i'm a reader and a thinker. But I'm not a great writer.
Captain Olimar was leading The Pikmin's Onions (That what Olimar called their Space ships.) But just then Olimar's ship The S.S. Dolphin was low on fuel. So He had to make a Emergency Landing on a near-by plaint.
(Namely Equestria)
The first chapter was proofread by TheaterCritic (Before he was banned)
Note: Pikmin, Pikmin 2 belongs to Nintendo and It takes place after Pikmin 2
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uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh...
ALL OF MY YES!
Don't ask how a Red Bulborb got to Equestria plezzz.
Thanks
BRD
angel
Ummmmm...
Sorry but no. This needs ALOT of work.
For starters Olimar and Pikmin are tiny... VERY tiny.
And why does Olimar know that the name of our planet is Earth, his people know it by another name.
And the writing is very very fast. Too fast, and no explanations given about the whole size thing eather.
Well... good luck.
2997756
Note: I didn't know that Olimar and Pikmin are tiny or that the Pikmin plaint was earth when I wrote the story.
But that douse explain why everything is huge and why the "alien artifacts" look like stuff that you would find on Earth. (and I got Pikmin 3 yesterday
)
Sorry for the confusion,
BRD
Me and some friends just did a Dramatic Reading of this! (Terribly sorry that it's not 100% positive. Good luck on subsequent fanfics though.)
Ok... I would recommend doing a rewrite. First of all, the first chapter should not do that much explaining in just three hundred words. Second, Olimar and the Pikmin are tiny creatures, compared to a human, they are about the size of a GameCube memory card (which is a little taller that a humans foot). Third, I already found plenty of spelling errors here.
So, make the pacing a slowly, change the scale of Olimar and the Pikmin, and fix the mistakes. This story has potential.
Here is a picture of Pikmin compared to ponies.
derpicdn.net/img/2013/2/12/241358/thumb.jpeg
3009170 *many
2868721
I put it there.
~Ember
3424593 I get that pikmin and Olimar are as small as a GameCube memory card but that makes me ask another question. What if the ponies are as small as Olimar?
I do enjoy Pikmin but I thought this story was rushed.