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The story you have just read was requested by a group of bronies who heard I have a history writing action fiction. The trade-off was that the spamming of my Youtube Channel could be stopped if I agreed to do it. So far, they held true to their word, which is why you are reading this now.
That was not what I expected at all... I hate grimdark stuff usually... and I hate seeing bad things happen to any of the mane 6 or the princesses, or to their close friends and family...
I almost didn't read this. Something told me to move on... As I defied my instincts and continued reading, I felt this tight rush of adrenaline and sorrow over everything that unfolded fill my chest...
And then that end happened... and I was just... wow...
Also... Poor Orion...
nice, kinda macabre but meh whatever since when has that stopped any of the sick people who inhabit the internet?
I must ask though, did you make an OC picture and an account just to post this? I can't imagine you using this pic again in the future seeing as how you are rather... neutral towards the show
>>243643 The profile image? It was made by somebody and they sent it to me. Figured might as well.
Also, when I was asked to write this, it was agreed that it would be posted to this particular site.
Also, not really neutral anymore. My stance is the show is good, it's fanbase are jackasses.
Alright, 4th chapter. I'll admit, I junked several storylines before I just decided on Original Character exposition dump. Next chapter has some interesting bits to it. I don't want to give away anything important, but here's a few teasers:
Twilight VS a Val'Kyr General
Ascentia VS Queen Chrysalis
Someone will die, I won't say who, or how important they are to the story ;)
The first bit was unnerving (storywise), especially since it all seemed as if it were some kind of a bad dream Twilight woke up from, as if a vision, a prophecy of what was to come. Especially with the source coming to her.
My favourite part of this chapter so far, the interaction Twilight was having with her. I found it to be compelling and interesting. Challenging Twilight this way, even when she had the power to just obliterate her in an instant. Because she can see potential in her, much as how Celestia also had back then. And this does actually make sense in context, in a strangely twisted way, given how this is going. I can definitely see Twilight doing this, approaching the threat and trying to get answers before all else, to see their side of the situation.
Normally, action stories and grimdark are not my cup of tea, but that's just a personal thing. It's not in any way to say that any of them are bad. But I was curious as to what you're writing here and I did want to give it a chance. I like it so far. The characters are likable and felt very much like I was reading the characters I know and love from the show. I really liked the Creature, and the adding the mythos of the humans and Valkyrie and whatnot, that was pretty cool.
It is pretty debatable as to whether or not the humanoid mythology would exist in this series, but it is interesting to play with in the right context.
The Twilight reference was hilarious, and oh, I see you made a reference to the poni.MOV series. XD Nice. Normally, I don't tend to make the ponies swear, but I really don't care here! It works, and plus, doesn't take me out of the story.
I like it so far! 
Even though rushed, I did like the pacing and felt it worked. It starts of slow and normal, then transcends into the action and tragedies, moving along further...and then just snaps us back to the real world. Almost as if it really happened, even if it all seemed to come out of nowhere. But I like this, it's building up!
Once more, I enjoyed the interaction between Twilight and Ascentia. The way they play off each other, regarding one another with mutual respect and understanding is pretty fascinating. It's also interesting in how we come to know more about the Val'Kyr bit by bit, even to see a bit of a human side to the story. It does make sense that it comes to be that their work isn't exactly something wanted, but more out of duty, out of doing what is needed to be done. It's actually kind of tragic, if you think about it. You're trained as a deadly, untouchable warrior, living a long time, and destroying all in your path for the sake of a greater good. All without managing to crack.
As an extension to above, it was really interesting to see Ascentia even revealing about how her kind disapprove of her decision to let Equestria live. Now there's this. To do what is told, or to seek the potential that Equestria could truly have, especially under Twilight's own hooves. Once again, this is just gripping and very compelling.
Author's notes in the middle of the story? Eh, oftentimes, that's a faux pas in fanfics (not my word of law, mind you). But I give it a pass. 
I really didn't mind too much, anyway. Sometimes, it's actually kind of tempting to do since there are actually moments that an author's note at the beginning is to spoilery, then at the end it's almost pointless to explain since they'd have to refer to it all over again.
1
I'm sure glad you felt compelled with this! It's really good. I am not regretting my decision to read this! 
Having fun! A-ha, saw the Cupcakes reference. No you did not! I especially liked Ascentia's little "What do you know, that fanfic lied to me, then." reaction. As well as that, her interaction with Princess Celestia was an interesting read. Maybe the conversation did drag a little, but it worked because it was pretty much adding to the plot and also adding some depths to the past.
Megan was really cool, I have to say. Not to mention the little referencing to God being a woman in a white gown, that was neat! Anyway though, I found her to be likable as well, same for Ascentia, and the little addition of their pasts together was a sweet and sentimental touch, which again, added some depth. Now we're spending more time with the Val'Kyr and as mysterious and powerful as they are, it's interesting to see the hidden depths within them and their society.
Hee! Luna's scene with the two warriors was hilarious. Oh no she didn't!
I also forgot to mention, it was a cool idea to include Pumpkin Cake! The poor girl, having to go through such traumas in her lifetime, then growing under Twilight's guide. Some of the fun with quite a few of the characters is the interpretation of them as they're featured in works, like this one. While I may not have anything to compare her to at the moment, I think her character in here is also likable. She's that same kind of young girl who has had a tough time, maybe not always tactful, but deep down has a good heart and is training to become stronger and hone her skills.
Anyway though, uh-oh. I have a bad feeling about this! 
Honestly? I like Ascentia. It was pretty nice to read the bits of her backstory. I find it added some depth to her, and really just came to make her more of a sympathetic character. So really, this was good! Awww, Ryder was cool! I liked the sweet moment when little Ascentia hugged him, it made me smile.
Awww, Scootaloo! What a cutie, it's nice to see her, too!
Regards to your note there.., wow! That sounds neat. O:
Ascentia against Queen Chrysalis, what a battle that would be!
Somepony dies? ...I promised myself I wouldn't cry.
It's over...
It ended way too fast.
D: Luna's dead...no...I'm not going to cry. I won't cry.
I know you had said a few weeks ago you will not continue this, and I do understand why not. But I do want to say that I sincerely enjoyed this story. I liked all the characters, the conflict was gripping, the Val'Kyr were interestingly played with, the atmosphere was chilling and yet saddening all the same, and the tender moments were nicely done. It is a good story and I will surely be reading it again.
The ending bit was heart-wrenching, I just about had tears in my eyes. Now Celestia is grieving, it's no wonder she would say such things, I can understand why she would be. Now Ascentia's in an even more difficult position than before! Having to truly prove herself, even without having to betray the rest of the Val'Kyr, which I can imagine would be hard to do.
Hee, I knew Chrysalis was in disguise...I knew she'd see right through it! I knew it. At least the pest is out of the way! Or, is she?
So once again, I found this story enjoyable and will still be adding it to my favourites and tracking list, regardless. It was a great read and pretty well written. Love it! I'll even recommend it, if nothing else.
Good luck to you!
>>878001 Actually, Megan is not God.
Doomsday Ascending plays off of lore from my Tale of the Valkyrie series. Ryder and Megan were married in their time as Guardians. Eventually, they were forced to put an end to God, a psychotic woman who was mad with power.
Megan struck the final blow to her, and took her throne.
When I'm writing for Ascentia, I take a lot of my inspiration from Kreia (Knights of the Old Republic 2).
>>892011 Oops. My bad! 
I think I misconstrued it somehow. Now I understand, Megan defeated God (for good reason, I see now!) and essentially took her place. Now that's an interesting story! Now I wish I'd seen that game before now.
Huh, interesting! I never played that game, but I see where you're coming from with that. Cool! I think the inspiration paid off since she's a really good character!
The ending bit cracked me up! No you didn't! Yes, there should be a word for that, I think. 
I also caught the reference to The Hunchback of Notre Dame (love that movie!), and given the situation of what they were talking about, those lines weren't at all out of place.
Poor Fluttershy. Having to really face the reality of the situation, that it isn't just some kind of black and white "Good VS Evil", because it really isn't. There's no one really "evil" here, just handling things in a terrible way with poor, clouded judgment. Of all the ponies having to come to terms with it all, it certainly will hit her pretty hard. She's just that kind of pony who wants peace and to get along, without resorting to such hurtful things. It may seem naive, but that's just how she is! Can anyone blame her? Now that there's something huge that completely distorts her perception of reality, it's no wonder she's terrified and isn't sure what to do, trying to hold on what she once knew, only for it all to slip away. Poor thing.
Awwwww, but it was sweet of her to tend to Ascentia like that, that's just exactly what she would do. 
O.O Luna's alive!! Wow. I didn't see that coming! Poor Celestia, she was broken, even driven to harm Ascentia, believing her dear sister was dead. Now she's alive, and has to even come to terms with THAT. It's a serious mind screw. Oh boy, I bet a few would hate her for this. But I don't. I can completely understand why she was driven with such anger. After all that's happened, it's no wonder. She has a lot on her withers, especially when she's not as powerful to stop it as she would want to. Poor Ascentia though, having to suffer such a great injury because of it. But it does contribute to making her a believable character, in which she CAN have a moment of weakness and getting caught off guard. I know some may claim she's a Mary Sue, but I don't think she is. I think she's one of the most interesting and well-rounded original characters I've read in a while.
Now Twilight has an unspeakable power! This should be interesting to see where that goes along to. But now she's KILLED something. It isn't the same as banishing the spirit and power of Nightmare Moon, or turning Discord into stone, or witnessing Queen Chrysalis and the Changelings being banished out of Canterlot. KILLED. Poor Twilight.
Anyway, so! I think I've rambled on enough. Great chapter!
Fluttershy... She will be missed. *Mourns* Rest in peace, Fluttershy. Your nightmare is over now. 
Okay, mourning over! I was excited to see this! Awesome! Okay, so...
Wow. So now Queen Chrysalis has joined forces with our heroes. Awesome! I don't know, I always kind of found it neat when villains from a past storyline within the series now join up with the protagonists for some reason or another. Usually, yeah, it's for revenge or simply to stop the world from being destroyed so they themselves can take it over. But it does work here and plus, it's a bonus since she's a great villain.
The image you put in the end is beautiful. So captivating!
Now our heroes must go against Athena as they join forces to save Equestria! That will be awesome to see.
When Ascentia returned, and also killed Xebre, oh hell yes I was cheering her on! Yes! Kill that son of a goat! That was great. Not to mention bringing forth the army of Changelings! That was pretty neat.
I really enjoyed this. I'm looking forward to where it's all going. :D
You know, I really liked the psychological angle that was thrown into this. It's true that, while without bad intentions, Ascentia was pretty much a good part of the cause of this catastrophe. And essentially, Twilight befriending her is now a conflicting result. I like that, it really shows that although there is some good in it, the entire alliance did still lead to her downfall. To her own death and with Equestria falling to an ultimate doom.
Every sort of creative medium has its challenges. Visually depicting an action scene, be it live action or some form of animation, is definitely difficult. But writing it is a whole other kettle of fish. It's up to the writer to engage the readers into visualizing the scene with their minds, with what is written. And the action scene, I think it turned out pretty all right! It's not easy to get the right level, not at all. If it's too underplayed, it fails. But if it's overplayed, it resembles an episode of Dragonball Z or some kind of other Anime with over the top dramatic fight sequences. But overall, this was pretty good! The sense of dread and terror, and, needless to say, yeesh! I cringed at times reading the painful moments Ascentia was facing.
Going to Ascentia for a moment, her emotional moments before and after the battle were really gripping. What was interesting too was that she knew she wasn't powerful enough to stop Athena. Which was a neat little callback to earlier when it was eluded to the fact that she would very well not come out of this alive. All she could do was hold her off at least long enough for the others to escape, like it was side. I like that, I always find it interesting when a character can openly admit they are not strong enough, but still act in spite of it because they still have to do something about the situation at hand.
That moment between Celestia and Luna was pretty amusing. XD And you can really feel that Celestia and Luna are just up to their eyeballs in all of this chaos, it shows in their dialogue.
I think I might know what's coming.
XD Regardless, this was a really good read. Keep up the good work!
Wow, this was quite a treat start to my day! Woohoo...
All right, so! I have to say, this chapter threw me for a few loops. Most especially in seeing that some of the characters we all know are still alive. That was pretty surprising! But interesting none the less. I actually thought they were dead... Well regardless, it added to the dynamic of what's going on now. I do wonder what Applejack was going to say...
Anyhoo, now the turn Ascentia took in how she wants Twilight to pretty much forget her and curb any feelings she has toward her is pretty heartbreaking. But, it makes sense. We've seen this kind of thing in a lot of other stories, and it does make senses that she would want Twilight to do that. Regardless of how it may personally feel, sometimes we do have to use proper judgement and not our emotions. It's not always easy, sometimes a decision has to be for the best, even if we want otherwise. And it's perfectly understandable that Twilight would be reluctant to do that. She's come to see just how important friendship truly is to her, with all the friends she's made over the years, and what it means to have friends and be a friend. It's no wonder this kind of thing would be disheartening to her. That little moment at the end where Twilight sleeps against her was so cute. D'awww.
And I still can't help but appreciate the way Ascentia lampshades the fact that this is reality, not some kind of a fantasy fairy tale world. It's amusing, and yet it really works. It adds a sense of a grim reality to it that doesn't feel out of place. It just makes perfect sense.
So, once again, a very gripping and emotional read. You keep up the good work!
Holy shit. This was intense, which, yet again, threw me for a loop.
Poor Twilight. That entire nightmare sequence is really something that can get into your head, and it's no wonder it really effects her. But I do like that it seems to be as if a vision in her head, something that her mind crafted in these dark times in her sleep. It leaves us wondering if whether or not it's going to happen or if it's all in her head. And because we've seen this kind of power before from Ascentia, it leaves little room for doubt. Well-played.
As I said before, the concept of the Ghostlands is pretty fascinating. And, really, kind of terrifying. To think that that's what can await those who die. Doing nothing but wandering these lands for all eternity. It's definitely creepy and even pretty tragic.
Athena's dead? And Twilight loves Ascentia. Oh my.
This just gets more and more compelling.
Does anyone else think the story just ended abruptly?
also, I don't know if you've seen this or not Bhaal but,
Here.
Well! This has sure been quite a journey, hasn't it? Now it's come to a bittersweet ending. Honestly? I think it works. A little abrupt, but that's mostly in terms of the pacing. But overall, it definitely does work. While tragedy was faced among many, the chance to start over and rebuild everything is actually an interesting ideal. After all, everypony must be pretty traumatized and confused by everything, so they would need a lot of time to adjust to remaking everything and also moving on with their lives. It'll be tough, but it'll certainly be a very interesting angle to take. ~Ideas~ 
I like the bittersweet angle. It also seems to bring forth some kind of a redemption on Ascentia's part. Now while I certainly don't blame her for all that's happened, it does give her a chance to have some little semblance of relief. Of course we all know regardless, she'd have gone along with her life. I'll say though, it is kind of sad to see her go. But it is for the best, isn't it?
That little snipet of Twilight's thought on the matter really spoke volumes with so little. She really has come to see so much in the past few weeks, it has no doubt overtaken her a lot. Now she can go on with her life as well, but it won't be the same.
XD I laughed hard at the exchange between Twilight and Ryder. The last bit was just too much with the timing! At least he was honest!! Hee hee!
Making Fausticorn the mother of Celestia and Luna? Wow! I don't think I've seen that angle before. But I like it, it works. That was really interesting.
And hey, the little scene where Ascentia confronted Rainbow Dash not only was a good tie-in, but just felt so spot on. Not only in terms of her character, but definitely in how I imagine a lot of ponies must've been thinking. Tragically losing their loved ones, trying to deal with it, trying to deal with the events, it definitely must have a toll on them. Her anger and grief was nicely showcased, and Ascentia manages to make very good points. Even in her cruelty. It was handled very well, I think.
So like I said, the ending works. It has something of a glimmer of hope on the horizon, and it's bittersweet. Yet, at the same time, nothing will be the same. Especially in the fact that they are surely not alone in the universe. That's always been something we pretty much knew all along. And yet, when it does actually ring true, it's still very unexpected. Not to mention a lot to take in. In all, it gives a lot to think about.
I'll have to save my final thoughts for later, but so far, wow! This was really quite a journey. I'm glad I read it, and I look forward to the epilogue. 
Still adorable. Kind of adds a sense of closure, and yet leaves things before and after so open to interpretation. It makes it fun, even if adding a sense of closure to it. Once again, love it!
So, here it all is. It's over. It was nearly a year go that I found this quirky little tale I found out you wrote. And I have to say, it's almost overwhelming to see it's over. Yet. at the same time, nothing much different. It's just progressed and finished. All relaxed. This is a nice little epilogue in how it plays up to the opening from The Fellowship of the Ring. It honestly doesn't feel out of place and is an interesting dynamic. Simple, quick, and again, still leaves a little something to wonder. I definitely like that, the balance between having closure and yet still a lot to think about what could've gone on before and after.
Nice play on ending with Twilight as an Alicorn, definitely a nice little nod to the fact that she soon will be one in canon. Also Ascentia's return, much like that of Gandalf. XD
Overall, despite the structure and pacing issues, this was a pretty solid story. I know you intended so much differently since its conception, but it happens, eh? Stories just take a mind of their own and end up running along so much differently than we expected. It's pretty fascinating, I'll say! And it turned out really interesting. It's bittersweet and interpretative, and I think it works. Part of the driving force was definitely the character interactions all throughout, which I think were the strong points. It all just came together and I'm glad you managed to work out an ending. Sometimes things don't go as planned, but that to me isn't a bad thing. It's an opportunity to work with it and make the best of it.
The story itself isn't a masterpiece, nor is it trying to be. I went in not expecting much, and what came out was still satisfying. I enjoyed reading it from start to finish, and I'm so glad you made it through. And that's really all I can ever ask for in reading a fanfiction. To enjoy it somehow. It was funny, it was sad, it was emotionally compelling, it was gripping, and it really plays on the emotions.
Well done, buddy. Well done. You made it!
“NO THANK YOU!” came an irritated shout from inside, “I DON'T WANT ANY MORE VISITORS, WELL WISHERS, OR DISTANT RELATIONS!”“And what about very old friends?” Ascentia shouted back with a smile through the door.
I laughed. You were in a LOTR-mood, and you wrote that part so good it made me laugh.
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