- Member Since 24th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen 26 minutes ago
shirotora
I'm just a simple, southern man that loves ponies, Star Wars, ridiculousness, and adorable things. I'm also an ex-Navy nuclear machinists mate, and life long martial artist.
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YON NYON NYON
wow dude, great prelude
Nice start! Looking forward to more!
Poor Spike, no one ever listens to the wise-guy...
2882729 true, true... Now back to work on the next chapter
I'll be observing and seeing what you come u.p with
Just one thing: you've taken down the original.
Interested. I'll admit I never read the original, but it seems I'm too late now.
2885094>>2885139 They made me take it down. I backed it up though and as soon as I can I'll be posting it on gdocs and giving a link.
2885247 I figured that was the case; can't wait to give it a read either way. If only to see how you've changed over time as a writer. Let us know shiro
*Enthusiastic clapping*Wow, this story is excellence given partial form, partial because it's only the first installment.
+1
All my mustaches! Take them!
Faved, Liked, already Following.
P.S. May I use this or a similar entrance idea?
2888067 by all means, go ahead
I loved the original but this is turning out great.
Alternate earth where humans can use magic?
2891976 An alternate world entirely. The world is from a novel I've been planning for about 9 years.
i liek it mak moar pls
2892008 Ah, thanks for the background. I was killing myself trying to reference the world you were using.
More than you know Twilight, more than you know!
2885247
Make it available once you can.
I didn't read the original fiction, but thanks to this comment 2892008 my attention is piqued.
Let's see where you will take this
i'll read the read rewrite then the rest so HURRY UP please
Shiro, keep up the good work.
Enjoying the rewrite....
I faved and a new chapter came out. I must fave again so that chapter 4 will be released!
2907204 Why would I skip chapter 3?
2907250 Who said anything about skipping chapter three?
Besides, if you look at the comments, it says Chapter 3 on them.
The Infallible Lie Detector strikes again
2907280 thats because it counts the Prelude as chapter 1
2907293 Of course. Still, I do await both chapter 4's. May they be with you.
Applejack seeing right through all the lies, she should know that sometimes an person lies because they aren't ready to delve into their past or are scared of what others might think, that's exactly what's going on with Midnight here, which in that case is somewhat acceptable, then again you can always say I don't want to talk about it!
Now I'm even more interested... Can't wait to see what you've got in mind Shiro. I already know you're an amazing writer, so that makes the wait even better in a way.
2909673 Just because she's the Element of Honesty doesn't mean she doesn't understand lies like that.
2913264 Well thanks. I'm glad you're enjoying it.
2913326 True at that!
Considering some of your other work, i think this will be pretty..aww hell who am i kiddin, i think i'll love it.
2915165 I hope you do.
thumbs.newschoolers.com/index.php?src=http://cdn.overclock.net/9/93/93a29064_Slow-Clap.gif&size=400x1000
That ending to this chapter was amazing.
ehhhhhhhhhhhh......shouldnt have told them your life story in one shot shoulda keept with the memory loss and goin.... i had a flash back (and stared manlyey into the distance) *thundercrack* ahhhhhhhh
EMOTIONALLY SCARRED SOILDERS ARE ALWAYS DANGEROUS. I happen to live with one. My stepson did 2 tours in Iraq as a combat engineer on the airport road. Life is not fun but my wife and I have been doing our best for him over these years.
Nice!
DEMONS DEMONS BLOOD RITUAL FLESH RIP AND TEAR YOUR GUTS
no,really.
wat.
I don't remember him attacking the mane six from the original story. Did you add that in or did I just forget about it?
Either way, you're doing a pretty spectacular job with this rewrite.
I loved the old version, but this is:
Hmm, that was a really interesting back-story, but I think that the form it was presented in leaves much to be desired. I guess it would have a lot more impact if it was shown through a series of flashbacks, instead of the protagonist literally telling us the story of his life.
From what I noticed in your other stories (I only glanced at the chapter wordcounts), you tend to write pretty short chapters, so I guess it would be uncomfortable for you to write a long one with multiple flashbacks -- in this particular case I can imagine it going well over 8k words. Considering this, I shall forgive you
... But only for this time 
2925051 No, he hit a random pony and grabbed another in a panic, not a flashback.
I'll try to link the old version soon.
2925199
One unrelated question..
Are you going to go through your other stories that have references to this one to account for the name change, or just let it be?
I recall the broken soldier is mentioned by name in Chaotic Harmony
I know this isn't a big deal, or even a medium sized one.
2925256 It might be referenced in Children of Chaos.
Good story. Just an advisory mate, a lot of people on this site have a raging hateboner for large amounts of grim dark. The demon IE, of you have surprises like these you should really space them out
2925589 I do use dark scenes in stories, but I don't go full on grimdark
2925692 bleh, just a statement. that demon stuff was pretty friggin dark, but don't throw that stuff around lightly.
2926282 I know the demon was a little dark, that's why I didn't use a flashback scene. I use dark moments only to make the ending that much more happy. I never do true grimdark.
Compared to the pacing of chapters one and two, this third chapter blows past the reader like it has a Super Charger, NOS, a big block 409, dual carbs, and jet thrusters. It feels rushed to the point it is hard to understand just what happened. I actually had to retread it twice to understand all that happened.