Each person on Earth has a copy in Equestria. It's the same the other way around. That means there are six girls who, may or may not have met, are the perfect friends for each other. Brooke Bennett is your perfect, unordinary teen. She also has distinct rainbow hair and magenta eyes. When her life takes a terrible turn she does the worst thing someone could do! Use a magical mirror and switch places with her ponyself. Now a wingless pegasus and a head in the clouds human have to survive stuck as they are. That is until...
What could possibly go wrong?
REWRITING IN PROGRESS
WILL BE UPDATED SOON
Somehow my random brain will put this together into a appledash/humanized romance! Please enjoy!
Chapters (0)
That explains Windwaker.
No comments? Well Let's just fix that shall we?
I can happily say "No ever present grammar mistakes", however I feel like the day went by really fast with not much happening, If this chapter was an introduction to the main character I now know she is really like dash but not and human.
All in all try to have some plot event take place in other chapters and this story might exist
I really like your story, but the narration is a little confused (seems a mix of third and first person) and, sometimes, scenes are very fast.
But the story is good and I like how you make the human versions and how their names aren't so similar to pony names. Good job.
Am I wrong to say I know where this is going? Let me just say this outright, I think, not know, that you might be introducing characters a bit to quickly. The thing is I just got around to remembering the lead characters name when you go throw like five more in with less than a sentence each.
First impressions are very important and your's left no impression at all. Just like in the show you need to give them some type of characteristic that we can then identify them by, even if its stereotypical, otherwise we can't connect to them and feel nothing when events happen to them in the story.
That being said, my words should always be taken as guidelines and their are always exceptions to any rule, I just wanted to give you my first impression.
2861387 I object. No grammar, but there are spots which are... Uneasy to read. I might correct it tommorrow.
Things are happening SO VERY FAST!
Take a sentence and calm down will you, every other word is lightening fast and leaves me no time to ponder about what just happened before the next emotional roller coaster starts up. Take a moment to let a character enlighten us on what they feel or thing about something, not everything needs to be so split second, you're allowed to breathe, we promise we won't get bored and leave.
2861591 No shame in going back and adding a few more lines to flush out an idea, really there is no real problem with the story, just our understanding in it.
2861646 I really like the concept. If the author is okay with it, I will actually write my own fanfic copy pf it.
2861199
Ha I thought you might say that!
2861387
Wow! Thats a lot! Ok slowing it down will happen. I guess what I was getting at is that what was happening to Brooke was happening to her so fast she had trouble figuring out what was happening. Thanks for the advise I will definitely follow it!
2861450
I completely admit to that being my fault. I kept switch back and forth without realizing it, couldn't find all the spots sorry.
2861591 I agree:
"Brooke keep reminding myself this is what the teacher asked for but she remember just one last thing we were expose to do to complete the picture. Everybody waiting anxiously for them to do that one last step. That including Brookes ex boyfriend and as she heard Lia’s recent ex."
Aside from the grammar, you keep changing tenses and persons. Write in past tense (present tense is only for plays and scripts) and decide on which person to use. Most of your story is done in third person but I kept seeing some bits here and there in first person. Stick to one so the general structure doesn't break.
2862045 uhm... Well... I might just rewrite this entier fanfic, and increase the overall length by, say what? 140%? If I have your permission , I happily will.