“I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.” ― Pablo Neruda
Shipping 💖11,657 stories ·9,732 members
Clopfics11,528 stories ·15,805 members
The Fillyfoolers3,940 stories ·3,487 members
The Writers' Group56,313 stories ·9,281 members
Twilestia is Bestia956 stories ·3,265 members
Twilight is Best Pony6,366 stories ·3,072 members
School for New Writers9,608 stories ·5,006 members
Set three centuries after Twilight's coronation, the weight of immortality is painful as Applejack, the last of her friends, finally slips beyond Twilight's grasp. Twilight grapples with the depths of her sorrow and an unspoken love for Celestia.
Page generated in 0.102 seconds
Total duration
1,077 users online
2,536,862 hits today, 2,571,732 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
3.bp.blogspot.com/-QmZwxxsVLMU/UMAuZxrP9MI/AAAAAAAABmI/z_9HckxQuhU/s1600/thumbsup052812.jpg
Aside from some grammatical errors, it's a good Twilestia premise. Do you have a proofreader?
Aside from some spelling mistakes I think you have a nice premise here! I'll be keeping my eye on this fic!
Not bad. I will folliw this. I would suggest getting an editor or proof reader
This premise is interesting and it shows compelling emotions, nice
. You could use an editor's help though, specially with the formatting of dialogue.
2816380
No I do not, are you volunteering?
I will put it on my watch list, but please get a proof reader and get this checked. It has potential, but the errors are really holding me back from my enjoyment of it.
2817590
2819941
Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it. Also, how do I go about finding an editor or a proof reader?
I would like to find one before I release the next chapter.
Nice idea. You may want to lay off the italics though. Present-tense dialogue reads weird in italics, unless the character is shouting.
2820086 The best way to get an editor is asking around the site, go to the forums of your groups and politely ask for help and you could join the several groups dedicated to help authors (just type editor, proof, author, help etc. in the find group option), you will find groups to find prereaders and editors, people willing to review your work, as well as groups that have tips and guides about grammar, formatting, and writing in general.
You could also add the fact that you are looking for an editor in the author's notes of your prologue, some editors may offer their help if they read your story and like it.
2820690
Best answer.
loose-lose, discus-discuss, with a look of concern-., "Twilight has been spending a lot of time with Applejack and her granddaughter lately and Applejack isn't doing so well, and I think she's dying soon."-she will be dying soon, and the sentence is a bit too long, try to space it out between 2 sentences, lulu-Lulu it's a nickname but it's still a name, "Luna grins" "Celestia grins"- repetitive, tired up-tied up, untie is redundant, saying let her go oror free would be better, grany smith-Granny Smith, 'Applejacks-"Applejack's, shinnin-shinin', applejack-Applejack, twilight-Twilight, applejack-Applejack, stopin-stoppin', leavin-leavin', applejack-Applejack. Great story by the way and I hope the profreading helps you get more viewers and likes.
3144929
Thank you very much, let me know what you think of the other chapters.
Some of them mistakes.
fixed what you pointed out.
3144929
Loss - Lose actually. Loose means something isnt tight. Like a loose string.
>> Kain187
But yeah, there's just alot of spelling errors that should be addressed in order for the meaning to not be lost in translation. Its great so far though, I'm eager to find out how things go. Also, try to draw things out a bit, be more descriptive of actions. When Celestia appears to Twi, it seems sudden and out of the blue. While it may be intended to be as such, More detail of her appearance could elaborate on how she got there, or when she arrived.
If you get what I'm saying that is.
Looking forward to the next chapters.
3279419
Everbrony was pointing out the mistakes I made on my first attempt at writing. I believe I corrected all my mistakes when I rewrote this chapter, but if you find any, show me where they are so I can correct it.
I'll do my best, but I don't have the vocabulary that a lot of experienced authors have to pull from.
But I'll eventually get there with time and experience. I hope, because I have so many great ideas.
Thanks for reading and the next chapter will be out shortly.
3550700
This was my first attempt at writing, and I will continue it eventually, but for now I'm concentrating on Nightshade.
Glad you liked it.
Not bad for my first attempt, huh?
I like this story, I hope U continue it soon. if U need help with anything let me know. Ive helped a writer friend figure out how to get out a blockage or gave him ideas.
*poke*
4468104
I'll continue it. I'm just kinda afraid to, my mind isn't in the same place it was when I wrote the first chapter.
Thank you, I'm surprised and happy someone cares.
I find everyone is their worse critic, I thought it was really good. Nice set up in a new era where your free to explore their potential relationship.
you could potentially change this story from canceled to complete and just name it a one shot since that ending seems final enough for it
Here’s to finishing projects that inspire use ! Write on, my friend!
How does someone put so much effort into a story cover, type 2000+ words, and than just leave the story unfinished for nearly 14 years now.
I have seen people type hundreds of thousands of words in less than a year! How hard is it to make stories!? I hope I see this story being completed in the future.
11828424
You will, it's about to be updated very soon.
Also, the cover is new I made it a couple of weeks ago.
11828504
I was going to reply right about 1 minute after replying to me, but than I got notified that the story updated so I had to refresh the page.
I hope to see more chapters, this story has a lot of potential. I just hope we don't have to wait another 13 years, 7 months and 15 days.
11828518
I plan to finish this story this year.
What did you think of the new chapter?
11828522
Love it, enough for me to actually give a like to the story.
Okay, this story had my curiosity all those years ago. Now it has my attention.
You are crafting some very good emotional struggles for our favorite Book Horse. How will she finally confess or will she angst about it until she breaks? Time will tell I suppose!
11830893
Thanks for the nice comment!
It's nice to meet another B5 fan, and I'm glad you're still here.