After Rainbow Dash makes a desperate, angry wish on a star, she finds herself in an extremely tough position. Can she help her friends return to normal before time runs out?
Chapters (6)
The Crusaders
Joined 3rd Jul, 2013 ·
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Cool story excited to see what happens :D
it goes at a too fast pace and lacks many many details but i like the idea too much.
Pinkie sobbed as she vomited into her toilet, wondering if the glass had been infected some how.
;glass; so discord is in this story. he is the only way glass is able to be ingested.
I'm following and ps it is spot not sport
2831127
No, remember? Pinkie had been cut with the glass from the fishbowl earlier
2831322
No it isn't, it's sport
this is gonna be interesting! i
this! P.S if rainbow dash is a unicorn now ,how come she has not fallen to her death? she lives in cloudsdale,right?
2832635
Give it a second :3
~Scootaloo
2832866 ok?
I like this. I've got quite a few criticisms, but overall I love the idea and your writing isn't bad. Your main problem is pacing.
This needs to be much slower paced. The start was great, launching straight into the story, but the pace needs to slow down after that. The idea of the mane six switching races around is always fun - in particular Pinkie being a unicorn is generally considered to be a state of emergency - but you don't stop to explore these things. You could get a lot just out of Rainbow using magic, something she has never experienced before. Is she good at it? Does she like it? What does it feel like? It just seems to be a sudden tool to her.
Slower pacing also lets you do better surprise reveals. They don't have quite the same punch when the setup and the reveal are a paragraph apart.
This is looking good however, so keep going! I'm looking forward to seeing what's next :)
Fire breathing Sweetie Belle... If that doesn't become a tumblr blog I have... No reason to complain. It's a one note joke. Unless in creative hands. I'm liking this story so far.
One thing - how do Rainbow and Pinkie automatically know how to use magic? Would they not have to learn the spells first?
I mean, in the show we are shown Twilight studying magic for days (and probably longer) before she could even turn a page in her book. That threw me off a little (and I agree, slower pacing would also help 
). Otherwise, nice ideas, I look forward to reading on.
Do you guys think I should make a sequel?
yes
3674326 Yep!
And really you wan't Spike trying to get felling for twilight again!
3613107 I always wonder what exactly they are looking at . I mean is it like medataipn and having to think "lift this object " or is it Like step by step instructions