Some scrolls just aren't worth unrolling.
(Part of the Triptych Continuum, which has its own TVTropes page and FIMFiction group. New members and trope edits welcome.)
Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.
Chapters (1)
Estee
Joined 4th May, 2013 ·
Offline
Featured In8
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You know it would be funny if Spike's line to Princess Celestia were to somehow be hacked. I think maybe Discord could do it just to mess with Twilight.
Damn it! Even Spike mail isn't safe from spammers.
Oh God, make it STOP!
Some quotation marks would've made that less confusing.
Would have been nice to see what Twilight's reactions were, though this is just plain funny either way.
___
___
___
___
___
___
___
___ <--- I.Q. must be this low to enter ride.
Good ones! Only thing missing is some "make bits in your free time". Or possibly "I'm writing on behalf of the Princess, and need your dragon's password in order to install security updates and remove viruses". I like.
I smiled, then chuckled, even giggled... then I read the last line, it all clicked, and I was all
I laughed, I cried, I sent 100 bits to them all. Now all I have to do is wait for my Awesome Alicorn Power to show up in the mail.
Awesome!
Omg. It was awesome and the ending was PRICELESS. good work is all I can manage to say at the moment.
First, loved this story. Second, I loved each of those hilarious letters. Third, were you trying to make Sombra`s son or whatever spell things incorrectly or was it just a bunch of grammatical errors. Fourth, I don`t get the ending.
2786822
The letter from the pony claiming to be Sombra's son is done in the style of a classic Nigerian Internet scam where someone claims to be related to a rich person whose fortune was lost, needing American help to reclaim the money. Those Emails are typically riddled with spelling and grammatical errors, some of which are made deliberately in the hopes that the target reading them will think the sender is stupid, giving the reader the perceived edge. One of those letters actually inspired this story, and I borrowed a bit of its structure. A howlingly bad purposeful mistake from it even carried over directly -- 'short' for 'shot'.
As for the ending... what's one brand name for human-consumed canned lunch meat?
2787069 I`m not sure what canned lunch meat is.
2787077
Spam.
2787110 Well, that makes more sense. Ha!
Apparently, 12 years olds know nothing of canned lunch meat.
2787069 Like Soren Bowie!
Soren is an American of some importance. He has amassed great wealth which is now in jeopardy. He is in need of persons with whom his family has no relationship. He seeks your cooperation and assistance in the transfer of 8,000,000.00 to your private bank account in Nigeria. To show his appreciation he will offer you 15% of the total sum including 20% of interest earned. Please treat this issue confidentially. Please send him your bank account number as well as a color photocopy of a Nigerian passport so he is certain you are a real resident. He waits to hear from you.
Read more: http://www.cracked.com/members/Sorenb/#ixzz2XSVlDVc6
Oh my sides.
That Sombra letter. That everything.
My sides.
2787069
They are Chinese hackers pretending to be Nigerians.
Sincerely yours, Not a Nigerian Scammer.
But seriously though if you trace their IPs most ae based in China.
that was the funniest thing i have ever read, im barly able to type due to laughing like the joker after being told a good joke. plz write a sequel to this ! (rolling on the floor laughing my ass off)
I.
Am Greatly Amused.
2787122 Fun Fact: Did you know that they have Bacon Flavored Spam?
2833964 I didn`t know that! Thank you for giving me a useless piece of information that I will tell everyone I know to annoy them! First, my sister. I`m actually going to tell everyone I see for the next two days.
2834081
Glad to Help!
(<----Can tell you're being VERY sarcastic)
2834667 No, I was being truly sincere. I literally told my sister right after. And my father just now. I shall tell my mother when I go upstairs. I love being able to say random things. I often dare others (and myself sometimes) to ask their parents to go to the bathroom. It`s even funnier if you ask a sibling. Occasionally, I go up to my parents and shout words that I made up in the middle of a sentence.
"I told you to get some kerfuzquz from the supermarket!"
or
"Where did you put my gantegloch?!"
It`s fun to be random. Also, acting is fun during those situations. I often enjoy engaging in an argument with someone about a made up thing.
"My iPhone`s case was missing! Did you take it?!"
"What?! No!"
"I saw you walking out of my room with something in your pocket!"
"I never went in your room!" This would just go on for a while.
Later...
"OMG! I found it in my pocket! I must have just been seeing things!"
"I hate you."
"No, you like me."
"You`re lucky that I haven`t punched you yet."
"Yup!"
2705403
Don't forget 'crystal secreteriat'
Hilarious, my favorite gag is how the Flim and Flam negative commission keeps on adding a zero every time.
For anyone who didn't get the ending the first time they read it (which includes me):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spam_(food)
And many giggles were had. Brilliant
ah, spam! I get it! brilliant, just brilliant. (applauds)
I especially loved the Facehoof request and the FLIM FLAM advertisement. brilliant work.
2834719 How I read that:
hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol
Have a moustache 4 being so random lolz!
(Warning: the reading itself came out as a sort of soft R-rating due to pre- and post-story commentary from the performer. Approach at your own risk.)
Surprise?
So from all available evidence, the final as-it-is punchline does not travel across the Atlantic particularly well...
Honestly, I don't mind when people do these: I just want to be told about them first. I only found out about this one because someone did a search engine check to find the most recent Pony Hitler accusations and this popped up. The reader never contacted me in any way: without that search, I never would have learned about it.
Which makes me wonder what else is out there.
...and incidentally, if anyone finds a petition to have me removed from FIMFic, let me know. I want to sign it.
I'm guessing the story was picked at random.
That first one sounds like a great deal. If only it came with singing lessons. :(
So how much did it hurt to write the royalty scam? :V That is some quality trollfic there!
Good short fic, funny read. Greenthumbed!
You totally should've done an ad for a 'portal'
are YOU tired of equestria? looking for a new beginning?
well, look no further! Journey to the mysterious realm of humanland for a mere 20,000 bits!
We aren't actually responsible for getting you through the portal, and you'll probably get stuck on the other side but whatever, we still get our bits.
Really Zecora? Really?
OMG this entire fic was hilarious. Most excellent.
Why the heck is Zecora doing fraud?
And geeze Trixie, just admit you want a friend.
Excellent job translating spam into its Equestrian equivalent. Two hooves up.
5897828 Yeah, that one came as a surprise. Did Zecora show up in any of the other stories in this continuity?
2704463
Or you could make it super dark, and get Spike to unwittingly send letters to Equestria's enemies.
Hilarious fic about spam mail, of all things. We all hate spam mail. Sadly, not even being a pony protects you from its horrors.
But the one from Chrysalis was just so funny!
3000132
OH!!!
Thank you for explaining that xD I'd forgotten all about spam. Not that I ever really ate it... But it was still around.
7734506
Glad to be of service to someone, even if it's after 171 weeks. :P
7735322
I just finally decided that, instead of randomly reading a story or two of Estee's when one made the feature box and I had spare time at just that moment, I was going to sit down and start working my way through all the Triptych stories. I'm going to read Triptych itself too, but it's long and incomplete which means there will be a lot to remember and it's a bit intimidating
Yes, yes, I know it's been ages
I reviewed this story as part of Read It Later Reviews #80.
My review can be found here.
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=lyrics+step+right+up&&view=detail&mid=75477117C7C7C53EC2B675477117C7C7C53EC2B6&&FORM=VRDGAR
Best line in the whole darn fic, right there.
“Pinkie, you’re an author?”
“Huh? Oh no, silly, I know why I’m Pinkie Pie. Must be pretty weird for somepony else to also be Pinkie Pie, though…”
Fun stuff. Dragon flame needs better ways to block unwanted contacts. Preferably ways that singe said contacts back.
Wow, I can't believe I found a story about spam, and nobody has mentioned Monty Python!! The reason why we refer to unwanted junk email as "spam" is because of a single, memorable sketch on a British comedy programme fifty years ago. I found the full sketch on dailymotion, but can't find the embeddable url. I also found it on Youtube, but it's incomplete.
Full Spam sketch on dailymotion!
(I don't know why it keeps playing other videos.)
Here's the transcript, in case you have trouble understanding British accents.
Almost forgot: Loved the story!!
Addendum-When I posted this comment, my browser wasn't working right, and wouldn't let me post .gif's. I think it's working now.
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