Source
<

AbsoluteAnonymous 213073

Joined October 2011
1,711 followers

    AbsoluteAnonymous's Stories (21)

    • The Light Goes Out
      Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia's final conversation together.

      3,014 words · 13,546 views · 1,439 likes · 21 dislikes
    • Pinkie Watches Paint Dry
      Pinkie Pie has an existential crisis about paint.
      2,500 words · 32,103 views · 2,834 likes · 50 dislikes
    • Transdimensional Zoology
      A story about an alternate universe where the pets of the mane six are actual ponies.
      3,811 words · 10,020 views · 1,091 likes · 22 dislikes
    • A Million Things to Do
      Pinkie Pie forces Rainbow Dash to help her complete a list of things to do before the world ends.
      6,046 words · 7,131 views · 588 likes · 10 dislikes
    • Diamond in the Rough
      2,961 words · 7,497 views · 500 likes · 8 dislikes
    • Shipping Goggles
      2,778 words · 20,912 views · 1,301 likes · 29 dislikes
    • The Cold Light of the Stars
      4,919 words · 3,191 views · 452 likes · 9 dislikes
    • Ambition
      4,714 words · 3,198 views · 305 likes · 5 dislikes
    • The Games We Play
      137,602 words · 18,490 views · 1,611 likes · 48 dislikes
    • Magical Pony Ultrasounds
      5,456 words · 14,659 views · 1,080 likes · 33 dislikes
    x

    A/N: This is for you, Tails. NOW will you let it go already? As for everyone else...guys, I'm so sorry. I swear they won't all be like this. Maybe.

    "THE GAMES WE PLAY"

    ALTERNATE ENDING #1

    There was only silence; the sound of the two of them breathing and the hushed whisper of snow falling.

    "We'll be okay," Rainbow Dash said, her voice firmer this time. "I promise. No matter what happens. I'm not going to give up on you."

    And without waiting for a reply, she enfolded the mare in one final embrace before quietly lowering her to the ground.

    "Are you ready?" she asked.

    "No," Mare Do Well answered, still breathless and panting.

    A smile twitched at the corners of her mouth, and Rainbow Dash ducked her head in, so that her mouth was moving against the shape of Mare Do Well's ear.

    "Too bad." she whispered. She could feel the mare shiver beneath her.

    It was time. She took one final deep breath.

    Mare Do Well was perfectly still, as if preparing herself for what was coming. For whatever Rainbow did next.

    And Rainbow Dash opened her eyes.

    Under her...before her...there lay a pony clothed in shades of midnight, a cape fanned out beneath her. Atop her head there was perched a matching wide-brimmed hat.

    But now, there was no mask to protect her face. No facade to hide behind.

    There was only her.

    Wide violet eyes. A mouth, seemingly unsure about whether or not it was meant to smile. And hair of a deep shade of indigo, interrupted by two streaks of lighter colors - one purple, the other pink - her bangs lying neatly against her forehead and mane pooling around her like a waterfall, long and straight as glass.

    -----

    Rainbow Dash's jaw dropped. Her eyes were wide, her voice disappearing somewhere on its way to her mouth. Utterly lost for words.

    "No," was all Rainbow could think to say; and a flicker of pain flashed in those eyes, those big and beautiful eyes. "No. No. That doesn't make sense."

    And still the mare had nothing to say for herself, only watching as Rainbow Dash shook her head, wings fluttering anxiously.

    "That doesn't make sense," Rainbow Dash repeated. Her hooves had found their way to the mare's shoulders, gripping her as tightly as she could without even meaning to. The mare winced, then gave Rainbow a weak smile.

    "I can explain," Twilight whispered.

    "No, seriously," Rainbow said, her brow furrowing in confusion. "That doesn't make any sense. Like, at all. What about that party at Pinkie Pie's place, when Mare do Well and I were talking and then she ran away because you showed up? Did you use some kind of duplication spell? Because that would totally be a cop-out."

    "Oh, no doubt. It would be a cop-out. But you see, it's not, because I actually have an explanation for that," Twilight answered primly. "You see, there were two Mare Do Well's. Whenever Mare Do Well was being charming, clever, or likable, it was me. Whenever Mare Do Well was being immature or bratty, it was Pinkie Pie. Now do you understand?"

    Rainbow Dash wasn't actually listening. Instead, the pegasus had found her eyes drifting downwards, to the way the damp black and violet cloth of the bodysuit was now clinging to Twilight's body, hugging and accentuating her every curve. It was extremely distracting.

    "You know what?" Rainbow Dash announced firmly, a sly smile making it's way across her face. "That makes perfect sense to me."

    For a while there, Dash had almost begun to believe that she might have been in love with Pinkie; but now that Rainbow could see the lavender unicorn splayed out before her, she realized how very wrong she'd been. After all, how could somepony as annoying and hyperactive as Pinkie Pie possibly compare with a unicorn as adorkably lovable as Twilight Sparkle?

    And if the smug, irritating Mare Do Well had purely been a product of Pinkie Pie's ineptitude as an actress, then, well, that left Twilight as the possessor of all of Mare Do Well's more positive traits. For instance, her romantic nature and obvious intelligence, or perhaps the absolute, borderline obsessive worshipful adoration she regarded Dash with.

    All of these were traits that the pegasus could get easily get behind.

    And so Twilight found herself swept into a flurry of kisses as the pegasus carried her off into the night, back to Twilight's library, where they then proceeded to have hours of kinky library sex (which you all know is the best kind) right on top of a pile of Daring Do novels, when suddenly, the door was thrown open and Pinkie Pie burst in.

    "DASHIE!" Pinkie Pie shrieked. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? This isn't what's supposed to happen at AT ALL!"

    "Pinkie!" Twilight cried, blushing as her hooves flew to cover herself, despite the fact that ponies tended to go around naked most of the time anyways. "This isn't what it looks like!"

    "'Sup, Pinks?" Rainbow Dash asked with a lazy grin. The pegasus was straddling the unicorn, her face red from exertion and her breathing labored.

    "This isn't what's supposed to happen next! You were supposed to catch me during the chase, and then we were supposed to totally make out and then you'd fall in love with me for realsies and then we'd live happily ever after like the author planned all along! Why are you with Twilight?"

    "Well, geez, Pinkie. I mean, I kind of thought about picking you? But then, well, Twilight happened. And she is best pony," Dash said with some affection, smiling down at the unicorn, who smiled back lovingly.

    Kill them all! Pinkamena hissed to Pinkie. Your so-called friends have betrayed you yet again! If Rainbow Dash won't love you, nopony else can have her, either!

    "No!" Pinkie shrieked, clutching her head and twisting her face as if in pain. "Stop it! Bad pony! Stop telling me to kill my friends!"

    Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle exchanged looks of concern. Well, Twilight tried to exchange a look of concern; but Rainbow Dash had donned a pair of cool shades and was in the process of lighting a choice cigar, and didn't seem to notice.

    "Um, Pinkie?" Twilight asked, propping herself up on her elbows atop the pile of books. In retrospect, they probably shouldn't have used the books as their base. It would make actually reading them afterwards fairly awkward, if not completely disgusting and unsettling.

    KILL THEM ALL! roared Pinkamena from within Pinkie's mind. WHO WANTS CUPCAKES? WE DO!

    "No! I won't let you make my friends into cupcakes!"

    "Pinkie Pie, are you all right?"

    Pinkie lifted her tear-stained face, blue eyes wild, only to see Twilight Sparkle's gentle, compassionate face smiling back. There was such concern written in those lovely, sparkling eyes of hers, and suddenly, Pinkie Pie saw the truth. She didn't love Rainbow Dash. Not really. The truth was, she was deeply, irrevocably in love with Twilight.

    No! her Pinkamena self wailed. But what about Rainbow Dash? We've wanted her for so long, you can't seriously be giving up NOW!

    Well, Dashie's here, too, Pinkie offered. What if we just all did it together?

    Ooh, that sounds fun.

    And Pinkie Pie threw herself at Twilight. A series of endless sloppy kisses rained down upon the unicorn to little protest; that was all the invitation Rainbow Dash needed to join in, and in a single, glorious moment, the three of them found themselves entangled in a Twilight Sparkle-centered orgy of desire, and also of sex.

    At some point there was a knock at the door, but the three ponies - earth, unicorn, and pegasus - were so wrapped up in one another that no one noticed; and at last, the visitor grew fed up with waiting for an answer and opened the door themselves. In walked Applejack.

    The moment Applejack saw three of her best friends locked in passionate embrace on the library floor, she quietly turned around to leave.

    But then, Applejack stopped in the doorway, for she'd realized something. She'd been wrong all along. The unicorn she loved wasn't Rarity; it was actually Twilight. All this time, she'd been projecting her true feelings of lust on the closest substitute she could find, knowing that a simple country bumpkin like herself would never be able to win the heart of a Canterlot-born mare like Twilight, a mare who was not only well-educated, but the personal student of Princess Celestia herself. Now, though, the farmer could be free to act upon her true feelings.

    For it was true, what had been said so many times in the past - Twilight really was best pony. And Applejack really, really liked her mane.

    Before any of them truly knew what was happening, Applejack had joined the fray; and at some point, Rarity joined in as well, presumably because she had suddenly realized that Twilight Sparkle was the greatest pony who had ever lived and was fully deserving of the combined forced of their love and friendship.

    The five of them made love long into the night, and it wasn't until the next morning that they saw any need to stop when Fluttershy walked in.

    "Oh my," Fluttershy whispered when she saw what her friends were doing.

    "Hiya, Fluttershy!" Pinkie Pie cried. "Wanna join in?"

    "Um...no, thank you," Fluttershy mumbled, her face blushing a furious red when she saw what Rainbow Dash was doing to Twilight; and yet, she couldn't look away. "I like stallions."

    "So do I, but mares are fun, too!"

    "Pinkie Pie, you are so random," Rainbow Dash chuckled, sounding somewhat out of breath.

    "I, uh, um...no. No, it's okay," Fluttershy squeaked, quickly scampering away and slamming the door behind her; and so, the dainty butter-yellow pegasus remained chaste, staying pure and undefiled until the day of her marriage to Big Macintosh.

    Gradually, their numbers dwindled; one by one, the others grew tired and left, until at last, only Rainbow Dash and Twilight were left.

    "I'm glad you turned out to be Mare Do Well," Rainbow Dash said happily before giving Twilight a soft kiss. "This so completely works on so many different levels, I can't see why anypony would have any problems with this result at all,"

    "I know," Twilight agreed, sounding equally happy as she nestled against the side of the blue pegasus, where she'd always known she belonged. "I don’t understand how anypony could've been expecting anything else."

    "Wanna have sex again? Let’s go somewhere else, though.”

    "Where?"

    "The roof?"

    And so they climbed onto the roof, where they proceeded to have sex yet again.  

    Their relationship was long and loving and full of all sorts of zany romantic encounters, and  the next day, everypony in Equestria simultaneously realized that Twilight Sparkle was their very favorite of all the ponies they knew; and so they all agreed to share her, so that none would have to go too long without basking in her glorious presence. But of course Rainbow Dash had dibs. And so they all lived happily ever after.




    End

    Comments ( 45 )

    #1 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    All I can say is...

    lol

    #2 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Best. Clopfic. Ever.

    :trollestia:

    #3 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    lol, yes,

    #4 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Tailslover:

    Still a better lovestory than Twili-.. uhm nevermind.

    #5 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    LOL WHAT THE FU-

    Well played.

    - Midnight Specter

    #6 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    :rainbowlaugh:

    I couldn't stop

    I just

    Excuse me while I catch my breath

    #7 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I bet this only fuels Tailslover's to continue making a parody of this.

    Anyways this was just so god damn hilarious, 5 STARS FOR YOU!:rainbowlaugh:

    edit:  Wait we don't have stars anymore...right

    TAKE MY LIKES!

    #8 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    ...I think I liked the real ending better.

    Tails, you better be happy.

    #9 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Wow Tails actually got so trolled.

    #10 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    ...:derpytongue2:

    ... I think that was the point, actually, me.

    ... Am I turning into Pinkie?

    Well, you are talking to yourself.

    I-... Shut up me.

    Okay.

    #11 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    The real ending is good, :pinkiehappy:

    this makes no sense :facehoof:

    #12 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Congratulations this story deserves a prizes for the "Most Cheesy Fan-service hollow fanfic in the story of fanfics" :pinkiesick:

    Still it made laugh :rainbowlaugh:

    As discord would say "what fun is there in making sense?"

    #13 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    ...and not a single buck was given that day.

    #14 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    There. That was the perfect ending to the story+a bunch of snide references to the author's distaste for it. I loved every word of this. This is my TGWP headcanon:twilightsheepish:

    #15 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Well since I like Twidash best could you please, please, uhmmm, flesh this chapter out a little more, if you don't mind?  It felt rushed, a bit.

    #18 · 65w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    ...wat...?

    ...wat?

    wat?

    Wat?

    WAT?

    WAT?!

    WAAAAAAAT!?!?!?!?!?

    I laughed so hard my spleen broke.

    #19 · 65w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I still am not forgiving you for the hole I made in my wall from the real ending. Even though this one is better. I mean, who doesn't love a pony orgy?

    #20 · 65w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    It's true, kinky library sex is totally the best. :twilightsmile:

    #21 · 65w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I remember you saying something about how you can't write comedy. You'd better not ever say that again, because this thing almost literally had me rolling on the floor.  I love how it starts out somewhat serious and progressively gets more and more ridiculous. Well played...You. Very well played. :rainbowlaugh:

    #22 · 65w, 12h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I really enjoyed this story, even more so now that you fixed your earlier mistake and posted the correct ending.

    #23 · 64w, 13h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    My god that was epic.:pinkiegasp:

    Its true, Twilight is best pony.:twilightsheepish:

    #24 · 63w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I don't even....

    What was that...

    I'm moving this to the recycle bin in my mind and emptying it twenty times...

    #25 · 63w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Personally I did believe (and wish) it'd be Twilight in the end. *Shrugs* This is still funny though. x3 (oddly enough I'm quite strong for Flutterdash too >w>)

    #26 · 62w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    *facehoof* ok not what I was expecting. I was expecting you to at least try, but whatever. Still made me laugh a little.

    #27 · 62w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Da fuq?

    #28 · 62w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    BEST ENDING EVER. Rolled on the floor laughing for a good ten minutes. Twilight is best pony, apparently.

    #29 · 61w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    lolwut?

    that was a little bit completely not what i had in mind.

    #30 · 61w, 8h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    looking past the cheese and the sex... and the story, i genuinely enjoyed this

    #31 · 60w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Twilight is best pony.

    That's all I have to say.

    #32 · 60w, 4d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    ...wat?

    #33 · 60w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    That's was soooo funny:rainbowlaugh: but the beginning really made me mad because I thought for sure it would be cheerilee and I wanted to do this -->:fluttercry:

    #34 · 60w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I gotta admit, part of me was slightly disappointed that it wasn't Twi under the outfit... but I know you're all about Pinkie Dash, and it wouldn't have made any sense with the rest of the story.

    I lol'd at the bit partway through the actual story when Dash was analyzing her various friends' attractivenesses and considered Twi a hot librarian.

    #35 · 59w, 4h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    :rainbowlaugh:

    At first I thought that you really tried to rewrite the ending just with twi, but this is so much better and funnier :twilightsheepish:

    #36 · 56w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    "Well, Dashie's here, too, Pinkie offered. What if we just all did it together?"

    That is when I lost my shit....:rainbowlaugh: Seriously I know the lack of Tails comment here means one thing, he hasn't read this yet. Or he just had a heart attack. But enough with the trolling, seriuosly I wanted to make something like this BUT with Fluttershy also in the fray. Oh well...:trollestia:

    #37 · 54w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    BEST. POSSIBLE. ENDING.

    #38 · 52w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>232608      

    Actually, ALL of the bucks were given that day...

    #39 · 51w, 21h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Tails, you coward! Show yourself IMMEDIATELY!:flutterrage:

    Please..?

    #40 · 47w, 1d ago · · 2 ·
    Reply 

    "adorkably lovable".... Twilight Sparkle...lovable? Hell no!

    Twilight is best pony? HELL NO!

    Pinkie and Dash in a Twilight centered orgy? Fuck no!

    Applejack likes Twilight's ugly ass mane? FUCKING HELL NO!

    Fluttershy isn't gay? Fuaaaaarrrrrrk....hell yes.

    #41 · 45w, 6d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    "This so completely works on so many different levels, I can't see why anypony would have any problems with this result at all"

    hehe. you have an amazing sense of humor and a fitting amount of craziness :pinkiecrazy:

    #42 · 45w, 21h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I was sad because the story was over, but this sort of made it better. :pinkiesad2:

    #43 · 42w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    :pinkiegasp:hey this is Still a better lovestory than Twili-.. uhm nevermind.:unsuresweetie:

    #44 · 34w, 1h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Dah fuck?

    #45 · 22w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>821562 I'd correct you, but I think Pinkie Pie can put it better

    Of course this couldn't be the real ending. That'd make no sense. Because it's plainly obvious for all to see that Twilight has to end up married to Steven Magnet. They're so perfect together! :pinkiecrazy:

    0 35510
    Anonymous comments currently disabled. Please register to make comments