A human with his life at an end finds himself in a strange land. This is a FPN (First Person Narrative) as well as my first fanfic
Sure is cookie-cutter in here.
lulz...cookie cutters....anywhoooo ima start reading
this is actually really good so far
k well so far the only issue i see with this story is that the chapters are really short and the grammar needs work "I don't know, Rainbow Dash, but I believe this thing is a human." she just said she didn't know but yet she knew
its a good story but it needs to be edited a bit more
You need to get a pre reader so the person can tell u what needs work and corrected grammar and punctuation
Equestria? Talking Ponies? WTF?
I'm not being mean, but "How did he died" made me laugh my ass off.
You know, if you keep deleting posts offering constructive criticism you're never going to get any better.
"I do believe that there is something eating my head."
For somewhat reason, when I read that sentence, I imagined that the Spy was saying it
"I do believe I'm on fire."
Also, very interesting curveball with the "Phazon/Blue Death" thing. Although kinda strange. I'll have to see where you go with this.
He's been deleting HELP from other users???
Um.. Wut >.<
Also, any chance of looking back and fixing all the grammatical mistakes you've been repeating for these past 7 chapters? Seriously, some of your writing is rivaling "Someone set us up the bomb".
Furthermore, why the heck did Bic Mac ask Geoff if he was in love with his sister? That just makes no sense, especially since the two just met! I would think that as a brother, Big Mac would want to avoid that question all together? I don't even think that's a socially correct thing to say when you've just met someone!
I smell a failed joke...
It's better then dying in a furnace
Ships why are they somany?!?!
I'm Gonna guess that Bg Mac's sudden question came from the fact he's the big brother and wants to be in the loop about some of the things concerning his "Baby" Sister. Y'know? The usually protective sibling stuff.
"That is your father's blood, he got shot directly to the head with a sniper bullet." Insensitive dickhead.
If i may ask, when will this continue? You see i am rather intriegued about how this will go on
Not sure if true story or not.
The question is...
Did he died?
You tell a very good story. It's intriguing and im interested to see where you go with it.
However, if you don't mind me asking, is English your first language? There are countless grammatical errors and weak sentence structures that it drives me crazy! Just curious.
if you want you could ask someune else to upload it for you and just poast a link explaining how until your account will be able to upload again said person will poast new chapters for you and they would add a note and link back to your account at the begining or end of each chapter i would be willing to do that for you i realy want to see what happens next i may read a lot of fanfics but i still can never forget about the fanfics that are not done yet and id give all credit back to you obviousely so if you want im more than willing to try to do so
Still a better story than Twilight.
hmmm. i feel i should put a joke here about a "corrupted file and sad author?" it's just not comin together for me
>>8308383083 other than waking up in Equestria it might be a true story
TrueKillerHun, if it's all right, I'll post for you while you work out your computer issues. I understand how frustrated you were, as I've been in a similar situation. I've downloaded files, only to find them corrupted and unusable. I know that first sentence sounded a bit like Twilight Sparkle, but hey. I just happen to have all their personalities mixed into one guy. Hey, it makes me feel, in Rainbow Dash's words, 20% cooler. Reply when you have time, True. If you don't want me to, that's ok.
well please try to make moar, i wanna see everyone's reactions