Chapter 03: The Practical Purpose of Portals
“Good muffin, Chell!” a perky voice greeted. Chell awakened to see a pair of yellow, googly eyes on a happy, gray face. Ditzy hovered directly above Chell's bed. She seemed to be in a good mood this morning. Perhaps she was looking forward to seeing the royal bakery.
When Chell came back the night before, Ditzy was already asleep, as were the others.
“Good morning, Ditzy. Ahh! Did I sleep in? Where are the others?” Chell frantically asked.
“Meeting crack quick.” Ditzy landed on the floor, as Chell got out of bed and took to the floor as well.
“List note, what... did... princess... ax?” Ditzy articulated as carefully as she could.
“Oh, it wasn't anything important. She was just asking some details about GLaDOS. Not that it really matters. She's gone, now.” Chell’s poker face was worse than Applejack's.
“Mmm, hmmm…” Ditzy responded.
Somehow, Chell could tell that Ditzy wanted to say more, but wasn't able to. Chell thought about what Celestia said the night before about helping Ditzy. Perhaps the answer is right before you. She took her necklace off and held it out in her hoof.
“Ditzy, remember yesterday when I told you that I'd try to help you speak?” Chell's voice came from her hoof, which was quite surreal. “Try speaking with this.”
Ditzy stared down at the blue gemstone in front of her, which pulsed upon every syllable. Despite Luna's warning, Chell felt comfortable trusting Ditzy with the necklace. After a moment of hesitation, Ditzy reached out to pick up the necklace.
“Huh? Huh?” the gemstone mimicked in sync. Its voice was somewhat higher pitched and sounded less silly than her real voice, but something about it still indicated that it belonged to Ditzy. Her wings fluttered in excitement.
“Demiflib Omigosh two this carbs works lemon this is sparkles so amazing fly I tan can't Sudoku! believe it!” As Ditzy and the gemstone spoke simultaneously, their words were muddled together, and Chell could not make out what she was saying. Chell was about to speak before realizing that she wasn’t able to. She motioned for Ditzy to give back the necklace, and Ditzy hoofed it back.
Once Chell held it again, she said, “Sorry, the words were getting mixed up with what came out of your mouth.”
The necklace did prove one thing: Ditzy's mind generated cohesive thoughts, but it was her mouth that messed up the words. “Let's try something simple.” Chell thought for a bit to think of something for Ditzy to try to say, but only one word crossed her mind. “Here,” she held her hoof out with the necklace, “try saying: ‘apple.’”
Ditzy took it back, and then spoke:
“Ankle Apple”
The sounds were still muddled together. Chell gestured her head, telling Ditzy to try again, but before she could speak, Chell placed a hoof over her mouth. The crystal, however, still spoke, “Hey, what was that for?” Ditzy’s eyes lit up as she was stunned to hear the sound of her own thoughts.
Chell took her hoof off Ditzy’s mouth and took the necklace back to speak. “That’s the idea! You have to think the words. Don't speak them. Let the gem to speak for you. Let it ‘speak your mind.’” Chell gave the necklace back. Ditzy picked it up again.
“Okay, I'll try,” the gem said.
Ditzy's mouth hung open in awe. She looked at the necklace, then at Chell.
“I can't believe it. For my entire life, I was trapped inside my own head. Now I feel... free. There's so much to say, but I just don't know what. I've never been able to say my thoughts before,” Ditzy explained.
Chell put her hoof on the necklace to speak. This way, they would not have to keep exchanging it. “I know the feeling, Ditzy. I felt the same way when I first got this thing. I was hoping that I could use the necklace to train you to speak on your own.”
“But... how?” Ditzy asked.
“Well, it's quite simple. You use the crystal to speak so you can hear how your speech should sound, then attempt to replicate that sound with your own voice. You could even try speaking both ways at the same time if you slow down and try to get your words to match the sound that the crystal produces.” Chell explained to the confused gray pegasus.
“That doesn't sound simple,” Ditzy protested. “I can't learn to talk just like that.”
“I didn't say it would be easy, but I think if we work hard enough, and with enough time, I think you can be able to speak your thoughts on your own. Think it's worth a shot?”
“Chell? You don't have to do this, you know, but I really, really appreciate it.” Ditzy thanked her profusely.
“Of course, Ditzy, I’m glad to help you. After all, you gave me a job and a place to live when I was a stranger to this world. This is just what friends do.” Chell truthfully said.
“This really means a lot to me,” Ditzy responded with a genuine smile on her face.
Before Chell could respond, the door opened.
“Hey, girls,” Twilight Sparkle chirped. “I see you’re finally up,” she said to Chell. “We’re just about to have breakfast with the princesses. Celestia wanted to make sure that you didn’t miss it.”
Chell took the necklace and placed it around her neck.
“Okay, we’ll just follow you there,” Chell replied.
Naturally, the inquisitive Twilight noticed that Chell and Ditzy were both touching the gem on the necklace, and with her understanding of rare magic, she knew why.
Ditzy and Chell followed Twilight through the bedroom door and down several corridors. Eventually, they came by the grand dining hall. Before Chell could enter, Twilight put a hoof on Chell’s shoulder as a way of asking her to wait. Ditzy hesitated to enter without the others, but Chell told her that she’d be there in a minute.
“Chell, I noticed what you were doing for Ditzy, and I just want to say that she’s really lucky to have a friend like you, you know.” Twilight quietly said.
“Thanks, Twilight. I’m really just doing the same thing you did for me when I first met you. Remember how many tiring hours you spent trying to figure out how to cure my muteness? Even if it didn’t work, I really appreciated it.” Chell replied in the same soft tone.
“Well, if you ever feel that you could use help teaching her the tacit skill of phonetics, I’d be happy to help you out,” Twilight offered up.
“I’m sure Ditzy would be very happy to hear that. I’ll tell her later,” Chell responded, smiling.
The two ponies walked into the grand dining hall. The others were already sitting at the table, with Celestia and Luna sitting side-by-side at the end. Ditzy was munching on some muffins that were stacked in the center of the table.
“Good morning, Chell! Nice to see that you’re finally awake,” Celestia greeted.
“Ugh, I’m sorry. What did I miss?” Chell asked. She and the others took a seat at the table.
“Well…” Pinkie Pie took a deep gasp, “omigosh, Chell, you’re not gonna believe it! The princesses say that we’re finally gonna get to play with the portal guns today which is so exciting because when that nasty old meanie head made me play with them I put one on the floor and one on the ceiling and I was all like *gasp* ‘weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…’ *gasp* ‘weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…’ *gasp* for hours and hours and hours of super-duper quantumistic fun fun fun! And I’m so glad to be able to play with them again. I’m gonna do the same exact thing, and I’m gonna be like ‘weeeeee—’”
“Okay, Pinkie Pie, I think she got it,” Applejack interrupted with an eye roll.
“‘—eeeeeeeeeee…’ hold on… *gasp* ‘weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… All done!’”
“Pinkie, you don’t even need a portal gun. The way you get around, it’s as if you already have one,” Rainbow Dash remarked.
Celestia spoke before the conversation strayed too far. “Yes, the portal devices are currently in a secure location, and I’ve been waiting to see Chell before deciding what to do with them. I think they can be used for the benefit of Equestria, but I need to know how safe they are first. Since Chell has had the most experience with them, Luna and I agreed that it is wise to ask her opinion.”
All eyes turned to Chell, but before she could speak, the princess continued, “But first, I think Chell should give us a demonstration of their use.”
“Really, you’d let me do that?” Chell wasn’t sure why she was so surprised. She was forced to use portal guns for her entire life, but ever since they had been confiscated, she had thought of them as some sort of alien technology which, in this universe, was technically true. She had gotten so used to life as a normal pony, that she had forgotten about portaling for the most part. Although, she was sure it would come back very easily, as it did after 999999... however long it was.
“Chell,” Celestia spoke, “your cutie mark is a pair of portals. In Equestria, a pony’s cutie mark is a sign of her destiny. Surely, it would be unfitting to deny a pony her destiny, especially after what she has done for us.”
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash chimed in, “I’m usually awesome, but when that jerk GLaDOS was putting me through her lame test... I wasn’t feeling so awesome. But then Chell came in the room and threw all these portals all over the place and flew through them like you wouldn’t believe, and she doesn’t even have wings! It was the coolest. Thing. Ever!”
“Well then,” Celestia agreed, “after breakfast, why don’t we take a trip to the armory?”
As promised, when breakfast was over, Princess Celestia led the others to where the portal guns were held. She led them to a large door which had a detailed picture of the sun partially surrounded by a crescent moon. Like the door which led to the Elements of Harmony, there were small holes in the center of each, the only difference being that there were two instead of one. Celestia and Luna bent their heads down and inserted their horns into the hole of their respective celestial object. With a glowing surge of magical energy from their horns, their yellow and blue magic filled ornate curving lines across the door and danced in an intricate pattern. When the entire door was infused with their combined magic, the magical seal on the lock gave way, and the door opened. The ponies gaped in awe at the sight.
What lay beyond was a vast plain chamber with a large set of racks mounted along the walls. On the racks were hundreds of portal guns. Each device had a tag which had the name and address of each pony that it had previously belonged to. This room looked as if it were designed to store portal guns. Despite using them once, Chell was still alarmed by the modified shape made to fit a hoof instead of a hand. On some other racks were long fall boots.
Along a wall in the back, there were other assorted objects that were taken from the facility. It’s quite remarkable what some ponies tried to take home with them. There were horn and wing restrictors, which some ponies didn’t take the time to remove until after leaving the facility. There were also a few cubes of every type, and even a turret (deactivated of course). Chell wondered who in their right mind would try to salvage a turret of all things from that place. She walked up to it to get a look at the nametag. Instead of a name, the tag just read:
Name: The Doctor
Town: Ponyville
Address: N/A
Not even a name? There were multiple doctors in Ponyville, and this could belong to any one of them. None of the doctors at the hospital seemed like the type who would smuggle a turret. Perhaps this pony was too insane to have a name, or was very secretive. Whatever the reason, it wasn’t worth thinking about.
The modified helicopter turrets that Chell destroyed were also there. Fluttershy was happy to see that a companion cube was among the salvaged items. When the entire group entered, the doors magically shut on their own. Celestia walked toward the far end of the room, showing where Chell’s portal guns were located. “I believe these are yours, correct?” Celestia asked for confirmation.
“Yeah, these are mine. I got them from those things.” Chell pointed to the broken helicopter turrets.
“It’s been a while since we’ve used them, could you give us a recap on how they work?”
Chell put one of the portal guns on her hoof. She briefly demonstrated the basics of its usage, as well as explaining some of its caveats that were less intuitive. First, she showed how she could use the miniature gravity gun at the end to pick up certain objects. With it, she effortlessly picked up a cube and moved it around with ease. She then created two portals on the lower walls in the room, showing how, when on a vertical or sloped surface, they would always be rightside up.
She put on long fall boots and created a portal on the ceiling. As she walked through a nearby portal on the wall, her body righted itself before hitting the ground without any impact to her legs.
Chell turned back to the crowd behind her. “Also, one thing I should mention, Portal travel is completely safe. If a portal were to disappear for any reason while you are going through it, you will be pushed out harmlessly. You will not be sliced in half.” She demonstrated this by deactivating a pair of portals that she was standing in. As they disappeared, they pushed her out harmlessly.
“Thank you for your demonstration,” Princess Celestia remarked. “My most important concern is whether these devices can be used safely, and I believe you have demonstrated that. For a while, I’ve been thinking about how best to utilize these portals for the benefit of all in Equestria. What do you think would be the best way to use these?”
“Well, I wouldn’t advise giving them all back. I think that would be too dangerous. Somepony could easily get hurt if these are mishandled. What about creating a transportation network that would link Equestria together? Imagine visiting Canterlot, Ponyville, Manehatten, Fillydelphia, Hoofington, and Appleloosa within a span of a few minutes.”
“If you think that would be a good idea, then I’ll agree with it. I will have my most trusted guards travel across Equestria to set up portal surface hubs in each town.”
In the following weeks, the princesses spoke to their top advisors, and they set up Chell’s suggested portal network across the entire country. To use the least amount of Portals, they decided that Canterlot would act as a hub to all portal locations. In order to get anywhere, a pony would have to access their town’s portal to Canterlot, and then use another portal in the Canterlot hub to reach their location. Any trip to anywhere except Canterlot would only require two portals.
Immediately, it became apparent that ponies traveling through portals from opposite sides would get into each other’s way or bump into each other, since the portals could only fit one pony at a time. So the system was modified so that each town would have a pair of side-by-side portals to Canterlot. By convention, a blue portal was placed on the right, and an orange portal was placed on the left, and ponies would only enter blue portals and exit orange portals. The only reason for this was that the blue portals were fired using the primary button, and orange portals were secondary. Pinkie Pie, however, insisted it should be the other way because she claimed the “official logo” showed someone exiting through blue. Whatever that meant.
The princesses personally traveled to each town to explain the new portal system to citizens. Unfortunately, Princess Celestia was too big to use the portals. Princess Luna could fit through them, but it was rather difficult and awkward. But this didn’t really matter, since they could teleport using their magic. Ponies generally felt very excited about this new system, but there were many questions, as well as a few concerns. They were mostly the same, usually about how they worked or if there was a risk of being sliced in half. Each time, they used the same answers: “We don’t really know,” and “You get safely pushed out before it closes.”
A few ponies had questions about how this would affect the economy, or trade, or if it would dramatically change the demographics in each town by allowing ponies to move more quickly. The simple answer is that the portals would only be used for pedestrian travel. Anything larger than a pony, as well as packages and mail, still had to move the old fashioned way. Eventually, there was commercial network for use of anything that could fit. This network had a hub in an isolated location from ponies so that goods could be moved efficiently. Still, anything too large had to be moved by train.
The portal network was almost immediately the most popular form of travel. On busy days, there were lines to enter portals, although it usually moved rather quickly. Most towns noticed a sudden surge of tourism, as ponies could visit places they’d only ever dreamed of going to in literally no time.
Chell spent a significant amount of time helping Ditzy learn how to talk with the help of the necklace. Before leaving Canterlot, she told both princesses about her plan, and they thought it was a wonderful idea. She thanked them both of them: Celestia for her suggestion the previous night, and Luna for giving her the necklace in the first place and trusting her to use it. Naturally, both of the princesses trusted Ditzy as well, as they both saw that she had an innocent and pure spirit. Chell joked that Ditzy could use the crystal’s awesome powers to become the Almighty Muffin Lord, Ruler of Baked Deliciousness. They both laughed at Chell’s suddenly strange sense of humor, but they both reminded her once again of the danger it would pose if placed in the wrong hooves.
Occasionally, Twilight Sparkle, as promised, would use her knowledge of linguistics and phonetics to help Ditzy as well. Improvement was slow, but noticeable. At first, Ditzy could only form simple words and phrases if she slowed down her twisted tongue. Eventually, she could form comprehensive phrases in shorter periods of time. It was as if her tongue was slowly being untied from the massive knot that had previously constrained her. There were many times of frustration, but when her mouth would finally utter something she could have never said before, she would be giddy with pure joy. After she got simple words and phrases down, forming sentences took much more time. This was because, for the most part, Ditzy used actual words, but not the ones she intended. Forming a word after enough thought was easy, but stringing them together was a whole different challenge. The difference was like making muffins verses gathering the ingredients. It took much more conscious thought to put the words together, but Ditzy slowly worked the knot. Eventually, Ditzy could read aloud from books. Her speech pattern became so clear, that her condition was almost unnoticeable. She would occasionally mix up a few words, but she was very understandable. Those who had assumed that Ditzy was slow or stupid were proven wrong. She could finally show that she was an intelligent, insightful pony. As the knot was unrolled, she became free.
One day, her friends decided to treat her to lunch as a celebration. She chose to go to none other than the finest muffineria (apparently, they exist in Equestria) in Manehatten, a place that was little known outside of a small group of passionate muffin connoisseurs. Thanks to portals, it only took a few minutes to get there.
Chell raised a glass of wine, “I would like to propose a toast to Ditzy, who proved that anypony can overcome the insurmountable challenges that life throws at us. Life gave Ditzy some really lousy lemons, but she did not accept those lemons. She showed that through hard work, we all have the power to overcome any situation in the face of destiny.”
Finally, it was time for Ditzy to speak. “Thank you. Just a few short myths ago, the only thing that came out of my mouth was gibber-jabber. The only pony who had any cube what I was saying was my little Dinky.” She hugged the purple filly, who was sitting by her side. “But I would not be here without the help of friends like you. I wish to especially tank Chell, who committed every day to teaching me to speak. If not for her unwavering loyalty, I would not be here spanking to you. Thank you so much.”
Up until now, Chell had not felt completely happy. Even if she had been given everything in the world, nothing mattered to her as much as knowing that her best friend could enjoy the gift of speech as much as she did. Hearing Ditzy talk was the greatest thing she could ever want, and even if it wasn’t exactly perfect, it was more than she could have ever hoped for. From here on, Chell knew that everything was going to be alright.
Along a barren mountain range, a vast system of tunnels carved out of solid rock spread throughout the tallest of the mountains. In a large cavern located close to the mountain’s peak, a cylindrical machine about the size of Ponyville’s town hall stood tall in the center of the chamber. The machine was assembled from gray unpainted metal. It looked thrown-together, despite its impressive size and complexity. A perimeter of six columns about three stories tall encircled a hollow space at the base of the machine. The columns were held in place by buttresses, forming a relatively hexagonal shape. A raised pedestal on the floor adorned the center of this hollow space. The columns supported a complex system of machinery that looked as if it were meant to rotate. Three arms reached outwards from this part of the machine; at the ends of these arms were strange pods, which also looked as if they spun as well. At the ceiling of the chamber inside the machine, a spike hung down like a stalactite, pointed at the pedestal on the ground. On the top of the machine was something that looked like a large extendable antenna.
A tall, white, robotic alicorn stood in front of the machine. As the three Diamond Dogs stood next to the figure, they were staring in awe at the behemoth before them.
“Well done, servant hounds,” GLaDOS monotonously hissed. “I believe I owe you and the clonelings congratulations for the materials you’ve acquired for building this machine, but instead I shall reserve congratulations for the materials you’ve acquired. Thanks to the materials you’ve acquired, the machine is almost ready. It now requires only two more things to function: a power source and a sample. You three will retrieve the power source for me.”
“But, what’s could possibly power a big, fancy uh... thing like this?” Rover interjected.
“Simple,” GLaDOS explained. Along the wall behind GLaDOS, above a set of control panels, a monitor, which the Diamond Dogs had thought was nothing more than a black rectangle, suddenly displayed a picture of a purple unicorn. “This adorable magical egghead is ‘Twilight Sparkle.’” She sung the lavender pony’s name with pseudo-sweet sarcasm.
The Diamond Dogs stood with vacant expressions, mouths gaped open, revealing their feelings of vague familiarity and disbelief. Fido pointed a finger at the picture, as if to point out the impossibility of the small unicorn capable of providing power to the massive machine in the center of the room. He tried to speak, but remained silent, as did the rest.
“Do not let her appearance fool you. From the information I’ve gathered, I estimate that she is one of the most powerful unicorns in Equestria. Her magical capabilities should be able to provide the 1.21 gigawatts required to power the machine, or to use the proper Equestrian units, 1.6 million ‘horse’ power. Either way, your mission is to retrieve her for me using the portal devices that I am about to give you.”
Compartment doors on GLaDOS’s flanks slid open, revealing storage spaces inside. A swirling, glowing, bluish white energy emanated from her horn, producing two bolts that slowly reached back into her flanks, grabbing a portal gun from each and levitating them in the air. Although it resembled unicorn magic, it was in fact, based on the Zero Point Energy Field Manipulator, the same technology that allowed portal guns to pick up large objects.
“I’ve kept these Aperture Science Handheld Portal Devices in case I would need them, and it looks as if I do. I cannot make any more of these, so if anything happens to them, you will deeply regret it.” The portal guns levitated in front of Spot and Rover, who grabbed them from the air. Upon doing so, GLaDOS deactivated her horn, allowing them to take the portal guns. One had a pair of orange stripes running down the top, and the other had blue ones. These portal devices had been re-modified to be used with hands instead of hooves.
Spot sheepishly raised his hand, indicating that he had a question, but was too much of a coward to address GLaDOS directly. “Princesses?” he meekly muttered.
“What is it, you insolent mutt?” GLaDOS sneered.
“Um, couldn’t you just power the machine yourself?” Spot tried sounding as insignificant as possible to not anger her wrath for questioning her motives.
“Oh, wouldn’t that make everything so much simpler? You know, someone will have to operate the console for the machine, and I don’t think any of you are intelligent enough to do it. And if you knew what this thing was capable of, you’d understand why I don’t trust you with it. I can’t power the machine and operate it at the same time, which is why I need you to get the purple unicorn. She lives in a giant tree on the west side of Ponyville. You cannot miss it, unless you are even dumber than I think you are. I’ll explain the mission in depth before you leave. Once you’ve retrieved the purple pony and brought her back here, your services will be no longer required, and I will bake you a cake.”
GLaDOS turned away from the others and chuckled to herself. “It won’t be long now… before I can get back to doing science.”
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Did I just catch a Back to the Future reference there?
Anyone wish to start the slow clap?
Inb4 the Diamond Dogs learn the cake is a lie. Sorry couldn't resist.
I think you're missing a sentence just before "The crystal, however". Something along the lines of Chell covering Ditzy's mouth to stop her from speaking out loud.
NOOOOOOOO! don't believe her the cake is a LIE!
clonelings? The only race I can think of with such name are the Changelings. It would be obvious for Glados to use the Changelings, but I'm not certain what Chrysalis would think about that...
Oops. don't you mean
2707070
*Clap*
*Clap*
*Clap*
*Clap*
*Clap*
*Clap*
*Clap*
*Clap*
True
2711132
I think its a reference to the fact that apart from the 3 leaders all other DDogs are identical
Great Scott!
1,21 gigawatts!
With that power, you could see some real cool s**t!
2717629 2,21 gigawatts! 2,21 gigawatts! 2. Are you kidding me!
GLaDOS meet Hammer Time, Hammer Time meet GLaDOS = BROKEN SPAAAAAAAACE
Is GLaDOS also needs a way to get up to 88 mph otherwise I don't see a use for the power yet.
2717973 And in the movies, it's actually a bogus unit called jigawatts, so...
So it's a time machine? That would be nice, then she could trap chell and test... fooorrreeevvveerrrr
Ponies, out with the old in with the new, say good bye to the train age, and hello to the portal age.
And with that the train companies had the single most largest lay off event in the history of equestria
Dud Pink Joust Brick Tall Phone Will? Guess what that sentence means!
GLaDOS will bake them a cake?
But GLaDOS, even you know that your damn cake-
IS A LIE.
Derpy and Chell are so cute together that I have to check and remind myself sometimes that the story does not feature a romance tag and that I shouldn't read too much into it.
Wonderful friends they are.
“Well done, servant hounds,” GLaDOS monotonously hissed. “I believe I owe you and the clonelings congratulations for the materials you’ve acquired for building this machine, but instead I shall reserve congratulations for the materials you’ve acquired. Thanks to the materials you’ve acquired, the machine is almost ready. It now requires only two more things to function: a power source and a sample. You three will retrieve the power source for me.”
That shouldn't be repeated twice. I think GlaDOS only needs to say it once.
4900091
Well, this is getting a rewrite, you know.
(Pinkie Pie surfing the internet, notices the half life 3 confirmation)
HALF LIFE 3 CONFIRMED!!!
on another note,
XD!
http://www.google.com/search?q=i+see+what+you+did+there&oq=i+see+w&sourceid=silk&ie=UTF-8#safe=strict&q=i+see+what+you+did+there+mlp&imgrc=jdhBsJtfoXX3QM%3A
MAKE LIFE TAKE THE LEMONS BACK!!
6980076 Load em into a cannon and shoot them back!
Two things:
Chell's boots were removed by Caroline.
Ponies's guns were "restricted".
So they don't have any usable portal guns. At all.
And portal guns in author's headcannon was powered by black holes. Entire story was based on explosion of broken portal gun.
It's so fucking safe.
Pinkie don’t break the fourth wall like that imagine if Chell found out that she was in a game and that she could have actually died multiple times during the two games but didn’t even know because of the game reloading
She knows too much. She always knows too much.
You forgot one key word there, GLaDOS, 'Into.' You'll bake them INTO a cake.