It's finally here!

Great chapter!

I honestly wonder if Vita is going to make it out of this one- Her odds are -significantly- worse than the last time she tried this... Or at least, the last time "a" Vita tried this. Multilinear timeline mechanics don't exactly make for easy word choices. :P

So happy to see this started up-- Waiting for more already!

Chapter 1 is going to undergo a bit of a rewrite for the battle scene. Hold tight everypony.

This chapter has more fight in it (well awsome fight) then last chapter of the previous story xD

Keep them coming this was an awsome start :)

I am making a wild mass guess here, but could the mistress be ?

Or will there be some OC getting the BoD?

>>275614275614

It's going to be a canon pony.

A canon pony, but not necessarily one that has gotten any significant screen time?

Hmm...who do we know that know that's likable, kind, and you'd feel like you want to protect, who may also secretly be ill behind the scenes? Hayate was an endearing character who gave the Wolkenritter familial feelings because she lovingly cared for all of them as if they were her sisters (and brother). They also felt protective of her because of her medical condition and confinement to a wheelchair. As I remember it they were trying to power up the book so they could cure her illness, but it's been a while since I've seen the second season so I may not be recalling properly.

The situation with Hayate created a life-or-death desire in the Wolkenritter to help her that made them, like Presea with Alicia, willing to sacrifice anyone else to protect her. If Hayate hadn't been dying the Wolkenritter would have been content to just live out their days with her and not seek pages. We'd need a similar desperate need in the MPLT Wolkenritter in order to make this believable.

Ah crap, now I've just brought up the unfortunate thought that Hayate is going to sadly die of her illness due to how you've changed events. We need an omake to correct this! Maybe a few omakes about how life on Earth has progressed without Nanoha becoming a mage would be a nice pause between regular chapters.

Btw my brain is coming up with Derpy (Ditzy Doo). Another much more unorthodox idea is Moondancer, that pony whose birthday party is mentioned in S1E1 but promptly dropped because Twilight cut and ran.

Edit: Okay, now I have done the research and remember what was actually happening. the book was killing Hayate and the Wolkenritter were trying to fill its pages to make it stop draining her. I don't think she was in danger before she got the book.

Chapter One's fight scene has been edited.

I really wish I had more to add other than great action and well-written. :( But it is!

You take far too much after our mistress, Vita. Calling it now, Trixie is the mistress of the book.

Ugh, reading about Twi's linker core being captured wasn't pleasant, but since I didn't like it when it happened to Nanoha it isn't a surprise that I didn't like it when it happened to Twilight. I was kinda hoping it wouldn't happen like that in this different setting, but it was probably necessary for the story.

Loved seeing the princess get well and truly angry at the end.

I'm really enjoying this story so far. Can't wait for the next chapter.

Will Chrono be getting the cartridge system as well in this version?

It better not be Trixie, I cant see her inspiring the kind of loyalty Hayate did.

Great chapter!  Wow, Twilight on the verge of Cutie Mark Failure syndrome.  It seems a lot more dramatic than when Nanoha's linker core got drained in Nanoha A's, and it seemed like Nanoha just rested for a while and then it was no big deal.

But, uh “Ponyville General won’t be open until dawn. Same with the Royal Hospital at Canterlot," -->  Hospitals don't normally close down for the night, what with injured people not being able to wait.

>>505320505320

Cutie Mark Failure syndrome as caused by mental/psychological disconnect is scary enough; I hate to think of what would happen in the event of full cutie mark negation.

Also, I can think of a Hand Wave (warning, TvTropes link!) for Celestia's hospital explanation: she was able to tell that Twilight's Linker Core was severely drained, and the relevant specialists for that type of malady are not the type you find on night duty at a hospital... assuming they're even common enough to be found in residency at all.

>>505320505320

Edit made.

>>505621505621

True enough, but Brief does have a point. Shouldn't it be a hoof-wave, though?

Dear Lord, the Wolkenritter are SCREWED. Celestia is going to be absolutely furious when she sees how much damage they did. I'm seeing that summon solar flare spell in their future.

And Luna, your sister uses magic to create nuclear blasts for her trump card*. You can't possibly have more sinister magic than that.

*A star is a constant fusion explosion. Celestia drops bits of that on people.

>>505805505805

"And Luna, your sister uses magic to create nuclear blasts for her trump card*. You can't possibly have more sinister magic than that."

challengeaccepted.jpg

So later on will the final battle take place on Earth or Equestria?

>>505805505805

On Luna's Trump:

Three words, Kinetic Kill Vehicle.  Yes I know how the TSAB feels about Mass Weapons.

Okay, spacebatttles was down, so I was , then I checked here and found an updated MPLT-A and I was all .

Then I discovered you had Cutie Marks run through a linker core, or at least when someone drains a pony who's special talent is magic there are serious complications and they are ramped up to eleven.  Anypony facing them knowing or suspecting this effect isn't going to hold back, given this is Equestrian style Nightmare Rocket Fuel.

Leaving the Diarchs aside, we have Fate, who Twilight pulled out of a pit of despair learning Ancient Equestrian War Magic.  (The Lightning Sword of Night?)  Their big brother, Captain of the Royal Guard, Shining Armor, he of the massive Shield Haxx.  And any of the Royal Guard that knew her either from being Celestia's apprentice, or as the boss's little sister.

And we thought Chrono would be the most loose cannon in this scenario.  "How did I get to be the reasonable one here?"

This is so much win. I was pretty bummed out tonight and lo and behold you updated, now my whole day is good. Also I'm so glad that you didn't decide  to put the cartage system  in fate's and twilight's devices. Now I'm coming up with all kinds of crazy things that the princess could do to make them stronger, the possibilities are endless. Oh and I want to beat whoever got that book out, beat them within an inch of their life for what they did to twilight.

Now I have a monumental problem... I have to wait for the next chapter.

So is Fate, er, "stuck" as a pony?  I mean, certainly she doesn't seem to mind much and one could say that with all the bad memories associated with her human body she might well prefer to be in the form of her new-found family.  But could she be changed back into a human if it seemed like a good idea for some reason?

>>507499507499

Yes, Fate can change back to a human if she wants to.

A pony's cutie mark is both a facet of their soul and personality, and seemingly deeply entrenched in their magical essence. To have it drained, well it's not exactly surprising that Twilight's talent extended like that as well. Must be something of a shock, to be little more than a pale, or as you say, partially erased shadow of yourself. I expect any pony, even non-unicorns could probably be drained in a similar fashion. Both AJ and Rainbow have significant potency as well, and would probably experience a similar issue. Unlike humans, all ponies are magical.

She better get better though! I don't know how much talking about 'friendship' she's going to feel up to after this.

Love the connection of the Tome with Luna, and I already see how this could play out differently than Canon. Though, if the tome was created by her, wouldn't the 'knights' be ponies? Unless they were a feature added later somehow, which seems to be the case.

Well,  I just got back from reading Elementals of Harmony, and yeah, Luna's thematics do leave her with more sinister magic. Channel the truth of the heat death of the Universe anyone? Nuclear weapons are kind of tame compared to that. Although, the whole turn peoples shadows into lethal binds she was using on the drones was pretty scary in its own way.

Sorry to double post, but I just had an scary thought. If anything like the fight with Reinforce from the final episodes happens, Celestia and Luna will actually need to use their trump cards to win. Unless the elements can destroy the darkness of the book of darkness and end the fight that way, and if Gears of Destiny is canon here that thing is at least as dangerous as Discord, there is gonna be a hell of a blast-out. And with almost everyone and everything and Equestria being magical, barriers will not stop Reinforce's city buster spells from killing civilians. The diarchs will not let happen. Problem is, Reinforce, judging from A's, is powerful enough to stand up any magical attack that isn't in the same league as their big guns.

Oh, when Luna and Celestia catch up with these Knights, horse apples gonna go down!

Great writing of Celestia, there. Pitch-perfect IMHO. I hope she can 'truly' cut loose and score some major victories/carnage. Also, poor Twilight. *Hugs*

Arrr! The alerts on this site are useless!

Good chapter.

Interesting backstory additions for Luna.

Also I feel that at some point a TSAB mechanic will see RH and or Bardiche, learn who upgraded them and make an Iron Man reference.

Hayate was being drained and dying because of the book. The Wolkenritter gang assumed that, if the book were filled, Hayate would be back to full health again, and all five of them could live a happy life together, thus why they went through any and all odds to do it. Also, if this Vita is like canon Vita, she's not mad Twilight hit her, she's mad Twilight ruined her hat. You do NOT touch Vita's hat.

I'm loving this, so much.

My money's on Scootaloo being [SPOILER]. No known parents, and she's unable to fly, despite it seeming like she should have a real knack for it. . . The curious question, regardless of who it turns out to be, is. . . How long has [SPOILER] known of Equestria's existence, and how?

Before I actually sit down to read (at last), I'd like to reserve this space, and also point out:

You REALLY should be putting full line breaks between your paragraphs.

OH HEY LOOK IT'S LATER SO NOW THERE'S COMMENTARY

OK, well, the spacing and tabbing makes it very hard to read, as always, but the quality is... still very solid. This one felt a little sloppier than Chapter 2 or 3 did, although it was still above and beyond the call of duty.

For the plot... I honestly can't tell if you're going with the obvious Master for the book or not. Like, it seems that it would be a waste, but at the same time, it's a very clean way to handle it. The ever-increasing reluctance of the Wolkenritter is a good sign, in my eyes, although it makes me wonder where things will go when the inevitable meeting takes place...

Regardless, it's awesome to have you back, and I'm gladly looking forward to the next update.

I do love updates for this story

Any idea how long until the next chapter?

Join the dark side Fate we serve cookies!

>>717834717834

Do recall what happened when Fate first came to Ponyville?

So Fate Testarossa-Sparkle, Sword of the Princesses (or Luna)

Twilight Sparkle, Staff of Celestia

Maybe Shining Armor gets a device to upgrade, to add the Shield to the Sparkle siblings and Equestria?

So this is before the royal wedding good to know. Make me wonder if Cadance or the changeling's will play a part in this series later on same goes for Discord.

>>718047718047

Come on! Luna is training Fate in the ways of darkness, a Star Wars reference had to be said.

>>718078718078

Check out Fate's first appearance in the previous fic, which was in Sugarcube Corner.  Cookies have already been employed.

>>718142718142

Let me rephrase my previous statement then "Join the dark side Fate, we have cupcakes (And no not those cupcales.)"

>>718142718142

Let me rephrase my previous statement then "Join the dark side Fate, we have cupcakes (And no not those cupcales.)"

>>632028632028

Nah, I say it would be Trixie.

Yep, the master is Trixie. Still kinda wierd that they seem more familiar with their human bodies than pony. Though, hey... they have pony bodies! Wonder how it's going to resolve, differently than it did in the series... Luna takes on Trixie too after the book is destroyed?

No way it isn't Trixie,  given Fancypants' theater and the conversation he had there.

I say go for it Rarity, even if he isn't a prince Shining Armor is a much better catch than Blueblood ever was. You never know, maybe he isn't in a relationship with Cadence yet.

Just love the Luna/Tome of the Night Sky backstory we are getting.

Trixie and Octavia are the only two ponies I can think of that would need a stage.  

Anyways, I look forward to seeing if Reinforce can be saved (though I guess she probably won't have that name).  If I remember A's correctly (and it's been a while), the only reason she couldn't be saved in the anime is because the original administrator wasn't present.

>>720411720411

I didn't think of that, but she might be saveable this time. The problem was that even though the defense program had been destroyed, the remainder of the Book was still badly corrupted, and would have generated a new defense program. Repairing the damage wasn't possible, since the original data had been erased. But if the Meister who wrote the Tome in the first place is there...

Another great chapter. Sadly, I believe it's Trixie, too. poor pony, all she wanted to do was put on a show for Ponyville...

Great Fate/Luna, too. Love the flashbacks. So badass.

Excellent as always.

Ooh, this is going to be good. Much better than what currently passes for Nanoha canon. (I swear, if FORCE isn't shut down and retconned into oblivion...)

>>741036741036

I know, right? I'm not particularly enamored with FORCE myself...

now i wouldnt be surprised if a ponified card captors was made...

Great chapter will Chrono and Yuuno find out about Nightmare Moon?

To be hones I expected Scootaloo or Sweetie Belle to have the book. Trixie was a surprise.

Cuneiform did you do that on purpose? Lol. Cuneiform was the first written form/alphabet used by the Mesopotamian society. Very clever using it as a name for a history teacher Twilight approves!

Also...I'm wondering, are you going to turn Yunno into a pony so he and Twilight can get together? That would be cute

>>847568847568

re: cuneiform - Of course.

re: Yuuno - I plead the fifth.

I knew it!

>>846670846670 ...

:jots down in the "idea corner":

What kind of stupid thing did Trixie do with the book xD

>>848959848959

Tried to power it up is my guess.  And is it me or is she affected even worse than Hayate was in canon?

>>849443849443

I have never watched the anime.

I tried to watch the first episode but got distracted the whole time xD

I also hope it gets beter after the first episodes because they were a bit slow >.<

>>849446849446 The plot doesn't really kick into high gear until Episode 6 or 7 (been awhile since I have seen it). If you can make it through the relative slowness (and, in a few cases, really blatant fanservice*) of the first season's first half you'll be in the clear...

*Don't worry, this pretty much dies down during the latter-half of the first season and doesn't ever really resurface through A's or StrikerS.

I doubt Trixie knew anything about the book when it fell into her hooves. Then it takes control and follows a similar path to Nanoha Canon. Though the initial targeting of Twilight was probably intentional, a remnant of Trixie's humiliation?

>>847568847568

Isn't Yuuno like relative 5-8 years younger than Twilight? Twilight was a young adult during the first story, where Fate/Yuuno/Chrono were all in the pre-teen, as Canon. There's a fairly large age gap.

>>847882847882

let me save you the bother of conceptualising. In card captors. there are two guardians.

keros-the one that chooses the inheritor of clow's power. he is the sun symbol on the book of clow. or the beast of the sun. (use celestia)

yui-the one that tests the chosen card captors. he is the moon symbol on the book of clow. use luna

Twilight meets celestia at the entrance exam (as per canon) but the reason she takes her as her student is not because she has great magical potential but also the potential to inherit clow's power. plus before the events... she sneaks into the canterlot library's secret part. where she finds the book of clow and releases all the cards.

the exam was just an excuse for them to meet officially and add reason why celestia has taken a rando foal under her wing

Twilight's father as per ccs canon is clow reed.

shining armour is her big brother that is aware of her as a card captor (since he does have some of clow's power to sense the cards) but humours her in her desire to hide the fact. however he does keep an eye on her to keep her out of danger and sometimes intervenes.

for lack of a li character. Trixie would have to be a rival for twilight on capturing the cards.

the 6 elements of harmony are the replacement of the 4 elementals. it will be up to you whether to have the mane6 slowly meet up over the series or all at once at the end. introducing iunno... how it would say in the book of clow (after she captures all the normal cards-this is her "studying") that nightmare moon cannot be defeated without the elements of harmony (cards).

elements of the moon-loyalty, generosity , kindness

elements of the sun-laughter, magic, honesty

return of nightmare moon, the threat of eternal night.

its all a test for twilight to use the cards to prove her worth as the new master of the clow. however she doesnt actually know that until after the fact. when she defeats nightmare moon, and celestia reveals everything to her.

thus far se like the series. just thought she was capturing the cards so that they wouldnt endanger anyone.

if u are going with non-canon route rarity would make a great tomoyo. since she makes dresses... all u have to do is give her a camera. plus they can be best friends. like the story red lobster and book fort (forgot the title).

>>849664849664

I hate to be a pest, but could you please take the plot-talk elsewhere, such as a blog posting? I'd prefer it if the comments were restricted to discussion about the story.

>>846670846670

Its been done before, tho the main character was Derpy

>>849443849443

She's actually a lot worse off than Hayate. The book never caused her physical harm (other than the time she was forcefully transformed).

You know, Rarity, if Dash didn't heckle Trixie and you didn't rip down her curtain to make a dress and also heckle her she might not have done anything to you...

Man, for any fault she has she doesn't deserve this... Book of Darkness and stuff. Poor gal.

>>849726849726

thats dumb. derpy is the least magical girl character out of everyone.

and i wager that it gained popularity because of derpy fan favouritism than any merit of the story itself.

>>849755849755

Its actually not that bad. Don't knock it anything til you've read it. And besides, Sakura was had no magic before she opened the Book of Clow. So it makes sense that the author chose to not go with a Unicorn, as opposed to a Pegasus or an Earth Pony.

>>849732849732

IIRC there was a long term threat that the paralysis caused by the Book draining Hayate would eventually progress to the point it started shutting down her internal organs.  Paralysis of the diaphram or heart would count as 'physical harm', much less the annntrophy of her paralized legs.

But AFAICT Trixie is practically comatose due to the Book's drain.  Perhaps being a practicing mage allowed it a better grip on draining her?  Legally she might be liable for activating the Book, but on nthe other hoof oncne activated she can barely move apparently (assuming Fancy Pants actually met Shammal in a Trixie illusion), and is not in any position to control the Wolkenritter.

What my always-expects-the-worst-and-grimdark mind/imagination sees coming:

The Mane Six learn in full about Trixie's situation. Rainbow Dash, still hating her, openly states that they should let Trixie die. The others turn on her for this, and in anger over them actually caring whether Trixie lives or dies after her past actions Dash abandons the group, losing her connection to her Element. Later, Fate becomes the new Loyalty Element bearer. Later still, Dash returns... as en enemy.

Yeah, I'm a very pessimistic person.

So how far off from what you have planned am I with this prediction of mine?

>>849732849732

Actually, it DID cause her physical harm, it was the whole reason Hayate was so ill, weak, confined to a wheelchair, visited the hospital as often as she did, and so on. It may, also, have been the cause of both her parents dying, but my memory is hazy on that matter. Still, yes, in canon, Hayate was ill, but wasn't as bad off as Trixie is here, at least not till the final bit where the book was completed and she basically merged with it and went comatose. ....Sorry for spoilers folks.

I'd been wondering how Trixie could have taken the role of Hayate. Being the girl who redeemed the Wolkenritter through her kindness seemed rather out of character for her. That last scene got me thinking it might the other way around here, at least partially; Trixie having a sort of family halping her becoming a better pony.

>>849446849446

The first four episodes are not very good.  Then it gets a lot better.

>>851509851509>>849519849519

I have noticed.

The first 4 episode are not necesairy boring but they are just not all that interesting xD

>>851523851523

I put it down to them taking a little time to figure out what they're doing.

Season Two is good from the beginning, though.

Still working my way through season three.

>>850717850717

Um... No. Just no.

nothing was came back to her     delete the 'was'

[iAt least these documents are well-preserved,    

[iWell played, Admiral. A little immature, but well played nonetheless. I’ve still got plenty of tricks left, however. Perhaps I’ll have you speak to my school. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind getting to know my little ponies more personally…      formatting errors

The scene with Twi and her parents was fantastic, something I had been seriously looking forward to.

And Rainbow and the pancakes was great.

Man, that attempt at secretly looking into Luna's past didn't last long.

Hmn, a little Shamel/Fancypants action, that's interesting.

Another great chapter Twilight has her magic back. Yuuno know's that Nightmare Moon and Luna are one and the same.

Celestia closed her eyes as the sun shone down on her. “There are a lot of things in Equestria’s history that I’d prefer remained hidden, Yuuno Scrya. A great many secrets that should stay secret.”

Yuuno didn't have to ask; Celestia had already admitted that she had many secrets.

Perhaps she should simply leave, like so?

“Because Luna didn’t deserve to be remembered that way,” Celestia replied morosely. “A thousand years is plenty of time to muddy the waters of memory about something like that. Make of that what you will.”

Yuuno shielded his eyes with one hand as Celestia vanished in a brilliant burst of light and mana, leaving the room just a few degrees warmer than before she had arrived.

>>10013791001379

Edits made.

If anyone else has any criticisms, please feel free to comment. I can't make the chapters better if you don't tell me.

Great chapter. Not much more I can say, sorry. I just hope Trixie is... I dunno. Too often I see her good points glossed over and smothered over 'SHOWMARE BRAGGART!" and other horse apples.

Aw crap, that last bit.  Rein is that you?

Another great chapter keep them coming. Is Chrono about something going on?

Excellent as always, can't wait for the next chapter. Seems like it's really about to hit the fan.

Hooray man! Double Hooray even!

>>12342531234253

Is Chrono about something going on what?

>>12382241238224

Oh sorry i meant is Chrono right about something not right going on in the Bureau. If he is right could it pose threat to Equestria?

>>12382961238296

Yup. And if you've seen A's, you know what it might be. No spoiling, though.

I've seen A's, so I know what it probably is, all told. Hello there book! Hey, you said to avoid spoilers? Though, as I recall, originally, this was Graham taking things totally on his shoulders as his burden. Here things seem, different...

Watching the TSAB go against Celestia in politics is so entertaining I have to say. It's like watching watching someone try to draw a straight with half a deck while their opponent already holds a royal flush.

just gave it a passing glance. Wolkenritter? seriously? i'm unsure if zombies and MLP mix well.

>>15321671532167

...really?

Besides that, great chapter!

Hah! I saw the title of this and laughed. Have to read it. Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha is so underrated.

He calls her ‘my love-song…’”

Nice, I love that as a pet name for Cadance.

Once again, good guy Fancypants is best background pony.

Man, Dash must be really oblivious or just not used to it if she didn't realize that Supply Train was hitting on her. The custom armor sounds pretty sweet.

Ahh yeah, the upgrade is complete. This is gonna be so awesome!

I see their upgrades are different from canon. No cartraige systems, I wonder what the new system is like.

I did love the names for the various modes though. Corona, Radiant, Selene, Lunatic, awesome!

>>15321671532167

I'm not sure why you're calling the Wolkenritter zombies. They're not undead; they're artificial beings created by the Book of Darkness. If anything, they're closer to androids or AIs, just made of magic.

Awesome chapter is awesome

>>15331871533187

Or Book Golems.

Great chapter love it.

Wouldn't a book golem be made of books?

Curious to see what the upgrades can do in this. A worried Signum is never a good thing.

KYAAAAAAAAA! I can't help but enjoy the budding relationship between Shamal and Fancypants! It's too perfect!

Also, love the use of the Movie versions of Raising Heart and Bardiche. Really looking forward to seeing where this goes.