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The world has changed a great deal since the days of the Elements of Harmony.  Celestia has sunk into a debilitating sickness, leaving Equestria to fall into an endless winter.  Snow has made ruins of once thriving cities, and it only gets deeper with each night.

First Published
6th Jun 2013
Last Modified
6th Jun 2013
#1 · 76w, 5d ago · · ·

I'm impressed.

This is an intriguing story that is very well-written.  I really do hope to see more!

#3 · 76w, 4d ago · · ·

>>2686455 Thank you very much!  I was pretty nervous about posting this at all, because it's the first writing project I've done outside of school in years, so I had no idea if it was any good.

>>2686619 I... am not entirely sure that I understand how that song relates to the story.  But it was fun to listen to!

#4 · 76w, 4d ago · · ·

D45 started pushing your story. Read it through. You've a marvelous sense of grammar and storytelling, but the whole setting, and naturally the sad tag, put me off. I see the sense in your world, but at least after the first chapter it felt like an amalgam of Final Fantasy X and Game Of Thrones. I didn't like the other post-apocalyptic series, nor do I find this one to my liking either. That said, this story does show some promise, and as I said, your technical skills are better than 99% of the site's writers, even though your choice of words is very questionable sometimes. I didn't think ponies would condense so much as water vapour did. I DID find the use of the term 'congregate' one of the funniest ones in the fic, foreshadowing the religious meaning the EoH had taken in  the world. And now that I got my bitch-mobile going, could you please lengthen the episode title? Had to prod several times on my fone to hit the tiny '1'.

I'll reserve the right to change my opinion at a later date. At the moment, I'll tag it and see where it goes. If it turns out good (in my opinion ofc, which is always correct and totally unbiased and stuff :twilightblush:) I'll try to get more readers for it. I really commend you for putting up a story on the site thought. I did it for the first time a year ago, and I still remember the horrid feeling when I pushed the submit button in the middle of the night. The worst is over with that one, I promise. :twilightsmile:

#5 · 76w, 4d ago · · ·

>>2688855 Thanks for taking the time to read it and comment.  I changed the episode title to "Chapter I" so that it would hopefully be easier to access on the mobile site.  As for the diction... yeah, I can see what you mean.  In the future, I'll try to avoid mixing my vapors with my ponies!  Thanks for keeping an eye on it.  Hopefully it'll get better as I'm practicing writing and editing more, and developing the story. Although, if the "sad" tag is a turn-off...

#6 · 76w, 4d ago · · ·

>>2689603 I've read good sadfics. As long as this isn't some crap like My Little Dashie, then we're golden. Also, if you need an editor, ask D45. He's a good little slave. :twilightsmile:

#7 · 76w, 4d ago · · ·

>>2689621 I'll have to ask if he can give the second chapter a once-over once I finish the first couple drafts.  He's been awesome.  Haha, and I don't think I could write something My Little Dashie-esque--I'm not sentimental enough.

#8 · 76w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

Color me intrigued.:twilightsmile:

#9 · 73w, 6d ago · · ·

>>2689621

ISSUES

I may be a slave but you don't to be so blunt about it! :flutterrage:

>>2689870

If you do want an editor or just a pre-reader, I'd be happy to help. :twilightsmile:

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