When I read this fanfic over at Equestria Daily... I was totally blown away. And I'm NOT joking when I am saying that this is the best piece of fanfic I've ever read. Please, keep up the Good work!

MOOOOAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

*awkward Discord hug*

Awesome writing and the story is just to amazing. Waiting for the next parts :)

No glaring grammatical/spelling errors, part from maybe the capitalisation of the "S" in "Spartan" - as it's an adjective, should it be "spartan"? Eh, details. Overall, this was a really well done first chapter. Celestia's first person perspective was executed in a believable manner that conveyed her personality well, all the descriptions were vivid enought to picture but vague enough to be plausible etc etc. Perhaps the only issue I have is with the ending; personally, I found the 'cliff-hanger' a little unnecessary, or at least, not handled (for want of a better word) 'amazingly'. Wait...nevermind, the switching of perspectives thing kind explains that. Sorry

Huh, I like Discord's characterisation in this as much as in 'Fostering Intelligence', how about that? The whole childish-playing-imaginary-with-Luna thing contrasted nicely with his potentially revolutionary ideas about his own race. He's absolutely adorable! You know, in that quirky, chaotic manner you'd expect of him. I'll hold off commenting on Luna's character until the next chapter, but the scene in generally was brilliantly light-hearted, subtly tinged with melancholy, thanks to the reality of what Discord's initial plans for Luna were. Ah, the joys of foal/draconequus-hood innocence.

One brief note, some people might take issue with the inclusion of several of Discord's thoughts being in present tense, as opposed to the majority of being in past tense, calling it tense confusion. I find it a really interesting literary device, adds character to the first person narrative.

Anyway, I like where this is going; nice work once again!

As expected, you've done Luna just as well as the previous two. Her honesty, naivity and ability to see through Discord's guise, even if she doesn't fully understand what she sees, distinguish her fully as a character. Haven't go any further criticism, so all I'll offer in a congrats for what you've accomplished so far. Anywho, I'll keep reading, but will probably start commenting every three chapters as opposed to every one; it'll give me more material to comment with and allow me to read without interuption~

>>250930250930 You're actually the first one to notice the past/present switching, or at least the first to point it out It was a huge, huge deal for me though. Switching the entire piece to present tense made it really awkward in places, but putting the thoughts in past made it sound unnatural.... I mean, when does one think in past tense?

Right, there were a few grammatical errors, just silly things like missing speech marks and the likes, but nothing that detracted from the story, which is still really well done. There are moments so unbearably cute that they can only be defined as "d'awww" inducing, others that yield a surprising melancholy, those that hint at greater forces beyond the understanding of the protaganists - plenty of great parts all around.

But I do have SOME constructive criticism to offer. One of the hardest parts of writing is definitely making speech feel 'organic', and whilst the interactions between Luna and Discord feel this way, those between Celestia and Discord; especially when its from Celestia's perspective, just don't 'flow' as well. I get that the two still feel slightly awkward around one another, but that doesn't fully explain it. If you think that this might be a problem, I'd suggest using more sentences to describe the way in which they're delivering the speech - might help a little. Other than that, as you continue writing and get further into the characters you'll probably do this automatically ;P

But yeah, other than that predominantly minor gripe, awesome job~!

These past three chapters have noticably improved, especially with regard to the interactions between three characters - damn good job. Didn't really notice anything that I could pick up on for constructive criticism... other than...

... Celestia was a fool not to pack a towel. Silly filly. :P

... well crap, I had put this on my "to possibly read list" now I know the author of sunset looms wrote it. crap that's alot of reading to catch up now.

Oy! Potter!

Are you sure you can do more of this?  It seems to take a lot of effort to put into something this good.  I wonder how you do it...

I think my gunea pigs thought that I was going to die this morning, when I found out that you had updated this story.

Amazing chapter!

Amazing ~~~

i'd just like to point out “I hope the city itself doesn’t small this bad…” I eyed the crowds. it should be smell but all in all its amazing and i can't wait for the next chapter.

This is... too cute. I think I'm about to die of a heart attack.

Yet, another excellent chapter!

So... Discord just found the gem from the Element of Kindness necklace?

''...I could clearly see his cutie mark, a big lollypop, one with rainbows slowly circling outward. I wondered, did he have a sweet tooth? ''

My Pedophile Detector went off the scale there!!

>>290589290589 lol i agree

Poor Woona, I hope Discord and Celestia come and fetch her soon.

Another chapter!

Giggly loopy Discord is best Discord.

>>251278251278 Yeah, I wouldn't want to go anywhere without my wonderful towel.

Uh oh...

Never thought I would ever find myself saying this, but... Yay Discord!

Need more chapters!!!!

oh btw this is my favorite series and thanks for writing these for me and others alike.

D'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww my Exploded from all the D'awwwwwwwwww from discord I hope they stay alive.

Needs more chapters.

>>312332312332 Well, you're in luck. I think the story's maybe a little bit less than half over.

Excellent. I like long stories. I like reading too, but that's beside the point.

I also really like the style of writing chapters by character viewpoints. I've seen it done really well twice: here, and Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire. So, kudos to you

'Did you leave me? Hello? You're.... YOU'RE FAT!'

Oh god I lost it.

Congradulations, your story has now been added to the group Equestrian Historical Society! I read chapter one and I loved it. I am Tracking it and thumbs up.

Also, would you like to join the Equestria Historical Society? We are a somewhat new group and we need new members.

So glad I decided to read this story. Looks like Tia's gonna get the Element of Loyalty.

That freaking chapter!!

Excelent!

Ha! Alright Luna!

Well, time for Tia to orchestrate some sort of great escape. Maybe.

lol

oooh I'm so excited to see what happens next

Really enjoying this story so far, deserves more views :D will deffinatley recommend this to brony friends

I never thought in a million years that I would find myself saying this, but...

Discord RULES!!!

Awesome, awesome chapter! It had me giggling along with Discord at his sheer elation.

This is awesome. I love the direction you're taking with this. I definently approve. Discord and Luna are awesome.

one of my favorite storys so far. you sir deserve a muffin

ohhhh materialisation. That is one handy skill.

loving this series, keep up the good work ^^

Did I just witness Discords first sign of madness?

I screamed when I saw that the new chapter was out.

This Discord chapter was awesome, you're so amazing sugarcube!

Oohhh... Poor Wunaa...

>>393560393560So sad. Loony Luna is sad

... but Discord did not kill him!

So... Luna teleported out  of the school... leaving Discord inside with all those guards and the like.

I'm sure he can handle that.

Well, that was a short chapter.

dont cry woona...

Poor Luna

So....Like did they just keep ponies at the castle for a week and kill them, or do they eat them or what? Half of me doesn't want to know... But anyway, great chapter! Can we see the return of Sheen the dragon in a later chapter?

D'awwww!

I visualised that reunion and...

Image: http://froyonation.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/yes-you-can-meme.jpg

All the ponies in this town are CRAZY! Just when I started to think I knew what to expect from Pith and Applebark, I just get more monkey wrenches thrown at me. Loving it!

I'm so glad that this is back on track again! It... is, right? Right?

D'AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWW

This is all sorts of confusing. My view on the Apple family being a bad thing just got bucked hard.

I's confused, i is.

This chapter was complete chaos! Loved it!

Now Thats how you end a story!

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnk3z0SGLR1qafrh6.png

I claim the almighty first post!

Oh Greey, you're still awesome.

The Luna chapters are always too much adorableness for me to handle. Seeing this updated made my day!

Love the story.

I dunno why though, but for the last 3 or 4 chapters, I've been having trouble figuring out the pacing of the story. I've had to reread most of those chapters at least once to keep up with what's happening, and I'm pretty sure I've still missed some stuff along the way. Once again, I love the story, but maybe slowing down might help a bit?

>>503700503700 Yeah, I know what the problem's been. Last few weeks of school, rushing to get chapters out between homework assignments... and the arc itself kinda got a bit messy. I'll be out of school soon, so that should give me more time to iron out pacing kinks.

I'm so so so glad to be able to read this most recent chapter! But I'm sad because it's so short =( It's just too good! I want more! <3

Aw, poor Luna!

This chapter didn't really go anywhere or do anything, it felt like a intermission chapter.

On the other hoof it was a great emotional chapter...so, mixed feelings.

Never thought I'd say this but... Discord is best pony!

This does not bode well for the apple family.... on to the next chapter!!!

And so, Luna learns the Royal Canterlot Voice.

Augh, so short.

Ah, this was pleasing.

And those  symbols in the story breaks are windings, correct?

>>569512569512 Nope, just symbols to be rendered in any font.

>>569604569604

Erm....

So, how does one get them?

>>569656569656 There's probably a keyboard shortcut but I dont know it... basically just browsed around microsoft word's available symbols until I found them. Luna's symbol is a greek letter... Capital theta, I think? The other I kind've found at random, apparently represents some kind of currency? I only picked them for their shapes, really...

Jesus christ, the amount of d'aww in this chapter is lethal.

Excuse me while I go eat a raw cobra to regain some semblance of manliness, before I can carry on with my life.

Image: http://pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133592361143.png

>>569678569678

Uhhh, ok then.

>>569726569726 Sorry I can't be more helpful

Celestia pulled a Rena. "I'm taking her home with me!"

So much D'AWW. Worth the wait, methinks.

>>569712569712

That picture is highly amusing

Dawww =)

That was so sweet it gave me type 2 diabetes. Thanks for nothing.

Man, even as children, they solved all their problems with banishing, huh?

yay! *cough* *cough* I mean, IT'S WOONA!!! so cute :)

Two chapters in a day!

So much cuteness in this update, I can barely contain myself! I must now search for incredibly cute pictures of babby Woona.

I love your work, TGP, but this one's getting a bit long-winded. We're 30 chapters in and Celestia's Motley Crew is wandering aimlessly, telling chapter-long stories to each other. Vonnegut says, "Start as close to the end as possible." My concern may well be unjustified -- perhaps these stories are vital to the plot -- but I'd just like to remind you to stay on track. Go get those EoH, CMC, and defeat... whomever it is, I don't recall.

Ahh, so... adorable!

I've been looking forward for this.

Good use of 2nd person narrative.

Also, bloody adorable

This as to be one of the best stories I've read in a long time. Keep up the good work!

>>571332571332 What Vonnegut does and what I'm doing here could not be more opposite in style or publication He writes tight, one-book narratives. I am writing a serial journey story, more akin to the release and format of chapters of a comic or TV show. I admit, I could stand to have a couple longer plotlines, but in this format, that could easily turn into a "they're STILL on Namek?!" kind of thing.

Mwaah. So much cutness.

As always Mr. Potter you do not disappoint

where's discord?

I lolled when that last story was mentioned.

This was sitting at the bottom of my "Read Later" tab for more than two months, intimidating me with its sizable sizableness while I kept busy with the persistent influx of other fictions. Two hours ago, however, I decided I ought to crack open the first chapter.

My friend, that was the shortest hundred thousand words I have ever read. Please send more.

And then they'll ask discord about his parents and the mood will be ruined :D