Fallout: Equestria: Close Call

by ZIAT

6: In Which a Journey Lengthens, and Distraction Abounds

Chapter 6: In Which a Journey Lengthens, and Distraction Abounds

“Magnus gubernator et scisso navigat velo.”
"A great pilot can sail even when his canvas is rent."
-Seneca the Younger, Letter XXX

If there is one thing I can still hold onto, one sliver of my former life, it’s my family. My family, who, even essentially trapped by the cold grey walls of Stable 81, remain safe. They don’t have to worry about starvation; they don’t have to worry about being raped and tortured for the sick pleasure of ponies driven to insanity by the broken world around them. My mother, father, and sister don’t have to worry about being shot down by an eldritch super-being in the middle of the ruined courtyard of a former government building. I didn’t have to weep over their lifeless bodies, or leave them behind as I fled the mere possibility of more death descending out of a stale, sunless sky. Even through the horrors I have experienced in my short time in the Wasteland, I can still hold onto my family. In the chaotic sea of constant strife and turmoil, to be perfectly cliché…they are my anchor. Even deep underground, they are still my closest friends and confidants. I hardly knew anypony else.

So imagine my surprise when, in the early hours of the morning, in a makeshift tent nestled in the corner of another makeshift tent nestled in the ruins of, as far as I understood, one of Equestria’s largest ports, a pony comes to me to tell me that I have a guest.

* * *

My thoughts formed slowly, having to sluggishly wade through the haze of utter exhaustion, and I didn’t answer immediately. I was put on edge, though; who would come to visit me? Or, rather, who wanted me dead/captured? As my mind began to clear, I ran through the very short list of acquaintances I’d made so far, and found none of them had any reason to see me. It’s not like I’d left any sort of dent in their lives. Well, except Sunny, Oya, and now Knight Honey Heart, but two of them were already with me, and the third was off doing whatever Steel Rangers did when they weren’t blowing shit up. As I came to the bottom of my mental list, my eyes grew wide.

There were two ponies who definitely had reasons for coming to see me. Just as I definitely had reasons for not wanting them to see me.

“O-okay. Uhm, I’ll go talk to them then, I guess?” I stammered quietly, trying not to wake my companions. I had no plan of escape or evasion, but if the manure was going to hit the fan, I figured they should get at least a couple more minutes of rest. Goddesses knew how hard that was to come by out here. The clerk pony nodded, and led me out of our little “room”. In the low light of the lobby, I could make out a small form: unicorn, female…lime green?

“Parum?!”

The unicorn filly smiled. “Luna’s nonexistent ballsack, Close, you’re a hard pony to find.”

* * *

“After you left, Deduc Indagator stopped by. Started talking about how this was going to mean new things for the Stable, how we were going to ‘rise from the ashes’ or some shit. Had no idea what she was talking about ashes for until I came out here.” Parum Sororem, my little sister, explained. It was morning now; she’d passed out shortly after arriving to give me a heart attack. We were in the same café in which Sunny had puked all over my lap not a few days before, as if to complete the surrealism. I had a Sparkle-Cola; Parum, to my (ignored) chagrin, had a bottle of Stalliongrad’s Finest and a shot glass. She still wore her Stable 81 barding, but had found somepony to augment it with armor plating, as well as a sheath of sorts for the ornate Zebra spear across her back. The armor was well-crafted, as if whoever she’d found to craft it had done it before. The weapon was simply a thing of beauty; nearly as long as Parum in her diminutive form, the shaft was beautifully hoof-crafted wood, inlaid with swirling designs reminiscent of crashing ocean waves. These designs continued onto a gleaming blade, itself accounting for nearly half of the entire length of the weapon. Both her weapon and armor bore bloodstains-whether it was hers or her enemies’, I couldn’t tell, and really didn’t want to know.

It was unreal, seeing her like this. Little Parum Sororem, who barely two weeks ago had only just received her cutie mark, was already more of a hardened Wastelander than I was. “How long have you been out here?” I asked tentatively.
Parum shrugged. “I dunno, couple weeks? I left the day after you did.” She answered, “Mom and Dad didn’t believe me when I said I was going after you. Well, I guess Mom did, but Dad sure as hell didn’t.” She giggled at this last part-giggled! As if she were just playing an extended game of hide and seek!

I lost it. “Why did you come out here?!” I almost yelled, “Parum, you could’ve been killed! Or worse! This isn’t Equestria anymore, we’re not receiving updates because of a glitch! T-there’s monsters, and-and crazy ponies, and-and-and…urrgh!” I wasn’t tell her anything she didn’t already know, but still! The Wasteland wasn’t a place for a little filly! I told her this, and she just laughed again-another girlish giggle, as if I were telling her a funny story I’d heard the other day. “What is so Luna-damned funny?” I finally shouted. My sister just shook her head, and turned on the radio function of her PipBuck. A familiar, energetic voice greeted me, as well as everypony within earshot:

“Gooooooooooooood morning, fillies and gentlecolts! It’s your master of ceremonies, DJ PON-3, here once again to bring you some-you guessed it-news!

“Seriously, what is with all these Stable ponies lately? Was there a riot? An insurrection? Somepony fart? Hot on the tail of our-ahem-beloved Egghead came yet another little troublemaker. Now, she may be just a filly, but she’s just as much of a troublemaker as her stable buddy. Not to worry though, my faithful listeners-nopony’s gonna die just by being around her-nopony who doesn’t deserve it, at least. Nah, this little Hellion waltzed right into the ol’ Falmalla Ruins and gave those raider’s what-for! She ain’t done, either: word on the street is she’s begun her own crusade against those nasty ponies. So if y’all see a little green filly with a Goddess-damned spear on her back, please, give some food or a place to stay-she’s here to help, and between the Twins and the Egghead, you’ll need all the help you can get. Now here’s some Sapphire Shores…”

She flicked the radio back off, grinning at me, saying nothing. There was no need for her to; the eminent DJ PON-3 had that covered.
I changed the subject, mentally brushing aside the fact that my little sister-who used to paint her hooves with stolen art supplies-now painted her hooves in the blood of her enemies. “Look, ‘Hellion’ or not, we’ve got to get back anyway. This is no place for you-hell, it’s barely a place for me. At this point, I’d say I’ve accomplished my mission, above and beyond the initial expectations, and thus we can happily return home-“

“No!” Parum interrupted. Pouring herself another shot and downing it, she glared at me. I had to admit, she seemed to be handling her liquor much better than Sunny had, or that I ever could. “Don’t you see, Close? Don’t you see what these ponies go through every day? I didn’t just stumble outside and happen to run into you; I’ve been out here as long as you have, and I have seen some fucked up shit! I’ve killed bad ponies by the dozens! Scores, even! I’ve seen what they do to ponies who aren’t so lucky as you and I are! Shit’s fucked, Close…and I’m not going back until it’s not fucked up anymore. I figured you’d want to help, but I guess my own brother cares more about some stupid expedition for a piece of ass than ponies’ lives.”

“Deduc Indagator is not just a piece of ass!” I countered, though I could feel the ground of my argument crumbling away underneath me. The filly had a point, as much as I didn’t want to admit it; if we’d been having this conversation just a few days ago I probably would’ve dismissed it as the overly romantic fantasies of a misinformed filly. But I had seen the chaos of the wasteland with my own eyes, had experienced it as soon as I stepped from my home. So yeah, Parum Sororem had a point.

“Lead Researcher? What kind of a name is that?” Oya asked, trotting up to our table. She eyed Parum suspiciously-we’d gone to sleep after she arrived, and left before either Oya or Sunny were up.

“It’s a title. It’s complicated. Oya, this is my sister, Parum Sororem. Parum, this is Oya.” I explained quickly. Oya nodded respectfully. My sister’s squee was so high-pitched I couldn’t even hear it.

“Close, te nimium stultus, you didn’t tell me you knew a zebra!” She squealed, nearly tackling Oya and throwing her hooves around her in a tiny, overenthusiastic hug. Oya’s eyes widened, her pupils shrank to pinpricks as Parum chattered excitedly. “Where did you live? Are there more of you? How did you learn Pony? Are you white with black stripes, or black with white stripes? What does your glyphmark mean? Do you really eat the hearts of your enemies?”

“Please…let go of me…” Oya begged quietly, shivering imperceptibly. I could sense that the fact Parum was my sister was the only thing keeping her alive right now. The sense didn’t last long, however; Oya finally lost her patience. “Let…go!” she shouted, planting her hooves and shifting her weight, throwing my sister to the side. I assume she meant to let go and allow my sister to crash into a table; she never got that far. Parum tightened her grip on my striped friend, and used the momentum of the failed throw to reverse it. I would have smiled if my own sister hadn’t just thrown a zebra at me.

“OhmygoshI’msosorry!” Parum yelped as we disentangled ourselves, sitting flat on her flank, her hooves covering her mouth, her eyes wide.

“It…is of no consequence, kidogo shujaa.” Oya replied with a grunt, brushing herself off, “You are quite martially skilled. Perhaps even more so than I. I travel with your brother, although I come from an outpost south of here. I am the only Oya, although yes, there are more Zebras. How did you learn pony? I am what I am, and I do not appreciate questions about my family. Anything else?” Parum shook her head.

* * *

“So who’s the brat? You get yourself a girlfriend?” Sunny chided, looking up from a two-century-old Ironshod Firearms catalog as we stepped into Harbor’s museum, “Shoulda figured ya for a filly-fooler. She is cute, though.” I suddenly felt ready to be violently sick on the floor for a multitude of reasons. Parum, from what I could tell, felt suddenly ready to just be violently violent. She charged Sunny, a light green glow enveloping and unsheathing her spear. Sunny drew Chandrahasa, but it was knocked from her telekinetic grasp by Parum’s spearbutt. Quick as a whip, Sunny drew her other pistol and fired; Parum was too close, however, and the round missed. The spearpoint swung around, point at Sunny’s throat. Sunny closed her eyes, as if concentrating. It all happened in a space of seconds, but I was still too late to warn Parum.

“Sunny, no!” I shouted, squeezing my eyes shut. She didn’t listen.

Even with my eyes closed, the flash from Sunny’s horn nearly blinded me. I opened my eyes as my ears were assaulted with the screams of my little sister. She was stumbling about, one hoof covering her eyes, and she shouted profanities so colorful our mother back in the stable was weeping and had no idea why. Her spear lay abandoned on the ground, with fresh blood adorning the blade. I shifted my gaze to a bleeding Sunny, who was frantically digging a healing potion out of her saddlebags, a deep gash in her shoulder.

“Fucking cunt-licking, Luna-and-Celestia-penetrate-me-with-their-horns, apple-fucking dammit!” Parum shouted, now back on all fours and blinking rapidly. Oya was trying to calm her down, speaking slowly and telling her that it was only temporary.

“What is going on in here? I heard-Goddesses above!” Curator exclaimed, looking like he was about to be sick at the sight of Sunny’s wound. “Mr. Call, I demand to know what is going on!”

”Well, uhm, heh, well what happened, you see…” I stammered, not entirely sure how to frame a near double-homicide. I cleared my throat, and tried again: “There was a…misunderstanding, just a friendly skirmish, no need to worry!”

“’Misunderstanding’ my nonexistent nutsack! The fuck was that about?” Sunny grouched, gingerly massaging her recently healed wound.

“You said my brother was fucking me, you braindead cow!” Parum shot back in her general direction. If I remembered correctly, it was going to be the better part of an hour before she stopped seeing stars.

Sunny blinked. “Wait, she’s your sister?” I nodded. “Well aren’t you a feral little guttersnipe.” Parum snarled, launching herself in an assault in the wrong direction and hitting the wall instead.

“Will somepony please explain just what is going on?” Curator asserted, “I will not have ponies trying to kill each other in my museum! There’s enough of it out there, I won’t stand it in here as well!”

A grin spread across my companion’s features; it was an evil grin, a grin which foretold much mischief and…evilness. “What is going on is that No Balls Junior and I are going to have a drink, is what’s going on. C’mon, kid, some Pferdmeister’ll fix that right up.” She said, as she sauntered to Parum. She threw a hoof around her shoulders, and began to guide her out of the building.

Parum bristled, swatting away the hoof. “Why the fuck would I get a drink with you? Are you brain damaged?”

“I’m buying the drinks, and you owe me for trying to kill me, that’s why.” Sunny replied. Parum paused for a moment, nodded, and allowed Sunny to lead her back outside.

* * *

“I wanted to thank you again for obtaining the Declaration for me, Mr. Call.” Curator acknowledged. We were in his office in the back of the museum; a small room which, in happier times, had most likely been used by the warehouse supervisor. It’d looked like Curator hadn’t really changed it much; an old mattress and blanket occupied the corner, but that was about it from what I could assume, assuming the original inhabitant hadn’t needed to sleep here.

“I’d say the pleasure was all mine; however, that entire venture was horrifying, as well as both physically and emotionally scarring.” I opined, “So really, I’ll just thank you for our agreed upon payment and leave it at that.”

Curator coughed into his hoof before answering, gruffly: “Very well, Mr. Call. To the point then. South of Harbor and slightly West of New Falmalla there is a shopping mall-in the same area you nearly starved in, if you recall.” I did-there would never again be a time where I stopped recalling it. “You may find a few things in there of interest.”

Oya beat me to the punch. “So when you offer us information, you instead mean that you’ll give us a vague idea in an area more lifeless than the rest of this lifeless world? Do you think we are fools, Curator?” She had a point.

“Well, Ms. Oya, is it? I said I could give you information on your pursuers, and I have. What’s left of The Mall of Equestria may have some of the answers you seek. The only other thing I can offer is the age-old advice telling you to bring enough food.”

Oya fumed, her anger radiating off of her; it was almost like sitting next to a fire. I couldn’t altogether blame her, though; after all we’d been through, and this was the most we got? Hell, if I wasn’t too busy processing that my sister was a hard-drinking, combat-experienced Hellion of the wastes, my brain may actually have the capacity to be angry right along with my striped friend.

“Come on Oya, I guess we’d better make sure Sunny and Parum haven’t killed each other.” I grumbled, standing up and making my way out of the office. Oya followed, though not without looking back first.

“Cave quid dicis, quando, et cui, Curator. Caveat actor, Curator.” She said darkly. Curator merely nodded, the ghost of a smile on his wizened face.

* * *

“And-and he says ‘Mater doleo, sed intellegere non possum tibi’!” Parum finished in peals of foolish laughter, doubled over the table, hoof pounding on the already dented steel. “Some Pferdmeister” so far amounted to two empty bottles and a half-drunk one; had we talking that long? Was there even all that much alcohol left in the Wasteland?

“Pissant…I…I have no idea whatcher sayin’…” Sunny slurred, giggling nonetheless.

“Exactly!” My sister exclaimed, erupting into a fresh fit of giggles.

“At least they’re not trying to kill each other, yes?” My striped friend offered. I could only agree; this was simply bizarre. Sunny: surly and reticent, usually only getting along with the bottle and having a love-hate relationship with money. Parum Sororem: bubbly, hyperactive, incredibly aggressive yet genuinely a kind-hearted pony…and apparently an alcoholic. Suddenly their shotgun friendship made more sense.

“Well look who’sh back! What’d you find, No Balls?” Asked the brown unicorn, gaining a frown from the unicorn filly. “What, did I shay somethin’ wrong, Pissant?”

“His name’sh…name’s Close Call, Slutbag. An’ my name isn’t Pisshant, it’s…it’s…” Parum paused, confused, “Fuck, what is my name?”

“It’sh Piss…Pissant. Duh. An’ my name’sh not Slutbag, it…it’s…fuck. Sunny!” Sunny declared.

“Could we focus, please?” I attempted, “We kind of need to plan our next move, considering Curator’s left us in the dust on this. So if we could focus on the situation at hand? If that’s ok with you?”

Oya inspected the drained bottles, and took a sniff at what was left in the partially consumed one. She coughed, wrinkling her nose. “How do ponies drink this?”

“Like this! Gimme!” My sister squealed. An aura of lime green magic enveloped the bottle and floated it, bobbing slightly, to the already inebriated Parum Sororem. She telekinetically tipped it, draining it of its dark, foul-smelling liquid much faster than one could reasonably expect from such a young filly. Then, just as would be expected of such a young filly after so much alcohol consumption, Parum violently threw up and passed out on the table. Sunny, in a show of solidarity, did the same.

“I don’t know if we can handle another Sunny, Close Call of Stable 81.” Oya remarked solemnly.

“I don’t either, Oya. I don’t either.” I sighed. Ponies were beginning to crowd around…again. Only this time, I guess it was more to catch a glimpse of the famous(ish) Hellion more than to gawk discourteously at a drunken mare and her travelling companion. Either way, it would have behooved us to leave. Oya must have felt the same way, because without a word she scooped my little sister upon her back and began to make her way out of the warehouse. “Yeah, leave me with the heavy one, why don’t you…” I muttered, repeating the arduous task of dragging Sunny’s carcass and following Oya.

Once we were out of the massive, dilapidated warehouse, Oya turned, heading now towards the river. She slowed her pace to allow me to catch up-carrying a filly on one’s back was a bit easier than dragging a full-grown mare by her tail.

“Wha…what’re you doin’ t’ me…” Parum groaned, “I’m not drunk, I jus’ had a li’l accident…”

“We’re going to sober you up.” The zebra replied flatly. “We have no time for this; and we have tarried long enough.”

I blinked, confused. “I didn’t know we were on a schedule…” I mused. Granted, the sooner the better, of course. The sooner I found out what the deal with these twins were, the sooner I could take Parum and go home. Maybe see if Oya wanted to come too-I was sure she’d like it, being a zebra and everything. Sunny could die in a fire for all I cared. “Where are we going, anyway? This isn’t the way back to the museum-at least, I don’t think.”

She just giggled as her filly cargo fought for consciousness. “I do not believe we are welcome in the Museum of Harbor anymore, Close Call of Stable 81, and thus do not have the running water that accommodated that privilege. No, the sea will work just fine. Unless you have a better idea?”

It took only the time to actually taste Sunny’s tail for me to decide that no, throwing them in the cold coastal waters of Harbor suited me just fine.

* * *

“You coulda just let us sleep, stolide…” My sister groused. Throwing her and Sunny into the sea hadn’t cured them of their drunkenness, but it had woken them up. It was also immensely satisfying.

“Goddesses, my head…” Sunny also groused as she lied on the cold floor. It were as if she were trying to assimilate herself into the broken concrete, with all four legs splayed, her head as low as she could possibly get it. We’d slept in and were squatting in one of the derelict apartment buildings outside of the actual settlement, at least, one of the more solid-looking apartment buildings outside of the settlement. The walls, while cracked and broken by the ravages of time and megaspell warfare, still held solidly, and unlike the MoM hub, the ceiling two floors above us didn’t look like it was ready to collapse anytime soon. Compared to any other option we had out here, it was a good place to bed down while we figured out our next move. And by we, I guess I meant…me. Oya looked to me expectantly. Parum and Sunny looked to the floor morosely, although I was sure if they weren’t hungover, they’d be looking to me as well. Since when was I a leader? Or was I just a stand in until Parum or Sunny took over? I shuddered at the thought of Sunny actually leading-or rather, trying to lead-this misfit group of ponies and zebra. “So…where do we stand?” I asked.

“We have information on where to go, yet we are not going there. That is where we stand.” Oya stated, perhaps a tad impatiently. What was her deal?

“Where we stand,” I cleared my throat, “is where we need to go is nearly completely devoid of life, to include edible food and drinkable water.” I sighed, “So we need to purchase supplies. Food, water, medical supplies, ammunition for Sunny, what have you. I have…” I checked my PipBuck for what felt like (and probably was) the first time in days, “…thirty-seven caps. How about you, Oya?” The zebra just shook her head. “Oh yeah…no saddlebags. Sunny? Parum?”

“No caps…accept…favors…” Parum muttered into the floor.

“No caps…spent…booze…” Sunny muttered into the floor.

“And you wonder why ponies want to kill you.” I sighed.

* * *

“So what did you mean, ‘accept favors’?” I asked, keeping an eye on my E.F.S. for threats as we walked. Once Parum and Sunny had (mostly) sobered up, it’d been decided that we needed money before we headed anywhere to the Southwest. Sunny had offered the advice of going back to Sukawaka and seeing if the Gelders had any open contracts. Parum Sororem had requested we stop by New Falmalla on the way, and I had to say I was tentatively excited to finally be able to visit, considering we never actually arrived there last time.

“Huh?”

“When I asked about our money situation, you said you didn’t have any, that you accepted favors. What was that all about?”
She laughed. “Oh, right! Ponies heard about me on the radio, and they were so happy that I was doing favors for them, they just kinda gave me stuff.”

Sunny snorted derisively. “And what sort of favors would those be, Pissant?” she asked, winking at her. Parum blushed a red I didn’t believe possible on the little green unicorn.

“II don’t do anything like…like that!” she squealed, “I just kill bad ponies, or deliver packages or something! I mean, sometimes they pay me, but…”

“But what?” I asked darkly.

“…Sunny only bought the first two bottles. The third was mine.” I had to keep myself from facehoofing. She cleared her throat, changing the subject. “We really should at least stop by home…”

I stopped and blinked, surprised. “Home? Why? I’m not finished out here yet.” I stated simply. There really wasn’t much else to it. Well, there was also the fact that at this point, I probably couldn’t find my way back there anyway. I was sure it was on my PipBuck map, but it was outside the city, and I had no idea of any landmarks that could reliably tell me where it was. In essence, it’d be akin to heading to the Mall of Equestria without any food or water. Mostly, though, it was the same reason I had related to Sunny, and again to Parum: “My mission was to find out what happened. Sure, there was the end of the war, but if there is to be a complete report, I want what was behind the decision to drop the bombs.” I left out that I wouldn’t feel right going home while those twins were still around, either.

Parum grew quiet. “Patris et matris desiderium valde…” she nearly whispered, her golden eyes downcast.

“I don’t care if they miss me.” I said, “I was sent on a mission by Deduc-“

“For fuck’s sake, Close!” She shouted, stopping us in the middle of the buckled street, “Enough about fucking Deduc Indagator!
What about our parents?”

“What about them?” I yelled back, cringing inwardly as the filly shrunk away from me, “All they ever cared about were my studies! All they cared about was prestige! You weren’t there to see the look on Mother’s face when I was assigned to Linguistics! And what about Deduc Indagator? What is your deal, Parum?!”

At this Parum regained herself and regained a bit of ground to stand on. She took a step forward, using it as a springboard for her next outburst. “She’s fucking using you!” she screamed at the top of her lungs, “She never expected you to come back! You were supposed to die out here, Close!”

“Perhaps it would be wiser to lower our voices?” Oya chimed in, warily eyeing the skies, “Or better yet, save this conversation for another time, yes?” I didn’t respond, I couldn’t respond, my mind was tied up trying to process what Parum had just said. Using me? Sent me out to die? Never supposed to come back? That was impossible, and I told her this, my voice hardly above a whisper. Parum opened her mouth, but Sunny interrupted her.

“Too late, we’ve got company.” She said, drawing Chandrahasa and joining Oya in her skyward gaze. I finally looked up as well; in the distance, too far for my E.F.S. but closing in fast, I could make out three airborne shapes.

“Everypony run!” I shouted. Without another word we shot off, and the spirit or Loyalty, each of us heading in a different direction.

HALT, CLOSE CALL OF STABLE 81! THE GODDESS COMMANDS YOU! A voice of voices bellowed in my brain. I almost stopped, the perceived authority was so great. I kept running nonetheless, mentally adding alicorns to the list of problems I needed to either get rid of or find a way to defend against before I even thought of going back home. I ran into one of probably hundreds of generic dilapidated buildings, hiding underneath a desk. On a whim, I opened it up to see if its previous owner had left anything. I wasn’t sure why, but they’d left twenty caps! Sweet! I immediately regretted this thought, as it would make a terrible last thought as a shielded emissary of the Goddess crashed through the wall. The entire structure rumbled and shook, with pieces of the already-collapsing ceiling coming down around us. What was it with buildings about to fall on me?! I curled up tighter underneath the desk, praying to (so I thought) nonexistent Goddesses that the alicorn didn’t find me, or that this building collapsed and crushed me before it did.

“COME OUT, LITTLE PONY! WE KNOW YOU ARE HERE!” It screamed in my mind. I curled up tighter, wanting to whimper but not wanting to give myself away. Be Strong, Be Awesome! Two other voices called; separate from the monster seeking me but equal, nay, greater than, in the pervasiveness in which they flooded my mind. Fuck you, I’m going to die here, and there’s nothing you can do about it, whoever you are… I mentally fired back.

“DO NOT BE AFRAID, CLOSE CALL OF STABLE 81!” The Goddess’ will screamed in my mind. I could hear its hoofsteps coming closer, hear the shimmering of its shield. More pieces of the building fell as it spoke, larger ones at that. Suddenly the wall in which the monster had crashed buckled, with what was left of the ceiling coming to rest shakily upon the half-destroyed support columns inside, judging by the slant above me coupled with more rumbling coming from upstairs. The alicorn paid this development no heed-it actually dissolved its shield, taking a few more steps forward as it searched for me. “WE PROMISE WE WON’T HURT YOU…” It almost cooed, its glistening black body inches from my hiding desk. Be Strong! Be Awesome! Cried the two voices in my head again. I didn’t answer this time, I could only mentally whimper as I contemplated my inevitable doom. To this day I still cannot truly say whether my next actions were of my own accord, or of those of somepony else.

Warfare and its aftermath had finally taken their final toll on my refuge; there was one final groan, akin to that of a great beast that has finally fallen to the blade of a mighty warrior, and the building which at one point had stood as a monument to a new Equestrian working middle class shuddered and began to collapse. At that same moment, I leapt forward, feeling more propelled forward, both as if I had been bucked from behind and pulled by some unseen force toward the other door. The alicorn finally noticed, and it would have taken her a mere fraction of a second to raise her protective shielding, but it was a fraction of a second she did not have as she was crushed by the falling concrete and wood mass from the floor above.I didn’t see this transpire; as I fell, rolled, and began running to the other side to safety, I heard only the gruesome splat as I dived through the door-less doorframe and into freedom.

I stopped to look and see if the monster had made it through as well, before remembering the sound of its demise. Safe, at least for the moment, I dug into my saddlebags and fished out my two figurines. I was amazed to see that despite all I’d been through, they looked exactly the same as when I acquired them. Hell, the way they looked, it was probably the same as when they had been made. As I looked at them, I couldn’t help but think of these small figurines…as actual ponies. I mean, of course they weren’t actual ponies; that’d be insane. But something about them…I shook my head to clear it. I couldn’t hear any screaming or gunshots, but that didn’t mean the danger had passed. I didn’t have time to ruminate on the equinity of two small statuettes, no matter how unnerving it may or may not have been. So instead, I occupied my mind and time thinking of names for them.

“Let’s see…” I muttered, “Here we have Appleflank…” And once again, there was a brief pain in my skull like somepony had bucked it, but I ignored it and moved on to the blue one.

Back in the Ministry of Morale hub I’d only been able to look upon her briefly before the Goddess’ lackeys had arrived. Looking more closely, I really…liked her mane. The colors, aggressively juxtaposed against this grey, broken world and everything in it, contradicting all which the Wasteland apparently stood for. It wasn’t just her mane, either; her whole being, if you will, radiated a color, a cleanliness, a purity which itself declared war on what Equestria had become. It wasn’t just the Pegasus either; the orange one, Appleflank (ow) was the same way. What to call her, though?

“Rainbow Dash?”

I jumped and whirled around to face the voice behind me, coming face-to-face with a floating metal globe-a spritebot. “Watcher?” I tried. I didn’t know if anypony else spoke via spritebot. After a thought, I added, “Who is Rainbow Dash?”

The floating (and creepily stealthy) orb was silent for a time before speaking in its monotone, inflectionless voice. “Where did you find her?“ It asked. I tried to hide the cyan statuette with my body, stepping in front of it, but the orb merely swerved around me, now once again at my back. “And is that…Applejack?! I didn’t know there were any more of these…”

I turned around, once again facing the spritebot, my confusion equal with my irritation. “Could you please tell me what the hell you’re talking about?”

“Have you found any friends yet?” The ‘bot asked.

I paused, thinking. “Well Oya says she’s my friend. Sunny says she’s not, and I found my sister. Does that count? I did find more ponies-well, sorta-who want to capture and/or kill me, if that counts for anything.” I blinked, and thought for another moment. “Don’t change the subject! What were you talking about, Rainbow Dash and Applejack?”

The bot-or rather, whoever was behind the bot-sighed. It was certainly an odd sound; a sigh filtered through the airwaves, robbed of inflection. “How much do you know about the Ministries?”

I shrugged. “Well, my Stable was partially funded by the Ministry of Arcane Sciences, the Ministry or Morale apparently dealt with parties and, for motives I still can’t understand, interrogation. You’re talking about those, right?”

Watcher bobbed, which I took as a nod, but was probably just an involuntary movement of the bot’s levitation spell. “Those, yes…but there’s more. I can’t go into the details right now, but before the war there were six Ministries, run by a group of six friends. Two of them are sitting right in front of you-well, kinda. Rainbow Dash, who headed the Ministry of Awesome, and Applejack, who ran the Ministry of Wartime Technology. I’m just surprised you found their statuettes.”

My mind clicked over as I looked at the orange and cyan ponies. Ministry of Wartime Technology? “Where have I heard that before…?” I muttered, and then answered myself almost immediately, “The Steel Rangers! They said something about the MWT! How’re they involved with all this?”

I was answered by the sound of fading tuba as the spritebot floated away.

* * *

“Parum? Paruuum?” I called out into the urban wilderness. I had been wandering in what I thought was a vaguely southeastern direction for an hour now, at least it was an hour according to my PipBuck clock; which out here was about as much useful as the thing got. Honestly, I was never paying enough attention to it to look for enemies (which I should work on), the compass actively tried to kill me for whatever fucked-up reason, and the rest I’d simply hardly used since being birthed into this radioactive abortion of a former nation. It was because of the first reason that I was blindsided by a lime green artillery shell.

“Are you stupid?!” my sister half-whispered, half-shrieked. “You’re gonna bring every alicorn, raider, and mutant from here to Manehattan down on your head, shouting like that!”

I wasn’t paying attention; I was too busy being elated. “Parum! You’re alive! How did you escape?” I cried, wrapping my hooves around her in a tight hug.

She answered first my shoving me away and shoving her hoof in my mouth, then with actual words. “I didn’t escape; I killed the bitch.” She hissed, “I hid in a building, waited until she flew by, jumped on her back, and stabbed the ever-loving shit out of her. Now will. You. Shut. Up?” I nodded, and she let go. “Have you seen the others?” she asked, looking around. I shook my head. Parum looked away, thinking for a moment, and then turned back to me. “Much as I can tell, we shouldn’t be far from New Falmalla. We’ll do better waiting for them there then wandering around here shouting for them.” She said, the last part more directed at me than I liked.

“Let’s go then.” I muttered quietly.

* * *

It was…unsettling coming back here. As my sister and I approached New Falmalla, I could swear that I spied two figures on the road. Figures which I knew, even though I couldn’t see them at that moment, would coalesce into identical ponies in ratted, dirty business suits. I blinked, and any trace of the figures, real or imagined, was gone. I don’t rightly know why this was unsettling to me; we were approaching from inside the city as opposed to the outskirts of it this time. Perhaps it was the apprehension of not knowing where the rest of our group was, the feeling that they could be anywhere, in any sort of situation…I snorted. Who was I kidding? If anything, it was usually Sunny and Oya getting me out of situations, not the other way around. My own little sister could handle herself better than I could out here.

As with Sukawaka, the entrance to New Falmalla was guarded; a fallen skyscraper provided a rear wall to the settlement, with ramshackle guard towers placed evenly along it and a convenient break in the middle which the residents had converted into a makeshift gate. As we approached, the guardponies’ weapons-more pony-sized rifles and battle saddles-trained on us, even if the ponies on the ground weren’t paying as much attention as they should have been. We soon saw why.

“I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it is!” One of the guardponies, a blue earth pony, was explaining to a familiar-looking brown unicorn and zebra, “The zebra will have her weapon confiscated and she will have to remain in the favela, there is no room for discussion!”
“’The Zebra’ has a name!” Came Sunny’s voice, loud and abrasive per usual, “Her name is Oya! And what the fuck does it matter if she’s a Zebra? The war’s over you little cockbag!” Oya stood silently, flanked by two more guardponies, and although she said nothing, I could almost feel the rage building within her.

Although I was still paralyzed by the realization that Sunny could be a decent pony, Parum was of no such state. “Hey! The fuck is going on here?” She shouted, “Since when are Zebras not allowed? Slutbag might be a, well, slutbag, but she has a point: the war’s over.” As I trotted up beside her, I could hear the guards muttering:

“Is that the Hellion?”

“She’s back already? I thought she was hunting alicorns of something.”

“Come on, don’t be stupid. What would she be then, the Mighty Alicorn Hunter? I like Hellion better anyway.”

The lead guard commiserated instead of muttering. “Look, Hellion, I wish I could help ya out, I really, do-“

I probably surprised myself more than the guards and my assembled friends by speaking up. “I know, rules are rules. Don’t worry, we understand and we won’t cause you any trouble.” I said jovially, turning to Oya before anypony else could react, and adding, “We’ll see if we can work something out, but we can’t do it here. Just…deal with it for a little bit?” Oya, stoic as ever, relented, allowing the gate guards to escort her to…wherever they took zebras, I guessed. “You’d better make sure she gets to where she’s going okay, and that she’s treated well when she gets there. I’d hate to see what would happen if a friend of the Hellion were to have any unfortunate ‘accidents’.” The guardpony said nothing, but his eyes flicked to my sister, and to the spear on her back. My point had been made. The gate to the city opened, and they let us through. I was a linguist; I knew what words to use on occasion. Even I had my moments.

As the gate closed behind us, I stopped, receiving a full view of New Falmalla for the first time. For one, it was massive, being retrofitted from the ruins of Whinnyapolis herself. For another, New Falmalla was alive. Until this point, the largest settlement I’d visited had been Harbor, a bustling merchant’s town, and this made Harbor look sleepy. It was as if I were in a twisted version of the memory orb; ponies actually bustled here, doing more than merely surviving-they were almost thriving! A part of me, a passion, which had shrunk to a miniscule size over the passing weeks, suddenly reignited. Instead of finding out why Oya was being sequestered and searching for a way to amend said situation, I desperately wanted to take a year or so compiling any and all data I could find on how the ponies here had carved such a life out of this destruction. Then I could write a report based on these data, and then…I could be published.

I shook my head hard. Later, Close, later…”So who do we need to talk to?” I asked nopony in particular.

“Well, there’s not like any actual pony in charge.” Parum offered as we walked, “At least, I don’t think so.” Her eyes lit up with an idea. “You know who would know?” I shook my head no. “Barponies!”

“Huh?”

“If anypony knows anything, it’s the barpony! I’ll go ask her while you poke around.” And with that, Parum sprinted off in what I could only assume was the direction of the bar.

“Hey, that sounds like a great idea! I’ll help!” Sunny offered.

“Nope, I’ve got it, thanks!” Parum called over her shoulder before disappearing in a throng of pedestrians.

Sunny and I stood there for a moment, confused, before Sunny began walking as well. Having nothing better to do, I followed. “So what happened with you two?” I asked.

“What’re you talking about, No Balls?”

“You and Oya. Those alicorns came, and we all split off in different directions. How’d you kill yours?”

She shook her head. “We didn’t. When they came, I took off. Didn’t even know if the bitch was following me, and I didn’t wanna find out. Next thing, I know, Oya’s grabbing me from behind a wall. Flying bitch flies by, she doesn’t come back, I guide us here, the rest is history.” She explained. Didn’t answer my question though; I felt it was safe to assume that was another story for another time-never seemed appropriate, knowing Sunny. I let the matter drop, changing the subject.

“So where are we going?” I asked. I knew Sunny had been here before at some point; she was the one that’d led us here in the first place, so she probably knew her way around.

“The bar.” She answered simply.

“Why? Parum said she had it covered.”

“Exactly. Dear sister’s hiding something, and I wanna find out what that something is.” Sunny said with a wicked grin as we came upon our destination. A low building compared to its brethren, only two stories, sandwiched between two larger complexes, there really wasn’t much to distinguish it from the rest of the ruins. A simple wooden door served as the entrance, and beside it hung a sign:

ENTER, PLEASE,
AND LEAVE SOME OF THE HAPPINESS YOU BRING!

Beneath this greeting, somepony-the proprietor, most likely-had scrawled:

ANYTHING MORE THAN THAT, YOU’D BETTER BE READY TO PAY FOR IT!

How…quaint? “What do you mean, she’s hiding something? She’s barely old enough to have her cutie mark, what could she be hiding?” I snickered as we walked in.

My snickering turned into choking as I looked to the bar. Parum Sororem was indeed asking the barpony, oddly enough a light blue pegasus about her age, for us…with her tongue…in the barpony’s mouth… I sat down hard, unable to speak. Sunny erupted in peals of laughter, rolling on the floor, soon gasping for breath. Parum and her…friend broke their, ahem, discussion, looking towards us, Parum blushing deep enough to rival the blood in her veins.

“Close! Uh, uhm, ehe…I thought you ponies were going to do…the thing…” She spluttered.

“Are ya sure that wasn’t you?!” Sunny gasped, before collapsing into another fit of howling laughter.

I just sat there, eyes wide, mouth open, with only the slightest whimpering exhalations escaping my throat.

____________________________________________________________________________________
Level up!
Perk Added-Travel Light: You’ve learned how to pack only the essentials, or you’ve just gotten quick on your hooves! While wearing light or no armor, you run 10% faster!

Author's Note:

Whew! This sure didn't turn out as planned, but in a good way! Didn't take half as long as it took to get chapter five written, and even if it did, I'm much happier with the results-I hope you are too!

Per usual, I'd like to thank Kkat for crafting this world we play in, and also my various forms of inspiration as detailed in previous posts. Also, per usual, feel free to leave comments and criticism! Also, if you enjoy Close Call, tell your friends! Maybe they'll enjoy it too! I was going to put something else here...well, crap.

SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK

AUT VINCERE AUT MORI