Raindrops seems to be settling into her new life among the Hooves family, if this day is anything to go by. When you're a big foal at heart anyplace can be magical with your imagination, and any situation can be cause to bring out the alter ego. Enter the baddest tough-as-nails space commander that Eqquis Prime has ever seen! Follow her as she seeks out the disappearance of all pony life on the planet! Marvel at her quick thinking, her razor wit, and her lightning reflexes! Tremble before her powers of deduction! Are we overselling it? Probably, but don't let her hear you say that!
A follow up piece in the Raising Raindrops universe with a much goofier premise and much lighter tone, expect silliness to abound. You should really read the first one first or you'll be extremely confused. Check out the author's notes as well before starting for warnings, please.
Oh my gosh yes! I loved Raising Raindrops and I hoped for a sequel! Thank you sir, you've brightened my day!
Yay, sequel, love it and Raising Raindrops. I implore to add a character named Captain Admiral Thunderbolt, because, according to Billy, those are the three coolest words in existence.
The informal narrator presses a few of my buttons, but in the context of the story's style I can forgive it. A few scattered mistakes, like an ellpisis with only two periods. Writing and style is solid; not amazing, but certainly comes out ahead of Sturgeon's Law. Try to cut back on your ellipsis (ab)use. All in all...
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I liked it a lot.
The transition from foalishness in the beginning to a, well, G-rated Dead Space was pretty well done.
In a way, it's reminiscent of Rugrats where the scene would shift between reality and what the babies saw in their games.
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Hehe, thanks! Sorry it took so long to get something together, i hope you have fun reading it ^_^
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The title's actually a Futurama reference, lol. I really want to work some more Zapp Brannigan references in.. I should make a supporting character that sulks and sighs all the time xP
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Thanks so much for the honest review! Had to urbandictionary Sturgeon's Law but i giggled when i did, i'll certainly take the top 10% if i can get it =P The two period ellipsis thing is kind of a stylistic choice/bad habit of mine, i guess i'm trying to draw the pause out a -little- bit without making it too long or abusing semicolons instead. Probably a bad habit though, haha.
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This story's been so fun so far cause Raindrops totally did that on her own! I was planning something different and then like, i swear she just went into imagination mode and all i could do was follow along and go with it. My other idea will just have to get shelved till later. Glad you like! ^_^
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Right, system ate my last reply, so here's the short version.
Ellipses do not belong in exposition. The exception is informal narrators (which you're using), so you get a technical pass on them but should still cut down on it. An ellipsis represents a tapering off, less volume, not a pause. A pause without the "quiet" of an ellipsis would be an em-dash, which is also used for signifying the speaker has been interrupted.
There is no such thing as a two-period ellipsis, nor a four-period one. Refer to the Holy Hand Grenade passage in the Book of Armaments if you require further guidance.
2747249 huh, weird, I watch Futurama, yet never heard that
There's a pretty big genre shift here.
Without the previous chapter's context, this current chapter could easily pass for a science fiction story.
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I think an interesting concept would be to try imitating Rugrats — one scene showing the fantay and the next scene showing reality.
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Hehe, i love love looooove that movie <333 good use of a clip.
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The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan was a short in one episode, shot in black and white, where Zapp (playing himself) is a ridiculously over the top hero in a super low budget film. Leela for example is a regular girl with one big cardboard eye tied to her head, and you can see her blinking around it. I found it hilarious and the title just worked so well for this that i borrowed the idea, haha.
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All i ask is you stick with me to the end, and hopefully you'll see where i'm going with all this xP 2-3 more chapters tops, and i hope the wait will be worth it while i build up the imaginary world.
2748063 oh now I remember. Also, even when Rain is in "Space Marine" mode, will she still have foolish acts (drinking from a bottle, using her diaper, sucking on pacifiers, etc)
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I try.
How dare you write a new story and not tell me!
Seriously, so happy to see another story from you~ Your last story was so great, and this is no exception! I can't wait to see more.
On another note, I can't wait until I get the chance to reference this in my story. :3
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sorry for the slow reply, been pulled all over the last few days >_< As for that, i'll just encourage you to hang in there. hopefully the interlude helps a little though xP
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Always fun to see you writing new things too, hehe. Now stop being so darn hard to get a hold of so we can talk more! =P
You're never ooooooooooon, how can i teeeeeell you?
Whatever you choose to do with this wonderful story, I will respect. After all it is your story, and it's about what you want it to be. Not about what we wanted it to be.
On the topic of tone shift. I quite enjoyed it, if you can do what you've done with this chapter. I have no doubt you'll please both your readers and yourself.
Nice! This shift reminds us that this story is not science fiction story about a pony exploring an unknown planet but an adult foal playing pretend.
So much adorable in this chapter
The shift seemed fairly abrupt and I didn't really feel like reading it in the beginning, since the 'Interlude' thingy pretty much stated that there wouldn't be any advancement in the story.
Well, you and your brilliant writing made it worth the while anyhow. I found the interaction between Lyra and Bon Bon both very believeble and totally adorable. Story-wise, I'm saddened that this didn't continue the plot, but for what we got it's pretty darn good.
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Thankies. I guess the way i've always looked at it is, what's a writer without an audience, you know? While i have a duty to hold up my vision for something, i think it's also really important to make my readers happy and feedback helps keep me honest. The last chapter was something i think i needed too, haha. Glad you like it ^^
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It was a ton of fun, gonna make it a little tough for me to go back to covering the main storyline, haha xP
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Hehe, thank you! I love those two, Lyra's one of my favorite ponies so it was a lot of fun ^_^
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D'awwwwww, thank you! Really glad it won you over! More of the main story will be coming soon, i'm gonna try to have the next chapter done by the weekend so if all goes well you won't be waiting too long for more! ^^
oh goody goody i didnt realize this was a sequal till i read the description closer.
Now i just gotta read.
Just read and i'm so glad you continued with all of the characters. The first chapters showed real imagination, and i for one want to at least see where Raindrop goes with it.
So far I'm impressed by this sequel to a wonderful fic.
Wow Raindrops sure plays hardcore for an adult foal.
/
Quite the sweet tone shift.
Back (much later) now that you've posted more, I can't say my attention stayed with the story for the second half. The issue is you stick too rigidly to the "fantasy" without ever explaining the real-world equivalents of what she's imagining. Without both parts intermeshing, it's a weird pony-exploring-dead-world fic that lacks the evocative prose necessary to entertain the reader.
Is this still alive?
love this fic
I like it, very nicely written.
Truly a nightmarish scenario....
Any plans on continuing this?