• Published 1st Mar 2014
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The Mailbox Compilation - Skeeter The Lurker



Even apart, the Mane 6 find the time to keep in touch with one another. The letters as seen in the group collab project.

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Rarity and Pinkie Pie

July 2, 2013

Hey Rarity!

You’re probably knee deep in sequins right now, but I just got back from my last trip and it made me think of you the whole time! Actually, if you’re knee deep in sequins, could you swim around in them? If you can, save a tub of them for me!

Oh, so my story! Okay, Zecora told me a little while ago about this punch they make where she comes from. She said you have to harvest blueberries and then tell jokes to them until they aren’t blue any more! The berries get so giggly that they split their sides, and the zebras collect the juice that drips out. Just add the right spices, and it makes this special drink that gets everypony smiling and laughing. They call it Punchline Punch! Isn’t that a scream?

Can’t you just taste it, Rarity? It’s liquid laughter! My tongue got all tingly and I hopped around and around Zecora’s hut, until she said, “Enough, alright! I’ll show you how! But I cannot do it right now. To learn this drink, so light and fizzy, return here when I’m not so busy!”

Well, this pony can take a hint, especially when I’m being locked out, so I went home. But last night, I dreamed that we were all together again, drinking bottles of this stuff, and everyone was crying because we were laughing so hard! We were giggling so badly that Twilight had to cross her legs and hop over to the bathroom because she was about to have an accident. It made me laugh so hard that I shot punch out of my nose! When I woke up, I know it was time!

So, I bounced over to Zecora’s hut and I just knew it was going to be a great day for us both! She was in a hammock taking a nap, which was perfect! She had free time on her hooves. I wouldn’t want to interrupt anything, after all! Well, I was so excited that I jumped over her a few times yelling her name. Then we spent a few minutes untangling her from the hammock. Princess Celestia might want to have somepony take a look at those things! They don’t seem safe. Zecora was all knotted up in it. If I hadn’t of been there, I’m not sure what she'd have done!

We finally set off, and, I dunno, something seemed off about Zecora for a little bit. I couldn't put my hoof on it. She kept yawning and glared at me once in a while. I’d crammed a garlic bagel in my mouth while I was running out the door, so maybe it was my breath. Luckily, I keep an emergency reserve of peppermint swirls on my at all times, so I popped one just to be safe.

Okay, so here’s where I was really wishing you were there. Zecora tells me that these berries only grow in the Empire Wastes, which is where the Fashion Hounds live. I wasn’t sure what any of that meant, but when I think ‘fashion’, I think ‘Rarity’!

Zecora kept talking about those hounds, but she kept yawning, and you know how that goes. She would yawn, and then I would yawn. We were just yawning back and forth, and whenever she yawned, her words got all long and sleepy-sounding. Then I would yawn and I couldn’t hear her so well. But I figured, “What’s there to worry about?” I mean, she’s done this before. We’re all good.

So, we walked and walked and walked until my tummy got pretty rumbly. I had a whole bag of peppermint swirls for my breath, but Mrs. Cake keeps telling me that’s not a meal. And you know what the Wastes aren’t wasting? Food. Seriously, Rarity, there’s nothing there! Just glittery rocks as far as you could see! I was just about to ask Zecora if she had some clover with her when this voice says “Halter!”

Okay, you have to close your eyes and imagine it! This fruit basket walks right up to me from out of nowhere! I was so hungry that I dove right in, and I thought Zecora was, too! She leapt straight at us, but then she kind of tackled me when I was halfway through a banana.

She said, “Pinkie Pie, you must stop that! You have eaten half his hat!” I looked up and saw that this little dog in a spangly dress was wearing the fruit bowl on his head! Well, I started cracking up, but he started scowling, and then Zecora started scowling, and, well, it wasn’t all that funny anymore with no one else laughing along, so I just kinda turned it into a cough. Tough crowd! It’s no wonder these berries are blue! This hound guy looked like he hadn’t ever cracked a joke!

Okay, so I feel like you might be getting that impatient look you get sometimes when I tell you stories, but I’m just getting to the good part. After I said I was sorry (I tried to put the banana peel back in the hat, but he didn’t want it), Zecora convinced him to take us to the blueberry bushes. It was in a city called Outré, and Rarity, it was so amazing! The Fashion Hounds built it into a gorge, and they had these little chair lifts that zoomed around and took you to all the different levels! They were all lettered, I guess so nopony would get confused. We hopped on the A-Line and zoomed off.

And, oh my gosh, Rarity, it was fun! We were flying through the air super fast! The wind kinda stung my eyes, but I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe. On the other hoof, Zecora maybe didn’t like it so much. She was squeezing my hoof so hard that it turned white. I wish it had stayed like that! We could have been hoof sisters!

All this time, the Fashion Hound is being really quiet. I thought maybe he was just shy so I kept asking him about the blueberries and the lifts and things, but he just stared ahead and muttered stuff under his breath. With all the wind, it was kinda hard to hear, so I just pretended it was funny and laughed. Sometimes, it just takes a grin to turn someone’s bad day around.

So, we got to the lower landing (I tried to jump back on the lift, but Zecora wouldn’t let me) and he led us around and around, in and out of these funny caverns with all of this shiny material in them. The hound said they were sa-tin mines. He said it had to be processed before it was ready for cloth, but there were these BIG carts full of the raw sa-tin thread all over the place. One dive later, and I’m apologizing again. Seriously, who puts out big piles of soft stuff and doesn’t expect a few ponies to jump into them?! Jeez!

Finally, we got to this little river they called the Instream and he said that would lead us to the berry bushes, and then he just ran off. I think it was my breath again. At that point, I was really regretting that garlic bagel, and I ate my last peppermint swirl. I’m going to have to remember that in the future. Nopony is at her best with garlic breath.

Anyway, we got to the bushes, and the berries looked so delicious! They were firm and plump and bursting with juice, but the bushes were all limp and wilty at the same time. They were the saddest bushes that I’d ever seen. Actually, they were so sad that I started to tear up a little, but I said “Pinkie, you’ve gotta act cute for the fruit!” So I hit those bushes with a little stand-up, and boy, was I knocking ‘em dead! I know a lot of good, fruit-based jokes, you know, but then Zecora covered my mouth and pointed at some nearby caves.

Rarity, guess what happened! All of these Fashion Hounds started coming out and they surrounded us! They said we were their prisoners and that it would do no good to pleat for mercy. We were their Slaves to Fashion! I thought that was really lamè! I told them that if they just wouldn’t permanently press us into service, I’d crack some jokes and have them all in stitches!

That didn’t exactly go over so well, and they all drew their stilettos. Well, when I say ‘drew’, I mean that they took them off of their feet and pointed them at us, but it just sounds more dramatic that way. I thought we were goners for sure!

But then Zecora whispered this great idea to me! We ripped up a couple of the bushes and charged the hounds! Zecora was shaking the bush back and forth clearing a path, while I reminded them how badly berries would stain their ‘dry-clean only’ dresses! Just when we thought we were in the clear, these alarms went off and hounds with blue chiffon dresses with gold stars pinned to them came charging out from all over the place! Zecora yelled something about the fashion police but I was too busy shaking my bush. There wasn’t anyone really near me, but shaking stuff is just really fun!

Zecora pulled me back onto the A-Line, and we zoomed back to the top of the gorge. The hounds were stuck behind us, and they sure were mad because those trams only have two carriages on the line. When one is coming, the other one is going, so they had to wait for us to be off before they could chase us.

When we got to the top, we hopped off and ran super fast out of the Empire Wastes! Luckily, those hounds aren’t very good runners. Those heels are kinda wobbly! By the time we got back to Zecora’s hut, she was so beat that she told me that we would have to make the punch another day. I guess I was a little disappointed, but I understood. She seemed like maybe she’d had a long day. So, we planted the berries behind her hut and she promised she’d give me a call when the berries were ready.

I couldn’t figure out this one thing, though. Before I left, I asked Zecora why the hounds were all grouchy when they had always been friendly before. She said she didn’t know, but that it might be because their source for the latest fashions and avant-garde styles had been shut off. So I was wondering… do dogs in dresses ever come to Carousel Boutique? I’m sure if you had been there, you could have whipped something up and they would have been dressed to the ca-nines in no time!

When you said the world of fashion was cutthroat, I didn’t know you really meant it!

Mostly, though, I just wanted to say that I can’t wait for you to come home! I’ve done so many amazing things this summer, but none of it is as fun as spending time with my girls. I hope your play’s been a blast, and watch out if any dogs in pumps show up. They mean business, and I don’t mean show business!

With laughter (and some sa-tin still tangled in my hair)

Pinkie Pie



July 7th

Dearest Pinkie Pie,

I'm not certain how to respond to... any of this. I shall take your word for it that the events occurred as you have written but every fiber of my being insists that if the fashion police exist they would have cracked down on Ponyville ages ago and imprisoned all of my dear friends! I am forced to conclude their jurisdiction ends at the Equestrian border, which leads me to wonder if perhaps diplomatic relations could be arranged, because this country could use such a force for good.

In any case, I am doing well, but I find myself missing you all very badly. Still, knowing you are well and relatively safe gives me ample reason to push on, and I look forward to the party that you are doubtless planning for us all.

Be safe, darling. And stay away from any unmarked potions.

Sincerely yours,

Rarity.

-P.S. Pinkie, I need you to pass this letter on to Zecora. Pinkie Pie swear to me you will not read the bit addressed to her! Have you finished the swear? Fine. Pass it along please.

-P.S.S. Zecora what in Equestria are you doing? I swear to Celestia if you have drugged my friend I will find you and... well it shall not be pretty! Please, keep her safe!



August 8, 2013

Rarity!!!!

Oh, I’ve missed you so much! I thought maybe you’d gone off to work on that play, but then they turned out to be gypsies that they’d taken you away to Romaneia, or maybe the moon, and then the moon gypsies said that you were secretly the last descendent of their long-lost queen and you’d fallen in love with a dark and mysterious stallion with a sword and a violin! I’ve been asking Cheerilee about moon gypsies for a couple of weeks now, but she doesn’t seem to know anything about them. Weird, huh? Well, you gotta tell me all about it! See if you can bring that violin back, too! I’ve never seen a real moon violin.

I gave your note to Zecora, but now she’s acting kinda funny. Every time I go to her hut to talk to her, she gives me this strange look and starts zooming around all over the place, locking all the cabinets. It looked like she needed some help, so I started putting locks on stuff, too. Buuuuuut, I guess one of us put locks on some of the wrong stuff, and it took us a little while to unlock it all, especially since I locked her leg to her cauldron handle. It’s not like I knew she’d lost the key to that one. We had to drag it all over Ponyville until we could find somepony who could get it off.

The things the girls learn! Did you know Sweetie Belle can pick a mean lock? Well, not a mean lock. I guess those locks were pretty nice, overall, but maybe a little quiet. It took some keys to really get them to open up.

But, Rarity, I’ve gotta tell you about Confection Perfections! It’s this crazy candy factory in Salt Lick City where they whip up all these new and interestingly yummarific treats! They invited me there to test out some of their new stuff, and after I signed a bunch of papers and promised that I didn’t know any lawyers, they took me on a tour. Rarity, it was so amazing! I was bouncing off the walls, which was really fun because they were all soft and padded. They said they have a lot of explosions there.

But, the best thing is that I got so into the whole trip that I started singing. You know, really belting it out. Usually when I do that, some big stallion drags me off by my tail and puts me outside, but, oh Rarity, it was different this time!

I was just getting to the chorus when I noticed that the workers had all stopped and they were all really getting in the groove! So, I really dug down and turned up the volume! As I hopped up on the conveyer belt, they all joined me and soon we were all singing and dancing and having a blast, and without anything actually exploding! Those ponies really know how to put the ‘fun’ in ‘funky’! See, I keep telling you girls that sweets and tarts put a song in your heart!

After all the singing and dancing, we got to the best part: Tasting! I know you always say you’re watching your figure, but even you would have been stuffing your face! It was irresistible! Watching your figure. What does that mean, anyway? Wouldn’t it be easier to watch if you ate lots and lots and lots of chocolate? There would be so much more of it to see!

Anyway, there were these new candies that made me totally think of you! They were called coif drops! You eat one, and then it styles your mane for you! You’d think they were totally fun, and they’d probably save you those three hours in the morning when no one is allowed to see you or play the trumpet too loud or touch those industrial curler heaters you keep in your bathroom.

Okay, I gotta go, but write me back about those gypsies. They’ve probably got all kinds of secrety secrets about crystal balls and stuff! Maybe they’ll want to trade some for these licorice whippets Confection Perfections sent me home with. I think they’re really cute, but they kind of bark a lot. Mr. Cake is getting pretty cranky about the whole thing.

With laughter (and three dozen candy dogs),

Pinkie Pie

P.S. Waitaminute! Your letter says July 7th, but I just got it! The moon really needs a better mail pony!



August 10th

Dearest Pinkie Pie,

Oh, Celestia. Pinkie you have no idea how good it is to hear you are well. The tales you tell are quite engaging but I am left uncertain if at least some of it is flights of fancy. So long as you are happy I can be glad for you.

I’m sorry to disappoint but the problems with the mail are far more mundane than you imagined. I have been here in Baltimare the whole time, but your supposition about the slow mailponies is more or less correct. There have been some changes in how the city does things, and as you can see things are going back and forth much quicker.

Please convey my apologies to Zecora, it seems I have blamed her unduly. Salt Lick City you say? You weren’t imbibing, were you? A little salt is fine but don’t overindulge. I found that out the hard way. They serve this nice iced drink called a Mareguertia, and the rim is coated with salt... I woke up several days later with little idea what had happened. I am told during that time I painted myself gold in honor of the local hoofball team (Go Ravens!) and proceeded to cheer wildly for them. The cast and crew seemed rather endeared to me after that.

Um... about that candy, if I send you bits can you get me a large supply of it? Or better still can you get me a catalog? Wait no... with my luck my mane would end up with the entirely wrong style.

Thank you so much for writing, darling. I really needed a boost right now. I can’t wait to see you and give you a giant hug for being such a wonderful ball of joy.

Sincerely yours,

Rarity.



August 18th

Dear Rarity,

You painted yourself gold?! Rarity, that sounds so pretty! I’ll bet your were all super-shiny, like that fountain in Canterlot that you guys wouldn’t let me swim around in! You should have climbed up on a table and held a big bowl with World’s Best Mountain Climber or something neat like that on it. And maybe spit water out of your mouth. Then ponies would stand in front of you and take these funny pictures where they pretended to be eating out of the bowl, or maybe they would take some super-romantic pictures of themselves kissing as your spit shot over them under the full moon!

How come you never want to paint yourself back in Ponyville, though? Sweetie Belle and I tried to get you to come do paintball with us, but you just wanted to look through all those boring ol’ fashion magazines again. Gold is pretty and all, but you could have been every color with all those paintball splats! When we were done, it looked like Rainbow sneezed on me really hard.

And, nah! I don’t really drink salt very much. If I’m drinking, I like to go straight for the hard stuff. Chocolate milk. Chocolate malts. Hot Chocolate. A-melty-chocolate-bar-that-I-accidentally-left-in-the-sun-too-long-and-now-I-have-to-lick-it from-the-wrapper. You know, the kind of stuff that really knocks you for a loop. Fancy Pants tried to give me a chocotini at that party we met him at, but I said “no way”! Who wants a teeny chocolate when you can have a whole bunch of it? Fancy parties are really weird that way, huh?

But what’s happening with your play, Rarity? You haven’t said anything about it! I’ll bet every pony in Baltimare loves your dresses by now! Oh, no! Wait, they don’t love them more than Ponyville ponies do, do they? Ohohoh, okay, I’m going to start loving your dresses extra hard, starting right now!

Okay, I’m back. I had to lay down for a little while because I started loving as hard as I could and my vision got kinda swishy and swirly and then I was on the floor somehow. I guess maybe I should remember to keep breathing when I’m loving stuff that hard. Now I’ve got a headache and the left side of my body is numb for some reason. I guess love really does hurt!

I’ll be here in Ponyville for a couple more days, but then I’m off to Fort Troterdale! When I was at the Radioherd show a few days ago, I heard somepony say that it’s a real party city.

Rarity, it’s a whole city that’s one big party!!! I just can’t wait to get there! I’ll probably make friends with everypony and we’ll all play the best games and drink the best punch and eat the best cakes ever! Oh, and I can’t believe there’s an all-the-time citywide party and I’ve never heard of it!

So, I’ll be here for a few days if you wanna write back. I could pass along some messages to ponies here in town. I’ve gotta go talk to everypony before I go, and let them know that they have to love your dresses really hard until you get back! Maybe Sweetie Belle will let me in the shop and I can give them all a big hug, and yes I’ll wash my hooves this time first! I still think that icing made the dresses smell really good, though.

With laughter (and spots in front of my eyes)

Pinkie Pie



August 21th

Dearest Pinkie Pie,

I’m told I did, I have little memory of the events beyond a horrible hangover. Thankfully I had the presence of mind to choose a water soluble paint. Still, it was a good time, I believe. I’m certain you’ve had a few occasions where you hear about your own actions the following morning with some surprise. Well, perhaps not surprise, interest?

Why don’t I play paintball? Welts, love. Those little spheroids pack a punch, and since you don’t like me putting up a shield I’d rather just avoid the whole business. I am rather skilled with a pillow, however. Just ask Applejack.

My professional life is doing well, thank you for asking. There was a little walkout of the cast, followed by a citywide strike, which ended up causing some teensy riots. It all sorted itself out in the end. The show is making lots of bits, and they are considering taking it on the road.

Darling, I think I’d like you to go see the nurse soon. I know you hate needles but can you be brave for me and go? I worry when I hear about you passing out and having these adventures in places I’ve never heard of. It’s not that I don’t believe you so much as I want you to be well and happy for a good long time, feeling numb on your left side is not normal.

And yes... love... love really does hurt a lot. I’m really beginning to wonder if it’s even worth pursuing. Colts are all idiots, and mares... have their own problems.

Have fun at your party city, darling. And be a dear and get yourself checked out. Soon, please. Don’t make me have to ask you to Pinkie promise.

With great concern for your well being,

Rarity



August 22st

Dear Rarity,

I tried to go to the doctor’s like you said, but Fort Troterdale is kind of a strange city. I’d been walking around, stopping at all the shiny stuff to look at my tongue. Windows. Fountains. The mirror shades everypony wears down here. I don’t know what those doctors are looking for when they do that tongue “AHHHHHHHH” thing, but I didn’t see anything weird. I guess the other ponies must have, though because they kept making these confused faces and trotting off real fast. I figured I really did need to see I doctor after that.

So I finally just grabbed some pony and asked her where the hospital was. She kind of rolled her eyes and said that a couple of blocks over, but that I should watch out because it was pretty cheesy. Well, I didn’t know what that meant, but I needed a doctor, and yummy cheese would be a bonus! You know, like those little cheeses you put on toothpick for your fashion parties? The ones that I stuck together to make that Hoity Toity sculpture? I still don’t get why he didn’t like it. I thought it was pretty good…

I finally got over there, and boy, Rarity, they have funny hospitals here. It was… well… not all that clean. Or even clean-ish! Or hospital-ish! It actually looked pretty much like this bar I went to the other night, and that’s gotta be against some health code or something.

They had nurses, though! But they, well, do you remember when Applejack found that magazine Big Mac had hidden in the hay with those mares all dressed in bedtime clothes? These nurses were kinda like that, with thigh-high socks and stuff. I thought they’d be taking temperatures or looking at charts or something, but they were passing out those little glasses of tackilla that everypony drinks here all the time. That stuff’s really hot, so I guess maybe it kills germs.

So the doorman (what hospital has a doorman and a cover charge?!) was all “Hey, welcome to the hottest party on Fort Troterdale. You goin’ in or what?” Well, that seemed perfect! I could see the doctor and go to a party all at the same time! So I handed over my five bits and went inside.

I think the ponies in Fort Troterdale are just really bad at decorations or something. They keep bringing me to these parties, but when I get there, they don’t have any balloons or cake or games or anything! They have music, though! Loud, loud, music that’s all WUBWUBWUBsreeekSRKREEEEEEK! WUBWUBWUBWUB! BOOOOOMWUB! I tried to ask if there was something wrong with their speakers, but the DJ was all “What?” and I was all “WHAT?” and he went ”WHAT?!” So I eventually just gave up and went to find the doctor. Or the party. Whichever.

After I wandered around all over the place, I finally just grabbed one of the nurses and asked her wear I could find the doctor. She just looked at me all funny and said “What?” Rarity, those ponies say “what” a lot down there. I think it’s all the loud music.

So I yelled "I NEED TO KNOW WHERE THE DOCTOR IS!" real loud, and she just started cracking up! She said this place was just called The Hospital because they only serve shots. Who’d buy shots?! Twilight has to hold my hoof every time I go to get one. These ponies must be crazy to jab themselves on their own!

Well, I still had that party to find, so I started asking around, and they all said “WHAT?” to me a lot, but eventually I was all WHERE IS THE PARTY?” and they were all “WOO! PARTY!” and I said YEAH, THE PARTY! WHERE IS IT?!” then everyone was all chanting PARTY! PARTY! PARTY!”Rarity, I feel really bad for saying it, but those ponies are weird. And I never saw any of that cheese!

So I finally left because I couldn’t find where the party was (AGAIN!), and now I’m back on the train to Ponyville. Fort Troterdale is the worst party city ever! I don’t even think they have parties there! That’s got to be false advertising or slander or grand larceny or something! You shouldn’t be able to go around saying you have parties all over the place without any actual parties! I brought a whole suitcase full of balloons that I totally didn’t even get to use! Maybe I’ll just pass them out here on the train…

Oh, it looks like we're pulling into Ponyville, so I got go, but I wanted to say that maybe you know the wrong colts and mares. I mean, some of them are mean, or pushy, or grumpy, or whatever, but mostly I get along with everypony! I know a lot of smart colts and unproblemish mares. I’ll introduce you around!

With laughter (and a spotless tongue)

Pinkie Pie



August 31st


Dearest Pinkie Pie.

Only you could go looking for a hospital and find a party, darling. No no, don’t fret, that was clearly not the party you were looking for.

Thank you for trying, I’m sorry if I worried you, but you worry me so sometimes. I... I’ve never known anypony who can find happiness just following her around like a puppy. I don’t want something happening to you. I need to know there is happiness in the world.

I... think maybe you have the right idea. I’m still waiting on an answer from a dear friend, and I strongly suspect that answer is going to be no. If it is... I’m going to need a lot of cheering up. I thought perhaps you and I could go out sometime, dance until our feet hurt, and drink a lot of things with umbrellas in it. We can tell each other what fun we had the next morning. No idiot colts, no confusing mares, just two friends tearing the place up. How does that sound?

But I think first, I am going to need one of your patented hugs. Just... please remember ponies have bones, and you are very strong. If you feel something crack, ease off a little. Not too much please, I really need it.

Sincerely yours,

Rarity



Sept. 6th

Dear Rarity,

You need some good times, and you need ‘em fast? Well you’ve come to the right pony! When you get back, we’re gonna paint the town red! Or at least paint my room red, because the paint in there is kinda flaking off all over the place in there because I was fixing my party cannon and accidentally shot my extra strength, high-velocity, funcussion confetti rounds all over the place! It was total blast, and now my cannon is ready to go, but the walls are, well… You know how much I like fresh air, right? My room’s got lots of it now. And birds. Lots of birds.

But after my room is fixed up, we’ll totally go somewhere to get down! I’ve been craving a dance floor with a groovy beat ever since I got back from Fort Troterdale. I like electronic music as much as the next pony, but the stuff they play down there sounds like the speakers have the flu.

But, um, the only thing around here with an umbrella in it is that little round stand Mr. Cake keeps by the door in case it rains. If you wanna drink out of it, go ahead, I guess. It’s all yours. I’m gonna have some chocolate milk out of a glass with one of those twisty straws that swoops and swirls and goes around all over the place! I tried drinking it out of that complicated science-y stuff that Twilight has, but she just got all huffy at me. Rarity, those glass tubes are all spirally and fun! And she said some of it is for cooling stuff off! How can she not drink out of it?!

But… you seem sorta sad, Rarity, and you weren’t sad when you left Ponyville. I guess that play wasn't as fun as you thought it would be. It sounds like maybe you didn’t meet the nicest ponies or something down there. But all of us in Ponyville can’t wait for you to come home! Seriously, there was this big group of mares following Sweetie Belle around yesterday asking if she could just sell them at least one hat from your backroom or something. That’s how much we miss you and love you here. Maybe there’ve been some not-so-nice stallions and mares in your life lately, but here in Ponyville, we can’t get enough! I like Rarity to be an everyday thing!

Plus, I need all of you girls back to finalize my secret project. Your Auntie Pinkie Pie’s red all the signs that you’re blue and she’s can’t white for you to get black! Oops, I mean wait for you to get back. I got a little carried away, there. Anyway, I’ll have that umbrella stand ready for you at the train station. I’m just going to pitch a tent there and wait.

With laughter (and a fully armed and operation party cannon),

Pinkie Pie



Sept 9th

Dearest Pinkie Pie

Oh my goodness, darling you really must be more careful firing that thing. Well, I am certainly fine helping you repair your dwelling. Perhaps while we are at it we can look at redecorating a bit. I know some shades that go lovely with pink. Just offhoof I'd suggest some royal purple or eggshell white.

When we go out, I’m going to order you a few things. They may taste a bit funny, but I promise you they won’t hurt you. Some of them come in fun shaped glasses with clever names like “Sex on the beach.” There is one in particular I think you’ll enjoy, it’s called a mudslide. It tastes a lot like the chocolate milk you are so fond of.

We’ll start you off with one, no more than that. I suspect you may be a bit of a lightweight. And yes, I just need to dance as well. I’m going to have fun, and not worry about love anymore. I have my career, I have my friends and family, and I have my dear Opalescence. I don’t need anything else.

As for me being sad... don’t concern yourself unduly, darling. I had a bit of a cock-up in my life, I corrected it, and I am moving on. I thought I knew somepony, and apparently I misjudged. Lesson learned, it’s not worth fretting over. I’m just going to get to know my other friends a bit better. And I am going to dance, and have fun. That is my plan.

Looking forward to seeing you again.

Sincerely yours,

Rarity

P.S. I wonder how you might feel about weekly spa treatments? I’m considering changing the day I go in and I find it more enjoyable to have a close friend to chat with.



September 15th

Will I go to the spa with you?! Rarity, I’d LOVE to go to the spa with you! Everypony tells me that they’ve got pools of mud in there that you can lay in and roll around in and stuff! I usually spend all of my bits on candy, so the only time I’ve ever been in there was when we had to soak out that poison joke stuff, but I’ll start saving up! Playing in the mud is the best!

Oh, I guess I was in there when I was hiding in all those sponges, but that doesn’t really count. I did feel really exfoliated, though! Is that what happened to us all when we got older? Did we get ex-foal-iated?

Oh, and speaking of mud, that mudslide thing sounds super yummy! I wish they’d had those in Fort Troterdale instead of those itty-bitty glasses of tackilla. That stuff was really hot and didn’t taste anything like chocolate. It tasted like burning. It’s funny, though. Frat Rush (he was this wobbly stallion I met down there. He wanted to walk me back to his hotel so I could get a room there, but he got too tired and fell asleep in some bushes) told me I was a lightweight, too! You guys are so nice! It’s all this trotting around Equestria that does it! It keeps me slim and trim. Oh, and the candy I eat gives me the energy to burn off all the candy!

You know, this summer’s had a lot of mud in it, and a lot of sliding, too! First, I slid down a mountain that some griffons lived on when I was trying to give them a popped soufflé. Then, I helped save some river otters from a mean ol’ land developer and we all went sliding in the mud. Even Princess Celestia slid a few times, but it’s funny. Mud doesn’t stick to her! It just slides right off! I guess she’s kind of a mudslide, too! Not me, though. I had to shake really hard to get mine off, and the guards didn’t like that so much.

And now you’re invited me to lay around in the mud and you want to give me a mudslide! It’s like a theme, and I love themes! They make great parties, which reminds me! I thought of this party on the way home. It was a theme themed party, where everypony dresses up as a theme and you have to guess what they are! It themes like such a blast, don'tcha think?!

Oh, and I’ve got things all planned out for when you get back! First, we’ll hit that spa and play in the mud and pretend we’re seaweed mummies when they wrap us up in all that kelpy stuff Fluttershy always tells me about! Then we’ll go lay in the sun by the lake, because we’ll be all relaxed and sleepy and stuff. Sometimes the other girls come by (except Applejack. She's always working...), so that would be super fun to be together again. Anyway, after that, we’ll go over that foofy place that makes those tiny sandwiches for a bite to eat (for reals! Those sammies are teeny-weeny!), and then it’s over to dance at Vinyl’s house! She turned her patio into a hardcore outdoor dance floor! I’ve been grooving away the nights since I’ve been back, but it’ll be more fun with you! Gummy’s great and all, but, well, he’s not exactly the best dance partner, ya know? He likes to do his own thing out there. Finally, we’ll head over to Sugarcube Corner for something sweet after boogieing away all those calories!

Oh, Rarity! I’m so excited! Nopony ever wants to go out and dance the night away! You’re always trying to finish a dress and Twilight’s always studying. Applejack’s too tired from work, and Rainbow’s too tired from awesoming or whatever it is that she does all day. I don’t even ask Fluttershy. She just wants to sit at home and drink tea, which is nice and all, but she makes this face whenever I bring my radio and turn the beats up real loud. It kinda kills the mood when she’s hiding under a pillow!

So, yeah, now you really have to hurry home, because I’m jumping around all over the place and ponies are starting to pull their foals away from me with those weird looks everypony always gives me. Plus, the train station has given me forty-eight hours to pack up this campsite and go somewhere else. They said I’m a “pedestrian hazard”, which I think are creatures that live inside pedestals, but I haven’t even seen any of them around. I’m starting to think they made that up.

With laughter (and s’mores from my campfire),

Pinkie Pie



September 16th

Dearest Pinkie Pie

What?! Darling... I don’t mean to alarm you, but you mustn’t ever allow a stallion to walk you home when you’ve been drinking. I swear to Celestia if some idiot had taken advantage I would even now be testing my theory that our status as national heroes would likely result in at least one pardon, no questions asked. And that’s to say nothing of being best friends with a princess. To think what might have... calm, Rarity. She’s all right. You are all right, aren’t you? Of course you are, you didn’t know his intent and from the sound of things I doubt he would have been stallion enough to rise to the occasion. Pinkie... you must be more careful! You are a very lucky mare but sometimes luck is not enough and I would be devastated if anything happened to you.

As for the spa, save your bits, love. That is to say, continue to use them as you wish. I won’t hear of you paying. Aloe and Lotus have a prearrangement for myself and anypony else I bring along. I had a particularly stressful week after the Gala and we decided on a flat fee per year, with a consideration for any guests I might bring. I only ask that you try not to splash the mud, but you may certainly roll if you wish. I find it most comforting to just let it support me, but I won’t dictate how you relax. Just be considerate of Aloe and Lotus, any mess you make they have to clean up. Thank you for being willing. I just... I need a friend right now, I need some stability in my life, but at the same time I need to make some changes. I’ve made a horrible mistake, I wronged a friend, and I was wronged in return. I have made my peace with what happened, but I can’t just... I need space, and I need the comfort of knowing I will have somepony to talk to while I settle things in my head.

Yes, I think you will like the drink I mentioned, it’s very creamy and smooth. When you drink it, it leaves a nice warm feeling down in your stomach. You and I... we’re ladies, my darling. Not for us the harshness of the single shot, they make wonderful drinks that taste pleasant and still serve the same purpose of giving you a nice tilt to your worldview.

Um... as for you being a lightweight... I didn’t mean... No, you know what? You are perfect, love. There is nothing wrong with a little roundness, truthfully you are rather voluptuous. Just keep up your activity levels, I’d hate to see you slowed down by something as silly as carrying extra weight.

Vinyl, you say? I don’t believe I have met... Ah, I remember now, the DJ. Nice girl, reasonable rates, excellent lighting system. Yes, I think that will be pleasant. She strikes me as the type of mare I might want to get to know for the future. I need to focus on my career now, knowing somepony who can help me prepare a fashion show would be very good. I look forward to it.

I should be home by the end of the week, just wrapping things up here, making sure my friends are in good hooves. Please, go home and get some rest, I will be on the train from Baltimare arriving on Sunday the 22nd, my ticket says I arrive at noon.

See you soon, love.

With deepest affections,

Rarity