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A heartfelt poetic letter from Princess Celestia to her sister Luna 700 years into her banishment after her attempt to envelop the world in eternal darkness. What regrets, memories, fears, and unspoken words are hidden within the heart of a princess who has defeated three of the most powerful tyrants in history, formed a great nation, and led it through the longest age of peace and prosperity that any has ever known?
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Very well done.
Very clever and emotional. Good work!
A wonderful, touching work. The relationship between the two sisters has always caught my imagination and this story handles it so beautifully. This was a great read, thanks for sharing it with us.
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I'm of the opinion that, if there's one thing that must be in season four, it needs to be an episode that reveals more about the past and present relationship between the two sisters. There's so much potential there! I'm glad to see that you think I handled it well and that it had an impact on you.
New headcannon.
This would explain a lot.
...I don't know how to describe what I just read.
Amazing would be cliched and uninformative, outstanding would be much of the same, and unique... That's the best I can come up with. This is like a standard episode played in reverse, with the letter written by the princess and the lesson here, "don't take the simple joys in life, including family, for granted" coming together as it progresses. It feels like it knows what it is, more of an explanation and backstory than any real conflict, with the main focus on the emotion between Celestia and her past coming together beautifully and in a very poetic style (literally).
Reading this was an absolute joy all the way through, kudos to you. Your story left me feeling complete, not in the standard "I want more!" way, but in a way that feels so filling that I would be fine if you chose to leave this as it is. Very few stories conclude so well and have so much impact that I feel it would be fine for the author end it completely. So many stories feel lacking and underwhelming to a point where you want to hear more to finish the story, not simply continue it. Congratulations, you managed to make something out of a children's cartoon show about pastel ponies into a multi-dimensional work of art. Ten out of ten. Five stars. Absolutely Brilliant.
Always great to see more pony poetry here on the site. Long-form poetry is hard.
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Aye, long poetry is quite difficult, but very rewarding so long as it is lengthy for a reason. I've seen short poems used as intros or as small parts of prose, and I would like to see it used more so long as it's not forced.
I would submit this to EQD to see what they think, but they only accept one-shots with 2500+ words. God bless whoever attempts a poem that long.
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Well, thank you very much! You're also spot-on with your analysis: this story was based Celestia's internal conflict, whereas the other story I'm writing will focus on the specifics of the battles and other events that led up to her current state of mind.
I had received similar comments from my pre-readers saying that the conflicts could be fleshed out some, but that it would work well in its current state.That is my ideal scenario because it will allow the poem to mesh well into the time-skip of the story without being redundant. I hadn't originally planned on having such a thing as an intermission chapter, so it's good that this poem stands on its own.
Oddly enough I had tried to add another stanza or two about Luna's transformation, their conflict, or the resulting emotions, but I felt the poem had everything it needed and my muse just couldn't come up with any more fitting content, so I left it in it's current state. I guess that was for the best! I'd hate to have a forced stanza tarnish a good story.
Thank you for your generous comment and rating! I hope that my future works will be as high quality and as fulfilling to read as you've indicated this one is.
Pretty obvious the time put into this was ridiculous. Beautiful flow. Have a 'stache on me, poet.
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Haha, yes, more than I'd like to admit. Let's just say it felt like I listened to my writing music enough times to account for half their views. My progress was probably slower than it should have been since I'm pretty new at creative writing (outside of a couple years of high-detail organized roleplay, if that qualifies). It feels nice to be done with it, though I do still enjoy it. I guess I couldn't ask for more!
Well, except the 'stache, which you so kindly provided!
Nicely done. And quite a bit of hard work put into it as well.
Also a neat bit of worldbuilding with the idea that the reason the ponies manage everything is due to the fallout of Discord making everything crazy for so long. That's a clever concept.
2710453
Mum's the word, but I understand there will actually be some poetry featured on EqD this weekend (though buried, unfortunately, in a nightly roundup). Keep an eye on my blog for more details once it goes live.
> I would submit this to EQD to see what they think, but they only accept one-shots with 2500+ words. God bless whoever attempts a poem that long.
I see you've already found the Poetry group — so it shouldn't come as a surprise that there are a few cool authors insane enough to have done just that. One thing that did surprise me to learn, though, is that you can't featurebox either until you hit 4,000 (!!).
As I discovered while writing my T.S. Eliot homage Melt — and as you've discovered here — 1000 words is already a gigantic sprawling mass of a poem. A hell of a lot more effort goes into it than 1000 words of yet another "Pony Verbs a Noun". Unfortunately, there's no simple objective way to measure writing effort the same way that there is to measure wordcount, and poetry is extremely high-effort writing relative to the number of words involved, so pony poetry as a genre faces a tremendous headwind above and beyond the general flinch reaction many readers seem to have to poems.
Anyway. Writing long-form poetry and long, thoughtful responses to comments — and the dedication to quality of insisting on prereaders and not wanting to compromise a piece with material that doesn't fit — are all awfully promising signs for your future fiction. Have a watch. Someday I'll be able to say I was following you back before it was cool.
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Perhaps the pegasi have had to control the weather since before the founding of Equestria because of any damage past draconequus (or draconqui... whatever the plural form is) caused, or perhaps the windigos caused permanent damage to the ecosystem. Then again, it's also possible the pegasi control the weather to augment whatever weather patterns are already in place. Whatever the case, Discord didn't force the pegasi to have to control the weather, but I think he's the reason the ponies have to basically spoon feed every living thing and control day/night.
If you want to get super deep on canon debate, you could say that all the time the Elements spent in the Ancient Castle of The Royal Pony Sisters left a magical residue (or influence similar to how the Force can saturate areas in Star Wars) that preserved the natural order surrounding the castle. That would explain how the Everfree Forest grows without the aid of ponies in that area.
My personal theory on why they haven't been able to fix the land completely is that the two sisters didn't represent all the Elements, or to their fullest potential, and thus the Elements had limited power (which would explain how Sombra, Discord, and NMM all eventually broke free of their imprisonment despite having been sealed by the Elements). It we travel to the farthest reaches of possible canon, I think it's highly possible Celestia has invested so much in Twilight because she's the only one who will fully be able to understand and harness the magic of friendship to unlock the full potential of the Elements, which would allow the land to be fully restored to its natural order.
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Will do! Is it your tumblr blog linked on your profile, or a different one? Even if it's only during a roundup, it's still something.
That's quite disheartening that you can't be featured at under 4k words, and frankly surprising. You'd think a popular story is popular for a good reason, regardless of length, and that they'd simply stick to the 1k word submission limit as their only restriction for those reasons.
Amen to that. I spent more time writing this 1500 word poem than the 9000 words and outline I've done so far for the main fic.
Excellent! I appreciate all the feedback from my readers and those who even take the time just to rate it. If I become at least semi-popular, I'll remember the encouragement you all gave at the start!
2724136 This is underrated.
2724136
I meant my FIMFic author blog, actually, but in case you missed it, here's the anthology I was hinting at with my last comment. (I've got four poems included.)
And it actually got a solo feature on EqD, which was better than we were expecting!
Beautiful!
Found this via The Underappreciated Story Society. There's far too little pony poetry here (partly because of the minimum word count) so I was really pleased to see this. I think, for me, it's a case of "nearly there". For quite a bit of the time, this felt great: suitably epic, interesting and, well, poetic. There were a few occasions on which ordinariness intruded too much, though: "Which was quite a disheartening result" is an example of that.
On a personal note, I don't much like tales where Luna's fall is held to be all/mostly/mainly Celestia's fault. I don't agree with that at all. But that doesn't affect the fact that this was a good poem to read. Just not, quite, a great one.