it was just a few hours until your 500th birthday, and that it would be absolutely lovely if I was the first pony to wish you a happy birthday tomorrow! Er… I guess today now. She told me last night that it was tomorrow and that means it’s today and—”
Smarty Pants chugged along on her train of thought, and Twilight craned her head to look out her balcony at the Sun Tower across the courtyard below. When her eyes found the lit balcony at the top, its lights winked out.
“—cided that I just had to get you a present, but I’m broke so I told Princess Cadence ‘Princess Cadence, I’m broke!’ and she said I could make you something and that she would help me and that you love cake! She even said that half of you was made out of cake, but I think that’s silly. Don’t you think that’s silly? How would that even work?”
Oh, Cadence. You do realize this means war, don't you? thought the purple Princess.
Twilight looked back to Smarty Pants and watched as she rambled on. She noticed how the little filly’s tail would swish left or right with each inflection. With a smile, Twilight wondered if she was like this when she was her age.
“We burned the first cake and the second one came to life! Princess Cadence had to banish it to the walk-in freezer. But we finished one just after midnight! I did the lettering myself but I ran out of space. Princess Cadence said it was ok.”
Smarty Pants took a deep breath and looked at her mentor with a hopeful smile and the Princess gave her silent appraisal with a nod.
“I wanted to give it to you right away and Princess Cadence said she’d teleport me to your room. It was so exciting because I haven’t teleported with a cake into a royal bedroom before, and when I saw you, I was even more excited! I-I’m very sorry that I woke you up, Princess. But look! We have cake now, we—”
The sudden vacuum of silence that followed when Smarty Pants discovered the sorry state of her cake was heart breaking. Her student's eyes began to shimmer, as tears threatened once again. With a tiny thump, her rump fell to the floor. Smarty Pants whimpered.
Twilight giggled briefly as she scooped Smarty Pants into an embrace with her left wing, and softly nickered. “There, there, My Little Pony. I am very grateful for the cake, and it’s not ruined. See? Good as new.”
As she spoke, a magical aura wrapped itself around the cake, levitating it off the ground. Twilight willed it towards her ancient writing desk by the balcony. And as it floated across the room, it carefully knit itself back together.
Smarty Pants sniffled gratefully and dried her tears on her mentor’s soft coat. “Thanks. I-I guess I dropped it when you… Fell out of bed.”
Momentarily flustered by the comment, Twilight cleared her throat. “Yes! Well, enough about that. Let’s have some cake, hmm? I don’t usually have cake for breakfast and I don’t usually have breakfast at two in the morning but let’s make this a one-time exception, okay?”
Smarty Pants nodded happily and let out a big yawn as she walked with her teacher to the writing desk. Two place settings, a glass of warm milk, a cup of hot tea, and a pair of comfortable pillows appeared at the desk with a quiet pop. They made themselves comfortable and fell into a pleasant conversation, chatting about this, that, and the other thing as they enjoyed their meal around the timeworn desk.
Taking a sip of tea, Twilight sighed contently to herself. It was two in the morning, the Princess and her pupil were eating cake, and the world outside was silent and still. It felt wonderful. It felt like home.
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Hmm. While its not bad, I can see that there is a lot of potential in it. I like stories that go into the future, but I'm really picky about them because there are some that just get weird. But it is always interesting to me to see a set of characters from something that I enjoy and then someone's version of "this is their future". Grim Tales on Snafu-Comics is an example I'm thinking of.
I can see that there was a couple of things, grammatically speaking that was off and some words that were missing. If you want help as a editor or someone to bounce ideas off of, then I would be happy to offer it. But once I get my own projects rolling, I might become unavailable. I don't know yet.
Smarty Pants... the pony? This sounds like fun.
Can't wait for more!
2851058
Hey, I'll take a 'not bad' :)
I know I am in dire need of a solid editor, and if you are willing then I am happy to have you on board!
I agree with you that many of the future ones tend to go off the rails, but I don't think this one will end up doing that since it's so short.
And thanks for being my first comment.
Okay, that was really cute.... HAS ALL MY 1 LIKE!
2851065
Thanks! When I came up with the idea, did a look-see and couldn't find anyone else with the same idea. I knew that I had to tell the tale :)
This is a great story. I didn't notice any mistakes, really, but then again I wasn't really analyzing as I read. One thing though, you should write out numbers. Not 500, but the smaller numbers, such as 'two.' It's proper to at least write out numbers under twenty. It's a bit of a writing pet peeve of mine when people don't fully write out small numbers. (2, 3, 4) It disrupts the story for me.
Otherwise, it is great! I can't wait to see what Smarty Pants' past is.
IM INTERESTED IN PRE-READING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
An earth pony? As her student?
I like the story.
Tell more.
(Cadence) I don't know what you mean, cakebutt. :D
*Reads description* "Mweeerh, another dimsy wismy one hundred word writer who-
*Takes note of the one thousand plus words mark achieved(which is, in most cases, my mininmum of words before I even look at a story)"-I will give it a shot..."
*After reading story* "Hmm, that story wasn't half as bad" *Reads the comments* "Writer claims it was a short story? So it is not a dimsy wimsy overconfident writer!"
*Realises he has literally made this account five minutes ago and shouldnt be giving any critique* "I wish to apply for the pre reading function... If that's alright with you..."
2851099
I agree with Blood Lord. This was a charming example of a more mature princess Twilight, but I don't see where you are going with this. Unless Smarty Pants does something to really test Twilight in terms of patience or manners or recovering from potentially embarrassing social situations... I just don't know what to think of it yet.
Still, you almost have more views than both of my stories put together so you must be doing something right. If you would like to forward a link I would be happy to take a look at it.
will spike be in this?
There are just enough things going unsaid here to make me think I want to hang around to see them said.
So I shall.
2851099
Count me in then.
Will give constructive crit. later. Currently suffering from diabetes, D'aww syndrome ,and teh feelz. Good job.
Also a ruptured spleen. It was funny.
Looking forward to more :)
2851528
Great question! I can't answer that :)
This is very well done, I would like to read further.
Et tu, Heartbutt?
This line makes me LOL so much. Great work, I impatiently await the update!
2851693
...not even in the story itself?
And now that I have used that emoticon, what is your stance on the Sparity ship? Any chance of a Kirin/Qilin/DragoPony showing up later on?
2851757
I simply adore Rarara, darling. And Spike is my second favorite dragon of all time after Figment (showing my age, here).
But there will be no shipping in this fic.
Thanks for the comment, though! :)
2851436 you are so young, it is funny to me.
God damn I feel old, and there's only three people in these comments that have been here longer than me
This is adoramazing, and yes, to describe the quantitative cutisitcy of your story, I had to make up two whole new words. I love it, please continue soon.
This is so adorkable!
I heard "Sunbutt" used to describe Celestia in some fic somewhere. And now Cadance is Heartbutt. I like this trend.
Smarty Pants (the pony) is adorable. All of the energy of Pinkie Pie combined with Twilight's ability to panic and blow things out of proportion... fun stuff!
2852265
I don't know which, but one fic called Twilight 'Sparklebottom', before he found out her name
This is looking very promising, I do hope the next / rest of the chapters are going to be lengthier though. I don't care much for <2k chapters, not enough time to get me pulled into the story.
// Sphex
Starting now, in my HiE fic, Twi will call the protagonist fuzzface, and he will call her starbutt.
It is decreed.
2852684 This is the best possible outcome.
good start look forward to more well done
2851874 hey! I made this account yesterday, but I have been around in this since late 2011! DO NOT UNDRESTIMATE ME DAMMIT. (I feel so tempted to use a flutterrage emoticon here, but I won't because I have surpressed the excistence of flutterrage to the far, deep depths of my mind, right next to cupcakes and my little dashie)
2854192 and I've been around since 2012 January, we're not all that different you and I.
2854348 MUST.NOT. MAKE.REFERENCE.TO *HMMPH* EQEUSTRIA...GIRLS----bwah buck it, what is there to lose
2854591
I know this entire song.... I got bored last night
2854743 CADANCE, PLEASE! I got bored a few nights ago, thus I made the decision to watch the movie 7 times. I regret nothing.
2854591 oh s*** that was entirely unintentional, but hey the aesop of the movie worked
2855779 indeed it did
Wow, for your first story, You're pretty good!
I can already see the great stories you'll be posting... ahh, so relaxing
I don't think I'm quite right here, but is Smarty Pants being alive, in pony form, and talking to her just a figment of Twilight's unstable mind?
I see plenty of potential, will be keeping an eye on this one.
there is some serious potentual in this, with just this chapter though it gets the like, fave and follow
I like this fic.
It's exciting.
oh yes, there is also story that reminds me of this story true-true-friends-until-the-very-end granted, it is on a different arc but it still has a bit of deja'vu to it
2861122
Interesting. I didn't find that in my search. I'm not going to read it until I'm done with my story here, but I'll be sure to give it a look once this sucker's complete.
Smarty Pants is Related to Fancy Pants, am I correct?
Somewhere, Princess Cadence is dancing in a troll-like manner.
2851155 Two like now.
Best story beginning ever. "Holy freaking horseapples!" That seriously cracked me up.
2851058
You know, it's too bad that the guy who did Grim Tales was a pedophilic misogynistic douchebag. And a creep, too.
I will never get tired of this joke.
Found this gem through Blood Lord's fic...
I'm glad for that. This is quite good so far!
~Skeeter The Lurker