>>221517221517 Yup, that pretty much explains it.

>>222765222765 I'm afraid I don't quite understand. If you didn't like my story then that's your choice, but at least tell me what you think I did wrong. That way I can improve. A tells me nothing.

Just a technical quibble, but....

"She appeared just barely out of foalhood. Seventeen years old, nineteen at most."

Foalhood = infancy.  Thus, barely out of foalhood would imply two or three years old.  Also, I've gotten the impression (and Lauren Faust actually wrote a little about this, although she admitted the whole subject was deliberately vague on details) that ponies mature more quickly than humans, often becoming independent around 12-13 or so.  Thereby, 17-19 would be fully grown up.

As far as the story goes.  I like alt universe stories, and I like imaginative concepts, and I like stories that are well written.  You're scoring on all three points so far!

>>223214223214 where I come from we call those kind of people 'trolls' welcome to the internet chum!

anyway, i'm not much for war stories to be honest but i like this so far. it reminds me of another fiction i once read about someone capturing someone else and put them in prison and then fell in love with the so called criminal and then they fled later on... anyway... am gonna track this and hope the next chapter will be out soon, there isn't enough moonlight shipfics in this world as it is ^_^

on a side note the characters do feel a bit out of character but then again its an alternative universe so you can pretty much do with them as you like (like i have in my fictions).

>>223214223214 Oh no, I love the story, I want moar! Just for Twilight xD Her curiosity got the better of her and she went and stole a book. <--- is the perfect emoticon for her actions xD

>>223216223216 I wasn't sure of the right term, and, considering I don't know the rate at which horses mature, I just used the same age scale as human.  

>>223272223272 Well I'm glad I managed to interest you in this despite it being a war story. It'll be a while before the war actually starts. As for them being out of character, I know what you mean. I intend to make Nightmare more vindictive, but I didn't have much oppurtunity for that in this chapter.

>>223301223301 Hehe, sorry misunderstanding. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I enjoyed this first chapter. I eagerly, look forward to reading more.

This was a really good second chapter. I enjoyed yourp ortrayal of Nightmare Moon, it was very well executed

A decent 2nd chapter, so you at least haven't lost me yet =P

About the blood oath, what was the point of Twilight having to mix her blood with NMM's blood? Wouldn't it had made more sense if either they both drank half and thus become 'soulbound' or whatever? But I don't see a problem with that, then they would have been equal in the oath and that wouldn't make much sense if Twilight was suppose to be her slave, but then wouldn't it make more sense that Twilight simply drank NMM's blood without the need of adding her own to it? Technically when Twilight would digest NMM's blood it would enter her blood (just like glucose does).

But I'm probably just nitpicking here... beside that NMM still feels a bit odd, at some point she seems to care but she's being a total bitch about it! But then again maybe that's just my dislike of people that are stuck up their own ass, which NMM seems to be atm... but I'll be looking forward to the next chapter... I had my own ideas in my head as what you could do with this story but you didn't do any of them XD

>>244349244349 Well, on the matter of Twilight ingesting her own blood, I decided to go with that since, in reality, blood oaths typically only involve the spilling of your own blood. Of course, I felt the need to make it into a magic ritual which called for several changes. One of them being the actual drinking of the blood. I'll admit, Twilight drinking her own blood was probably unecessary, but it's a bit late for me to change that now.

As for Nightmare's character, it probably seems a bit off because I attempted to make her more aggressive in this chapter. You were right about her being OOC last chapter. She'll become more solid as we progress, but I should hope I nail her down next chapter.

Well, i like the Story so far.

This Story is Good! I wonder what happens next!:

>>244349244349 It's Magic, don't got to explain anything!

>>244646244646 well its just... NMM kinda said some reasonable things but then she acts like a dick... ehm... cunt? anyway, it just felt a bit odd... but then again maybe she is more like that she feels what needed by but doesn't really want to a part of it in a way... anyway! it just seems a bit odd to me and i probably just explained myself very poorly =P but as her being OOC, you writing an alternative universe ofc she will be OOC i mean... if you change the lore then ofc you will change the characters personalties as well (nothing else would make sense, after all ones persona is made from ones experience in life). so i don't really mind the OOC it just felt strange that at some point she seems pretty reasonable and then the next shes some kind of an asshole XD

>>246327246327 I'm a man of science... SCIENCE!!! XD

This was a brilliant chapter. It highlights a lot of what Castle life is like and shows us just how bad Twilight has had it growing up. It reminds me of a story where a man burst into tears when someone built him a shed and gave him a bed to sleep in, since he'd lived in poverty all his life.

>>268353268353 Well, this is a lot like that. Only, instead of bursting into tears, Twilight entered super cute mode.

>>268383268383 Yeah she was cute and happy . I liked that part of the story, new beginnings and all that

i was going to comment on Twilight's cultural shell shocking but tonto beat me to the punch there. So I'll just say that sometime down the road Twilight's well earned overly cautious mind (it's not paranoia if they really are out to get you) is going to get her in trouble.

I liked how Celestia was teasing Nightmare about Twilight's status. I mean I know that she didn't creat the term on the spot but "Presonal Slave" just sounds bad. then for added fun Nightmare descides to have her ew slave give her a massage as her first offical task, oy when Celestia finds out nightmare won't hear the end of it.

Also nice touch bringing up the detail about the geniral and other high ranking officals of the guard being gelded. I mean it only makes sense to do so even if it isn't a plesent detail to think about. Still atleast Equestria isn't likely to have the same problem with eunics as China once did, you know leadership's gone down the tubes if a postal clerk can start a rebelion and end up toppling the empire.

Of course it's going to get her into trouble, the quest for knowledge invariably comes with trouble to some degree. Now though, Twilight at least has a place to live and something to strive for.

I just have to say her eruption into joyous laughter was adorable.

>>268818268818 Of course it's still paranoia if they're actually out to get you! It's much funner when it's paranoia

>>269109269109 That's what I was aiming for.

... A lifetime's worth of characters from movies, books, videogames, and cartoons all spouting some varation of "They all laughted at me... but I'll show them I'll show them all!" just hit me all at once call me weird but I found that damn funny.

I wonder what was going through Nightmare's head when she walked in on Twilight lost in the overwhelming glee of having a bed for the first time in her life. Not to knock her but I don't even kow if she could put that into context for herself given that not only has shee been at the top of the heap for so long aside from that she atleast had her sister too family seems to be another nessesity that Twilight most likely lacked in this reality.

>>269548269548 You're right of course. Nightmare has no idea what Twilight was doing, and, after her sister's teasing, simply wanted to forget it. Also, thank you for the point. I'm going to have to remember in the future that family is a fairly alien concept Twilight. That, will spark some interesting conversations.

Not a problem, I was just guessing about the family bit but well given how bad Stalliongrad seemed to be I figured that it was a safe bet. As for Nightmare's thoughts well I'll just say that her expression would probibly be priceless when she eventualy finds out why Twilight was acting the way she did.

It would be nice if there was a blank line between all paragraphs and not just some. This is because the epub download does not preserve indentation leading to things being hard to read if there is not.

It would be nice to not have to manually edit the epub when I download it (editing those files is a pain).

>>270424270424 I was unaware of this. I'll use spaces instead of the enter button from now on.

NMM, Twilight and massage? Where is the next chapter?! *RAGE*

LOL. You better write the massage in the next chapter!!!

>>244349244349

>>244646244646

Maybe the blood oath was designed for both parties to agree to something, but only Twilight drinks here for she is the only one making a promise?

>>268818268818

If Celestia's teasing gets worse, I wonder if Nightmare will consider having Twilight spayed to shut her sister up?

Twilight better pray that it does not get too bad.

Yeah, or she could turn the tables and accuess her sister of having a fixation on Twilight. I don't see this happening but I'd love to see the two of them playfully vollying insults back and forth at least once in this story.

The solution is to add an extra new line after each paragraph (hit enter twice after each paragraph, rather than once). Being able to identify when a new paragraph starts is the important thing, as opposed to indentation for its own sake.

>>330379330379 Suddenly, the reason why so many stories on here have more spaces between paragraphs makes sense. I'll edit the current chapters in a little bit. Thanks

Love the development here, as well as the relationship between both nightmare and Celestia, as well as between nightmare and twilight. Looking forward to the next installment!

Meh... this chapter cheated me of a moonlight massage -_- shame on you!

>>330565330565 It is at this point I remember several other people commenting about the massage last chapter. I think I'll go hide now...

While it does lack a massage scene, I like that it gives some insight into what is typical for Twilight mixed in with plot advancement. I suppose such things can wait until they become more typical.

And Zypher got what was coming to him. You do not mess with Twilight

Looking forward to part two, in which it seems we will get to see some about how Twilight is doing.

>>330570330570

Flashbacks are fun, say sometime Twilight wonders if she will be called on to do something like that again. Maybe Nightmare tells Twilight they will be doing something special different next time they meet? And then it can turn out to be something else.

Avoiding it till the usual routine is established so as not to create any misconceptions about Twilight's work would be a good reason to delay it a bit.

>>330616330616 So at this moment I'm obligated to do it huh? Alright then, I guarrantee that at some point during the story of Twilight and Nightmare there will be a massage scene between the two of them. But I won't say when.

agreed with sarokcat and also with twilight learning so fast she could probably be building up her mana reserves too the first true fight for this twilight is gonna be epic! o and i'm glad that night mare moon slaughtered that worthless piece of trash guard.

and one last thing i see celestia opposing twilights learning trixy would aprove, however i do not but thats all i'm going to conject about anyway cant wayt for the next chapter!

Another excellent addition to this story, this story is fantastic and continues to entertain me .

>>330689330689 Technically, Zephyr's not dead, and that's the real kicker. He's just lyin there. In immense unimaginable pain. As for Celestia's view on Twilight being taught...well you'll just have to see.

Things just keep getting more intresting here. We get to see some of Twilight's day to day life we also get some inneraction between her and celestia as well as Nightmare Moon.

I'm wondering if Celestia is albe to spot Twilight's potential just as well as her sister is and after finding out that Twilight is being educated is being perceived as a threat of a sort. No matter how big it is a castle is never without it's cracks in the floor or holes in the wall eyes and ears are everywhere. Celestia has most likely know about Twilight's education since the fire ball insodent. The question is how will she deal with it though will she interfear or will she simply keep an eye on her.

What really has me going though is just what she has planning on a larger scale. She's hiking the taxes up and keeping said figures to herself or atleast not being honest with Nightmare. Adding to that her little black op in Staliongrad and the tensions with the wolf pack and things become all the more intresting. Speaking of Twilight's hometown Celestia seems to have something against it for one reason or another. A city doesn't fall into that state of decay without notice only purpisfull neglect from above seems to fit and given that Celestia knew how Nightmare's visit would go that seems all the more fitting here.

Twilight's changing view on Nightmare is fun to wittness. It says something that simple acknowledgement and encouragement can affect her this much over such a short time. Right from the get go Twilight had no one save her master who wanted her there and she was quick to pick up on the fact that so log as her master is happy she will be treated well. Then we have the bonus of her being fascinated with her master's work in crafting the nightsky to further endear her to Nightmare Moon. I can see Twilight attaching herself to her master very quickly because of these factors.

Though what promises to be most enthralling to see here is how long it will take befor the two become more familer with each other. I can see a sort of student teacher bond forming first after that I would expect some kind of friendship to slowly take shape after this I'm not sure. Though I don't expect these to be smooth transitions as this little insodent is likely to have a major impact on how Twilight views her master and while they are fitting for romance novels I don't see a white knight complex benifitting either of these two and given how isolated and insecure Twilight feels at the castle such a development could take shape after Nightmare came to her aid in such a dramatic way.

Nightmare Moon's own feelings are intresting as well. She already seems to take a sort of pride in Twilight. Weather it be how quickly her student is advancing in her studies or the speed with witch she seems to be adapting to her place at her master's side. Add in some validation on her choice to save Twilight's life rather then letting her potentail talent be wasted on the chopping block and I can see her taking even more of a liking to Twilight over time as well.

>>332069332069 Your observation on Nightmare and Twilight's relationship is very accurate. Nightmare is indeed proud of the little unicorn, and Twilight herself has become very attatched to Nightmare due to the fact that the alicorn is the first pony to show her kindness of any kind. Little things can, at the moment, have a big effect on her, and despite this their relationship will, indeed, have it's own troubles.

On the matter of Celestia however well, . If you recall Nightmare explained she was going to teach Twilight to Celestia last chapter. If she had real opposition she would've taken action by now. Wouldn't she? She is clearly interested in Twilight for some reason though, always looking at her that way. All I can say without spoilers is that Celestia views on Twilight will be revealed next chapter.

Well it's good to know that I seem to be on the right track at the moment. Still being able to see what might come in a broad sense isn't as secure as one might think. It is the details the little variations that can snowball and lead to changes in the outcome that are unforseen for the most part.

For a change of subject Zephyr seems to be able to hold a grudge for quite a while. This also seems to be affecting his judgement to a degree. While he is indeed high enough in rank to give Twilight orders and seems to understand her well enough to know that she wouldn't report him even though he was clearly abusing his position over her. He didn't seem to think clearly enough to cover his tracks in any way as he not only has beaten her befor but has dones so in daylight while on duty.

Then we get the tidbit about him him having issues with diciplan even before Twilight wounded his pride and I can see him being very unstable overall and this little insodent is only going to make things worse as in his mind this is the second time she has cost him to lose face in the presence of one of his rulers. While I want to credit him as being smart enough to let this issue drop I can't see that happening, oh he may lay off her for the time being but I don't see him letting this slight go unanswerd.

>>332255332255 To be honest I'm not sure whether Zephyr will return in the future or not. If not, it can be assumed that he dies of the injuries Nightmare gave him. After all, even today such a thing as what she did to him is would be difficult to heal, and Equestria is less advanced in this story than in even the show. The only reason he'll be able to survive is by magic, and trust me, even if you're the nephew of the Praetorian Prefect you don't get to return to duty scott free after being assaulted by the Empress. If I do make Zephyr return he'll have been dishonorably discharged from the guard. Which will make him far more irrational.

That would actualy make him more of a thtreat as it could drive him to the rebels and while his information would be somewhat dated and fairly limited having a former castle insider in thier ranks could be very usefull to them.  Even with magic it's not like they could change the layout of the place on on whim and while they might up security some I doubt they could patch all the holes in it before he could give some very usefull information away.

Twilight actually liking working for Nightmare at the start and calling her master...

I.... I think this is my favorite NMM & Twilight story ever...

Or would have been, if there was a massage!

>>340944340944 *Hides behind Nightmare Moon.* Night, they're all getting pissed cause I left that scene out! Protect me!

NMM: Who the f@&k are you?

Ummm....*Runs for the hills.* I'm sorry!

no worries EoaD your safe with nightmare moon anyway how long till your next big update?

the waits just leathal

anyway think you'll ever actually write that massage scene or another like itthat is if you want to.

and also question is twilights magical power going to be anywhere near that of nightmare suns or nightmare moons or will it remain substantially low but strong enough to annihilate a small army of unicorns if even that?

i wonder what lunas argument with celestia is going to be like over the little bit of deciet between them?

and finally is going to show or are you excluding cannon characters in your fic?

other than that dis gunna be good!

answer only what you want to!

>>346949346949 In order, hopefully not too long. I really want to see all ya'll's reaction to the next chapter. I've been looking forward to it for a long while now.

I have already guarranteed there will be a massage at some point, but I'm going to torture ya'll by making ya'll wait.

Twilight will indeed become extremely powerful, but she's not going to be OP. If I were to have NIGHTMARE wipe out a small army of unicorns that would be a bit convenient. The power will be managed carefully when it comes to combat.

Not saying anything. Other than Nightmare is how she was born in the Spectrum universe. There is no Luna. I realize you probably didn't mean it quite like that, but I felt that I needed to clear that up anyway.

There will be no other cannon characters in True Colors other than the ones that have already been introduced.

I hope you're satisfied with these answers.

>>347010347010 more than satisfied thank you, now the worst part comes for the reader the infamous wait lots and lots of it too oh well glad its still running on its feat.

I love this. The background is very unique and gives me a pretty realistic feeling of the world they're in.

But one thing: it's !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S = It is, it has

ITS is the possessive form of "it."

While I really like the story, the wrong use of it's really irks me.

I'm really enjoying this, love how you bring up the books and Twilight's eagerness to visit the library. And the it's... I left a comment about that on a previous chapter

Yes, I loved the cute(?) moment at the end.

There's one thing that I've been expecting that you would mention, but it seems you haven't:

A description of how Twilight's looks have changed? Like how she was filthy and rough before, but now she's more clean, and starting to fill out (just a bit), her mane having more of a flow, and she looks fresher.

Or something like that. I keep imagining how she has changed on the outside, but without a description it's kinda lacking. Just a suggestion.

>>355698355698 I apologize for the derp. I'll try and keep that in mind from now on.

On the matter of Twilight's looks, I hadn't really thought about it at all. It' a bit late for it now though. Well, another lesson learned. Thanks for advice, and I'm glad you're enjoying my story.

new update reading now

good update, and I would have to say upgrading the rating to mature would likely be prudent lest someone make accusations or someone. I mean there's similar things in teen movies these days, but still, better safe than sorry, especially on such a touchy subject.

Poor Twilight. She messes up once, and really gets it.

ok now that i've read it, honest opinion time! great chapter. now twi's getin some celestia no wonder cellestia was giving her those looks lol

now i feel sorry for the poor girl but nightmare moons punishment was fare now i guess we'll be seing how twi and nightmare turn against celestia but still if someones willing to make it that rape sceene would be awsome to see

also i cant believe twilight gave into temptation and proke into the locked room lol.

i say stick with teen cause its implied not actually full blown clop.

You might be able to get away with teen if you post a warning at the top of this chapter and keep the orignal auther's note at the end as well, but it may just be better to bump the rating.

Well this was a very intresting chapter, we get some more hints about the rebellion that's going on and are treated to a real hook of an opening with the wounded scout trying and failing to escape and return with what was definetly some vital information.

I found the bit with Twilight's training in offencive magic most intresting. We get to see her show her stuff abit, some more explanation on how the magic of this version of Equestria works and get to see Nightmare using her head abit in how she teaches Twilight by taking advantage of a situation as a means to act as a cover for something she intended to do from the very start. It makes me wonder just what kind of service she wants from Twilight that she thought that combat training was needed from day one.

The section about the royal archives was intresting as well, it provides us with some background details about not just Everfree Castle but life in Equestria as a whole. Most fictions take it for granted that books are common place in Equestria yet here we see that this isn't true I'd almost guess that things are hoof written rather than use of a printing press but I have no real proof to back that claim up. The lack of a royal library was intresting tidbit add that to the scarcity of books in Stalliongrad and I'm starting to wonder just how common litercy much less recreatinal litirecure is here.

The whole bit about Twilight's curiousity coming back to bite her was intresting. While she was never told to stay away from the room containing the Alter of Harmoney the lock should have been enough to keep her away. Though I will say that this insodent was in part the sister's fault as they really should have had better security for a room of such importance.An alaarm ward and a rusty paddlock in a unguarded and dissused section of the castle was begging for trouble if you ask me.

The look into how Nightmare and Twilight view each other was very worthwhile. It's great to see how thier veiws on each other are growing and adapting. I also felt that Twilight's fear of adandoment was befitting of her. It shows just how dependant upon her master she really is. As for Nightmare herself I like how she takes pride in her student and even seems to respect her enough to put some stalk in her opinion. If she didn't Twilight's words about Celestia wouldn't have prompted as much of a reaction as they did.

Twilight's going to be such a wreck after this insodent. She tries to give Celesttia a chance after being confronted about the issue by Nightmare. then for added insult to ingury not only does Celestia take her dignity she also confirms Twilight's fear and for the cherry on top plants a seed of doubt in her head that will take at least YEARS to work past. That is if she can ever work past it in the first place, as Twilight notes she did ideed consider herself to be nightmare's property but Nightmare was treating her with respect and humanity she could have called her by her new title alone but she let Twilight keep her name. Now Celestia goes and does this one of the most dehumanizing things possible to her.

Though what I think is the worst part of all this is that this issue won't end with Celestia's lust. Twilight's going to be changed drasticly by these events and Nightmare WILL notice it. I don't know when but after a time she will ask Twilight what happened that night and when she does twilight is either going to come clean right off the bat risking her master's wrath or she's going to try to lie thus cuasing her to once more be subject to that Trueth spell/ comand word and I really don't know witch of the two will be worse for her.

Then after Nightmare learns the truth we'll get to see her reaction to this mess. Will she direct her rage at her sister, Twilight, or herself? No matter witch choice she makes in that reguard things are only going to get worse between Twilight, Nightmare, and Celestia. There is an emotinal and possibly a litiral powderkeg primed and ready we can only guess at what the aftermath of it's detination will be.

>>358743358743 Oh yes. Celestia raping Twilight is going to be a very big issue for her and Nightmare's developing relationship. In addition to making her question her position in life it also shot all of Twilight's trust for Nightmare to hell. After all, it NMM who told that Celestia was, indeed, trustworthy. Not to mention that it'll instill not only a fear of sex, because she was a virgin, but fear Nightmare on an entirely different level than before. In short, I'm one sadistic bastard.

Also, you are write about books being hoofwritten. This story takes place about the same time Luna became Nightmare Moon in the cannon universe. So everything is a lot less advanced. Hell, they don't even use paper yet. They still use leather. Despite this, knowing how to read isn't uncommon. Ponies carve out signs all the time after all. So, in truth, all the books in the Royal Pony Sister's palace are worth a fortune.

Yeah No matter how you cut this Twilight is going to have so MANY issue that she'll make the lesson Zero freakout look like the brief sanity slip from swarm of the century. I can only guess at how deep these scars will run. This is the kind of wound that will never fully heal. While she may more the loss of what little insosence her rough upbringing left her it will be her capacity for trust of others and self image that will suffer the most here. Nightmare may want to keep twilight away from sharp objects for the time being.

Well I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who is that cruel to thier creations if Phile's misery isn't enough for you ask me about the protaginet of the novel I've been toying with some time. Acutaly now that I think on it she should just keep an eye on her in geniral. As not only could this lead to mundane self destructive behavore like attempts at suiside and crawling into a bottle but magic is a thing here and i wouldn't be surprized at all for her to attempte to alter her own mind in some way. weather it be purging the memories, attempted to rid herself of the ability to dream or flat out refusal of sleep supplimented by magical aids Twilight has many unhealthy options open t her because of her skill with magic and her inexperence make them all the more dangours to her.

I was like hell yeah have sex, but I didn't expect it to be rape

Great chapter, now I'm waiting for more. Gotta fix those spelling errors next time, tho!

>>358514358514 And I bet Nightmare moon is going to really be angry now. Celestia is digging her own grave.

>>359317359317

Once she finds out, I suppose; however, for now we cannot be certain how soon that will be. Twilight will likely not be inclind to say something about it unless asked directly.

dunno if implied rape should be considered mature (i wouldn't and either did i with one of my fics that are now channeled)... but I'm glad you didn't turn it into a clopfic because that would have totally turned me off the story. but your last note sorta ruined it a bit for me, if you had left out the part where you told us that it was rape and that it took place you kinda eliminated some tension and you more or less say that nothing could prevent it, while your reader might have had a little wishful hope of her getting saved before the event took place.

but this is gonna be a serious blow for twilight's relationship to NMM because she kinda lied to her... but then again NMM feels a bit stupid in this chapter as she herself didn't really trust her in the former chapter and now tells others that they should trust celestia? -_-

>>360869360869 Celestia's her sister. What do you expect? To Nightmare she might be behaving odd, but not so out of what NMM believes normal that she's gonna turn against her. Of course Nightmare's going to defend Celestia if she perceives anyone insulting her. That'll change later, but a bond between loving sisters isn't so easy to break.

>>360893360893 well I never cared about blood relation so I would question whatever any from my family as much as I would any of my friends or other people. but thats just me then i guess... still seems odd to me to tell someone else you can trust someone when they don't feel like they can trust them. and a loving sister bond? what I read from your story their relationship to each other is not all that 'loving'.

anyway, whats your new story about? if its another war story i'm gonna strangle you with friendship ;)

>>361302361302

Likely has to do with how things have been in the past.

From talking with Echo elsewhere, it seems when they beat Discord in this timeline one of Celestia's Elements of Harmony was Loyalty. Nightmare used Magic (which involves being good friends). So Nightmare is having trouble seeing Celestia as untrustworthy is kind of like canon Twilight would have trouble thinking Rainbow Dash would betray her.

>>361302361302 It's a shipping AU centering around Twilight and Luna in college with a heavy focus on music. Sound like something you like?

>>361330361330 Actually, Celestia had Magic. The rest of what you said is correct though. Her care for Celestia originates from their past, but Celestia has changed during their rule. However, Celestia still cares for Nightmare as well. The only interaction you've seen between them were touchy subjects, and Celestia being her teasing trolling self. Which means the upcoming fight is going to be rife with emotion.

Nightmare Moon is the one to worry about tyranny? Really?

That just seems OOC. Is there a justification for Celestia being an unrepentant tyrant in-story, or is it because your premise simply wouldn't work without it?

>>361635361635 Well it's an AU.There are changes to character depending on the set up. After all your world shapes you. There is a reasoning behind the harsh laws of the empire which will be stated eventually, but Celestia herself has become extremely greedy over the two millenia as well. So most logical reasonning is just an excuse for her.

>>361647361647

Is this a 'for want of a nail' story? An event in the distant past changes everything about canon, in this case the event pushes Celestia down a slippery slope? Is it related to Luna being Nightmare Moon?

Or is it just an AU with Nightmare Moon instead of Luna, and Celestia's morals have just slipped into unrepentant tyranny over the long years?

I ask this because tyrant Celestia already goes harshly against the grain of canon, to the point of making her unrecognizable and unrelated to canon save for her face and name. Nothing of the Celestia I know seems to be present in your characterization of her. When it comes to Tyrantlestia, you need to have a very good reason for using believably, and most don't. It'd make more sense for Celestia to be the one unsure about the state of things, to be the tyrant with doubt in her heart.

Now, I can get behind the idea of Nightmare Moon being slowly redeemed of tyranny and questioning her motives and reasons. That's a great vein to explore for a story. But I think that's undermined with Celestia's presence, because you have to jump through so many hoops to justify Celestia as a legitimate fiend of the duo, considering her squeaky clean canon characterization. If you don't have a graceful justification for Celestia's villainy, if Celestia is just evil for the sake of making NMM look better in comparison...

I just hope you've considered things thoroughly, is all.

>>361739361739 This is completely AU, and has no ties to cannon. I understand your concern, but Celestia in this story's universe, called Spectrum, wasn't always greedy. That's something that occured over time. The main point of tyranny, the harsh laws of the empire, does have actual reasoning though, and is not simply something for convenience's sake. I can't say anymore without spoiling. After all, I like to make my readers think about what's going on and try to figure things out. Also, as I told Xaldon, there is no Luna in Spectrum. She has always been Nightmare Moon in this universe.

I do appreciate your input though. It's good to be questioned on occasion, so you can improve. I'll admit that while my portrayal of Celestia is passable for what I had imagined, it's also poor. I'll try to improve on that in following chapters.

>>361837361837

Best of luck, then.

>>361366361366 Sounds a bit like a one shot I'm working on from time to time, beside the music part :P

>>361330361330 Where they heck did you get the idea of who had what element?

>>364770364770 We had a conversation a while back, but if you really want to know who has what element then read the Altar of Harmony scene again. The windows are supposed to show it. Also, I had no idea about your one-shot, but Shoot for the Stars is not going to be a one-shot. It's going to have a lot more to it.

>>364770364770

http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=19&thread=215

Echo mentioned that the arrangement from "After That Fateful Night" seemed good. In that story, Nightmare had Honesty, Laughter, and Magic before her falling out with Celestia.

>>364788364788 seems a bit silly to do that as that would require to read another story first... a story should be able to stand on its own, even if it is a sequel or prequel.

>>365048365048

It is not, as the actual affiliations are hinted at in chapter five. I just missed it (likely because some elements do not exactly translate well into images).

>>358867358867

They use leather.

They slaughter animals for writing books.

>>370742370742

>>370764370764

'Cause they are ponies. Which are vegetarians. And they don't like to kill animals. For fur perhaps, in Stalliongrad.

Okay, I'll give you some input.

Quite the nice story up until now, or rather the last scene, but I'll say something about that later on. It's refreshing to see a completely alternate Universe, in which only Twilight seems to be at least at some point in character (that's not meant to be ironic, by the way), although I'd like to see a normal NMM ship without that Tyrantlestia crap going on in the background. My humble opinion, but that's in context with this story completely beside the point.

Well, you mentioned that the mythril, although oddly spelled, is a light metal, which would mean that the escaping pony can't be a Praetorian. Besides the fact that he could have beaten the other pony. So, what are they exactly up to? Celestia could hold her face while talking with Artillerus, and I'm quite sure the Legate had had the opportunities of watching Celestia losing it - so he should know how she should look and react after hearing that kind of news. She planned that, and she knows that the precious Praetorians are still as alive as they can be. I'm tending to go with the attacker being a Praetorian, by the way. Or Applejack.

I'd like to know if Celestia is even slyer than she already is, and if she is planning on getting rid of The Pack, or on getting rid of the Gryphons as well, since they have the mines.

̶o̶̶r̶ ̶d̶̶o̶̶e̶̶s̶ ̶s̶̶h̶̶e̶ ̶o̶̶n̶̶l̶̶y̶ ̶w̶̶a̶̶n̶̶t̶ ̶t̶̶o̶ ̶c̶̶r̶̶e̶̶a̶̶t̶̶e̶ ̶h̶̶e̶̶r̶ ̶o̶̶w̶̶n̶ ̶h̶̶a̶̶r̶̶e̶̶m̶, ̶s̶̶t̶̶a̶̶r̶̶t̶̶i̶̶n̶̶g̶ ̶w̶̶i̶̶t̶̶h̶ ̶h̶̶e̶̶r̶ ̶s̶̶i̶̶s̶̶t̶̶e̶̶r̶̶?̶ ̶p̶̶e̶̶r̶̶h̶̶a̶̶p̶̶s̶ ̶s̶̶h̶̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶s̶̶t̶̶a̶̶r̶̶t̶̶i̶̶n̶̶g̶ ̶t̶̶o̶ ̶r̶̶a̶̶p̶̶e̶ ̶h̶̶e̶̶r̶ ̶w̶̶a̶̶y̶ ̶t̶̶h̶̶r̶̶o̶̶u̶̶g̶̶h̶ ̶s̶̶t̶̶a̶̶l̶... sorry, my fingers got ahead of my brain.

Anyways, I utterly dislike the topic rape

Oh yeah, you make punctuation mistakes in conditional clauses (if-sentences), and you don't know the difference between it's and its

>>370890370890 Sorry about that last scene. I was a bit hesitant with it because I know it's a touchy subject, but it's a necessary trigger for coming events. I also appreciate the advice on my writing. I'm not exactly the best on grammar . Also, if you want a NMM shipping without Tyrantlestia you should check out After that Fateful Night by Peppy Greyskull.

Now, onto the fun bit. Well, though tense on occasion, the past 2,000 years have been peaceful for Equestria, so there hasn't really been a situation that would disturb Celestia deeply enough to make her mask shatter. Consider that Nightmare's only just now finding out her sister's a tyrant. Such a change doesn't happen overnight, so Celestia has to be good at keeping her cool. So how would Artillerus know when she was bothered unless something devastatingly unexpected happened, and caused her to freak out? Moreover, what's so important that she has to hide it from the Legate? Nightmare may have been mentioned to sympathize with the rebels, but the threat to her rule is still recognized. So Celestia trying to keep the info from her is unlikely. Does it have to do with Stalliongrad itself? I wonder...

>>358867358867

That totallllllly makes sence now. I can also see how this is going to fuck up Twilight and NMM's relationship, I mean, she already scares he enough, now all this? Not to mention shes probably going to be fearing the shit out of Celestia too, I hope NMM steps in and does something about her sister for once.

Very nice turn of events, although it was really straight forward. The development from getting the event of rape out of Twilight until the getaway is quite fast-paced. Oh well, looking forward to more.

Just read Twilight's strongest line in this chapter, and I will say that it actually startled me! I've got a ring in my ears as if she actually shouted it right next to me as I read it.

dis is gonna be awsome bigger more detailed review of chapter later, bed now you ideot.

I wonder if Nightmare will tell Twilight anything about what they are doing before they arrive? As in before she feel it is strictly necesary to do so.

Good chapter yet again, out of curiosity, are you over in the U.K. Or somewhere else in Europe? Cause it's still the 1st here.

>>396341396341 More than likely, she'll tell Twilight the bare bones of the situation.

>>396345396345 No, I'm a Texan. I just finished the chapter, and the day was almost over. So I updated early.

Hmm, I wonder if Celestia even realizes what she just said? While I don't want to doubt Nightmare's decleration for thier actions I don't wish to jump to conclusions either. if Nightmare's right though it would seem that celestia has stared too long into the abiss and paid the price for it. I hope that at some point in the future she get's hit with the realisation of what's she's done over the years and who she is immitating in her own way.

I think that so far you're handling Twilight's reaction to this quite well. she is full of hate, selfloathing, confusion, and mistrust. her view of her own is very rightly broken though in time I think she may learn to trust again it won't be an easy path by any means but I think she will eventualy recover as much as one can recover from a truama of that level.

Nightmare Moon seems to be a bit impatint, granted that's always been something of a characteristic of hers in in show cannon but here it seems to stick out a tad more. She should have been able to notice that twilight had cast an illiusion upon herself. I will give her credit for both picking up on Twilight's behavore and acting upon it if a bit too harsly. just as I give her credit for answering Twilight's questions given how much of a rush she was in and her clearly adgitated mindset. Though i can't help but think this rash decision of her to leave like this is going to come back to haunt them in some way.

I liked the bit of information we got on magic in this chapter. its very intresting the idea of magic batteries is also quite intrugeing. Though what i find most facisnating here is the hint we're given that the blood oath goes far deeper than it seems if Nightmare's feeling about how wrong things are is any indecation, along with the consiquences of Twilight trying to resist the truth compulsion that she had used upon her for the second time in what a week?

overall a rather entertaining chapter and I can't wait to see where this is going next.

>>396803396803 Yes, I've mentioned before that magic runs off of several different fuels, but I never explained them. Now, you know what they are. Of course, magic batteries always produce weaker spells than if they had used their "natural" fuel instead. They also can not be used for Blood Magic. This is because Blood Magic effectively runs off the energy of life itself, and no other energy is anything like that.

And yes, the foreign feeling in the back Nightmare's head is another part of the blood oath beginning to manifest. Though I'd like to point out that Nightmare didn't notice the illusion because she didn't try to detect it. Magic can not be detected passively unless there is a very large mass of it building up. Like when Nightmare got pissed at Celestia.

Lastly, while Celestia is in the wrong she's speaking truth. True justice and order require cold and uncomprising rules. Of course, I'm with Nightmare. What isn't freedom and fairness worth? Any conflict or trouble that may come to you is worth it in the end if your free. Right?

EDIT: I'm surprised no one's questioning Nightmare's comment of her and Celestia not existing if the ponies hadn't ruled themselves.

Eh some things are just more fun to be surprised by.

True justice being uncompromising may be true, but the way Celestia voiced it made me think more of Kira's "Justice" than anything else. She may be speaking truth she may have the proper intentions but she's using the slippery slope as a water slide at this point.

>>397070397070

Heh how very direct of you.

alright heres the more lengthy response i prommised earlier

soo... twilight got pissed beonde sensable reason not becouse night mare moon betreyed her but cause she got raped by celestia snrk'molestia' who nightmare moon trusted to not do anything bad and in such twilight now is having conflicted feelings based on her situation she does believe that moon lied to her so it'll be hard to gain that trust again but now that twilights been calmed down heres how i hope it playes out.

nightmare explanes the situation to twilight while they are resting from the flight and twilight senses the truth of the statement and returned back to nightmares side stronger than before after they reach the reagion under the rebles control

well here begins nightmares transition between sides now is discord going to show or no also is twi gonna have any time to train her magic in preperation of the fighting to come?

>>398886398886 As I said in the author's note. Discord will not play a part in this story, and yes Twilight is going to continue learning. Though since the books were left behind all further training will be personal tutelage from Nightmare. Also, Twilight's not gonna trust her again that easily. It'll take awhile before Twilight sees her as a "master" again, instead of an "owner." If you catch my drift.

>>398908398908 i get what ya mean by that poor twilight hopefully nmm can gain twi's trust soon or i be thinking that things maby not turn out so well if someone tried to attack they are extremely vulnerable as of now becouse of the lack of trust and love. 'stupid daymare sun' o vell.