A legendary story comes to life, much to the shock of Applejack and Twilight Sparkle. Will their friendship, and Ponyville itself, survive this ordeal?
An entry for the February Write-off competition.
Wonderful :3 Well written with nary a obvious grammar or structure flaw in sight. And well executed. Good luck :)
You... you made me cry! That's not how this is supposed to work!
Right away I am going to say that I dislike the existence of this story because it is probably distracting you from Project: Sunflower that I am thoroughly enjoying at the moment I would consider myself a laymen when it comes to prose but I have read from your comments that you like feedback so here ya go
I have noticed from your stories that you do an excellent job with your characterization and capturing the essence of the mane 6; how they would react to a situation, and what their responses are, it feels very organic. You also struck a good balance with the amount of information that we received from the Herd. I felt they came across as a ominous threat with just the right amount of mystery surrounding them to keep them interesting without getting snarled up by trying to justify a pile of lore behind him, and without making them an utterly flat villain.
I found the transitions from the start to the middle and to the end of the story to be somewhat jarring though. I understand you were limited to how long it could be, but it still felt like we went immediately from the protagonists trotting around doing their regular thing to immediate full on panic mode, and right back to threat level zero. We know the town was in the middle of a poorly executed evacuation, yet it was pulled off without any issue, even with AJ having zero effect slowing down the Herd. The inclusion of attempts to obtain a ghost herding cutie mark to ramp of the tension of the impending disaster perhaps?
Anyways I enjoyed reading it, it was an interesting short story that has now keep me up past when I should be asleep. Keep up the good work!
PS, I like how Twilight basically got Fluttershy to go do everything while she went off to the town hall at the beginning
Well, the good news is, I'm not planning on touching this story, or any other ones, at least not for a while. Sunflower is my main focus, even though I've got 3-4 other story ideas kicking around in my head. When I finish Sunflower, or if I should get writer's block on that story, I may take a break to work on something else... but in the meanwhile, Sunflower is the only story I'm planning on working on
Your complaints about the transitions, I feel, are pretty accurate. Those are some of my own biggest complaints regarding this one. As I said in my blog post about this story, I wasn't completely satisfied with it. I felt it was a decent story, but I also feel that it didn't live up to its potential.
All in all, I'm glad I wrote it, even though I'm not 100% satisfied with it.
Thanks for reading!
Wonderful. Manly tears were shed.
Dear Princess Celestia,
ponies are dependant on superficialities. they are afraid of truth. when their things are threatended, they fear as if it is their lives. they fear enlightenment. and when this awakenment presents itself to another, they will fight to destroy it. they cling to their pains like an abused dog clings to its owner. sometimes they see enough light to reach that point of waking up, of seperating from the material world, and truly know freedom, only still to be pulled away by unaccepting peers. and its in that moment of returning, having known otherwise, how much pain exists here. that moment of change is quickly forgotten and you are again assumed into a world of things and suffering.
your faithful student,
i really enjoyed this, maybe for reasons you hadnt planned, but who cares because you have a reader who loves your story! well done!
Another excellent story. ALL the prizes to you!
One day... for all the other days.
...Thank you, for writing that letter.